Be a Genie in Six Easy Steps (6 page)

“We'll be back soon, Skribble,” Milly said, looking into his little eyes. “Thank you for helping me with my genie look!”

The worm looked pleased. “Yes, well…hurry back quickly, my dear. There is no time to be complacent!”

Milly grinned and ran downstairs after Jess and the others. She found them in the kitchen looking in the fridge.

“I really can't face pizza again,” Jess sighed. “I think I'll just make myself a sandwich.”

Milly looked at the rock-hard remains of a loaf on the breadboard. “With that? You'll need a chain saw to cut through it.”

“There are some old baked beans and a bit of cheese in the fridge,” Jason observed. “We could use our imaginations and do something with them.”

“Better than doing something with this.” Michael weighed the half loaf in both hands. “This isn't food anymore; it's an offensive weapon.” As if to prove his point, he dropped it on Jason's foot.

“Ow!” Jason started hopping around the room. Jess gave Michael a cross shove. Michael gave her one back.

“You're right, Jase!” Milly said suddenly.

“What about?” said Jason, still clutching his toes.

“It's like you said—we should use our imaginations. Worlds of appearance and change!”

Jason stopped hopping as he realized what she meant. “You mean we could use magic?” He pulled the cheddar out of the fridge. “We could change this old cheese and the bread—”

“Into a delicious mega-feast!” Milly nodded quickly.

“That's actually a cool idea,” said Michael, looking impressed.

“Brilliant!” said Jess. “We could have proper food for a change.”

“Do you think we're allowed to use magic for that?” said Jason.

Milly ran to the door. “Let's get the book and ask Skribble—now!”

M
illy and Jason ran upstairs to see Skribble and explain their idea. The little bookworm seemed to approve.

“Not a bad test of your abilities, I suppose,” he said. “It may give you food for thought, at any rate!”

“We can make whatever we like,” said Milly. Jason grabbed the lamp and she carefully picked up the book. “Come on!”

“Not too quickly!” Skribble commanded. “I get airsick.”

They came back downstairs to find Michael and Jess had laid out four empty plates on the kitchen table. Milly put Skribble and the book down on the kitchen counter.

“Right then, Worm,” said Michael. “How can we make a tasty all-you-can-eat grub marathon out of some cold baked beans, a bit of moldy cheddar, and some rock-hard bread?”

“Since you have a rock-hard
head
as well, I'm not
entirely sure you can,” said Skribble. “Who intends to be the genie?”

“Let me try again!” Jess said eagerly. “Genie me!” she gasped as she was tugged down into the lamp, then tried to collect her thoughts while she waited for Jason to summon her. Yes, she knew how she wanted to appear….

There was a fizzing feeling in her tummy as the lamp began to shake. Jess shot out through the spout, looking stunning in a gold miniskirt, glittering gold boots, and a gold cutoff top. She had a diamond in her belly button and a delicate diamond-and-gold tiara on her head.

“That's a brilliant outfit!” Milly declared.

“Thanks.” Jess smiled. “I just really pictured in my head what I wanted to look like….”

Michael yawned noisily. “How about granting a wish sometime this year?”

“Jess, for my lunch, I wish I had a huge plate of sausage and mash, please,” Jason burbled. “With gravy!”

Jess drew herself up to her full height. “Your wish is my…” She frowned. “How do I do it?”

“Transform that bit of cheese,” said Michael, tipping it out onto one of the empty plates on the kitchen table.

“Picture it in your head,” Milly advised. “That's what I did when I unfroze Jase.”

Sausages
, Jess thought to herself, imagining them
sizzling in a pan.
Sausages and fluffy mashed potatoes with no lumps
…She pictured a big plateful of mash, neatly ringed with sausages, and then smothered the whole lot with deep brown gravy. For good measure, she imagined four frankfurters sticking out of the whippy potatos like birthday candles.

