Beauty Queens (27 page)

“She
was
pretty upset about not getting rescued,” Jennifer said.

The girls kept a safe distance, crouched low behind the cover of plants as they watched Taylor work. For days she’d been sneaking into the camp and stealing random items — eyelash curlers, a hair dryer, earrings, stockings. It wasn’t like they needed them here, but why did she? Only Mary Lou had worked up the courage to approach Taylor’s XL Crazy. “What do you need those for, Taylor?” she’d asked, and Taylor had done a little circle-turn and half a jig punctuated with jujitsu moves.

“If chosen as Miss Teen Dream, I will not let the bad people mess with our pretty. Their outfits are wrong. They’re not good people. Tonight on
Patriot Daughters!”

“It’s like she’s some freaky pageant robot that went haywire,” Mary Lou said. “Also, she licked a tube of mascara.”

“Don’t use that now,” Brittani said. “You’ll get eye herpes.”

“Boy, I hate eye herpes,” Tiara agreed. Beside her, Nicole pretended to write something on imaginary paper, which she tore off and handed to Tiara. “What are you doing, Nicole?”

“Writing you a prescription to come talk to me.”

“Can you do that if you’re not a real doctor?”

“Sure,” Miss Ohio said. “I found a guy on the Internet to write me a prescription for horse diet pills.”

“Horse diet pills?” Nicole repeated.

“Yeah. They worked great, but my mom made me stop when I grew an extra set of teeth inside my large intestine.”

Petra stuck her fingers in her ears. “La-la-la-la-la.”

“What’s she wearing?” Sosie signed.

Around her dress, Taylor had constructed a makeshift bandolier out of airplane seat belts, a pink unicorn wallet, and a tampon carrying case.

“That girl is serious about her feminine hygiene,” Shanti said.

“Should we tackle her, bring her back?” Jennifer asked.

Shanti shook her head. “No way. She’ll cut a bitch. Even hopped up on crazy juice.”

“I don’t understand — you guys ate those berries and you’re fine,” Adina said. “It wore off in a few hours. I wonder how come it’s not wearing off for Taylor.”

“Her bitch cells are binding to the proteins,” Petra murmured.

“Shh, she’s coming closer,” Shanti whispered.

Out of sticks, palm fronds, salvaged shoes, glittery jewelry, two suitcase wheels, and evening gown scraps, Taylor had built a found-object beauty queen sculpture upon which she placed a scrawled sign for a sash. The sash read
Miss Miss,
making it seem as if the sculpture were just off. Taylor talked to the figure. She called it Ladybird and seemed to be waiting for its approval.

“What is that thing? It looks like the most busted beauty queen ever,” Nicole whispered, and no one was sure which one she meant.

“I thought it was a gay bunny,” Tiara said.

“Ladybird, watch this!” Taylor executed three backflips, ending in a machine-gun stance.

“Okay, that’s not disturbing at all,” Shanti said.

“She could probably sell that at MOMA for a fortune,” Petra said appreciatively.

Taylor tilted her head to one side and smiled. “Yes, Ladybird. You have to put your heart, soul, and sparkle into it. It is a total commitment to the sparkle.”

“She really
has
lost it,” Adina murmured.

Taylor stopped, suddenly alert. She scrambled up the tree and disappeared.

“O-kaaay,” Nicole said. “What’s next?”

“Do you hear something?”

The girls listened, but in the constant burble of jungle noises, it was hard to hear anything unusual. It was only when the enormous snake dropped down from the tree that they realized the sound was a hiss.

“What is that?” Mary Lou whispered.

“Big snake thingy?” Tiara offered.

“Thanks. I hadn’t figured that out yet.”

“Don’t move.” Jennifer instructed.

“Does ‘don’t move’ include your bowels? Because you’re too late,” Miss New Mexico said.

With a piercing scream, Taylor jumped forward, circling the blow dryer over her head by its cord. She let it fly and smacked the snake across the tail. It turned with a fierce roar.

“Come mess with Texas,” Taylor said.

The snake obeyed. It lunged for her and Taylor dodged with acrobatic grace.

“Miss Teen Dream is a bright light in the world,” she said with prayerlike intensity. From the makeshift bandolier, she removed a small can of hair spray, thumbing off the top. “Long-lasting hold!” she yelled. “Never let your ’do droop!” She pressed the nozzle on the spray can and lit a match, igniting a huge fireball that engulfed
the snake. It screamed and fled into the trees like a wounded comet. Taylor shoved the can back into the unicorn wallet on the bandolier. She blew on the end of the hair dryer and shoved it nozzle-down into her rope belt.

