Beautiful Death (20 page)

He sighed and took her into his arms—he could at least hold her without fear of being infected. The only thing he knew was that he wanted to live and to keep Ash. He didn’t think it was too much to ask for, but then it seemed impossible. If he wanted Ash, it would have to be completely platonic. But that was unbearable since he felt such a strong sexual pull to her. Being with her would be torture.

“Can you get your memories back?”

Ash stepped back from him. “Pardon?”

“Is there a way to get them back?”

Her mouth twisted up. “Yes.”

“But?”

“But Yukihime has to allow it. She has to first permit me to feed from her and then she has to release her mind and my stolen thoughts. She could give me pieces or all. It is at her sole discretion. ”

“So, not happening?”

Ash nodded looking weary. “Probably so.”

“Shit,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Fine. We don’t fucking need her anyway. It’s just you and me. But we’ll come out on top. I know it.”

She smiled. “You seem awfully optimistic.”

He nodded and pulled her to him. “Yeah. I just have to believe it or I will die. You know?”

“Yes,” she said, “Yes, I do.”

Tristan sighed, resting his check on her head. Just holding her like this, he knew was a bad idea. Because all he wanted was her mouth on his. Eventually, he’d go mad. Ash suddenly flinched hard, wincing like she’d been struck. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“The sun just broke the horizon. I must get to bed now.”

Pandora got up from her little dog bed and padded over to the pair. Tristan had forgotten she was even in the room. She jumped onto Ash’s bed and curled up into a small ball against Ash’s pillows.

Gripping his hand a little too hard as he guided her to the bed, Tristan asked, “Are you okay?”

“It hurts, the coming sun.”

“Oh.” Yikes.

The curtains were all open and Tristan left her at the side of her bed to go shut them. Just as he turned back towards Ash he caught a glimpse of naked flesh as she climbed into bed and gave a soft groan. Ash pulled the covers up to her chin and let out a long breath. She reached out and patted Pandora on the head, already asleep. “That is my good puppy.” Ash turned tired eyes to Tristan, pain hidden behind them. “Good night, Tristan.”

He leaned down and gave her a kiss to the forehead. “Night.”

She smiled and her eyes pulled shut. Tristan didn’t linger to see if she died when the sun came up, to see if she kept breathing or not. He flipped off the lamp at her dressing table and retreated as quickly as possible, shutting the door securely behind him.

He stopped outside her door, leaning against it, hands behind his back against the wood and sighed. He was glad she finally opened up to him, even if it was only a little bit. Maybe she’d let him help her now with her problems instead of suffering quietly. Not that he didn’t have enough of his own. Human or vampire, he had Ash. And Uruwashi or not, he was never going to hurt her. He cared about her and knew they could be more. They could be great together. He could spend his days with her and die happy. Or would that be nights?

17:
N
ot
M
eant
f
or
M
e

The Lost Chapter

TRISTAN dreamt about the accident last night. The laughter of that mysterious figure was ringing through his head when he opened his eyes. He stared up at the ceiling in his dark room, trying to make sense of that horrible night, something he’d done a million times now. His thoughts strayed and quickly found their way to Ash, a much better topic—remembering the way she smelled, her silken skin under his fingers. How she tasted.

The kiss was brief and electrifying, filling him with both a deep satisfaction and desperate longing all at once. The tryst wasn’t enough, not nearly, but to push for more was risking death. Even knowing that, he thought maybe it would be worth it.

He smiled, fantasies of what it would be like with Ash dancing around in this head. A heavy sigh came over him and he rolled over onto his right side, putting his back to the door as he finished a morning stretch. The sheets shifted as he moved, baring his naked ass to the air. Of course, that was the moment the bedroom door behind him opened and he scrambled to cover his ass properly, thinking it was Haruka bringing him breakfast, er, dinner. He was surprised to find Ash’s silhouette in the light of the hallway as if his impure thoughts had summoned her there. He liked the concept.

Wearing her light purple robe, the one embroidered in shimmering silver thread, with her silken hair free and flowing over her shoulders and down her back she made such a stunning figure. “My, what a pornographic, yet delightful greeting,” she said with a chuckle.

Tristan laughed as she stepped deeper into the room. “Morning, what’s up?”

She crossed her arms inside the sleeves of her kimono robe and stopped short of the bed. It took everything in him not to reach out and grab her, pull her down on top of him. He wanted more of what they’d started last night despite the fear of ‘what if’. Maybe if they played it very, very carefully…

“I want you to practice kendo tonight.”

“God,” he groaned, jabbing his palms into his eyes. “Not that again. I think I’m ready to go after Malik already.” It was now or never in his mind.

