Bad News Cowboy (28 page)

Living. It was an entirely different image than survival. Survival conjured up a picture of her huddled in a cave, knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around herself while the storm raged outside.

Living made her think more of dancing in the rain, daring the lightning to strike.

She wasn't sure she could do that. The cave wasn't all that appealing, but it was safe.

“I can't talk about this right now.” She turned away from the machine and headed back to her seat, only realizing once she was in view of Sadie and Eli again that she had forgotten to get the water she had gone to fetch in the first place. Great.

Just then the door to the delivery room cracked open, and the nurse came out. “She's here. Healthy. A beautiful baby girl.”

All of the breath in her lungs escaped on a rush, her ears buzzing. “Everything is okay?” she asked, unable to disguise the fear in her voice.

“Everything is okay.”

The nurse disappeared for a moment, then reappeared. “Kate? Your brother wants you to come in and see the baby.”

Kate stood, her legs wobbly. “He wants
me
to come in?”

The nurse nodded. “We'll start with you.”

Kate walked forward, and any pretense of being fine and together was out the window. They walked into the room, the sounds of bustling and a baby crying hitting her hard. The nurse swept the curtain aside. Liss was lying in the bed, her feet still up in stirrups. Kate chose to look away from that. It wasn't hard anyway.

Because Connor was standing there, big and strong and as infallible as he'd always been in her mind, with the smallest baby she'd ever seen nestled in the crook of his arm and a tear on his cheek.

He looked up from the baby, only for a moment, meeting her eyes. “She's just perfect, Katie. Isn't she?”

Kate felt like she'd been punched in the chest. “Yes.”

“A girl,” he said, smiling now. “My daughter. Ruby. I have a daughter.”

She looked at the baby, at Connor, at his wife. At a whole second chance playing out right in front of her that would never have happened if Connor had chosen to simply survive.

Something felt as though it was swelling inside her. Growing too large for her to breathe around. She couldn't breathe.

“I'm so happy for you,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I'll let... I'll let Eli and Sadie come in now.”

She turned and walked out of the room, and then she walked out of the waiting room, out of the hospital. She got in her truck, and by the time she started the engine, tears were streaming down her face, matching the rain that was starting to fall from the sky.

* * *

W
HEN
K
ATE
GOT
back to the ranch, she parked her truck in front of the barn, killed the engine and got out, her boot pressing down deep into the muddy ground.

The rain was falling hard and fast now, and a smart person would take shelter. That was how you survived, after all. She should go back to her house and light a fire in the woodstove, put on her sweats and hunker down. That was surviving.

She was tired of surviving.

She was tired of being stripped down to the essentials. She kicked her boots off, and the mud was slick between her toes, the gravel that was mixed in painful as it dug into her tender skin. But she could feel it.

She moved toward the stretch of green field in front of her. She walked through a gap in the fence, the mud deeper now, velvety blades of grass creating a barrier between her and the squishy ground. She just stood there for a while and looked up at the sky, letting the rain roll down her face, mixing with the tears she was certain were falling now.

Standing here, stretched out like this, facing the broad expanse of sky, she could feel the stiffness inside of her, the strain from having been curled up, stagnant for so long. She was never one to sit still physically, perhaps in part because it gave too much voice to the internal.

So she stood still now, and she let herself feel. The cold, the rain, the grass, the mud. And her heart. Beating steadily, painfully.

Beating for Jack.

Emotion rose up inside of her, grew, expanded. Love. She loved him.

And it was worth every risk, every possible outcome. Because she would so much rather stand out in the storm than keep hiding.

She thought of Jack's face, of the pain in his blue eyes when she had rejected him. She had hurt him. She had been so focused on her own fear, on her own trauma, that she hadn't paused to consider what he had risked. She hadn't thought of his pain, because she hadn't imagined she could possibly hurt him.

She had. She had made him feel as if she thought he was a secret, as if she was ashamed of him.

Protecting herself had hurt the man she loved most. And if she had needed any other bit of confirmation that she had to change, that was it.

She heard the slam of a car door and turned to see Jack standing by his truck. The sound of the rain must have obscured the sound of the motor.

