Beast (3 page)

I can almost hear my thoughts echo in the silent room, bouncing off of the walls as I lay on top of my sheets in my hollow, cavernous loft. The fact that I can’t sleep is nothing new. I thank god for the nights when the insomnia awaits me. The insomnia means that I don’t have to face the nightmares. I don’t have to face the ghosts. That in itself is a gift.

I still can’t believe that I saw her tonight.

Jasmine Santiago.

For the past two years, she’s the only woman I’ve wanted. The memories of the night we shared together are still vivid in my mind.

The dramatic curve of her back. Her creamy, caramel skin. The melody of her whimpers.

Everything is fresh in my mind.

She’s the only woman who has ever affected me this way. The only one who’s made me crave a connection.

The night we met, she was just an intern at a competitive law firm, eager to get ahead. At first I tried to convince myself that that was the only reason she slept with me. But I could see the vulnerability in her eyes, I could hear it in her cries, I could feel it where the tips of her fingers trailed across my skin.

She’d
wanted
me that night. Her desire had been real.

I’ve spent the last two years craving her. But she doesn’t feel the same way about me. The hollowness in her eyes when she looked at me tonight, it killed me. There was nothing there. She feels nothing at all for me.

And that’s all for the best anyway because even if she wanted me, I wouldn’t be able to give her all the things that she deserves. I can’t be the man that she needs. After all, I’m nothing but a monster.

I haven’t been able to touch a woman since the night I laid my hands on my sweet Jasmine. Even when I met a particularly adventurous woman in an online chat room and she showed up at my Texas home with her equally adventurous friend, I’d spent the evening watching them feast on each other’s bodies and nothing they did interested me enough to partake in the activity.

Seeing Jasmine tonight only intensified all the things I feel for her. My cock grew thick and hard as a tree trunk the instant I felt her supple breasts press into my back and her arms wrap around my torso. And when she climbed off of my bike, my body felt bereft without the warmth of hers.

Knowing that I’ll get to see this woman every day is the only reason that I accepted my father’s request that I take over the role of managing partner of Cartwright Moretti Stevenson. And I have no idea how I’ll handle the task. Ever since I got back from Afghanistan, burned and maimed, I’ve worked in seclusion. I don’t even meet with clients face-to-face. I keep to myself. I stay in the shadows. PTSD is a bastard son-of-a-bitch.

But now here I am. I’ve moved to Manhattan and am sitting at the helm of a 500-person law firm. Just the thought of interacting with dozens of people on a daily basis makes my throat tight and my palms sweaty.

What the hell was I thinking accepting this gig?

The mere opportunity to be close to a woman like Jasmine Santiago will make a man do foolish things.

I run my hand over my beard, my fingers grazing the rough scar tissue barely concealed by the hair. It’s a reminder of all the ugly things I’ve done in my life. It’s a reminder of how much I don’t deserve Jasmine.

The selfish beast in me wants to take her. Mark her. Tell the whole world that she’s mine. But as much as I want her, I have to remind myself that there are ugly pieces of me that I don’t want getting anywhere near her. She’s tempting but I know better than to put my grimy paws on her again. Keeping my distance is the best thing I can do for her.

It’s dangerous to let myself wonder how things could have been different if I’d called her like I’d said I would. I can never act on my desire for her.

I have to protect her against myself and my own carnal desires.

I’m still in a funky mood when I arrive at work on Monday morning.

The mere fact that Liam will be working at the New York office from now on has me feeling kind of skittish. The fact that he’s now technically my
boss
only makes it worse. What if I have to see him everyday? Will I be able to handle that? Is my heart strong enough to take it? What if I see him flirting with his secretary or what if he starts dating one of the lawyers? I don’t know how well I’d cope with that. The jealousy would probably kill me.

I boot up the laptop on my desk and groan. Now really isn’t the time to fret over Liam Cartwright. Work has a funny way of accumulating over the weekend. I’ve got a ton of emails just sitting in my inbox, waiting for my attention.

But first, coffee.