Ash huffed. “I realize your need to find him sooner rather than later, but we must have some patience. We cannot...” She stopped and shut her eyes as she tried to remember the word she wanted. It was in her head there somewhere, shoved at the back of her mind, filed in the “never utter” section. “Cowboy in.”

Her eyes opened and Tristan grinned hard at her. “Really?”

She sighed again. He was just so infuriating sometimes. Or more rightly, the frustration lay with Ash alone. She was allowing herself to be careless with this man. Something about him just distracted her in the most dangerous of ways.

“We must plan. Besides,” she said, softening her tone and looking away. “I do not know where to find him as of yet.” Not that she remembered anyway. And Yukihime was proving to be the very opposite of helpful on that front. Ash felt she was close though. Malik couldn’t have been too far and that was a plus, not to mention a negative. In fact, if she planned the evening right, Tristan would proceed her to bed and she could go out and find exactly where her Master was now residing. But then, nothing had gone by plan since Tristan stumbled into her life. 

“Great,” he sighed and started a new stretch. He’d always assumed she knew where to find the vamp. It’d never occurred to him that she hadn’t. Or maybe she was lying. He wasn’t really in the mood to argue for once anyway. What was one more night? Besides, it gave him a little more time to know Ash before… well, before Malik killed him.

“Kendo then?” he asked through the end of stretch and Ash nodded, a frown pulling her features down as she undoubtedly heard his musings. “Fine, just let me get dressed.” He climbed out of bed and Ash gave a noticeable start. Not only was he naked, but he had morning—
evening
—wood.

Ash spun away, muttering something about needing to find some blasted clothing. Even in the dark he could see she was blushing. He laughed, thinking for someone who was so much older than him, she was awfully modest. He wasn’t shy in the least, and besides, she saw all he had to offer when she brought him home after the Aaron incident.

After he dressed into the simple cotton samue Haruka had left for him, he went to join Ash but she wasn’t out back. He went back inside to find her. And find her he did as he jarred to a stop just inside the kitchen door. Ash was at the center island with her kimono sleeves tied back and a big ass butcher’s knife poised over a huge slab of raw meat.

“Uh…”

She blinked back at Tristan, arm still poised. “Pandora’s meal…”

Tristan glanced down at Pandora. The dog had her back to him and was still as a statue, attention zeroed in on her master. He turned away to the refrigerator. “Anything in here for me to eat, maybe something cooked?”

“Ah, yes. Haruka prepared a meal for you last night before she knew we were gone. She left a plate of the remainder in there for you. Seafood, I think.”

Excellent
. “Where is she anyway?” He popped his head around the fridge door to look at Ash. “And they’re called leftovers, not remainders. You gotta learn to relax, babe…” he said with a goofy grin. “Start with your vernacular, it’ll make a world of difference.”

Ash’s lips pressed into a tight line as she gave him a look. “In town, running errands.”

Tristan turned back to the fridge with a little shrug. “Is it really okay to let her drive? I mean, she seems…you know.”

Ash sighed, understanding his concern. “She has proven to handle driving just fine. Though,” she added with another sigh, “she does tend to find herself lost on occasion. I have had to go recover her from town, or other places more than once. But I like her to have her independence. She’s an adult and therefore afforded to act upon her own volitions. I understand her limits, and she does too…
most days
, and we work from there. She really does well on her own…” Ash frowned a little, attention fixed on her task. Her voice was soft and a bit dejected when she muttered, “She really does not need me anymore.”

Tristan stood up to peer over the fridge door, something profound and considerate in his eyes as they found Ash’s. “You—don’t take this the wrong way, but you love her, don’t you?”

Ash started and stopped to stare at him for a moment before answering plainly, “Of course I do.” She looked away again, a snap of her head as if she were upset with him. “A child does not to need come from one’s womb to love them as one’s own.”

“Trust me,” Tristan said and in a soft, broken tone. “I know.”

“Of course you do,” Ash said. “I apologize.”

He shook his head at her. “Nothing to be sorry for…” He pushed a large pitcher filled with thick red liquid that smelled awfully…
salty
aside, revealing the plate he was looking for. He shut the fridge softly and stood for a moment with his back to Ash, gathering himself. He thought of his parents all the time, but whenever he consciously thought of them, brought them this close to the surface, it broke him up. 

“Wow.” He had to stop and clear the depression from his throat. “Did Haruka really make this for me?” The plate had five huge seared scallops with some sort of cream sauce over dirty rice with asparagus. Even as reheated leftovers, he knew it’d be awesome.

Ash smiled. “Oh yes. Your presence has changed many things.”

He crooked an eyebrow at her.

“Haruka seems to have a crush on you.”

“That so?” he asked and couldn’t help but smile as he warmed up the meal. Guess the girl did have a spark of normalcy after all. “Did you tell her about, you know, you and me?”