The book on the floor trembled. Jess's hands shot up. “Your wish is my command!” she boomed, her genie voice echoing around the room.

A flash of gold lit up the air. Everyone gasped as a plate of sausages and mash appeared!

“Oh, wow!” Jess laughed out loud with delight. “I did it! I just did
real
magic!”

“It looks amazing!” Michael grinned, too, and slapped a knife and fork into Jason's hand. “Dig in, then, Jase!”

Jason speared one of the sausages and scooped up a huge forkful of mash with it. But as he stuck it in his mouth, he screwed up his face and groaned. “Euurggh! It tastes of old cheese!”

Milly stuck a finger in the mash and tasted it. “Ugh, he's right.”

“You disguised the appearance, but not the taste!” Skribble told Jess, clicking his tiny tongue. “An elementary mistake.”

“It's cold, too,” complained Jason.

“All right, then,” Jess retorted. “
You
be the genie if you think you can do it better!” With that, she flounced back down the spout.

Jason set her free, then whooshed himself inside the lamp. Milly rubbed the sides, and he reemerged in genie form—still with a rude noise but with less of that horrid brown smoke. His green silk suit, funny slippers, and white turban were the same, but this time his moustache was bushier. The curly ends stuck out across his cheeks like huge handlebars.

“A most mystical moustache, boy,” said Skribble approvingly. “Milly, make your wish for lunch.”

“I've decided I
want
my lunch to be cold,” she informed Jason, placing some stale bread on the table. “I want jelly and ice cream, and cake, and triangle sandwiches, and iced buns, and chicken legs….”

Michael rolled his eyes. “We'll be here all day!”

“As you desire!” Jason thundered, and the book vibrated in time with his voice. Suddenly a huge spread of party food appeared.

Michael bit into a chicken leg. “Not bad,” he admitted. “Looks and tastes like chicken….”

“But the
texture
is still like stale bread!” Jess pulled a funny face. “If you close your eyes, it's like chicken-flavored stale bread.”

“It's still brilliant, Jase,” declared Milly. “I'm going to eat a sandwich. That's
meant
to have the texture of bread!” But even she had to admit that the ham in the middle of it seemed very odd.

“My lunch next!” said Michael. “Come on, Milly. Be my genie.”

So Milly became the genie and granted Michael's wish for a hamburger that tasted not only of hamburgers but chips and ginger ale as well—a
chamburgle
. She conjured it from a cornflake that Michael found in the bottom of a cereal box left by the bin.

“Not bad,” was his verdict. “It's a nice and chewy chamburgle, nothing like a cornflake. And the tastes were all there, mixed up together. Didn't really fill me up, but it saves time eating and drinking everything all in one go!”

“Good,” said Jess. “Because I want
my
lunch now!”

Jess described what she wanted to eat—a baked macaroni, tomato, and cheese casserole and a strawberry smoothie. Michael became the genie, whizzing back out of the lamp with an even longer beard than before, and granted her wish.

The casserole looked and smelled delicious—you would never know it had once been some baked beans. The smoothie even came with umbrellas and a slice of pineapple on the rim of the glass.

“Well done, Michael,” Jess said grudgingly. “This looks pretty amazing.” She stuck a big forkful of casserole into her mouth—and spat it straight out. “Ugh! Rotten eggs!”

“Gotcha!” Michael guffawed and held out his hand for Jason to high-five. Jason looked worriedly at his sister, but since her eyes were closed and watering, he slapped the offered hand just as hard as he could.

“You pig, Michael!” Jess gasped. She took a swig from the smoothie to take away the horrid flavor—but that tasted even worse! “Ugh! It's like cold vomit!”

“This step is all about disguises, isn't it?” Michael asked innocently as Milly quickly fetched Jess a glass of water. “Well, that was just me putting a disguise on top of a disguise!”

“Sly, devious, and underhanded,” Skribble piped up from the kitchen counter. “But those are all traits that serve a genie well….”

