Authors: Clarissa Wild
Hailey
Later that night
I open the door to my mom’s house and find her lying on the floor near the couch. A puddle of blood pools around her head, and her eyes are wide open. I run to her as fast as I can. “Mom!” I shout, but she doesn’t respond.
Her body is lifeless as I pick her up and hold her close to me. Tears run down my cheeks, and when I look at my hands, they’re soaked in blood. My breathing stops the moment I see the gaping hole in her heart.
A door to the left slams open and in comes a man carrying a rifle. “What are you doing here?”
He holds it up and points it at me.
A scream as loud as the gunshot that follows erupts from my lungs.
I sit up straight in bed. Heart pounding, I have sweat dripping down my forehead.
I touch my skin, but there’s no hole. I look at my hands and see no blood.
Then I touch my face … tears all over.
“What’s wrong?” Lesley asks, as she gets up from her bed and sits down beside me. “Are you okay?” She puts her hand on my forehead. “You’re burning up.”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
I’m not.
I’m not fine at all, but what am I supposed to tell her?
They’re just nightmares. That’s it.
“You were dreaming again, weren’t you?” she asks.
I nod slowly, and she grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. “If you wanna talk about it, I’m here.”
“I just … keep seeing
him
,” I say, biting my lip to test if I’m really awake.
“Your mother’s new boyfriend?”
“Yeah, but he’s holding a shotgun, and—” I choke up.
Lesley grabs me and pulls me toward her, hugging me tight. “It was only a dream. Just remember that.”
“I know, but what if it becomes the truth? What if these are all warning signs, and I’m ignoring them?”
“You’re not psychic, Hailey. No one can predict the future.”
“But I can’t let anything happen to her.”
She pushes me away so she can look me in the eye. “She’ll be fine. She’s a grown woman; she can handle it. And if you’re unsure, call her.”
I take in a breath and then grab my cell phone and dial my mom’s number. “Mom?” I say as someone picks up.
“You again?” It’s him. “You dare to call us after leaving your mom like that? No. You show your face first, then we talk.” Before I can reply, the phone’s cut off.
I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it like I can’t believe he just did that.
“What happened?” Lesley asks.
“
He
picked up,” I say.
“Oh … fuck.”
In a fit, I throw the phone. It ends up against the wall, probably broken to bits.
“Damn, Hailey.” Lesley picks up the phone and shows me the screen, which is cracked. “Why’d you have to do that?”
I shrug. I don’t wanna think. I don’t wanna know. I just want to disappear.
“Hailey?” She snaps her fingers. “Earth to Hailey.”
I get up from the bed. “Let’s just get ready for class.”
That’s the last I speak of it.
Every time she brings it up, I change the subject until she understands that I really don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna make her feel bad, so I don’t tell her directly. I know she cares about me. There’s just no way she, or anyone else, can help my mom or me.
I have a few options, and one of which is ignoring it until the pain goes away.
I always choose that option. It seems like the easiest one.
That, or getting wasted.
Just as long as I can forget.
***
Years ago
I stare at the bird in the tree, chirping as hard as he can. I wonder why he does that. If he feels lost. If he’s alone and afraid. Like me.
The grass tickles my toes as I inch closer on my flip-flops, trying not to scare it. I just wanna have a closer look, that’s all. I love staring at things, animals in particular. They’re so vibrant, so alive. Unlike me.
Unlike everything I’ve experienced recently. I wonder if Mom feels the same.
“What are you looking at?” Mom shouts, interrupting my thoughts.
“Shh!” I whisper, turning my head toward her. “You’ll scare it away.” I slowly point at the bird as she comes to stand behind me.
“A bird?”
“Yeah … it’s constantly singing. Why do you think it does that?” I ask.
“Maybe it’s looking for a mate,” my mom says, chuckling.
“Aww … so he is lonely …” I frown and rub my lips together.
Mom places her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m sure there’s another female bird in the neighborhood.”
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Well, I don’t know why. I just know it.”
I sigh. “Everything that lives eventually dies. Everyone will feel the heartbreak. Even that bird.”
She bends over and says, “Oh, Hailey …”
“It’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but …” She smiles. “Every human and animal should be grateful for every second they spend here on earth. Life isn’t a guarantee, it’s a gift we should cherish. Just like love.”
“It’s over before you know it,” I mutter, still staring at the bird as it flutters away into the distance. “Once in a lifetime, gone, just like that.”
“You’re just saying that because you think the bird is lonely.”
“Well, it’s the truth,” I say.
“Love can always be found again,” my mom whispers. “Even if you lose it. You just have to look in the right places.”
“Even us?”
She smiles. “All of us.” Then she grabs my hand and says, “C’mon. I baked some cookies that are waiting for you.” She winks as she pulls me along. “And maybe a scoop of ice cream on top.”
A beaming smile forms on my face, and for a moment, I can forget all about the heartaches of this world.
Even if it only lasts for a moment. That moment is one I’ll cherish.
***
Present
Why am I doing this again?
