Badass: A Stepbrother SEAL Romance (22 page)

When he spoke again, his voice was gentler: “Cassie, it’s our last chance. I was hoping maybe they wouldn't get married when the church walls caved in, but they’re gonna do it on the beach or something. We have one more night. Let’s not waste it.”

When he put it that way, I was lost. I
wanted
one more night. But I was terrified that I would give myself away. I didn't think I could bear to see him withdraw from me if I foolishly lost control and screamed out “I love you.” I wasn’t sure I could keep it inside.

So I pointed rather shakily toward the door. “I’m sorry. Just go, okay? Please.”

He put one knee on the bed and reached over it for me. I backed away, but the windows were behind me—curtains closed, thank goodness—so I couldn’t retreat far. He fisted a hunk of my wet hair with one hand and pulled. Not too hard. He didn't hurt me, but he was firm and unyielding and he knew me well enough by now to push my most erotic buttons.

I submitted, just as he had known I would. The bastard gave me a wicked grin and used his other arm to drag me onto the bed. What could I do, I asked myself. He was a SEAL with a dominant streak. I couldn't fight him, even if I’d wanted to.

Good excuse, right?

“I’m not leaving without one last kiss.”

“We’re naked on my bed and you’re talking about one last kiss?”

He laughed softly and pulled me against him so we were kneeling on the mattress, pressed together face to face. His chest, his hard belly, his urgent cock, his firm ass that my fingers couldn’t resist stroking. When he tilted his head and gave me that kiss, I felt myself go all loose and soft and mushy. I couldn't resist him. I must have been crazy to even think resisting was possible.

I started stroking his body because I had to. He was so perfect. So beautiful. And I wanted him so much.

One of his hands coasted gently over my breast. His fingers teased my nipple, which was already popping out, full and erect. “One last everything, Cass. I know it’s fucked up. I feel weird about it, too. But I couldn’t stay up there alone. Not while there was any chance to be inside you again.” His mouth moved down my throat, and one of his hands somehow got between us to press and rub against my clit. “I fucking
need
you, Cass.”

And over the edge I went. Need wasn’t love. But it was something. And I was so hungry for him that those words were all it took. I gave in to the tumult inside me. If this was the last time, then we had to make it count.

We kissed deep and long and I tried to hold on to every moment. See and feel every moment. Because once our parents were married, we could never be together again. Not like this.

So I touched him as if I had never touched him before. Discovered him. The way his hair felt springy under my palms. The surprising gentleness of his lips as they settled over mine. The sensitivity of his tongue. The strong tendons in his neck as I moved my fingertips over them. The firmness of his shoulders and the way the muscles flexed and played under his skin when I caressed him.

As I moved my fingers and my mouth over his body, I kept finding things I hadn’t really noticed before—the intricate designs of his tattoos, which I traced slowly, both with my fingers and my tongue. The tiny crinkles of hair on his chest. The hills and valleys of his amazing six-pack of abs. The impudent way his cock twitched every time I brushed my fingers there, the way it thickened when I thought it couldn’t get any larger.

If Shane had been a sea creature, I’d have certified him as a perfect specimen. But even though I adored and enjoyed the beauty of his body, it wasn’t what was primary in my thoughts that night. I was seeing him in a different way—not just as the super sexy hot fuck I’d planned on taking for my own on our out-of time, out-of-mind fantasy road trip. But as the real man I’d slowly come to know as we had traveled together and challenged each other.

I couldn’t claim to understand him very well yet, despite all the time we had spent together. He was a complicated man, and he hid his real feelings behind a wall of attitude and toughness. His whole “I sleep alone” thing proved how unwilling he was to let anybody in. That along with the “I don’t have lovers; I fuck.”

I couldn’t fault him for those things because I was kinda the same way. Too busy for boyfriends. Too hard at work for a social life. Intimacy was scary because if I gave my heart to someone, he’d probably just stomp on it. Or leave me the way my mother had.

So it was a good thing, I told myself, that Shane had his own intimacy problems. We were alike in that way. We knew where the boundaries were. We knew how to keep ourselves safe.

