Authors: Lynn Red
Tags: #werewolf romance, #alpha male, #cute romance, #hilarious romance, #Paranormal Romance, #pnr, #werebear, #vampire romance, #alpha wolf, #shifter, #werebear romance, #magical romance
"The hell are all these?" Erik asked when he casually strolled into her top-story office and saw the pile of envelopes on her desk. "You got some kind of secret admirer?"
At first Jamie hadn't honestly been sure where they were coming from, but by the fourth envelope out of the seven that had arrived that morning via the intra-city Jamesburg post, she figured it out. Something to do with the slightly naughty limericks each one contained, mostly themed around "vampires" and "sucking" clued her in.
She shrugged, outwardly trying her best to act like she wasn't, in fact, as excited as she probably very clearly was. "These just started coming this morning. Irma brought 'em up. Not really sure what's going on, but—hey!" she shouted as Erik grabbed one and opened the stationery square.
"The moon in the skies, the glint of your eyes, I can't stop thinking, my thoughts they keep sinking," his eyes got wide enough to be comical, "to how it must feel between your thighs? Holy shit, Jamie, whoever is sending these to you is either a romantic genius, or some kind of sex pervert."
"Isn't that pretty much the same thing to you?" Jamie curled her lip in a sardonic grin. "They get better." She passed him another envelope, figuring that she could keep him entertained with the naughty content of the letters, and thus, make him completely forget that he'd decided she had a secret admirer.
"Oh, this one smells like," he took a long whiff, "some kind of musky, sexy cologne. All right, let's see."
His eyes scanned the text, and once again, got big and round and white. "Imagine my luck when I felt a suck, and looked back and saw nothing but you." Erik shook his head in awe. "This is incredible. Can I write these down? I can put some of these to good use. I'll take any help I can get. Izzy's pretty much in a terminal state of never-in-the-mood lately."
"Erik?" Jamie asked, slowly, like she was introducing a new concept to a third grader. "She's... pregnant. Have you heard of this condition? You’re lucky she keeps letting you go at her, even if it’s only once a day."
He chuffed a laugh. "Yeah, well, maybe if you put it in the form of a dirty limerick, I'd understand better."
He probably didn't expect her to fire one off right off the top of her head. "Erik Danniken's a hopeless, horny dork. All he wants is to convince his mate to pork. Maybe instead of pining, he should start whining, or else just go and buy a pig."
Erik furrowed his brow, letting what she'd said sink in. About thirty seconds later, he started booming with laughter so heavy and relentless that Jamie thought the neighbors would call the cops. Of course, the neighbors were the cops, so it worked out.
"Can I write that one down?" he finally asked. "I gotta use that one. That's perfect. I mean, it’s not exactly a limerick, but it’s perfect."
"Perfect for what?" Jamie screwed up her face. "If you use that on Izzy, leave my name out of it, thank you very much."
"Oh yeah, definitely. I want to make sure she thinks I came up with it. She'll love that. Good luck with your horn-dog suitor there, Jamie," Erik said as he rapped twice on her doorframe. "I'm gonna go... manage."
She took a deep breath and couldn't help but smile as he turned to leave. "Yes, you will, Erik. Somehow, someway, you will manage." She made a mental note to ask Izzy about the poems, and how romantic they were next time she saw her. If nothing else, she could see whether or not that whole thing about getting pregnant by a werewolf gave the mate the werewolf bloodlust.
If anything on earth could make Izzy kill Erik, it was hearing about him wanting to pork her.
Just those few seconds of lightness were enough to make Jamie relax just a touch. The tightness in the small of her back that she knew was her way of funneling emotions into physical symptoms, knotted up. "Well," she said to herself, "I've got a pile of dirty limericks, and one hell of a case of bear-crazy. Evidently, Mr. Drake has a case of Jamie crazy. So what am I supposed to do?"
She thought back to Dominic, how he'd relentlessly chased her, refused to let her out of his sight. And how at first, that made her feel wanted, longed-for, all those good things. Shortly thereafter, when he started in with the trying to make her quit her job to stay home and look after King Bela Lugosi Jr's every whim? Thinking about that now made her stomach turn in a totally different way.
God, I was stupid,
she thought.
So, so, so stupid. How did I let that happen? How did I fall for that?