I drop my notepad, pen and smartphone onto my desk and make my way out the door of my tiny office. Although my office is small, I’m grateful that the narrow space between these four walls is my own. During my internship, all the interns worked at open-concept cubicles with absolutely no privacy. So, this teeny room is a significant step up.

Just as I step outside of my door, I see Luke Daley walk out of his office across the hall. He’s carrying a box containing his books, framed diplomas and other personal effects. I rush up to him. “Luke,” I whisper loudly. “What happened? Did you get fired?”

He scrunches his eyebrows at me and hocks a laugh. “No – I sort of just got promoted.”

“Promoted?” How the hell did Luke get a promotion? He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed and he doesn’t work particularly hard. I feel that I deserve a promotion far more than he does.

He grins at me. “Yup – I’m moving into Michael’s old office.”

“Michael’s old office? It’s huge!” Since Michael was the firm’s managing partner, he had one of the biggest offices in the suite. Why would
Luke
get the managing partner’s office?

Unless…

“Luke – who’s moving into your old office?”

“Liam Cartwright,” he says with a shrug. “Don’t know why the new boss would choose an office the size of a shoe box in the darkest corner of the suite. If I was the managing partner, I’d knock down a few walls and make my office even fucking bigger, but to each his own, I guess.” With that, Luke saunters away leaving me standing in the hallway, my mouth agape.

Liam’s office is right across from mine? Liam’s office is right across from mine! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!

And speak of the devil.

Just then, Liam rounds the corner, a huge box tucked under each arm. “Good morning, Jasmine.”

I feel a flutter between my thighs.
How pathetic
. Just the mere sound of his voice did that to me. Or maybe it was the way his shoulders spread wide and his biceps bulge against the dark fabric of his suit jacket. Or maybe it was the stormy gray of his intense, piercing eyes.

But I won’t let him see how his presence affects my body.

“Good morning,” I say curtly as I brush past him.

He opens his mouth to say more. But I can’t. I just can’t.

The emotions inside of me are way too confusing. I’m angry at him for letting two years go by without ever trying to reach out to me. But my body is still hungry for him. It’s lashing out against me.

I don’t look back. I just keep moving as confidently as I can.

What I’d give to get my hands on something stronger than coffee this morning.

One quick glance over at the clock sitting on the edge of my desk tells me that it’s already 12:44 in the morning.

Are you serious? Where did the day go?

I spent most of my time reviewing one of our clients’ proposal for a public-private partnership, and once I was done with that my brain was too tired to tackle anything new. So, I stuck around the office replying to emails and arranging some of my disorganized files.

In all honesty, it was all just busy-work to avoid having to face my empty apartment.

I yawn quietly as I slide off of my chair, taking my purse along with me. I grab my jacket off of the hook on the back of my door and slip it around my weary body as I fight off another yawn.

Once I step into the hallway, I know that all of the staff have gone home for the night. Most of the lights are off and the only sound in the place is the ringing of a telephone at the far end of the hall.

I glance at Liam’s door. It’s closed and his office is dark. I go up close and linger there for a while, my fingers tracing along the grooves of his name plaque: Liam Cartwright, Managing Partner.

I try to ignore the burning in my chest, the tingling at the back of my eyes.
I’m really fucked up over this guy, huh?
The night we spent together, I wanted it to mean something. But it obviously meant nothing to him. And now that he’s back in town, he’s acting like it never happened. That causes my insides to ache.

I wish it didn’t hurt so bad. I wish I were one of those girls who could casually give their body to a man for one night and then wake up the next morning and go back to business as usual. But that’s just not me. At least not when it comes to
this
man.

The sound of the fire escape door slamming shut nearly makes me jump out of my skin. I reel around to find a tall, imposing figure stalking down the shadowy hallway towards me.

My breath hitches in my throat as he approaches.
I want to scream. I should scream
.

A slice of light from one of the floor-to-ceiling windows shines in and illuminates his face.

“Jasmine…” Liam Cartwright growls my name.