Bearing Hearts (City Shifters: the Den Book 2) (2 page)

E
ven three hours
rampaging through the forest and trying to lose himself in the deepest drifts he could find wasn't enough to quell the grief in Axel's heart. He'd known something happened to Ragnar months earlier, but he still thought he would see his twin again. Axel stalked back toward the warehouse-turned-gym where he and the other bears lived, trying to crush the rage out of his expression so he wouldn't scare the kids or the alpha's mate, if they happened to see him.

But the door still bounced off the wall and nearly smacked him in the face as he threw it open, and the half dozen guys working out in the shared gym turned to look at where he strode in. Axel got three steps inside before Kaiser, the bear alpha and the only guy Axel didn't want to immediately punch in the face every time he saw him, eased out from behind the desk in his small office across the gym. He waited for Axel to pass the boxing ring before he paused near the stairs and the door to the backyard, his massive arms folded over his chest. "You okay, man?"

"Fine." Axel turned toward the stairs, wanting only to crawl into his den on the fifth floor of the old building and hibernate until the grief that tore him apart faded, but he stopped dead in his tracks. He smelled snow. Deep winter. Just a hint of it trailed through the air, and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. The girl. His lips curled back in a snarl.

Kaiser didn't blink or budge from his stance, most of his expression concealed in a dark beard. "She's in the pool, playing with the kids. Dial it back, dude."

Axel's left eye started to twitch and his teeth ground together as tension built in his shoulders. The girl responsible for his brother's death splashed in a backyard pool with the alpha's kids? In what universe did that make sense? Axel's desire to punch Kaiser grew. "Why? Why is she here?"

"Sasha brought her back." Kaiser blinked, looking almost slow and sleepy enough to convince a less wary man he could be caught unawares, but Axel knew better. That was just a preface to the grolar bear kicking some ass. "Said she was hungry."

"So you fed her." Axel's vision narrowed down to a spot on the battered metal door that led to the backyard. She waited just beyond it; he could tell. Playing with the alpha's adopted kids, insinuating herself into his life just as she had Ragnar's. "Why?"

Kaiser straightened from his lean and started to frown. "Because it's the code."

The code. The goddamn code. Bears looked after their own. Family came first. A red haze almost obscured the door. The girl wasn't part of their family. She was a stranger, and the one who fucked up his mission earlier in the day. She was the reason the BadCreek beta escaped to fight another day, to maybe kill more shifter kids. And she got his brother killed. Admitted it, even. The code justified him killing her, spilling her blood to atone for her part in Ragnar's death. And she had the goddamn temerity to look at him with those wide blue eyes and that ridiculous purple hair and calm the polar bear inside him.

Axel's fists ached but he couldn't relax them. Couldn't release the fury, otherwise he'd be lost and that girl would worm her way into his heart and he'd never be free. "She
isn't
—"

"Your brother —"

"Is dead." Axel hated saying it aloud. It was true, if he had to speak it. "He's dead, and that girl caused it. What does your code say about that?"

"Your brother treated her as one of his own," Kaiser went on, undeterred. He blinked again, and combed his fingers through his beard as if he weren't prepared to tackle Axel to prevent him from wrecking the gym or storming into the backyard and scaring all the kids. "And died
protecting
her, from what she said. Which means she's one of yours, and also one of ours. She was hungry and cold. We fed her."

Axel concentrated on breathing, though he lurched forward a step. Kaiser's arm shot out and grabbed a fistful of his sweater, stopping Axel short. The alpha's voice reached him through the red haze of fury and grief. "She is weak, Axel, and he cared for her. He might have loved her. Maybe she was his mate. Which means it is your goddamn duty to make sure she is safe and protected and cared for. Get your shit together."

Axel could only growl, thinking of Ragnar. His twin, older by four whole minutes. He never let Axel forget. Always insisted he was the older and wiser brother, even by four goddamn minutes. Axel ground his teeth until pain flashed through his head, blinding, and for a split second it distracted him from the agony of his brother's absence. Even after ten years of not speaking, he always believed he'd see Ragnar again. That they would fix things eventually.

Kaiser took a deep breath but didn't relax his grip. "You're hurting, Axel. I know it. But that girl is not responsible for your pain. Do not take it out on her."

