Beautiful Broken Mess (18 page)

When I reach the party, I quickly spot Lane’s tall frame in the middle of the crowd. He has a blonde and a redhead on either side of him, both vying for his attention. When he catches me looking over at him, he nods his head in my direction and begins looking around for Audrey, no doubt.

“I’ll find her,” I say, answering his silent question. “She couldn’t have gotten far.”

“What happened?” he demands harshly.

“She told us… about the teacher…” I grind out.

“What the fuck? Why?” he shouts and frantically searches through the crowd for her.

“Chill out, I’ll find her and take her home.” He calms down at my words and nods his head. “I’m gonna kill that teacher the second I get back to Texas though.”

“Don’t worry about it. I met up with the guy on our trip out there last winter,” he says cryptically. At the shock on my face, he continues. “Audrey doesn’t know. And don’t worry, I didn’t actually kill him. I just delivered a
very
strong message,” he states, with an almost unnatural ease and a shrug of his shoulders.

I reach out my fist and he bumps it in return. “I might need more info on him later. For now, I’m gonna go find her.”

As I begin to walk away, Lane calls out, “Hey, one last thing. I might need to head out of town for about a week soon…”

“I’ve got Audrey covered now. She doesn’t need her overbearing, protective big brother,” I say in my retreat.

With a laugh, he shouts, “Let’s not get carried away now.”

- Ten -

JACE -

I don’t have to scan the beach to know that Audrey has bailed. If she’s not near Lane, then she’s gone. Since I know her better than she thinks I do, and based on the fact that she’s already slipped away from me once before, I’m betting that she’s trying to walk home now.

I hop in the Camaro and gun it out of the parking lot. My best bet is to take the route toward her place. Not even two minutes away from the sand and surf, I see a dark silhouette walking down the sidewalk, passing all of the parked cars on the darkened street. I pull the car in behind another and jump out to catch up to her.

When I reach her retreating backside, I wrap my arms around her from behind and tuck my chin into her shoulder. She doesn’t flinch or push me away, so we continue walking quietly forward while I’m wrapped around her body. Slowly, I turn in and kiss the side of her neck. Her breath shudders harshly from all the crying she’s undoubtedly been doing, as well as her attempt to hike the five miles home.

As we continue walking forward with me attached to her backside, I ask, “Can I take you somewhere?”

“I’m lousy company right now, Jace,” she whispers.

“There isn’t anything lousy about you, babe.” I reluctantly let go of her body, walk around to the front of her, and with my back facing her, I crouch down. When she gives me a puzzled look, I laugh and say, “Hop on. It’s called a piggy back ride.”

Quickly she jumps up, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. “I know what a piggy back ride is.” Then, she nuzzles her face into the side of my neck and rests there. The combination of her cherry-vanilla chapstick and the salty-sand fragrance is surprisingly arousing coming off of her. But I can’t think about her tempting body right now, especially not with the sudden entry of breath she takes from crying so hard.

I carry her to the car and open the door to sit her inside. After getting her situated, I swiftly hop into my seat and pull the Camaro away from the sidewalk. Audrey doesn’t ask where we’re going; instead, she lies down in the seat with her head on my leg. Her eyes drift close and the shuddering breaths that were ripping through her chest begin to subside. With my left hand on the steering wheel, I use my right to run my fingers through her soft hair.

This quiet moment is what I’ve always wanted with someone. Audrey can make me happy without saying a word or even without a touch. Just seeing her relaxed and sleeping next to me is a calming comfort after all of the horrible things I’ve just heard. I don’t know how she’s overcome the many obstacles she’s faced. How can one person be put through as much as she has and still manage to wake up each morning, let alone smile and make others happy? Slowly, the weight of what has happened to her rests heavily on me, and I’m blown away by her durability and perseverance.

Thirty minutes later, we arrive at our destination. The loud rumble of the engine that lulled her to sleep shuts off and she begins to stir. Silently, I soak in this opportunity to freely watch her wake up. Her eyelashes flutter and the back of her hand moves across her forehead into a stretch.

I check my watch and say, “I hate to move you, but we don’t have much time.”

She pushes herself up and finally asks, “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

We hike along the gravel path and continue through the trees and bushes. She doesn’t complain about bugs, the itchy leaves striking our legs, or even that we can’t see more than two feet in front of us. I try to shine the light from my cell phone near her feet so she doesn’t trip, but she just holds onto my bicep and trudges blindly forward. She allows me to guide her, placing all of her trust in my unworthy hands. We finally push through the last bit of trees that open up into a clearing, and I pull her up the hill in front of us.

“Wow, it’s beautiful out here,” she says, looking straight up at the starlit sky as I tug her along.

“It’s my escape from the city without having to go too far,” I divulge.

“Is this a train track?”

“Yeah, and we only have ten more minutes until the 11:44 line runs through here,” I reply.

“I still don’t understand,” she says, but there’s a slight smile in her voice.

“Patience.” I turn and kiss her on the forehead as we reach the top of the gravel hill that holds the steel tracks. I pull a penny out of my pocket, hold it up so she can see the copper-colored coin as it gleams in the light of the moon, and then place it on the center of a steel track. When I look back up at her, she still appears as if she’s waiting for me to do something more. We leave the penny behind and head back down the hill.

Last month, I found this place and have slowly learned the train schedule. It’s nice to get away from the lights and smog of LA. Trees surround us and the stars dance above our heads. The only sounds you’ll hear out here are the crickets and the occasional train that blows all the trees in its course.

Once we’re far enough that I know it’s safe, I sit down in the dirt and face the tracks. She slowly lowers herself down between my legs and leans her back against my chest.