For months afterward, after she finally got the courage to get away from him, Dominic had vanished. It was almost like he had no reason to be in Jamesburg except to haunt her. That had been... well, it was something she'd never forget, that's for sure. It took months for Jenga's surprisingly patient form of psychotherapy to make a dent in that complex. Hell, she was just grateful to get a little mental distance from that - from him. But Ryan was so different it was like a different world.
Dominic was nothing if not self-absorbed. Yeah, he was gorgeous, rich enough that she was a little embarrassed about it, and great in bed, but after Jamie got past all that, and found his heart - so to speak - there just wasn't much there. Ryan though? Heart as big as any she'd ever seen, even if it was hidden under about a mile of gruffness that could make Oscar the Grouch look chipper.
Thinking about Ryan with a trashcan shirt made her smile. She gathered the few belongings she carried with her on a daily basis - a handbag, and... yep, that's about it - and headed to the window. With the Ryan-caused daydream still fresh on her mind, Jamie pushed the shutters open and sucked a deep breath of late fall Jamesburg air.
It was crisp, clean, with just the tiniest bit of fir-scented bite. On her skin, she felt the cool prickle, the delicious kiss of autumn, and as Jamie's wings unfurled from where they were tucked behind her for most of the day, the muscles stretched, longing to move. From where she was on the top of the courthouse, she could usually drop twenty or thirty feet before spreading them out as wide as can be and catching air, blasting off into the sky.
The gentle early afternoon sun that streamed through the window warmed her wings, and her face, and for a moment she just stood there, absorbing the beautiful radiation that vampires, and bats, are both supposed to hate. She never did understand that one. Heat, okay, heat and humidity were two things that were very unfriendly. But good, honest warmth?
She shrugged, smiling as she plummeted past the first bank of windows, and then to the second. As she billowed her wings, catching a gust of wind like an exploding parachute, she had just a split second to wave to Professor Duggan who was always, always surprised to see her do that, as evidenced by the bugged-out eyes and puffed-up cheeks. Although it could have been most anything to get that response out of the old hedgehog.
Every muscle, every nerve in her body flared to life as her wings caught air and lifted her up, up, up into the sky, high above her courthouse office, high above the forest. She reckoned her normal cruising altitude was about two-thousand feet - plenty to stay above most of the animals except the odd albatross or eagle that decided to get grandiose. Every now and then a vulture who had caught a draft would watch her pass, but mostly, up here in her particular part of the heavens, it was just Jamie, alone with her thoughts.
Of course, right then, her thoughts were about Ryan.
She threw her gaze to the east, toward West's farm which she could see. Past it, she knew she'd find the odd little compound of Ryan's massively extended "family" but even knowing where it was, the overgrowth was too thick to spot. Still, she knew where she was going, so just swooping around in a general direction would get her there soon enough.
*
C
herry pie and a gallon of sweet tea weren't exactly the reaction she was expecting.
"We've been wonderin' when you were comin' back this way," Boston said as he pulled his chair up and stared down at his slice - which was almost a quarter of the pie - with a very lusty eye. "Moo-maw, bring her another piece, she’s hungry." He reached across the table and grabbed Jamie's slice before dumping it on top of his, and mashing it down with his fork so it just looked like one big mound instead of two.
"Another one?" Maude asked, calling from the kitchen. "She don't look like she's the sort to eat all that."
"No, uh, thank you," Jamie said back. Boston urged her on. "I really liked that one though, it was great!"
"More tea, then?"
Jamie eyed her still-full mason jar. Just the thought of what all that sugar would do to her guts put the agony of eating a little bit of chocolate to shame.
"Can you even eat this stuff?" Boston asked. "I knew a bloodsucker once - er... that isn't offensive, is it? I can't keep up."
Jamie laughed softly. "Nah, bloodsucker’s fine. It's more the intent that upsets me sometimes than the word used, you know? And yeah, I mean, I can eat it. I have a digestive system. It's just really, really not what I want to do if I can help it, if you catch my drift."
Boston laughed, then took an absolutely massive forkful of pie, crammed it in his mouth, and groaned like he was a cow being fed on by a vampire. "Oh lord, do I ever. Sounds like me and sauerkraut."
