Beautiful Storm (26 page)

I need to listen.

I replay the words in my head like a fucking mantra, hoping my brain can gain some control on my body.

She picks up her tea and stares into it before continuing.

“He’d threatened me. Told me he’d kill you if I didn’t stop seeing you.” She gives me a small smile. “But selfishly I couldn’t not see you one more time. I didn’t understand how unstable he was. What he was capable of. I obviously believed him, but…”

I can’t sit still any longer. I want to rip something apart. Keeping my thoughts in is killing me. The need to comfort her is fucking unbearable. She lifts her head to watch my movement as I begin pacing the kitchen.

“When I went home after we broke up, he was waiting for me. They’d cancelled the tour because of his issues. I was so stupid leaving the test in the bathroom wastebasket. Obviously, the father was you. It couldn’t have been anyone else.” She chokes the words out. When I turn to look at her, my chest constricts. Tears trail down her cheeks and drop from her chin. She finally takes a sip of her tea.

“When I was in labour I nearly caved and begged Layla to ring you. But what would I have said? Hi, Noah. It’s me. I’m having a baby. I know I’ve not told you about him, but come hold my hand anyway?”

I can’t keep quiet any longer and turn to face her. “I would’ve fucking come.” The words spat out through gritted teeth.

I would have, had I known. I would’ve held her hand. But I wouldn’t have been able to. She wouldn’t have got hold of me. Around that time I had hit rock bottom and begged Bear to let me go on a job. I had needed to gain control, and that was the only way I knew how.

“Yes, I know you would. But at what cost?” she snaps at me.

My brow furrows and I stop pacing as I try to figure out what she’s telling me. “I don’t understand.” I really don’t. I can’t justify her actions in my head.

She fidgets again like she’s uncomfortable in her own skin. “He didn’t just threaten you. He… told me he would either fuck or kick my baby out of me.”

Her baby. My son. Fuck.

“I guess raping me would have achieved that in his mind. Alex arrived just in time. He managed to pull Mac off of me.”

“Lizzie, who the fuck is Alex?”

She smiles at my obvious jealousy. “He worked for Mac, though I guess he was more my bodyguard than his.”

I manage to fight down the other questions surrounding her answer.

“I wanted to come to you after, but knew it was impossible. He had connections. While Mac was around, I wasn’t safe. Our son wasn’t safe. And neither were you.”

She should have fucking come to me; I wish she’d had. That bastard would have been dead a lot fucking sooner. If she’d known what sort of person I really am she would never have gone through any of this shit. But she didn’t know and now’s not the time to tell her.

Anger courses through me. That fucker kept her and my son from me. But I can’t blame her for staying away, for not calling me. The rest seems pointless now. Her reason for leaving, her reason for staying away, is now dead. She has lived in fear of the weakest man on the planet. Because a man who threatens a woman and a baby is a fucking coward and deserves to be six feet under. I want to hold her in my arms but she’s wrapped her arms around herself as a shield. She’s had enough.

I need to lighten the situation before she goes into meltdown mode. So I ask something, which for now is more important than pushing her further.

“What’s our son’s name?” The words sound odd coming from my lips, but they bring a warmth to my chest I never imagined I’d feel.

Relief spreads across her face along with a heart-warming smile. “Kai.”

Well, fuck me.
She gave him my middle name.

The air sucks out of my lungs as I close the space between us. Unable to stop myself, I grasp under her arms, lift her up, and wrap her around me. My forehead dips into the nook of her neck and I breathe in her scent.

“Thank you.” The words are soft but I know she hears them when she gasps and clasps my back tighter. Knowing I should put her down, but wanting her in my arms, I hold her for all I’m worth.

A question jumps into my mind, I can already guess the answer but ask her anyway. “How old is he?” I murmur the words into her neck. Her heartbeat begins to increase, matching my own quickened speed.

“He’s twenty-seven months, so a little over two. I talk to him about you all the time.”

Her words catch me off guard. I pull back and search her face. She’s not lying. The urge to kiss her propels my next move. I slide her legs from around my waist so she can find her footing. Releasing her from my arms, I step away and create some distance between us. It’s not much, but enough. Hurt flares in the depths of her hurricane-filled eyes, making the flecks glint in anger.

Reaching out, I graze my thumb lazily across her bottom lip. Her breath hitches in response.

“Don’t think I don’t want you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” My voice is deep, raw, and full of need. “But we need to talk about where we go from here.” My cock has other ideas and is about to go and find a new owner because he thinks I’m depriving him for the fucking sake of it.

She nods at me as her searching eyes delve into mine. She takes a deep breath as they glisten with unshed tears.

“I love you, Noah. I always have.”

My lungs begin to burn, and I realise I’m not breathing.

“What do you want from me, Lizzie?” My voice quivers with uncertainty.

“You.” The tears breach, and fall down her beautiful face. “I’ve only ever wanted you.”

F
RESH AIR SLAMS
into my lungs. I step forward snake one hand around her waist, and she trembles beneath my touch. The other hand winds into the hair at the nape of her neck, holding her hostage. The tempest in her tear-filled eyes blazes, and resistance is pointless. I know I’m fucked. She’s my addiction. My Achilles heel. My downfall.

I inch forward and wait for any hesitation from her. But the flecks in her eyes only burn brighter, drawing me in like a flame.

The moment my lips graze hers, the blood in my veins ignite with desire, spreading like wildfire through my whole body. I’m done for. Gone. And I accept my fate. So I do the only thing I can.