“Look on the bright side, Jess,” said Jason. “We're playing as a team; we should get extra points for that trick!”

“Yes, well, maybe I don't want
him
on my team!” said Jess angrily.

Michael raised his eyebrows. “Why, because I play better than you and make you look like rubbish?”

Jess clenched her fists. “We'll see about that! Genie be free!”

With a yelp of surprise, Michael was sucked down into the spout of the lamp and spat out again on the floor in his normal clothes. Jess grabbed the glass of smoothie and emptied it on his head.

“Urgh!” he cried.

Jumping up, he grabbed the plate of casserole—but before he could throw it over Jess, she yelled, “Genie me!” and vanished back inside the lamp.

“Stop this tomfoolery!” said Skribble, scowling. “This is a serious business!”

Milly grabbed the plate off him, and scraped the casserole into the bin. Jason rubbed the lamp to bring Jess back out as a genie.

“I wish Michael wasn't covered in smoothie,” said Jason quickly, “and I wish Jess had a nice taste of strawberries in her mouth.”

“It shall be done!” boomed Jess, and she clapped her hands together.

Suddenly, Michael was gunk-free. “Cheers, Jase!” he said with a grin.

“Yeah, thanks, Jason,” Jess added, licking her lips. “Truce, Michael?”

“I guess,” he said.

“And now I wish there were enough sausages and mash for all of us!” cried Jason.

Jess closed her eyes, then clapped her hands three times. A huge platter of sausage and mash appeared, swimming with rich gravy. And this time, taste and temperature, texture and smell were all spot-on. Too hungry to wish for their own meals all over again, all four children tucked in.

“Would you like some, Skribble?” asked Milly, through a mouthful of sausage.

Skribble shook his head. But he sniffed the air approvingly. “Very good,” he said. “You are getting better.”

For a while there was silence apart from the sound of chewing and swallowing and forks scraping on the plates.

At last, Michael sat back and gave a satisfied belch. “That was excellent!”

“I suppose we should clean up in here,” said Milly. The kitchen was a mess. The bin was overflowing, the washing up lay in a big pile in the sink, and there were boxes and books everywhere.

“If we did, your mum would be well pleased,” Michael said. “Hey!” He sat up straight. “We could tidy the whole house—just by disguising its appearance!”

“That's true!” Jason said. “And we could conjure up a really nice dinner for them.”

Michael nodded excitedly. “We could say we spent the last pennies of our pitiful allowances on food to make them a surprise dinner.” He beamed around. “They needn't
know we just used magic and a couple of old baked beans. I bet they'd be so happy, they'd give us some extra cash as a reward. We haven't had a proper allowance since we moved here, and I've got, like, two pennies left now.”

“That's tricking them!” said Milly.

“It's not—it's
practice
!” Michael looked at Skribble. “It's doing what the book wants us to do, right, Worm? If it makes us a bit of money on the side, it's not our fault!”

Skribble groaned to himself and disappeared back inside the book.

Jason looked at Jess. “Mum
would
be really happy if the whole house was tidy!”

“Happy enough to splash the cash,” Michael agreed.

“Will you shut up about getting money off our parents!” Jess snapped. “You know things are hard for them with the bookshop being about to open.”

“Give the money back to them then, if you're so worried,” said Michael. “Now, Jase, come on, we're running out of time; they'll be back soon—get wishing!”

T
he children all took turns to be genie and wish-maker, tidying up the whole house a room at a time. Dust vanished from the dressers and shelves. The washing up put itself in the cupboards. Every last crumb hid itself away, and every last cobweb on the ceiling shriveled to nothing. Soon the whole house was gleaming.

Jess looked around, hands on hips. “This dump is almost livable now!”

“Dad and Ann are going to freak out when they see this!” said Milly happily.

Then they turned their attention to the dinner.

“Nothing too flashy,” Jess warned them. “Or Mum and Mark will never believe we did it ourselves.”

