Barbara Freethy - Some Kind Of Wonderful (18 page)
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"I think you'd look perfect in an off-the-shoulder dress, somethingsimple, sleek, sophisticated," Caitlyn mur mured as she studied the
slender woman in iront of her. For the first time in a long time, her
fingers itched for a sketch pad and a pencil. But she wasn't anywhere
near her drawing board. Instead she was standing in front of a rack of
gowns that came from every top designer in the country, reminding her
that her dreams had been put on hold for far too long.
"None of these are right," Danielle Slawson replied. "And I don't want
what everyone else has."
Caitlyn didn't think many people did, but that was the way of the world.
"I'd like my own dress, something made just for me. Do you know a
designer I could work with?"
Caitlyn hesitated. If she said yes, she might actually have to design a
dress, and she hadn't completed
one drawing since before the accident.
What if she still couldn't do it?
"I see something with a long line of tiny pearls going down my back,
intricate lacework, but nothing too poofy or trite," the woman said
with a wistful note in her voice. "You see, I've waited thirty-eight
years
to find the right man to marry. I didn't want to settle for
second best in a man, and I certainly don't want to settle for second
best in a dress."
Caitlyn felt something inside of herself shift at Danielle's heartfelt
words. She wondered if she hadn't settled before, if Brian hadn't been
a little too easy. He'd slipped into her life like one of the family.
She'd been innocent, wanting the basics—someone to love her, someone to
promise she wouldn't ever
be alone, someone to hide all the bad stuff
away so she wouldn't have to see it. But Brian had left her
to deal
with the bad stuff on her own, and she'd become a woman who wanted more
than the basics.
"I want everything in this wedding to be real and honest and not off of
a rack," Danielle added, bringing Caitlyn's attention back to the
matter at hand. She smiled apologetically. "I know I'm getting carried
away. My friends can hardly believe it. I've always been a
career-driven woman, but Travis makes me feel all gooey inside."
Caitlyn offered her a smile. "You should get carried away. Getting
married is one of the most important things you'll ever do. You should
have your wedding just the way you want it. Would you let me design
a
dress for you?" Caitlyn asked impulsively as Danielle started to turn
away.
She looked surprised. "Can you do that?"
"I think so. You can approve the design and be involved every step of
the way. But since we have some time, I'd love to try and come up with
something you love."
"That would be fabulous. When can we start?"
'"I already have some ideas. Why don't I come up with something, and if
you like the basic idea, we'll
talk price and deadlines, okay?"
"Sounds perfect. This will be great. I knew this was the right place to
come. I had a good feeling about
it. Another by-product of this thing
called love—good feelings. I used to plan everything out. Now I'm
working on instinct."
"I'll try to keep the lucky streak alive," Caitlyn said.
"Terrific. I'll call you next week."
Caitlyn said good-bye, then walked up to the front of the store, where
Jolie was tallying receipts while Emily sat in her car seat nearby.
Thankfully, Emily had been a peach of a baby all morning, gurgling
and
smiling and happily going from bride to bride when they asked wistfully
if they could hold her.
"Ate you being good?" Caitlyn asked as she picked Emily up.
"I'm being very good," Jolie replied with a smile. "Oh, you mean Emily.
She's perfect. You, however,
let someone go without making a sale." She
tipped her head toward the departing Danielle. I thought
you had a fish
on a hook with that one."
"I thought I'd design a dress for her instead of selling her one off
the rack," Caitlyn said casually, as if
it were no big deal, as if it
weren't the breakthrough they'd been waiting for.
Jolie's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "No freakin' way. Can
you really do it?"
"I sure hope so," Caitlyn said fervently. "My fingers were actually
tingling while I was talking to her.
I wanted to draw something right
then and there."
Jolie reached under the counter and pulled out a pad of paper. "Well,
hell, get started."
Caitlyn laughed. "Jeez, give me a little pressure."
"I'm just thrilled you're even considering the idea. You are so gifted,
Caitlyn. I hate to see you wasting that gift."
"Whoa, slow down. I said I would try. I don't know if I'll be
successful." Already, the fear was infiltrating her mind. What if
nothing came to her? What if her hand froze on the pencil? The woman
didn't want second best. She wanted the ultimate wedding dress, and
Caitlyn had just told her that she could deliver that when in fact she
had no idea if she could.
"You can do it," Jolie said, reading her mind. "You've changed the last
couple of days. In fact, I noticed
it yesterday morning at brunch when
you were hanging all over Matt."
"I wasn't hanging all over him."