“Whoa,” Petra said. “Toto, I don’t think Taylor’s in it for Miss Congeniality anymore.”

Adina called the meeting, having everyone sit in the same horseshoe formation that Taylor had. “Now that Taylor’s incapacitated —”

“What?” Tiara asked.

“Gone nuts,” Petra explained.

“Now that Taylor’s gone nuts, I am assuming the duties of team leader. After all, I am first runner-up, and you know what that means. I can’t help feeling that something’s not right about this whole thing. Taylor was clearly trying to warn us about something. She said ‘Danger.’”

“There were all those weird things in the old temple where I found Sosie,” Jennifer remembered. “Ration kits. The machete. Candy bars.”

Tiara eyed Sosie and shook her head. “It’s always the handicapped ones you have to watch out for.”

“What?” Jennifer said.

Sosie tugged on Jennifer’s ragged outfit. “What is she saying about me?”

“Maybe she’s some kind of spy. For all we know, she may not really be deaf,” Miss Ohio said.

“That’s crazy!”

“Right! How many fingers am I holding up?” Tiara thrust three raised fingers near Sosie’s face.

“Get your fingers out of my face!”

Tiara smiled triumphantly. “I knew it!”

“Uh, Tiara?” Petra said. “Sosie can see just fine.”

“I think we just proved that.”

“What’s going on?” Sosie demanded.

“Well, if we’re talking about suspects, one of us
was
found in the jungle, far away from any wreckage.” Miss Montana flicked a glance at Nicole.

“Oh, right. Let’s suspect the black girl right off the bat.”

“How do we know you didn’t steal that sash from the real Miss Colorado?” Miss New Mexico said.

“How do we know that tray in your head isn’t a recording device?” Nicole shot back.

“Nicole is no traitor,” Shanti growled. “Or are you going to profile me next?”

“Knew you’d have my back.” Nicole stood with Shanti.

“What’s she saying? Don’t leave me out!” Sosie yelled.

“I’m sorry. I feel really bad that I don’t speak deaf,” Tiara said.

Adina banged the baton against the nearest tree. “Okay, everybody. Cut it out. I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but do you know what Taylor would say right now if she weren’t off licking trees in the jungle? She’d say, ‘I am really disappointed in you, Teen Dreamers. We are supposed to be sisters. Sisters who love and trust one another, who work together until it’s clear that there is a favorite sister chosen to be the best and wear a pretty crown. So let’s cut the crap.’” Adina shrugged. “And then she’d probably make us pray and practice our circle-turns.”

“Whoa,” Petra said. “That was kinda scary.”

Mary Lou raised her hand and waited to be recognized. “I need to tell y’all something. There is somebody else on the island. A guy named Tane Ngata.”

“What?” Miss Montana said. “Have you been hitting the plant juice?”

“Listen! I didn’t know how to tell you this. He’s an eco-warrior and an ornithologist.”

Brittani gasped. “Ohmigosh. You’re into the freaky stuff, aren’t you?”

“An ornithologist is a bird-watcher,” Mary Lou explained.

Brittani recoiled. “That’s just sick.”

“If there is a guy on the island, why didn’t you tell us before?” Adina asked.

“I don’t know! Because I was scared. And then I wanted something that was all mine. And I just … I don’t know.” Mary Lou told them everything — about her nights with Tane, how special he was, about his theory that The Corporation had a secret compound on the island.

“Are you sure you didn’t just imagine it?” Nicole asked. “I mean, I’ve read about people getting kind of island-crazy after a while.”

“He’s real, I swear! We had awesome almost-sex,” Mary Lou insisted.

Petra put a hand on her shoulder. “Sweetie, sometimes I like to think that Heathcliff is waiting for me at Thrushcross Grange in tight breeches and leather boots. Doesn’t make it true.”

“Weren’t you wearing a purity ring when we got here? Aren’t you supposed to be saving yourself?” Shanti asked.

“Yeah,” Mary Lou answered. “And then I thought, for what? You save leftovers. My sex is not a leftover, and it is not a Christmas present.”

“See, now I don’t know whether to be all ‘Yay!’ because you’re empowered or sad because you’re having delusional almost-sex with an imaginary boyfriend,” Adina said.

“If you were my best friend, you’d trust me.”

Adina took a step back. She’d never been anybody’s best friend before.