"I just need to talk to her." And wring her neck, maybe. Drown her in that fucking pool so she wouldn't look at him and tell him anything else about how his brother died. Part of him wanted to know every last detail of Ragnar's life for the last ten years, but most of him wanted to ignore all of it until it faded away. Until he could continue on as if his brother was just estranged. Not dead.

"You don't look like you want to talk."

"I'm feeling chatty," he said, and it came out so grim Kaiser snorted. Axel stared at the door and braced himself for the faint hint of snow she would bring with her. She would haunt him like another memory of Ragnar, even if his polar bear wanted her to stick around. She would always be a reminder that his brother was gone and Axel was a shitty, selfish bastard.

Kaiser eyed him, doubtful, but moved aside enough that Axel could wrench the door open. The alpha stayed close, though, and Sasha flanked him as Kaiser said, "The kids are out there. Don't scare them."

Axel liked Kaiser's kids, so he struggled to control himself more than he would have if only the girl waited, and that gave him the time to observe the backyard. The pile of logs to the right took up about a third of the open area, scored with claw and axe marks from ursine anger management, with the rest open ground except for the endless pool to his left. It was an aboveground pool that Kaiser had used for exercise before Josie and the kids hurtled into their lives, but now it mostly kept the little ones entertained. And all four of them splashed and played in the water, giggling and squealing and throwing floaty toys around. Even Sarah, the solemn twelve-year-old with too many burdens, laughed and sent a wave of water right into Lucy's face.

Lucy. His bear growled when they saw her, and Axel shrugged off Kaiser's hand as the alpha gripped his shoulder. The little boy, Tyler, swam to the edge of the pool and hiked himself up. "Axel, throw me!"

"Maybe later," he said, struggling not to snap at the kid. Normally, he liked taking Tyler up to the second floor window and tossing him into the pool below, but not when Lucy popped up out of the water behind him. And for the second time that day, Axel felt like she might as well have swung a baseball bat right into his chest.

She laughed as she tossed the bright hair out of her face and wiped water from her eyes, still teasing the twelve-year-old, and stood up to reach for the baby. Except she caught sight of Axel and froze. For a heartbeat, terrified hope burned in her eyes, then her expression fell and he knew she'd thought him Ragnar for a second time. It only made the polar bear angrier. She didn't recognize him, didn't want to see him. She'd been deliriously happy to see Ragnar, but that changed as soon as she knew it was Axel instead.

He ground his teeth and stepped forward, unable to remain still, and ignored the warning growl from Kaiser. It slowed him down but only delayed the inevitable. He just needed to talk to the girl in private. Explain why she couldn't stay there, why he didn't want her around, why he never wanted to hear another word about Ragnar again. He couldn't do that in front of Kaiser and the guys, because every time he heard his brother's name, part of him cracked open and the only thing waiting on the other side was grief. Tears. He'd never cry in front of the other bears. Ever.

Lucy held up her hands to fend him off, even though Axel remained fifteen feet away, and hopped toward the ladder to climb out. He tried not to let the skimpy bikini she'd borrowed from Kaiser's mate distract him, although the electric blue polka dots were tough to ignore. So were the generous breasts testing the tensile strength of the fabric ties and the round globes of her ass as she slipped and almost fell down the ladder. Sasha snorted and muttered something about 'clumsy girl' under his breath.

Lucy pulled the hair back from her face and glanced at Axel, though her attention darted away quickly. "Look, I'm sorry, I meant to leave before you got back. I didn't mean to intrude, I —"

"Don't go, Lucy," Tyler called from the pool. "You said you'd play trains with me. Axel just looks scary, he's not mean."

"No, he's not," Axel said, clearing his throat to get rid of the snarl that turned those words into a lie. His hands flexed at his sides. He tried to keep his voice calm and quiet. Nonthreatening. "I just need to talk to you."

Lucy's bare feet slid in the snow but she didn't seem to notice the cold, keeping her eyes on him the whole time as she sidled closer to the door. As if she could slip by him, or Kaiser would save her. "Sasha brought me back here for lunch, but I'll just get my stuff and then I'll be out of your hair."