"It's not a crime to like someone else."
"I don't think Brian or my parents would agree with you."
"They're not living your life. Trust your instincts."
Caitlyn was touched by Jolie's unending loyalty and support. "You're a
great friend." She paused,
looking around the busy shop, knowing this
wasn't the time to share but determined that it would be
soon. "I do
want to talk to you about some things."
"Whenever you want, Caity. You don't owe me any explanations." Her gaze
softened as she studied Caitlyn and Emily. "You're crazy about that
baby, aren't you?"
"I tried to keep my distance, but it didn't work."
"Big surprise there. I knew the second I saw you with her that you
would fall in love. What are you
going to do when her
mother comes back?"
Caitlyn sighed. "Say good-bye, I guess."
"I don't think it will be that easy."
"I won't have a choice. If she does come back, that is."
"What does that mean?"
"It's possible that she might not return." Caitlyn felt guilty as the
words left her mouth. Matt would hate her for losing faith in Sarah,
but Caitlyn couldn't imagine how a woman could leave her baby for so
many days without a word. Either something had happened to Sarah or she
wasn't fit to be a mother. Neither scenario spoke well for Emily's
future. Unless Emily's future could be with Matt. He would be a good
father, Caitlyn thought, feeling a wave of sadness rise up and grab her
around the throat. That was the problem with the truth. It didn't just
hurt once. It hurt over and over and over again, every time she thought
about it.
"What happens to Emily if her mother doesn't come back?" Jolie asked.
"I don't know. I guess Matt might have to raise her."
Jolie nodded, her expression thoughtful. "That would make sense. Would
you . .. never mind."
"What?"
"How would you feel—raising someone else's baby'.'"
Caitlyn swallowed hard, knowing inside that that was the only way she
ever would raise a child.
"I don't know." She looked away from Jolie's questioning gaze. "But
this baby will be Matt's responsibility, not mine."
Caitlyn looked up as the subject of their conversation walked into the
shop. As their eyes met, she felt
the inevitable jolt of desire hit her
body, making her heart pound and her palms sweat. Sharing her
worst
secret with this man had only made the intimacy between them that much
greater.
Jolie cleared her throat as the glance between Caitlyn and Matt went on
far too long. "Nice to see you again, Matt," she said pointedly.
He started, looking over at Jolie for the first time. Caitlyn felt a
small rush of pleasure that for a second Matt had only had eyes for her.
"I hope Emily hasn't been too much trouble," he said.
"She's been a peach," Jolie replied. "But all this baby talk is making
my uterus hurt, so I'm going back
to work."
"Any luck?" Caitlyn asked Matt when they were alone.
"A little. The apartment was a pit, booze everywhere, probably drugs if
you looked hard enough." His mouth wrinkled in disgust. "And there was
a bassinet next to the bed."
"Emily's?" Caitlyn whispered in dismay, hating the thought that the
baby in her arms had once slept in such a place.
"I think so. I can't believe Sarah lived there. Although why I'm
surprised I really don't know. It's not
like she grew up in a palace."
"Did the man who lived there tell you anything?"
"Not even his real name, but that shouldn't be too hard to find out. I
picked up a few papers she left behind."
"So you were in the right place."
"I'm afraid so."
"I don't understand something, Matt. Sarah knows where you are, even if
you don't know where she is. Why doesn't she come back and get Emily?"
Caitlyn couldn't help voicing the question, even though she knew it
made Matt uncomfortable. Well, tough. He'd played hardball with her
earlier
this morning about telling the truth. Maybe he'd needed to tell himself
the truth.
"I can't answer that." Matt held up a hand as she started to interrupt.
"I know what you're going to say, but just don't, okay?"
She hesitated, but she was nowhere near as tough as he was. She could
already see the worry and doubt in his eyes and she couldn't add to it.
"All right, I'll shut up for now. I guess you're entitled to bury your
head in the sand once in a while."
Matt reached for Emily, and Caitlyn let the baby go into his arms,
sensing that he needed the hug more than she did.
"Has she driven you crazy today?" he asked.
"No, she's been perfect."
He raised an eyebrow. "Perfect? Our Emily?"
She felt another gut-wrenching twist at his use of the word
our
, but
she tried not to let it show. "I think the mornings are better for her;
she does a lot of sleeping."
"Tell me about it. It's the middle of the night she doesn't like. I
guess you want me to take her home."
Caitlyn sighed at the word
home.