They went for a simple dinner of egg, potatoes, and peas, with lots of French toast. It was Ann Worthington's favorite. Jess was the one who magicked it into life. They all agreed that her attention to detail was the best—even Michael.

Now they had put the lamp and the book away upstairs, and Milly was watching from the kitchen window for headlights coming up the drive. It was just starting to get dark.

“They're here!” Milly shouted as she saw her dad's car turn into the driveway.

Jess, Jason, Michael, and Milly all bundled out through the kitchen door, wanting to be first to greet their parents.

“Welcome back!” called Jess.

Milly opened the car door and grabbed hold of Ann's arm. “We've got a surprise for you!”

“We've been working really hard all afternoon to tidy the house,” said Michael grandly.

“Am I sleeping?” wondered Mark, allowing Jason to help him out of the car. “Have I gone mad?”

“This is just the sort of madness I could get to like!” said Ann. “Michael, could you help me get the shopping bags out of the back of the car?”

“You don't need them, Mum!” said Jess.

“We made you dinner,” said Jason, towing her toward the door. “Egg, potatoes, and peas, your favorite!”

“What a lovely thing for you to do.” Ann smiled fondly at all of them. “Mark and I have been working so hard all day. I've been up since six, and now it's sunset already. It's really thoughtful of you to help us out like this.”

“We just do what little we can,” said Michael humbly.

“Come
on
,” said Milly, ushering Ann and her dad into the kitchen. “Close your eyes and prepare to be amazed….”

But as they got through the door, it was Milly, Michael, Jess, and Jason who got the biggest shock.

All the steaming hot food had vanished. And the kitchen looked in as bad a state as it always had! Michael made a noise like a small piglet being stepped on.

Mark Worthington opened his eyes and looked around, puzzled. “Food?” he wondered. “Cleaning?”

Ann's face fell a mile. “What's that bread doing on the floor?”

“Um…wait till you see the rest of the house!” said Jess quickly, leading them through to the hall. But to her horror, it was the same story here. The shoes lay in a mess, the dust lay thick about, the carpet was muddy. Everything was back just as it had been.

“If this is your idea of a joke, kids, it's not funny.” Ann took a deep breath. “I actually thought you might really have been thoughtful for once and…”

She trailed off. Jason bit his lip to see tears well up in his mum's eyes. Their plan had gone horribly wrong!

“I don't understand!” said Michael, staring about in dismay.

“Neither do I,” said Ann, storming back into the messed-up kitchen and out through the back door. “Looks like I'd better get the
real
dinner on, doesn't it? Frozen pizza!”

She slammed the door behind her.

Mark looked at them. “I think perhaps you all had better clear off for a bit,” he said. Then he went outside after Ann.

Michael sighed. He found everyone was looking at him. “What? What did I do?”

“So much for your dumb idea!” said Jess crossly.

“It wasn't just mine; it's…” He trailed off. “It's that worm. He messed everything up for us.” Michael bunched his fists and charged off upstairs. “This time, I'm
really
gonna squash him!”

“No, Michael!” Milly hissed, running after him. “Don't you dare!”

“Come on,” said Jason, grabbing hold of Jess's arm. “We'd better get after them.”

They found Michael in Jess and Milly's bedroom, flicking crossly through the pages. “Come out, Worm! Come out and face me like a man!”

“He's not a man; he's a worm!” Milly protested, trying to push Michael away. “Stop it; you'll scare him!”

“I'll splat him!” Michael promised. “Aha!”

“Eek!” squawked Skribble, spluttering out a mouthful of parchment as Michael lunged for him. He ducked down just in time—and Jason and Jess pulled Michael away.

Skribble puffed and pouted crossly. “What is the meaning of this undignified behavior?”

“You mucked up our plan to get in Dad and Ann's good book,” said Michael.

“You didn't,” said Milly loyally. “Did you, Skribble?”

