Be Here Now: A Cedar Creek Novel (21 page)

We spent the rest of the morning in bed, cuddling, touching, and whispering to each other. We mostly talked about Jesse. Jason’s eyes turned soft when I told him how much he had looked like him.

“It was hard sometimes, seeing you in Jesse every day, reminding me of what I had lost,” I whispered as he was holding me in his arms. He touched my cheek and ran his fingertips along my hairline oh so softly.

“I’m here now,” he whispered low, “I’m here now and I’m staying. You never have to feel that way again.” Then he kissed me, a deep but soft and gentle kiss with lots of emotion. “I love hearing about our son. I will never tire of it. I want to know every story you can remember. We’ll do this often, lying in bed like this, holding each other while you tell me all about him over and over again. And I’ll love every second of it. But I also want us to live in the here and now, Loreley. We will remember Jesse. He will always be with us, will always be a part of our family, but I want us to live in the present. We’re starting fresh. No regrets, no blame. We’re moving on with Jesse in our hearts.”

That was a beautiful thing to say. And it was something I wanted. I wanted to move on and build a future with Jason, build a life together, a family.

So I nodded and breathed, “Okay.”

Jason smiled his beautiful smile and leaned in to kiss my forehead. There he whispered against my skin, “I have a confession to make. A secret I’ve been carrying with me for six years now.”

I couldn’t help but tense a little at his words. “And what’s that?”

He pulled me in a little closer and tightened his arms around me as if he thought I might bolt at hearing his secret. I tensed even more.

“Don’t worry. It’s something good. Or at least I hope so,” he said as he read my reaction. “I just don’t want you to freak or feel sad or regretful. I’m telling you this in the spirit of not living in the past but moving on. Okay?” I relaxed slightly and nodded as I waited for him to continue.

He studied my eyes for a few seconds before he said, “Six years ago, I bought you a ring. I was going to propose to you and talk you into eloping to Vegas with me before we went on tour together. That was part of the reason why I lost it that night, because with you leaving so soon, we weren’t able to do that.”

I had stopped breathing and my eyes had gone big with surprise. Then it hit me that if I had known, if he had asked me, there would have been a good chance I’d never have left for that internship, that I would have eloped with him and gotten married and stayed with my husband.

“Hey, no regrets. Remember?” I nodded, but I couldn’t help it. Things could have turned out so much differently. There were so many ifs and should haves and could haves, it was hard not to think about it. Jason rolled onto his back and took me with him, so that I was spread out on his chest. He cupped my face in both of his hands and pulled my face close to his, so that I could see nothing but his eyes, as they were intense and lovingly on me.

“I mean it, baby. No regrets. We’re here and we’re together. We’ve both made mistakes, but we got our second chance and we’re not going to waste any time this time around. I want you to wear that ring now.” My eyes grew big again as his words penetrated. This time in shock.

Was he proposing to me?

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

He smiled and kissed me softly. “I know I’m gonna marry you. That’s not an option. I’m saying I want you to wear my ring today. Now.”

“You still have it?” I asked breathlessly.

“Of course I do. I told you I’ve been carrying the secret with me for six years.”

Tears pooled in my eyes once more at the beauty of his confession. Jason brushed them away when they started spilling over and running down my cheeks.

“So, what do you say?”

I took a deep breath as I tried to organize my thoughts. “Don’t you think we’re moving a little too fast?” I could feel his body shake under mine as he laughed silently.

“You think eight years is moving too fast?” His tone was amused. I couldn’t help but giggle with him. Looking at it like tha,t it was silly to think that we should wait.

“You’re sure this is what you want?”

His eyes lost all the amusement and turned dead serious. “I have never been more sure about anything in my life, Loreley. We belong together. You are mine and I am yours. I want us to be a family. I want you to wear my ring and carry my name.”

God, this man was so good with words. He made me feel special and loved and wanted and I could see in his eyes that he meant every word he said.

“Yes,” I breathed.

“Yes?” His eyes blazed.