Oh right, because I stupidly thought college was a good idea.
It would’ve been, if the dude I slept with wasn’t my fucking professor … and staring at me every other minute.
Every time he drops a question, bam, he gives me that intense look again. And each time, I blush like hell. I swear I can see him smile when I do. It’s like he thinks it’s funny. And you know what? I’m embarrassed as fuck, but I can’t keep my eyes off him either. That cocky smile just does something to me, makes me remember all the dirty things he did to me. And then I swoon all over … over a guy I can’t have.
God, this is fucked up.
But I can’t leave either.
Not again.
That would be even more embarrassing, so I stick it out until the class is over.
I pack up as quickly as I can, trying not to look at him as I get up from my seat.
But then his voice rings through the auditorium. “Oh, Hailey Walters … I still want to discuss something with you.”
I freeze in place as the other students pass me.
“I’ll see you later then,” Lesley mouths at me before walking out.
I wanted to grab her, but she was too far ahead for me to beg her to stay.
Fuck.
Now, I’m all alone with
him.
I spin on my heels only to be met with a smug smile and a stare. He’s still sitting behind his desk, his hand placed firmly on the wood like he knows he’s got me cornered. Damn him.
“C’mon,” he says, beckoning me.
I step down the stairs slowly, not taking my eyes off him because I feel like he could just appear in front of me if I did. I stand in front of his desk as he looks up at me with discerning eyes that almost demand attention.
“Why so nervous?”
I swallow. “I’m not nervous.”
“I can see you fiddling your fingers.” He points, and I look down, then hide my hands behind my back, feeling caught doing something I didn’t even know I was doing.
“I just wanted to talk.”
“About what?” I ask.
“About us.”
The way he says it makes all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up … in a good way.
He leans on his desk and gets up, his chair scooting back inches from the imposing stance. “Let’s just get this out of the way, shall we? Do you want this to be awkward?”
“No, not really.”
“Me neither.” He steps away from his desk, and I instinctively turn to face him as he walks around to me. “Which is why I wanted to talk. I just want to know we’re on the same terms.”
“Depends on what those terms are,” I say, folding my arms.
“The terms being that you are my student and I am your teacher, and we are to behave accordingly.”
“Right.” I don’t understand where he’s going with this.
“We should act professionally,” he adds, nodding, as he paces around. He looks up at me as if he’s looking for an answer.
“Yes. But—”
He walks toward me, and then past me, circling around like a vulture stalking its prey. “And neither of us will talk about our private time together with anyone else. Agreed?”
“Okay … but that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget.”
As he passes me, I swear I can see him narrow his eyes. “Neither will I, Miss Walters. I could never.”
Suddenly, I feel a rush of hot air on my neck … and a quick brush of his finger on my back, tingling all the way down my spine.
***
Thomas
I don’t know why I touched her.
I saw her standing there with her sassy attitude, and all I could think of was putting my hands on her. So I did. It just happened. I couldn’t stop myself.
I should have.
But for some reason, I don’t want to; even though I know it’s wrong.
She’s not just the girl I fucked now. She’s a student, and I should behave properly. Too bad my mind is so fucking dirty when I’m around her; I’m anything but proper right now.
I can feel her body stiffen from just a stroke of my finger. I know she feels it too … The effect I have on her. How she gets me all riled up just by looking at me. Maybe that’s why we keep running into each other. We can’t stay away … and maybe that’s also why we’re fighting it so damn hard.
“I just want to know …” I say. “Will you be missing more classes?”
“What? Um … I don’t know,” she says, quickly recapturing herself.
“That’s not an answer.” I place my hand on the desk, close to where she’s standing, and I lean in. I can’t stop myself. I want to get closer, even though I know I shouldn’t. Too bad my dick doesn’t listen to my brain.
“Are we done here?” she asks, crossing her arms.
She turns around and starts to walk away from me, and I can’t shake that feeling where I just want to grab her and make her stay. Especially when I see that ass of hers swaying from side to side. Makes me want to spank her again.
Fuck. Things are really getting complicated now.
“You’d better show up tomorrow,” I say.
She glances at me over her shoulder. “Or else?”
I smirk, thinking of all the dirty things I could do to her.
“You know
exactly
what will happen if you don’t.” The words roll off my tongue before I realize it, and I know I can’t take it back. It’s not just a harmless joke. It’s a promise.
She just stares at me with this shocked look on her face, and then quickly turns to rush off.
God, this is so fucked up … and I love it all the same.
There’s just something about that girl, something intangible but so clearly visible … the need to feel wanted. I can taste it in the air—her fear of not being seen, not being heard. It’s as if she goes through life without really feeling at all. The ghost-like gaze in her eyes tells me there’s so much more to her than what she lets people see.
And I can’t wait to discover.
Should I?
Fuck, no.
But I wasn’t expecting her to show up in my class either.
What’s been done can’t be changed. We had sex, and I told myself I could forget and move on, just like with all the other girls.
Except she isn’t just any girl.
She’s a student.
My
student.