“I most certainly did not,” said Skribble. “Your silly plans came to nothing without my assistance.” He looked at them each in turn. “You are trainee genies. And as such, at sunset, any magical act you perform will undo itself.”

Jess frowned. “Why?”

“Because otherwise, a trainee may decide that a little magical power is enough for them, and so not to strive to complete the lessons of the great book.”

“We have to become real genies for our magic to last,” Jason realized.

“Of course you do!” Skribble snapped. “Feeble students that you are, your magic is not strong enough to last beyond the sunset.”

Michael shook himself free of Jess's and Jason's grip. “You could've told us!”

“I think I've told you quite enough already,” said Skribble. “And you saw fit to pursue your own goals
instead of mine—” He had a small but noisy coughing fit. “I mean, instead of the
book's
goals.”

“Well, whatever—because of you, we're in trouble now.” Michael slumped down on Milly's bed. “Thanks for nothing, Worm.”

“We shouldn't have tried to use the book to help ourselves,” said Milly quietly. “It sort of serves us right.”

Jason sighed. “We should have
really
tidied up. Really cooked Mum and Mark a nice meal. Made an effort.”

Suddenly, the book's pages started flicking over and over, this way and that. Skribble squeaked and ducked down.

“What's happening?” said Milly—just as the book stopped on a particular page. “‘The Third Step,'” she read out. “‘Granting Wishes and Spreading Happiness.'” Her eyes widened. “Hey, it's Step Three! I can read it!”

“That must mean we've passed Step Two!” Jess exclaimed. “Even though we messed up with Mum and Mark.”

“The book does not care about your piffling parents,” said Skribble. “It is concerned with
you!
”

“Let's see what the judgment is,” said Milly excitedly, and the others crowded around her.

At the end of Step Two there was a picture of Jess in her mismatched genie outfit. “That's embarrassing.” Jess cringed.

Jason read out the caption: “‘From small seeds grow tall flowers.'”

He looked at the next picture. It showed the four of them tidying the house with magic.

“‘Appearances can deceive, but a fool is ever a fool. Those who are lazy and seek to profit through magic will ever stumble and fall.'”

“Goody-goody book,” muttered Michael.

Jason continued reading, “‘HOWEVER! For natural ability, inspired application, and the presence of some good intentions, you have passed this step.'”

“Yes!” cheered Milly. “We won! Even though we all mucked up a bit…”

“Perhaps we don't pass each step by doing everything perfectly,” said Jason slowly. “Perhaps we get bonus points when we realize we've learned something.”

“Of course!” said Jess. “The book doesn't
just
want us to find a lamp and change the appearance of things; it wants us to learn lessons about being genies.” She looked at Milly and Michael. “Jase is right. Yesterday the book showed us the next chapter after we'd said that we would be more careful in the future and not rush into stuff. And now we've just agreed we shouldn't wish stuff for ourselves—and so the book has passed us.”

Milly turned to Skribble. “Is that true?”

Skribble inclined his head. “It is as they say.” He shot them all a look. “And now I am really quite exhausted by you. Come back tomorrow and we shall begin Step Three.”

“School starts tomorrow,” Jason pointed out. “We won't be able to do any magic until we get home.”

“More delays!” Skribble sighed crossly.

“Sorry,” Jess said. “But we really can't miss school, however much we'd
like
to.” Everyone in her new class already had friends to hang around with and she had no one. She wasn't looking forward to going back at all.

“We'll come and find you as soon as we get home,” Milly promised.

“Very well,” Skribble said shortly. “Tomorrow, then. Good evening.”

“Bye, Skribble!” Milly called. But he had already dived back into the book. She closed it up and slid it beneath her pillow. “I hope he's not too cross with us.”

“Never mind the worm, never mind Dad and Ann—we passed!” Michael grinned. “We rock! Our magic was good—it's not our fault sunset came along when it did.”