I nodded and repeated, “Yes.”

I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead he leaned and reached towards the side of the bed without losing me on top of him. When I turned my head to follow his movements, I realized he was reaching for his pants. He pulled them up onto the bed and pulled out his wallet, opened it, and retrieved something from a small secret compartment before he dropped both the pants and the wallet back on the floor.

It was a ring.

He had meant it literally. He had literally carried the ring he bought for me with him in his wallet for six years.

The tears were flowing freely now and I had trouble making out Jason’s face. He took my left hand from his chest and placed the ring on my third finger, then looked at it with pure happiness on his face. He placed a kiss on the ring and looked into my eyes.

“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen: my ring on your finger.” Then he took my mouth in a fierce kiss, taking my breath away. He rolled us, so that now he was on top and broke the kiss.

“How long does it take you to plan a wedding?” He asked. I burst out laughing. Jason grinned at me. I had never seen his face this happy. His eyes were shining with bliss and joy and his grin was wide and pure and real.

“You think I’m joking,” he said, amused. “I can guarantee you I’m not. I want to marry you as soon as possible.” I sobered at his words and studied him. He wasn’t joking.

“I don’t know. How long can you manage to wait?” I asked teasingly. His grin got wider and he leaned down for a quick peck on my mouth.

“A month. I can give you a month. That’s it.” He was completely serious.

“Are you crazy? I can’t plan a wedding in a month. Nobody can. And you’re a world famous rock star. I’m sure there are a lot of people you would want at the wedding—”

“I don’t care about any of that,” he interrupted me. “I’ll be happy to have a small wedding with only our closest friends and your family. It’s what I want actually. I don’t want a big wedding, certainly no photographers and paparazzi and all that shit. Getting married is about us. It’s ours. It will be one of our most intimate and personal moments and I don’t want to share that with the world. They get enough of me as it is.” Bitterness flickered through his eyes but it was gone so quickly that I thought I must have imagined it. “We can elope to Vegas or we can get married here in your backyard. Whatever you want, as long as it’s a small wedding and it happens no later than in a month.”

He was crazy, but nevertheless, I couldn’t fault his way of thinking. I didn’t necessarily want to share our moment with the world either. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to live in the limelight like he did, but I knew for certain that it wasn’t all fun and games. Three months of living in L.A. and working in the music scene had taught me that. And not being close to your family would make that even worse. Jason hadn’t talked to his parents since I’d known him. I’ve never met them, but he told me that he never got along with them, especially with his father. According to Jason, his father had always made him feel like he wasn’t good enough, like nothing he ever did came up to par, and that only got worse when Jason showed an interest in music and started playing in a band as a teenager. His father’s family came from money, and Jason was expected to follow in his family’s footsteps and major in business or law. But Jason wasn’t interested in any of that. All he wanted was to play music. That’s why he went to UT Austin, because they had a phenomenal music program and they gave him a full ride. He didn’t back down even when his father threatened to disown him. It never actually came to that, but still, once Jason had moved out, he never looked back. The last time he talked to his parents was during Thanksgiving break his junior year, which ended in complete disaster. Judging by what he just said, that he wanted a small wedding with friends and
my
family, it sounded like he didn’t intend to invite his parents. I was fine with that if that was what he wanted. Don’t get me wrong, family was and always will be the most important part of my life, but not everyone was as blessed as I was, and with some families, it was better and healthier for everyone to go their own way. Abuse had many different forms, and as far as I was concerned, Jason had been abused by his parents by not being accepted for who he was. So I didn’t question him not even giving it a thought to have them at our wedding. They didn’t love him the way they should, so they weren’t welcome in our lives. My family was loving and supportive and would welcome Jason with open arms, I was sure of that. They wanted me to be happy, however that came about. And marrying this man, who I had tried so hard to hate and whom I never thought I would hold in my arms again, was what would make me happy. The sooner, the better.

So I gave in with a soft smile and said, “All right. A month.”

His grin grew wide when he said, “God, I love you,” and pressed another kiss to my mouth.