“Have you ever done this before?” I ask.

“Sat in the dirt at almost midnight? I’m sure at some point I’ve done it,” she says. Her laugh is intoxicating and I hope I can always find ways to create that sound in her.

“No, not sit in the dirt, smart-ass,” I say, laughing along with her. “Put a penny on a train track.”

“No, I’m actually kind of worried you’re about to de-rail a train,” she nervously replies.

“That almost never happens,” I say impudently. Her mouth drops open and she turns her face to look up at me. I throw my head back and laugh at her shocked expression. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ve been doing this since I was little.”

A cold wind whips past us and her long, brown hair lashes over my shoulder and then back in her face. Gently, I gather it all into my hand and twist the length around, before tucking it in between our bodies. I then wrap my arms around her from behind and squeeze her into me as close as I can get her.

“I wish I could stay like this forever,” I whisper into her ear. In the distance, I hear the train making its forward ascent.

“Me too.”

She sighs when I run my nose along the edge of her neck, from her shoulder blade to her ear lobe. “You smell so damn delicious. I know that the cherry-vanilla is from that chapstick I’ll never forget. The salt and sand is from earlier, but you always have a hint of coconut on your skin that just makes me want to lick you from head to toe.” Which is exactly what I hope to do later.

A shiver runs up her body as she says, “It’s coconut oil. I use it for basically everything.”

“I’m crazy about it. Almost as much as I am about you.” Her hands squeeze my arms in closer to her and I continue, “I’m so sorry for everything…”

AUDREY -

I cut him off instantly, “Don’t start that, Jace. Don’t ruin this moment. What’s done is done. We’re here now.”

“I want to be here for you from now on. I want to hold you safe all night and watch you wake up in the morning. I want your happy, forgiving spirit to ease my soul everyday.”

I turn and look up at him again and say, “Jace, I’ve always wanted you and I’ve never pretended otherwise. No one has even come close to making me feel the way I do when I’m with you.”

Then, right there for all of the trees and stars to see, Jace claims my mouth and takes what I’ve been begging to give for years. The train finally barrels down the tracks, and for a split second I try to listen for the sound of metal being squashed beneath thousands of pounds of moving machine. But my thoughts are hopelessly filled with the gorgeous man holding me. The loud rumbling of the engine moving at a blaring speed suffocates all other sounds around us. For a moment, there is only Jace and I never want to go back. We don’t break apart until long after my hair has blown wild in the wind from the passing train.

When it’s gone and the tracks have cooled down, Jace stands and reaches for my hand. He pulls me up and asks me to stay where I am for a second. I watch as he jogs back up the rocky hill we had just climbed not long ago. He bends down, grabs his coin, and returns to my side.

He tenderly opens my hand and drops the warm metal into my palm. I feel the smoothness of the stretched-out penny.

“Wow, this is amazing.”

“Yeah, my dad showed me how to do it when I was a kid,” he responds. I close my hand tightly around the penny and think about how I’ll always have this. Even if Jace and I don’t work things out, I’ll always have this little memento to bring out when I’m lonesome, remembering this night out under the stars. It’s something I can tuck away in my pocket for only me to treasure.

“Let’s head back,” he says and crouches down in front of me again. Knowing what he’s suggesting this time, I hop up onto his back and wrap my arms around his neck. He grips my thighs under his big hands and occasionally rubs them softly while we begin the trek back through the trees and shrubs.

“You’re not really going to carry me all the way back to the car, are you?”

“I carried a backpack every day last year that was heavier than you,” he replies, without a hitch in his breathing.

“Why isn’t your backpack as heavy this year?” I ask.

“Well, aren’t you perceptive?” he states with a laugh.

“I’ve spent my whole life observing.”

“I was double-majoring up until this year,” he reveals. “It was stupid of me.”

“I’m sure it was anything but stupid, Jace. What were your two majors?”

“I was in Pre-med because I thought that’s what my dad wanted me to do. But I always wanted to take over his company, so I was also in Business. I dropped Pre-med,” he says the last part quietly, almost as if he’s ashamed.

“I’m glad you dropped it.”

“Why?” he rasps out, sounding stunned.

“Because, I always thought you would follow in your dad’s footsteps. Even though we weren’t together, Jace, I absorbed every piece of information I ever heard about you when Jax and I were together. I never saw you being happy as a doctor.”

He continues quietly toward his car. I can tell he’s surprised by my words. While being a doctor is a noble profession, he should always go after what he wants and not what others think that he should do. When I escaped my past by moving to California, I vowed I would never do something that made me unhappy. While accounting isn’t the most exciting occupation in the world, I’m good at it and that makes me happy.

“I can’t imagine working toward two separate degrees. Just the one I got was hard enough. I always thought Lane was crazy for coming back for a second bachelor’s, and now he’s getting a master’s with me.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize you were so far ahead. No wonder I finally found you Friday morning in an advanced Accounting class. So, Lane’s older than us?”

“Yeah, he’s twenty-eight. He already went to school once and graduated in the Criminal Justice field. He never talks about his past, not even to me, but I think something terrible happened. A long time ago, he mentioned that he flipped a one-eighty and tried to go in the exact opposite of his previous life. Criminal Justice to Accounting; doesn’t get more diverse than that.”

“Earlier he told me he might be going out of town for a week,” Jace says.

I groan loudly and the sound vibrates from my chest into his back. “He does this every once in a while and never comes back happy. It usually takes another week before he’s back to his cheerful self. I have no idea where he goes.”

We reach his car finally and he says, “I don’t mind keeping you company.”

I slip down the backside of his body and my feet hit the ground. I watch as he pops the trunk of his car open, pulling out a small, black toolbox.