It had taken an earthquake and a near rape to break through my walls. To make me want something more with this man who had pestered me, annoyed me, made me laugh, made me cry, and made my body sing. I had no idea what it would take to smash down his walls, but I wasn’t going to try to find out.

Even if it had only been the two of us, and nobody else involved, I wouldn’t have wished to destroy the equilibrium that Shane, a man with a difficult and dangerous job, had created for himself. I didn’t want him to ache the way I was now aching. I didn’t want him to feel the pain of loving when love was not allowed.

But if it was forbidden to speak my love, I could show it. That could not be denied me.

Shane lay back on the bed while I kissed and caressed him all over. While I learned him and tried to memorize every bump and curve of his body. While I worshipped him. It was long and slow and loving. When I had explored every inch of him, he pulled me down and did the same to me. His lips, his tongue, the sweet, sharp pleasure of his hands touching me, arousing, me, driving me into never-ending spirals of delight.

I don't know how we found the patience to draw it out. Usually we couldn't wait to smash our bodies together—fingers and tongues and pelvises jerking into wild, crazy action. Not this time. This time we treated our passion like a slow fire to be coaxed and nurtured into a deeper, steadier flame.

When at last he loomed over me, his cock poised at my entrance, his eyes smiling down at me in the sweetest look I had ever seen on his face, I reached up and cupped his cheek, which was rough and unshaven. “You’re such a badass,” I said with a smile. But what I was really saying was,
I love you.

He grinned right back at me, and then he bowed his hips and pushed into me, hard. I arched, my entire body aching with my need for him. It felt
so
good. “And you’re such a kickass.” His eyes were twinkling. “Kickass Cass.”

Then his rhythm picked up, and soon neither of us was capable of rational thought or speech.

Chapter 50—Shane

I held her close for a while after our first round. If this was our last night together, I’d make sure neither of us got any sleep.

She looked up at me and I pressed my body against hers, hovering on top of her tits, I kissed her.

Cassie pushed me off her.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“It’s nothing.”

But she didn’t have to tell me what was bothering her. I knew already. It was making me crazy too. It, us, whatever this had been, was done. I doubt she understood what she was feeling. I didn’t understand what I was feeling either. But I wasn’t ready to even try to talk about it with her. If we didn’t have a future together, what was the point of expressing my feelings?

“Let’s just enjoy the time we have left,” I started kissing down her body.

She opened her mouth, probably to protest, but I stopped her with a kiss. I took her mouth, my lips covering hers. We fell into each other like we were the newlyweds and this was our honeymoon. Our kisses were sweet and loving, and I stared into her eyes. Slow, I wanted to go so slow that it hurt, savor every kiss, every breath, every touch. I moved my hand over her warm flesh, kneading her thighs, urging her closer to me. I caressed her nipples, licking the buds, swirling my tongue around them, savoring her scent. My tongue lapped at her right nipple, sucking it until she moaned, and my fingers squeezed her left nipple. I moved my mouth off her nipple and switched to the other one.

She became alive under me, her breath hitched. Her hands grasped my back, tracing my muscles, pulling me into her. I reached my hand down to her pussy and parted her lips. She was warm, wet. And I couldn’t wait to taste her.

“Open your legs, babe. I want you to come all over my face.”

My finger found her clit and I rubbed it, as she spread her legs wider for me. I pressed her tight thighs back. I slipped my tongue inside of her and explored her with my fingers. She moaned and grabbed my hair and pressed me deeper into her pussy.

I was fucking addicted to her. I licked and licked and licked, sending her into a frenzy. Her back arched and her breath quickened. Her pussy clenched and she came, my mouth soaked in her sweet juices.

After a few adorable giggles, she knelt on the bed, stroking my cock. She reached for a condom, but I grabbed her hand.

I wanted to be inside her, without any barrier between us. “Cassie, the Navy tests us every month. And I give you my word you’re the only woman I’ve been with since the night at the cove. I’m clean.”

Her brow furrowed for a few seconds, then she nodded her head. “Okay, I’m on the pill. I want to feel all of you.”

I’d never had sex without a condom before, never wanting to risk becoming a father to some kid I’d never see or getting some disease. But I trusted Cassie.