"Why would you want to leave?" Axel's jaw ached from grinding his teeth. He took a measured step toward her, trying to imagine how he could get her somewhere quiet until he knew what to do. The polar bear wanted her in their den. He didn't want her in the open in that skimpy bathing suit, her skin and curves visible to the alpha and Sasha and anyone else who stepped outside. A growl started in his chest at the thought. Her scent reached him as a frigid breeze kicked up, and she shivered. She smelled like blue winter nights, reminded him of evenings when he left the window open so it would feel like home.

Lucy's teeth flashed small and white in a nervous smile. "I don't want trouble. I've had enough trouble for a lifetime, I'll just —"

"Come here." He pointed at the ground in front of him, not wanting to see the increasingly worried expressions on the kids' faces. He didn't want to scare them, or her. Really didn't want to. But his control slipped and he didn't know how much longer he could keep the bear from tearing free. The bear wanted her, wanted to smell her and figure out how she fit into their life. She smelled a little like a mate but he rejected the thought. She'd been Ragnar's. She couldn't be Axel's.

"I'm okay over here." Lucy eyed him warily, starting to shiver more as she hugged herself. "But I meant to talk to Kaiser about something, so if you could just —"

"Come
here
." Another growl slipped free, louder. Angrier. The bear didn't like being ignored, and he didn't like her standing there in the cold. If the girl would just do what he said, he could get her inside where it was warm and safe, and then they could have a reasonable conversation.

But Lucy stayed frozen in the snow, eyes darting from him to Kaiser and back. The stink of cheap cigarettes revealed Sasha standing nearby. Axel didn't care. He couldn't take it anymore as she shook and shivered, her lips starting to look a little blue, and he strode forward to grab her arm.

He didn't mean to scare her. The moment he touched her, she squealed, a high-pitched panicked sound, and his hand slid off her slippery wrist as she disappeared. He stopped short and looked down, where a pure white Arctic fox bounced to its feet in the snow. Axel stared down at the fox as it crouched near his feet, nose twitching, and Lucy's blue eyes stared back at him.

Damn it.

He leaned to pick her up by the scruff of the neck. At least in animal form she couldn't call him “Ragnar.” His fingers brushed the soft fur of her back as the kids
ooh'
ed and
aah
'ed, but the fox squeaked again and scampered through the snow toward the wood pile. Axel cursed and dove after her, slipping and sliding in the wet snow. The logs weren't steady; they could crush her in a heartbeat. Tension gathered in his shoulders. She put herself in danger to get away from him. He wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

The kids cheered and clapped as Axel nearly caught her tail, though Lucy dove under one of the logs and crouched there, just out of reach, and made angry fox sounds at him. Sasha muttered something in Russian and snorted, though he shrugged when Axel shot him a dark look. Kaiser cleared his throat. "Maybe you should wait a bit, brother. Give her a second."

"It's cold out here." He bent to scowl at the fox through the tangle of logs. "This is dangerous. Come out right now."

She chittered and barked, retreating farther into the pile, and one of the logs wobbled. He wiped a hand over his face, struggling for control and patience. God help him. Arctic foxes followed polar bears around, scavenging and pestering, and it was irritating enough to deal with in the wild. He damn well didn't need it in the one place he'd found some peace. Axel snarled as the frustration bubbled into anger, and he shoved one of the logs out of the way. The tree trunk fell with a thud that shook the ground, rolling to rest against the fence.

Kaiser stepped forward as the kids fell silent. "Axel, enough. Go inside. I'll bring Lucy in when everyone calms down."

Axel barely heard, and didn't care. His nails turned to claws as he reached for another log and a flash of white betrayed that Lucy wormed deeper into the pile. Getting herself deeper into trouble. The polar bear wanted to break everything in the world. He heaved another log out of the way. That damn fox. She had no right to scamper into his life and disrupt everything, ruin everything.

Sasha grabbed at his arm, hauling him back. "Axel. Stop."

Tyler started crying in the pool. "Don't scare her."

Axel shoved the other bear away and leapt into the pile of logs as it wobbled, growling as his hand closed around something soft and fluffy and squirming. The fox clawed and bit at his hand, tearing at the flesh in a desperate effort to get free, but he dragged her through the tangle of logs. He felt like a colossal shit as Lucy snapped and writhed in his grip, making desperate scared noises.