She stood there frozen as the rain washed down her cheeks, watching as he approached. He was wearing his hat, that hat that never failed to make her heart squeeze tight, the tight black T-shirt that outlined his perfect body and the jeans that knew him almost as intimately as she did. It was like watching her soul walk toward her. And the closer he got, the more complete she felt, the more right everything felt.

“Did you follow me, Monaghan?” she shouted over the rain.

“Yes, I did. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He moved through the same gap in the fence that she had and stopped when he was about a foot in front of her. “And I wanted to make sure you didn't weasel out of our talk.”

“Nothing quite that calculated. I just needed... I just needed some time.”

He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. “And have you had it?”

“Yes,” she said. “You were right. I was being scared. I've spent my whole life being scared.”

“You, Kate Garrett? Scared?”

“Yes. Me. My mom left when I was two. My dad died when I was in high school. My sister-in-law... Life has always been kind of a scary, unpredictable thing for me. But the one thing I could do was make myself tough. Make it so I didn't feel it quite so deep. I told myself I was fine because I had Connor and Eli to take care of me. Because I had you. Except then things changed between us. It wasn't just you taking care of me, making me smile. You broke me open and made me feel. That was scarier than anything. Scarier than going pro, scarier than facing down an angry mama bear. Scary. I told myself I was upset because of the changes. Because I might turn into something I didn't want to be. But the simple truth was, I was just afraid to feel. When you feel, when you want, loss can hurt you. Not just hurt, devastate. It changes things inside you that you can never put back. It's a terrifying thing to sign on for, Jack.”

He cleared his throat. “I can't even pretend to know loss the same way you do, Kate. I know in some ways I have more experience, but in other ways I feel like you've lived more life than I have. And not life I envy.”

“Connor tried to talk to me, but I wasn't ready. Then today... I saw him with Liss. Their baby. Jack, he has all of that because he refused to give in to fear. He has life—he made life. I want that. More. Everything.”

“Everything?” He took a step toward her, gripped her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Really, everything?” His expression was fierce, his voice hoarse. “Does that mean you love me, badger-cat?”

She didn't even bother to hold back the tears that welled up in her eyes. “Yes, Monaghan. I do. I love you. I did even when I said I didn't. I didn't mean to lie, but I was too afraid to even think it.”

His blue eyes, normally so wicked, glittered with moisture, too. “Well, I'm glad to hear that. Damn glad.”

She expelled a breath on a broken sob. “I have so many sorries to say to you. For hurting you. For making you think I was ashamed, rather than admitting that I was just a coward. Jack, I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't deserve for you to love me.”

He leaned down, kissing her lips lightly. “That's where you're wrong. You deserve for me to love you always. No matter what. Kate, don't you understand that you are the reason I'm not ashamed of myself anymore? I spent a lot of years sabotaging myself. Telling myself I wanted approval while going out of my way to make sure I didn't get it. Because I was ashamed of what I had done. Ashamed of who I was. Wanting recognition I couldn't have, because I'd signed that away. But I'm free of that now. You saw me more clearly than I ever saw myself, and it took that for me to finally change.” He swallowed hard. “I gave the money back to Nathan West. And I don't know if I'll ever tell anyone that he's my father. But I could. I'm not hiding anymore. Not where I come from, not who I am. That's all you, baby.”

“I guess we both helped each other.”

“I hear that's what love is for. To make you better. To make the person you love better.”

“I believe it.”

“I still want you to do the rodeo. Because you want to.”

She smiled up at him.

“Really?”

The rain slowed, the clouds parting slightly, pale yellow light breaking through.

“Yes. And I will support you however you want me to. By going with you. By staying away... Bribing judges. Holding a bake sale.”

She laughed. “You would do all that for me?”

“Happily.” He tightened his hold on her and bent down, sweeping his other arm behind her knees and lifting her up, cradling her against his chest. “Do you know why?”

“Because I let you do me in a barn?”

“That doesn't hurt. But that's not why.”

“Because I am a badass badger-cat and you fear me?”

He laughed and kissed her nose. “No. Because you're mine. And I love you. Which means nothing on earth will ever separate us. Even distance. I'm in this. For real. Forever.”

Kate put her hand on his cheek, angling her head up so that she could kiss him. “Same goes, Jack Monaghan. Same goes.”