"God almighty, don't you get started with all that. She's a lady, or at least if she ain't, she don't want ta hear about your digestive distress upon eating cabbage!" Maude - Moo-maw - yelled from the kitchen.
Shortly she reappeared, and hit Boston directly on the back of the head with a fairly hearty thwap from her wooden stirring spoon.
"What the hell was that for?" he asked, recoiling and rubbing his head, but not perturbed enough not to take another bite of pie.
"Don't think I'm stupid enough to not know she gave you her pie, you big oaf. I was just offerin' her the pie to be hospitable." The old bear got a wry look on her face, followed by a very funny smirk. "Actually, I do have something for you though."
Jamie cocked her head a little, wondering what on earth it was she was about to be offered, when Maude grabbed the side of Boston's head. "He's old," she said, "and he's about as dumb as a sack of bricks, but his ticker's good. Go on, he won't miss any! Matter of fact, that might keep him from rubbin' on me at night for a day or so."
Jamie, surprised at what she'd just heard, snorted, and accidentally blew through the straw in the tea, which she'd been playing with but not drinking from. The laugh became a bubble, and the bubble became a small volcanic eruption, most of which landed directly on Boston's pie.
Without skipping a beat, he tapped part of the latticed crust with the end of his fork, scooped a bite, and smiled as he chewed.
"I'm just kidding anyway," Maude said, stroking her mate's grayed hair. "Nothing could stop him from jabbing at me, even if he can't do anything with it once he convinces me to let him try."
She gave him another whap on the back of the head, and slung her towel over her shoulder, scooting back into the kitchen with Jamie's empty plate. Boston shot her a playful glare and then turned back to Jamie. "I love her more than anything. I'd die if she were gone."
The sudden gravity took Jamie a little by surprise. Boston just kept chewing. "Everyone should find that someday," he said. "That sounds like a fairly hefty helpin' of co-dependence, to keel over dead if someone left, but—"
"No," Jamie said, suddenly. "No, I absolutely know what you mean. I, uh," she looked down, aware that she was about to spill more beans than she meant to spill. "I get it."
Boston smiled, scooping up another bite, this one nothing but tangy, tart, sweet, cherry filling. He pursed his lips and sucked a macerated cherry between them, leaving a red residue on his lips. "He's looking for you," he said in between bites. "But was too bashful to go back to the courthouse, after that scene he made with Danniken."
"You have officially surprised me, which doesn’t happen very often," Jamie said. "First with the serious talk about your wife and now about Ryan."
"I've had a lot of years to practice with being unsettling to women," he said, a twinkle in his eye when he looked up. "He don't know what the hell to do with himself when it comes to women. Bears almost never do, but that ain't particularly well known. Mating for life means we don't have much of a chance to practice the finer points of finding that mate. We just kinda see 'em and know." He finished the pie and patted his bulging stomach. "Which can be quite a surprise for the mate in question, 'specially if they don't like us right off the bat."
He coughed. "Er, so to speak."
"He did come on a little strong," Jamie said, thinking back to that morning at the courthouse. "With the glaring and the jaw clenching and acting like super captain alpha and all that. But here's the thing - it didn't seem like an act. He really, honestly, seemed like he was doing what was in his heart."
"Always does," Boston said. "It's got him in trouble a time or two or eight. But that's a different sort of thing. It's about time he followed his heart in something that really matters."
Before Jamie could respond, Maude came back from the kitchen with her own slice of pie, and a disarmingly large cup of coffee. "Won't you stop teasing the poor girl and just tell her one of the four places Ryan might have gone? You know that's why she's here."
"Well, Moo-maw," he said, "I was waiting until she asked. Seein' how long it took. Unfortunately, she's far too polite for any of that so I thought we may just sit here forever until she moved in. That way, whenever Ryan came back from his little retreat, he'd find her here and there'd be no more issue. Everything would solve itself."
"Well ain't you just thought a' everything?" Maude chuckled. "Look at Chuck Woollery over here, getting everyone all ready for mating without them even knowing it."
Maude sat down and took a similar sized bite to those Boston had taken. "Now look, there are three places Ryan goes when he wants to get away."
"I thought you said four?" Jamie asked.
"Well, one of them is the back of the house. And I haven't seen him there, so there are three places he might go."