“Okay, Mary Lou, I got your back. Show us.”

The girls trekked through the jungle over the path Mary Lou had traveled each night. They passed the waterfall and lagoon where she and Tane had gone swimming and she showed them the broken hammock trap where Tane had freed her when she was stuck.

“He held me by one hand!”

Finally, she reached the cove and the caves where Tane had held her sweetly, where he’d kissed her and helped her come to understand that there was no shame in her body or her desires. Tane’s boat was nowhere in sight. She didn’t see his lantern or bedroll. There wasn’t even evidence of a fire. It was as if he’d never existed.

“I don’t understand. He was here. This was his camp. He left his things because he was coming back.”

“Okaaay,” Shanti said. She widened her eyes at Petra, who nodded knowingly.

“I know you don’t believe me, but I’m telling the truth. Something must have happened to him. He would never just go off without telling me.”

“I get
so mad
when my imaginary boyfriend does that,” Miss Ohio snarked.

“Stop it!” Mary Lou growled.

“Okay, down, Cujo. Let me get this straight: You met some hot guy and your priority was getting down with him, not rescuing us?” Miss Ohio said.

Mary Lou’s cheeks reddened. “He only had his small boat. He promised to come back for us. Adina — help me out. You have to believe me.”

Adina shrugged. “I really want to, ML, but …”

The wind picked up sharply and clouds rolled in.

“Looks like we’re about to get a heck of a storm,” Nicole said.

High winds whipped through the trees, shaking free leaves and fruit. The air had the iron-tang smell of coming rain. The first time a storm had blown through, the girls had been at its mercy. This time, they were prepared. They headed back to camp immediately.

“Stations,” Shanti yelled once they got there, and the girls threw their supplies into the evening gown hammocks. Using a pulley system of airplane seat belts, they hoisted the hammock-bags high into the trees, free from the surging tide.

“Higher ground, y’all!” Tiara shouted. The girls fell in behind her as she led them up into the hills.

“What about Taylor?” Nicole asked.

“She’s protected where she is,” Adina answered. “Let’s get moving.”

Rain lashed their faces, but the girls kept climbing. When they reached the top of the hill they’d named Mount Awesome, Nicole pointed to the ocean.

“Hey, do you see that?”

“Ship!” Mary Lou shouted. “Ship!”

The girls screeched and hugged. Oh, salvation at last!
³⁷

“Come on!” Petra raced down the hill toward the shore.

When the girls reached the beach, the tide was high, and the ship — a magnificent reproduction of an eighteenth-century sloop built on a studio lot in Hollywood — listed and limped in the high winds.

“Oh my gosh! They’re going to crash!” Nicole shouted.

As if it were a tale of Greek myth and the gods had heard the cry, the ship banged against the skull-shaped jetty. A large hole could be seen in the starboard side. The boat took on water.

“We have to help them!” Nicole yelled.

“Wait!” Adina shouted over the wind and rain. “Look at the flag. The Jolly Roger.”

“Like the candy,” Tiara said. “I hope they have watermelon. It’s my favorite.”

“That’s Jolly Rancher,” Petra said.

“See that skull and crossbones? That’s the universal symbol for
not good,”
Adina explained. “We’re talking pirates!”

The girls looked out to sea where the ship was taking on water. Now they could see guys running along the deck, climbing up the mast and wrestling with sails. Most were shirtless.

“Pirates?” Tiara repeated.

“Pirates!” Nicole said in awe.

“Pirates,” Petra murmured, and her lips curved into a smile.

“Pirates,” Mary Lou squeaked. She felt a warning quiver in her belly. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, hell’s yes,” Miss Ohio said, lowering the neckline on her ratty dress. “Guys!” She ran toward the ship.

“Wait!” Adina screamed, but the girls were already racing into the choppy surf.

The ship had run aground and was taking a beating against the jetty in the rain and wind. Drenched pirates shouted and hoisted and scrambled, but there was nothing to be done. The ship was lost.

The girls had reached them and were pulling many of them toward shore. The disoriented pirates trudged after them and collapsed on the beach. They were young. Very young. High school or college-aged. And strangely familiar, though in the lashing rain it was hard to focus on just why.

Tiara bent over a prone pirate and swept the sopping hair from his face. “You’re pretty,” she said.

He opened one eye. “Are you a mermaid?”

Tiara giggled. “No, silly. Mermaids have sparkle bras like in MermaidTopia
³⁸
. That comes with accessories. I used to come with accessories. Before we crashed.”