“Well, I am awfully glad to hear that.”

Kate Garrett had never much belonged to anyone. And that was the way she had liked it. But as Jack carried her through the field, down the driveway and back to her house, she couldn't help but think that belonging to someone, having someone belong to you, was a whole lot better than being alone.

And when he laid her down on the bed, the bed that she'd thought was big enough for only one, and pulled her into his arms, she knew for a fact that spending the rest of her life living with him would be a much better adventure than simply surviving on her own.

EPILOGUE

I
T
HAD
TAKEN
a little bit longer than usual to get the game started. But Ruby Kate Garrett ran the show these days, even though she was only two months old. Named for her hair and for her fearless aunt, she had taken over the Garrett ranch with ease.

She was the cutest thing any of them had ever seen. Also, a grumpy little pink cuss. In that way, she took after her father. Though Connor didn't seem to mind putting up with his daughter's crankiness. Far from it—it was the happiest Jack had ever seen his friend.

Right now she was asleep in the crook of Connor's arm, while he balanced both her and his poker hand, which Jack had caught glimpses of. Enough to know that Connor was definitely not the one who was going to win tonight.

Not that Jack cared either way. As far as he was concerned, he had a winning hand no matter the cards that were dealt to him.

He had Kate. He didn't need much more than that.

“So how are the new digs, Katie?” Connor asked.

“Jack has a housekeeper,” Kate said, putting her hand on his thigh beneath the table. He fought the wicked impulse that told him to move it up a little bit higher. “It's pretty awesome.”

“That's the only reason she moved in with me. She sleeps in the guest room,” Jack lied cheerfully.

“I don't mind that,” Eli said, grinning.

The moment Jack and Kate had told her family that they were in love, the issues they'd all had with the two of them as a couple had vanished.

“You act like such a prude,” Sadie said, digging her elbow into Eli's side. “Sheriff in the streets, freak in the sheets.”

“I like that,” Liss said. “I would come up with one for Connor but he's pretty much only one way.”

“I'm genuine,” Connor said. “And honest.”

“And less grumpy than you used to be,” Liss said. “Which I appreciate. And I assume everyone else does, too.”

They all raised their various beverages in salute.

“Nice. Thank you,” Connor said, touching the edge of a little pink blanket around his daughter's sleeping form.

It was an amazing thing, this new normal they were creating. With couples and a baby and love. And for the first time in a lot of years, Jack truly felt like part of a family. Oh, sure, the Garretts had always made him feel like one of their own. But with any luck, soon he actually would be.

They played a few more rounds until the new parents started getting droopy from lack of sleep. Then they divvied up the food, Kate snagging all of the dessert, and headed out. It was a strange and wonderful thing to be leaving together. Going back to the same house.

A house that was a home now, because she was in it.

It was dark outside, the air holding a sharp chill that stabbed deep into his lungs like an ice pick. Or maybe that was just nerves.

Once they were on the bottom porch step, Jack pulled Kate up against him. She clutched the boxes of pie closer to her chest. “Don't make me drop this. It's a s'mores pie. I don't know if you understand how much that means to me.”

“Of course I do. I would never do anything to compromise your pie.”

“Sure.” She wiggled her hip against his. “Is that a rock in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Fun fact, I totally didn't get what that meant until after you and I... Well, you get the idea.”

“That's adorable. And while I am always happy to see you, I actually do have something in my pocket. Incidentally, as with the other option, it is also for you.”

She blinked, her eyes wide. “What is it?”

“It might be a ring box,” he said, his throat getting tight.

“Oh, really?”

“I know you're not big into sparkly things, but I thought you might like this one a little bit. To wear while you compete this summer.”

“Jack Monaghan, I have never worn a piece of jewelry in my life.” She stretched up on her tiptoes and kissed him. “But I know for a fact that I'll wear this one for the rest of it.”

* * * * *

Don't miss the other
COPPER RIDGE
novels,

available now from

Maisey Yates and HQN Books!

PART TIME COWBOY (Eli and Sadie's story)

BROKEDOWN COWBOY (Connor and Liss's story)

And read on for a
COPPER RIDGE
prequel novella,

SHOULDA BEEN A COWBOY,

in print for the first time!