Badger the Mystical Mutt and the Crumpled Capers (6 page)

“Okay,” said Badger. “
Who let the dogs out
?”

“Nope!” smirked Nippy. “Try again.”

Badger puffed and thought again. He looked at Timmy and tried, “
Cool for cats
?”

“Close … but no. One last try.”

Badger looked again at Timmy and grinned. “Right, last try. How about …
What's new pussycat?”

Nippy groaned. Badger had outwitted him again. “Be on your way then.”

Reluctantly, Nippy let them through.

In front of them shone a dazzling light. Timmy shielded his eyes.

“Oh!” said Badger “We've been fast-tracked straight to the Crystal Cave.”

And there, in front of them, stood Baby Unicorn.

“I heard the ivories tinkle and saw the rainbow shimmer, so I've been expecting you,” winked the unicorn. “Step inside!”

Timmy followed Badger, who followed the
clip-clop
sound of Baby Unicorn's hooves as he led them both deep into the cave.

Timmy's eyes widened in wonder at the blaze of light inside. They walked under a dazzling crystal archway, past a stunning display of crystal rocks, and into a dimly lit chamber.

Timmy rubbed his eyes as they adjusted from the brightness. Everything was hushed.

“What happens now?” he whispered.

“Just watch,” said Badger.

Baby Unicorn pointed his head towards the smooth rock on the cave wall. A beam of light whooshed out from the horn in the middle of his forehead. The cave wall flickered into motion like a movie screen.

There, Timmy saw an image of Snif as a much younger dog, chasing a burly tomcat across a field.

“That's Snif!” yelled Timmy excitedly.

“That's right. Watch and see what happens next,” said Badger.

Back on the screen, Snif was catching up and, just as he was about to pounce, the cat shot upwards and bounded over a spiked railing.

Snif tried to leap the railing too, but he wasn't as nimble as the cat and couldn't
clear it. He landed slap bang in the middle of the spike.

Timmy looked on in horror, as he watched Snif yelp and howl with the spike spearing his side. He was bleeding badly.

“Owww!” cried Timmy.

“It's okay, Timmy. Just watch. He'll be fine,” reassured Badger.

The tomcat sat on the other side of the railing and smirked.

The picture flickered. Badger looked at Timmy and said softly: “I think we now understand why Snif hates cats. Let's see what happened next.”

They peered back at the screen on the cave wall and saw the cat taunt Snif, before slinking off.

Just then, a Big Folk farmer drove up in his tractor, saw Snif and ran out to help.

The picture flickered again and showed Snif lying on his back with a huge red scar on his side.

“No wonder Snif doesn't like cats. That tomcat just left him there bleeding. It was
horrible,” said Timmy sadly.

“There's still more for us to watch, Timmy. Look,” pointed Badger.

Back on the cave wall, another image appeared. This time, it was Timmy looking at his reflection in the duck pond. He was touching his crumpled ear and trying to flatten it out.

“That's me,” murmured Timmy.

Badger said nothing. Then the image showed Timmy sneezing and wiping his nose with his paw as he tried to catch up with a clowder of cats, that was shouting at him to leave them alone.

“We don't want you with us, with that crumpled ear, scruffy coat and snotty snout. Crumpled Lug, Crumpled Lug, makes you look an ugly mug!”

“But I was born like this,” Timmy whispered sadly. He walked back to the duck pond, his shoulders slumped and his head hung low.

The screen went blank. Baby Unicorn and Badger looked at Timmy, who suddenly seemed very, very lonely.

“So this is why you want to join the gang? Because the cats don't want you?” asked Badger kindly.

“I just want to have pals and fit in somewhere,” said Timmy woefully.

“Look Timmy, Baby Unicorn could uncrumple your ear right now, and give you something to help your sneezes … but I
don't think that's the answer.”

Timmy looked up hopefully. “Could he really?”

“Yes, but then you wouldn't be
Timmy
. That ear makes you who you are. It's part of you. The sneezes we can work on back home, with a herbal potion of nettles, ginger and saffron, and a lotion of parsley, chamomile and basil.”

“Yuk!” said Timmy “I think I'd rather sneeze.”

“Be proud of who you are and celebrate your crumpledness!”

Timmy wasn't entirely convinced, but nodded his agreement.

“Pet dander!” said Baby Unicorn.

“Dander what?” asked Timmy and Badger together.

“It's a bit like Big Folks' hay fever. That's what's causing your sneezing, Timmy. You're allergic to dogs.”

“I can't be allergic to dogs, surely? I want to join their gang,” said Timmy, flabbergasted.

“Goodness! So that's a
real
reason why cats and dogs can't be together?” asked Badger.

“It's very rare for cats to be allergic to
dogs and, as you well know, Badger, there's no such thing as problems … only solutions. And in this case, it's a simple course of papaya and pineapple.”

“Aha! But they could be tricky to get in winter,” said Badger.

“I'm sure you'll find a way, Badger,” Baby Unicorn smiled.

“Okay,” said Badger bowing. “Thank you, Baby Unicorn. So, now we know why Snif is horrible to you, perhaps we can help sort this out before a cat-astrophe occurs between you both.”

Baby Unicorn bowed, and Badger led the way out of the cave where they all heard the distant tinkle of the ivory staircase.

Back in the lane, Snif was holding a meeting with Pogo Paws, Pickle and Lennie, to decide Timmy's last and ultimate challenge.

“It's got to be something that he won't
ever
manage,” said Pickle.

“Yes, something mammoth, that even his
six and a half senses can't overcome,” added Pogo Paws.

“What's the point of that?” said Lennie.

“Zip it, Lennie!” said Snif. He touched the jagged skin of the scar on his side and growled.

“This is payback time. It's time we showed those cats who's boss.
This
is for the whole of dogkind, everywhere.”

At the Ring of Brodgar, Captain Bravebark was waiting by the Tangerine Piano. Badger and Timmy jumped off the last step of the ivory staircase and ran to greet him.

“Thanks, Captain,” said Badger. “That was really helpful.”

“Did you get what you needed?” he asked.

“That … and more. Timmy had a trip he'll never forget,” said Badger.

Timmy grinned widely.

“Righty-ho! Then you'd better get home. I'll send you a p-mail when the Wim-Wim's fixed, Badger,” yelled Captain Bravebark.

But Badger was already high in the air with Timmy on his back.

Badger and Timmy landed in the garden with a thud.

“Goodness!” said Timmy. “Did that really just happen?”

“You'd better believe it,” said Badger with a knowing wink. “So, maybe you understand Snif a bit better now?”

“Indeed I do. And now I know exactly what I need to do to get into the gang,” said Timmy confidently, walking towards the crack in the fence.

Badger watched as Timmy left, wondering exactly what the cat was planning.