No matter what he said, no matter how
casual she tried to act, she was still allowing herself to be pulled
into his life, deeper and deeper, until she doubted she'd be able to
get
out on her own. And he'd want her out eventually. She didn't doubt
that. This fantasy they were living would come to an end. Sarah would
come back. Emily would return to her mother and Matt would just be her
neighbor, someone she might occasionally pass in the hallway, not
someone she would kiss or share moonlit stories with on the roof. She
couldn't start thinking there would ever be anything more.
"Don't forget to dodge Mrs. Pederman," she said as he put Emily in her
car seat.
"I'll try. When will you be home?"
"I can leave early. Mondays are usually slow. And I have a sketch I
want to get working on." She offered him a beaming smile. "I told a
bride I'd try designing a dress for her, and I think I might be able to
do it.
I don't know what changed.. . . Actually, that's not true. I do
know what changed."
"The truth will set you free," he quoted with a grin. "Just think what
you might be able to draw when
you finally tell your parents and Brian."
She made a face at him. "Don't push it."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"Ha! That's all you do is push."
"I've never gotten anything by being patient." He leaned over and
pressed a hot kiss against her lips.
"Matt!"
"I figured you weren't going to kiss me first," he said without apology.
"I wasn't planning to kiss you at all."
"That's the difference between us. I don't like to plan. I like to live
in the moment."
She felt a shiver run down her spine as the gleam in his eyes took on
new meaning.
"Listen, my editor, David, and his wife. Jackie, are expecting a baby,"
he continued. "They'd like to
meet Emily and they've invited us to
dinner."
"Oh, well, that's good. You won't have to cook."
"Neither will you."
"They don't want to meet me."
"Yes, they do. David specifically said he wanted to meet the woman
who'd gotten me into a baby store."
Caitlyn felt ridiculously pleased by the invitation. It wasn't a date.
It wasn't even close to a date, but it
felt good, better
than good. And she wasn't planning to examine that feeling any more
closely.
"Will you come?" Matt asked.
"Sure."
"Good." He put the diaper bag over his shoulder. "By the way, David and
Jackie thought they should get some baby practice while they have the
chance. They've offered to keep Emily overnight, so I can get some
sleep .. ." He smiled wickedly at Caitlyn. "Or not, depending on if I
get a better offer."
* * *
A better offer . . . The words were still running through Caitlyn'smind several hours later as she put on
a casually elegant black shift
dress. She had no idea if Matt's friends were the dress-for-dinner
type, and she wanted to fit in either way.
Of course, whatever his friends were or weren't shouldn't have affected
her underwear choice, but
Matt's parting shot. . .
a better
offer
. . .
had certainly made her consider pulling out the new silk undies. Not
that Matt would be seeing her underwear. They did not have that kind of
relationship. They were friends, just friends, she told herself firmly
as she took one final glance in her bedroom mirror and saw
a woman who
had dressed up for a man, a very special man.
Who the hell was she kidding? She was attracted to Matt in a way that
was far more friendly than friendship required. In fact, she had the
hots for him, plain and simple. And every time he kissed her
only made
her want to do it again, longer and slower, and over and over and over.
She put a hand to her hot cheeks as she turned away from the mirror,
somewhat embarrassed by her
own lust. She'd never considered herself a
passionate person. Her sex life had not been overwhelming. While Brian
had been attentive and
caring, in retrospect it had never been ail that hard to sleep in the
bed with him without having sex. In fact, they'd spent a lot of nights
sharing the same space without making love. Why? She wondered now. Why
hadn't she been overwhelmed with need and desire?
Maybe because she hadn't realized just how strong those emotions could
be. Because Brian had never made her want him as much as she wanted
Matt. She let out a breath, another truth rearing its ugly head. And
the worst part was that M<*tt didn't even try for the most part. Oh,
sure, a few teasing kisses now and then, but he got to her just by
walking into a room. And his smile literally made her knees weak.
Was
this love, then?
No, it couldn't be. It shouldn't be. It was too damn confusing and
unsettling. This wasn't comfortable
and safe. This was scary and . . .
and exciting . .. and wonderful. Maybe it was just lust. That's it,
pure, unadulterated lust. She'd heard about it before. She'd just never
experienced it until now. But everyone knew that lust wasn't love. You
couldn't compare the two—could you?
Before an answer could register in her brain, she heard Matt knocking.
She grabbed her purse and
walked into the living room, her pulse
already in overdrive, and she hadn't even opened the door yet.
She was
in trouble, big trouble.
"For once, you're on time—" she said, then stopped abruptly, shocked to
find yet another unexpected visitor in her hall.
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