“But I'm really hungry now,” said Jason. “It's like we haven't had any lunch at all.”

“I guess we haven't,” said Jess.

“Let's see what's
really
for tea,” said Milly. “It may not be as lovely as the stuff we came up with, but I don't care. I just want Dad and Ann to like us again.”

They went downstairs. There was a lot of banging and slamming going on in the kitchen. With nervous looks, they all filed inside. Mark and Ann were unpacking the shopping bags in frosty silence.

Michael cleared his throat. “Sorry about that,” he said. “We, uh…we dreamed we'd done all the tidying up—”

“Oh, don't bother,” said Ann wearily.

“We've decided that we should
all
tidy up the house,” said Mark. “Tonight. And then you can get your things ready for school.”

Michael groaned, but Jess elbowed him. “It's not like we can get on with anything else, is it?” she murmured.

“But first, we'll have tea,” said Ann, holding up a thin, beige box.

“Frozen pizza,” said Milly.

Jess put on a weak smile. “I like frozen pizza!”

Well, I
don't
like it here,
thought Michael. Living in Moreways Meet was getting them all down.
Once we're genies, we'll go straight back to London. Dad with a proper job, me with a regular allowance, no Jess to boss me about…

He sighed as the ancient oven buzzed and rattled into life.
And no more frozen pizza—ever!

 

At eight o'clock the next morning, the kitchen was a whirl of activity.

“Jason! Milly! Here are your lunch boxes,” said Ann, handing them out. She went to the stairs and shouted, “Michael! You're going to be late!”

Jason tugged on his sneakers. “Where are my gym shorts, Mum?”

“Here.” Ann grabbed them from the sideboard. “And here are yours, Milly. Get your coats on and I'll walk you to school.”

“Where's my backpack?” wailed Milly, looking through the kitchen cupboards and drawers.

“Try the laundry room,” said Ann, running a hand through her hair. She caught sight of Jess gloomily eating a piece of toast at the kitchen table. “You okay, Jess?”

“Yeah,” Jess muttered. But she wasn't. She was dreading the thought of school. It had been bad enough when she had started just before Easter, but at least then she'd known she only had to suffer through two weeks before the holidays. Now the whole term was stretching out in front of her. A term with no friends, no one to sit with in lessons, no one to hang around with at break time.
I wish
we were still in London
, she thought unhappily, for about the millionth time.

Her mum hurried to the stairs again. “Michael! Come on!”

Milly started throwing shoes out of the cupboard in the laundry room. “I can't find my backpack!” she exclaimed. “It's gone! It's really gone!”

“No, it isn't; it's here.” Jess picked it up off the table and thrust it at Milly. “I'm going,” she announced, grabbing her coat and crossing to the door.

“Aren't you going to wait for Michael?” Ann asked.

“No,” Jess said firmly. There was no way she was going to walk to school with her younger stepbrother and all his new mates. How sad would that look?

“Milly, please can you put all those shoes back. Jason, you need your other coat….” Ann looked wearily at Jess. “And I hope you all have a good day!”

“Yeah, right,” Jess muttered under her breath as she let the door slam behind her. “Like that's ever going to happen.”

 

It was as bad as Jess had feared. She'd had a faint hope that there might be some other new people starting that term, but no, it was still just her—the new girl on her own. At lunchtime, she sat by herself eating her packed lunch.
She took a book to read so she could pretend she wanted to sit on her own, but she knew deep down it wouldn't fool anyone.

Jess's heart sank as a gang of girls from her class came to sit at the table next to her. She tried not to watch them but her eyes kept straying over the top of her book. Colette Jones, the most popular girl in Jess's class, sat at one end of the table and all the other girls arranged themselves around her.
Colette and the Colette Clones
, Jess thought sourly, noticing how three of the other girls in the group had their hair tied back in exactly the same type of ponytail as their leader. They were even wearing the same shade of lip gloss. Colette began to talk about a trip to London during the holidays.