I fall.

My tongue flicks out and surfs the seam of her lips. She opens up, allowing me access. I probe her mouth with tiny thrusts and she meets me halfway and deepens the kiss. Our tongues swirl and dance. Pouring every ounce of me into the kiss, I hope she accepts what I’m giving. What she already holds. A breathy moan escapes her as one of my hands fists her hair, and the other pulls her closer. Every hard inch of me presses against her softness. Delicate fingers trail over my back leaving tremors in their wake as I fight for control of my body. But it’s hers, she’s the puppet master, and holds all the strings.

My breath’s ragged as I break away, tugging gently on her hair to expose her face. Swollen pink lips and intense grey eyes stare back at me. Her chest is rising and falling like a stormy sea. There’s no other way to describe her, except beautiful. Unable to speak, I search her features and gently cup her face, as her fingers work into my waistband. My cock strains against her, desperate to be set free. As if reading my mind, her hand inches around and plunges into my boxer briefs. When her fingers wrap around my erection, my eyes shutter closed and a hiss escapes through gritted teeth.

Please.

I open my eyes, silently begging for something, anything this woman could give me. But her head is down, watching, as she circles her thumb over and over the tip of my engorged head. Her entranced eyes flick to mine, and my breath catches in my throat, but not from desire. Pain is etched onto her face, and in her eyes.

“What is it?” My voice is deep, but uncertain.

Her eyes shift nervously as I slowly wrap my hand around hers and pull it away from my cock.

“How many were there?” Her small voice is barely a whisper.

The question works faster than a cold shower, and my hard-on shrivels and dies within seconds.

Oh, fuck. How do I answer that?

I let go of her hand and run my fingers over my head. “Does it really matter?” I turn away from her, locking my fingers together behind my head. Shame washes over me, and I can’t bring myself to turn and face her. “We were over. You’d gone.”

Her sad chuckle tortures my eardrums. “That many, huh?”

I need to find a way to fix this. I can’t change my past, but it’s not going to ruin my future. But I can’t lie to her. Sucking in a do-or-die breath, I turn around to face her and spill the truth.

“I’ve been without you for three fucking years. I hadn’t heard your beautiful voice, I hadn’t felt your lips on mine, and I hadn’t felt your skin beneath my fingers.” I lock firmly onto her gaze, holding her with me. “Every day without you was another day in Hell. Yes, I fucked around, but they didn’t have a single part of me that belonged to you.” My hands drop from my head as I work my way back to her.

“They had
everything
.” Her gaze drops to the floor and her voice is timid, hurt bleeding from every syllable. I reach for her, raising her chin with my forefinger so she looks in my eyes. She needs to see the truth.

“No, Lizzie. All they had was my cock. I didn’t make love to any of them; they were a quick fuck against a wall in a dirty alley. They didn’t enter into my thoughts, because that’s where I kept
you
. They didn’t have my heart, because I left it with you.
You
didn’t want me, and I still gave them nothing that was yours.”

“You don’t get where I’m coming from,” she huffs impatiently, trying to wriggle her chin from my grasp, but I don’t let her budge. The sparks in her eyes glint angrily at me.

I keep my voice soft, although it’s a struggle. “Oh, I do, and while I understand it’s hard for you to come to terms with it, you need to understand that when I walked out the door I fell apart. I found a way to cope, to pick up the pieces.” My eyes search her features for a tiny shred of hope my fucked-up way of dealing with the pain hasn’t destroyed the only thing I’ve ever craved. “You may not like it, but… fuck, Lizzie, none of them were you.”

I drop her chin and wrap my arms around her waist. She doesn’t resist me, giving me the glimmer of hope I’m begging for. “You’re it for me. I live and breathe for you. I’m completely caught up in your beautiful fucking storm. I love watching the lightning sparks in your eyes when I’m deep inside you. I love the untamed tempest that swirls in them when you’re angry, like now.”

I reach up and rub my thumb across her cheek. “I love watching the sun burst through the clouds when you’re happy, and the calm after the storm. When you lie in my arms and look at me like I’m it for you. You’re like a whirlwind sucking me in to its depths and I love every minute of it. Because I love you. Not them.
You
.”

She sucks in a breath and her gaze locks onto mine. So I continue.

“But I will tell you this. If you don’t think you can get over the things that happened when we weren’t together… If you can’t forgive me, then walk away now. Because I can’t survive another rogue fucking hurricane.”

I’m putting my future in her hands. My pulse races and my eyes stay glued to hers, watching the emotions run through them, waiting for some form of response from her. She remains silent for what seems like a fucking eternity. Just as I think I can’t stand it any longer, she moves. Still silent, but she’s moving towards me, not away.

The tightness gripping hold of my chest releases infinitesimally, unsure of the outcome, uncertain if this could still be goodbye. Stopping within a few inches of me, her warm breath grazes my neck as she looks up, her eyes glistening with tears. My nerve endings are completely aware of her presence, and I’m fighting every inch of my natural instinct to push aside that fucking T-shirt and bury myself deep inside her.

She places her hand over my heart and I know she can feel the frantic beat pulsating against it. My breath hitches at her touch and I’m unable to look away from the eyes which have haunted my life for what feels like forever. I cover her hand with mine and her fingers flex on my chest. The sensation almost undoes me. My body is screaming for her to touch me in the way only she knows how, and all my blood flows south to my traitorous cock.