I slid my length into her hot sheath, feeling her all along my length. Every nerve ending on my cock awoke. That sweet silky feel of my flesh pressed against hers. We couldn’t be any fucking closer. We’d become one.

She gasped, and pulled me deeper. “Make love to me.”

And that’s exactly what I did. Something I’d never done. I made love to her all night long. We didn’t fuck, no raw and dirty sex. I showed Cassie with my love and my touch what I could never express to her through words.

She was riding me, thrashing around in the covers, my mouth sucking on her nipples. I pulled her hair back and made strong eye contact. “Say my name, baby.”

Her eyes focused on me, penetrating my soul. “Shane, I love you Shane.”

Love. No girl had ever told me that she loved me. Her words put me over the edge, and we came together, her screaming my name over and over.

After she fell asleep in my arms, I escaped from her embrace. I sat on the chair across from the bed and watched her sleep. I grabbed my sketchpad and drew her for a final time, her soft curves, her wild hair, her beautiful face. When I finished the picture, I placed it on the nightstand under her phone. On second thought, I left her several of my sketches from the past few nights. They would tell her better than I ever could how I felt about her.

Did she really love me? I’d never been in love, but often heard some of my married buddies talking incessantly about their wives. They’d carry their wives' pictures in their packs, sneaking a glimpse when they had a chance. But I’d never wanted that, to be dependent on another person. I placed my hand on her naked thigh and she rolled over in her sleep. This could never work. Never. Even without our parents getting married, we weren’t right for each other. Cassie deserved to be with some guy who had fancy degrees and could make small talk at her university receptions. I was not that man. I could hear it now. “What does your boyfriend do? Oh, he’s a killer.”

My gut wrenched. There, my Achilles heel. I was proud of who I was, what I had accomplished. But Cassie was out of my league. I may be a cocky SEAL, but she was a Ph.D. student. I’d been a fuckup in school. She may enjoy me for now, but when she became bored, she’d trade up and I’d be forced to see her a few Christmases from now, newly engaged to her preppy asshat boyfriend. My dad had been a professor and left my mom, Cassie would do the same to me one day. One thing I learned in the SEALs is history will repeat itself, unless you change course.

Daylight would break soon. Fuck my promise to Cassie—I absolutely refused to go to our parents’ wedding. I would be unable to hold back my anger. Their relationship was destroying what I could’ve had with Cassie.

I leaned over to Cassie, gave her a final kiss goodbye. I savored the softness of her lips, inhaled her scent for one last time. We knew all along this day would come. Even after this trip, no matter what happened between us, for the rest of her life, if she ever needed something, anything, and I was stateside, I’d drop anything to race to her side to protect her. But for now—I had to escape.

I snuck out of our hotel room and never looked back.

Chapter 51—Shane

I sat in the lobby, waiting for my mom to come down after I’d texted her. I had to at least say goodbye to her before leaving.

A young couple kissed by the lobby counter. Maybe they were here on their honeymoon. For a second, I imagined that Cassie and I were here, not on a honeymoon, but on a romantic vacation.

My mom limped toward me, dressed in a long sundress. “Shane, what is it? We’re planning to go to the church to help with the clean up.”

“I’ve got to go. This trip was already extended by the earthquake; my leave is up. A taxi is coming for me now. I wanted to say goodbye.”

My mom’s brow furrowed. “This is about Cassie, isn’t it? I see the way you look at each other. What’s going on, Shane? The truth, please.”

I sighed. My mom and I were close, it had been only us for so long. “Cassie and I had met in La Jolla a year ago, the night before I deployed. We hooked up, and I left the country without telling her. Next time I saw her was when you introduced us in Coronado. She didn’t even know I was a SEAL.”

My mom’s lips parted and she held up her hand to her mouth. “Wow. What a small world. I’m sorry we put you both in such an awkward position. We had no idea. I had my suspicions, but Henry kept saying he knew his daughter and she wasn’t interested in dating anyone.”

I cringed remembering my words to Cassie. “I don’t have lovers, I fuck.” God, was I really that much of an asshole? Maybe last night was a fluke, she’d only said she’d loved me in the heat of the moment. How could she ever love a man who had been such a prick to her?