“You-and-me?” Ash repeated, carefully enunciating each word as if they were their own sentences.

He faced her with a frown. “Yeah, us? We kissed last night.” Once, but it happened. And they both acknowledged their want for each other. It was only vampire/Uruwashi rules keeping them apart as far as he was concerned. Was she going to try and pretend like it didn’t happen? Was she deciding now that she wanted nothing more to do with him? Would that make it easier for her, pretending she didn’t like him? Tristan wasn’t going to deny those feelings and frankly, it pissed him off if that was her tactic.

Ash looked away and the microwave beeped, giving Tristan a moment to think rather than blurt the next thing that came to mind.

“She knows nothing more than what she sees. I will let the girl hold onto whatever fantasies she wishes. I have not seen her this...” Ash paused, twirling a bloody hand in the air. “Animated in months.”

This was animated? He’d hate to see what she was like otherwise. The poor darling.

“If you wish to...
entertain
her, I will not take offense, Tristan. You both have your needs.”

“Whoa. Okay,” he mumbled around a mouthful of food, realizing immediately what she was saying. “No, that’s cool. I mean she’s adorable and all, but I can only handle one woman at time, thank you very much.” Plus it would totally be like him taking advantage of her. It just seemed wrong somehow. Regardless, he was telling the truth about being a one woman at a time man. Things were already complicated enough, no need to muck up the works any more than they already were. Especially if Ash was going to try to pretend they didn’t get intimate last night.

At his feet, Pandora’s fuzzy little butt started to shimmy across the floor as she fought between obeying her sit command and the excitement over her incoming meal. Tristan laughed at her enthusiasm as Ash set out the bowl and the dog finally got to dig in. There was a wet slurping sound and he turned his noise up, dropping his fork to his plate.

“Right,” he declared. “I’m done.”

Ash was already wearing her sword and Tristan wondered if were a security blanket. She always had it on her, even when they didn’t leave the house.

Half an hour later, he started to feel A.D.D. running noob warm up exercises that basically involved swatting at the air with a stick—sorry,
shinai
. He wasn’t allowed to think of the practice sword as anything but a real katana. Bossy-pants Ash said so anyway.

“Christ Ash, I’m going to go crazy from this repetitive shit. Can’t we do something a bit more fun?”

She quirked a curious brow. “What did you have in mind?”

“I want something more physical… and fun. None of this swinging at the air shit. I want to fight. Blow of some energy, you know?”

Ash raised an eyebrow at him. “And you think you are ready? You do remember what happened last time we sparred?”

He walked away covered in small cuts and a bruised ego. Big fucking deal. “Yeah, I remember.” He grinned big when a thought occurred to him. “But let’s make it more interesting.”

She gave him a look as if to say get on with it.

“Strip.”

Ash took a step back. “Pardon?”

He laughed. “Like strip poker.” God, he knew it was a really bad idea, what with not being able to touch her, but he couldn’t help himself. Then again, he could touch her so long as they didn’t swap spit, right? Hell, not even that. Just no licking open wounds. That didn’t sound too hard…

Ash’s lips pursed together tightly. “And the rules?”

“What? You don’t know how to play strip poker?” She shook her head and he sighed at her. “Jesus, Ash, how do you not know something as simple as strip poker?” She scowled at him, lips tight in annoyance. “Whenever one of us scores a hit, preferably not cutting me for real, the other has to remove a piece of clothing.”

“The stakes seem a bit high. We would be naked within the hour.”

“I know,” he said wiggling his eyebrows.

She grinned hard, unable not to. “Or more accurately, you shall be. You cannot best me.”

“Ha ha. Okay, if that’s too much, then how about for each point scored the other has the choice to lose a piece of clothing or tell something personal about themselves?”

Ash harrumphed. “Bare your body or soul?”

“Yeah, why not?”

She considered it for a moment. While she did love sparring for the sake of it, these new rules did sound rather fun. And fun was not a word that found its way into her vocabulary often. In fact, that she could call any part of taking in a stranger that wasn’t who they thought he was, having her memories stripped and having to finally put an end to Malik
fun
was a surprise to her. Because truly, since Tristan’d been with her, she had quite a bit of it.

“Any other rules to this game?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“One more suggestion? To make this less dangerous, we use no weapons. How is your hand-to-hand combat?” She didn’t want to cut him again. She couldn’t bear to smell his blood and not taste it. It was hard enough knowing how his lips felt only to be denied touching them again.

He shrugged. “Been a bar fight or two.” Most he started. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go hand-to-hand with her after what he saw her do to Desmond last night. Besides, he didn’t hit girls. Well, not until that chick at Yuki’s place anyway.
Damn
.