His hands started roaming again, as did his mouth. He slid off me and turned me around so he could kiss and lick and nibble my back. My back had always been sensitive and feeling his tongue and mouth exploring every inch of it, made me moan and writhe in arousal. I was already wet but grew even wetter when his mouth reached my butt cheeks and he spread my legs with his hands on the back of my upper thighs, opening me to him. I tilted my hip to give him better access and he groaned in appreciation.

His fingers lazily played between my legs as his mouth kissed and nipped at my cheeks and his other hand kept roaming my back. It was so overwhelming it was almost too much.

“I want to bring you like this before I drive into you and make you scream my name while I fuck you from behind. Then I want to flip you over and keep fucking you until I can feel you come apart around me again while I look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you.” His words alone and the anticipation they created were almost enough to bring me right then.

Jason intensified his effort between my legs and slid one thick finger inside me. He started pumping slowly while the other fingers kept teasing my clit. My hips moved in synchronization with his fingers. I needed him, wanted him inside me so desperately that I started begging.

“Please, Jace. I want you.”

“You’ll get me, baby. I’ll give you my cock as soon as you come on my hand.” He pumped harder, grinding, and moved his mouth up my back to my neck, kissing and nipping. I moaned. I was close, so very close. I could feel his body heat as he hovered above me. His erection was touching my ass and he started slowly rubbing himself against me, bringing me over the edge. I exploded around his finger as I moaned and writhed underneath him.

Before I had even come down, he was inside me, spreading me open even more with his knees. He laced his fingers with mine and pressed my hands into the mattress beside my head as he thrust into me hard and relentlessly over and over again. I couldn’t move. I was completely open and pinned underneath him, taking what he had to give. His mouth was still at my neck as he moaned and grunted.

“My hot little fiancée. You’re so hot and wet around me, clamping down, as if your pussy can’t get enough of me.” It couldn’t. It would never get enough of him. Jason increased his pace and at this angle, with me being unable to move and wide open, he went so deep and rubbed my front wall over and over again with such ferocity that it didn’t take me long until I cried out again as I came.

The next thing I knew, I was on my back and Jason was moving inside me, slower now, shallower. I opened my eyes and found him watching me with nothing but pure and raw love in his eyes..

“Wrap yourself around me, baby. I want to feel you all around me.” I did as he asked and wrapped my arms and legs tightly around him. His arms were underneath me, pulling me into him as he devoured my mouth.

“I love you,” I breathed when he broke the kiss and went back to staring into my eyes, holding me captive as he answered, “I love you, too, baby. You have no idea how much.” He increased his pace again and hardened his strokes. His eyes were wild with passion and love. His breathing went ragged and he started groaning and grunting with every stroke.

“I need you to come, baby. I need you to come with me.” He moved inside me with an energy that was almost brutal. I loved it, loved the strength and emotion behind it. He touched his lips to mine and grunted, “Come. Come now!” And I exploded with such force that I almost blanked out as I heard and felt his release. He shouted my name and erupted inside of me, his eyes never leaving mine.

Beautiful.

After we both caught our breath, he tucked me into his side and held me close. I studied the ring that was now decorating my finger. It was vintage and simple. No over-the-top huge and ostentatious diamond, but a simple black stone surrounded by smaller diamonds. I loved it. It was gorgeous.

“You like it?” Jason asked. His voice sounded worried. I looked from the ring to his face. “Obviously, I can afford a better ring now, but I couldn’t bring myself to buy a different one when I decided to come after you.”

I smiled at him. “I love it. It’s gorgeous. And very me.” The worry left his face and his face split into a huge and relieved smile.

“I knew it was yours when I first saw it; I couldn’t
not
buy it. You’re right. It’s you. And you’re mine.”

“That I am,” I whispered. He lifted his head and kissed me softly and lovingly.

“We should probably get up. I still need to get my stuff before we head over to your dad’s,” he murmured against my lips. I loved it when he talked quietly like that. It felt intimate and beautiful.