Bad Boys After Dark: Mick (14 page)

He stood so close, her heartbeat pulsed in the air between them. Tears slid down her cheeks, each one slicing him open anew. Despite the hurt, despite the accusations and misdirected guilt she didn’t deserve, he couldn’t stop from releasing the ghost that possessed his soul.

“When my baby sister lay in a goddamn hospital bed, frail, barely breathing, her body riddled with rashes and blisters from the poison they’d pumped through her to try to kill a villain too strong to slay.” His body shook and sweat dripped from his forehead as he relived the nightmare that had long ago claimed every crevice of his being. “When she looked into my eyes and said, ‘You’ll never let anything happen to me, right, Mickey?’ in a whisper so faint I had to strain to hear it”—he turned his face down to his trembling hands, remembering the feel of her skin, the trust she’d bestowed upon him—“I took her cheeks in my hands and I lied. I lied so fucking well, she smiled and closed her eyes. I thought she’d gone to sleep, and I begged. I fucking
pleaded
with God.
Take me. Just take me
. But God, like everything else in this fucked-up world,
isn’t real
. He’s a fantasy, a farce, just like the movie love you’re searching for. He stole that sweet little girl, and she went
believing
in
me
. Believing a lie I had no right to tell.”

Amanda reached up and brushed her fingers over his cheeks, wiping tears he didn’t know had fallen.
Christ
. He’d totally lost his mind.

“You were protecting her. You wanted her to feel safe.”

She stepped closer and he stepped back, holding up his palm to ward her off.

“Don’t, baby. Don’t make this mistake, because I’m just fucked up enough to let you.”

She stepped closer again. “What mistake is that? Letting you know I care? Or believing you’ve carried guilt for something your teenage mind made into something it wasn’t?”

He shook his head. “Don’t you think I know that, Amanda? I’m not a child, and you know I’m not a stupid man. I get that the guilt that strangles me is warped and childish and twisted from the despair of losing my sister.”

“Then what mistake are you referencing?”

“This fantasy you have of relationships and happily ever afters. I’m not some knight in shining armor. I’ve never been that guy, and I will never be that guy.”

“Because of the guilt,” she said flatly.

“Because I’m a realist, and that fantasy doesn’t exist. Why do you think I became an attorney? Because I can expose the facts and weed out the bullshit, and every day I get to prove the value of the truth. Forever is a fantasy. Look at Bridgette and Louie. She loved so hard she gave up everything for her husband. She ran away against her family’s wishes and
bam
! One car accident later, she’s a single mother wondering how she’ll make it from day to day with a hole in her heart that will never repair itself. Thank God she has a loving family who was there for her despite her disregard for their wishes.”

She crossed shaking arms over her chest, challenging him anew. “Do you really think she would have been better off without having loved him? Without knowing what it feels like to be loved so deeply you want to throw the rest of your life away just to experience it? Do you think she’d have been better off without Louie?”

He paced again, and she grabbed his arm, holding him still and drawing anger she didn’t deserve. “How the hell should I know? Would my parents have been better off if they’d never married? Hadn’t lost a daughter? Hadn’t lost each other?”

“So, what, then? You’re scared because nothing lasts forever?”

“I’m not
scared
of anything. Don’t you get that? I wish I were. How easy would it be to rush into a relationship for comfort or solace or courage or whatever other bandages can assuage fear? It’s way bigger than scared, baby, and not nearly as simple.”

“I just don’t understand.” Her shoulders slumped. “If you’re not scared and it’s not me, what’s left?”

His heart unraveled at the defeat in her voice. Gathering her against him, he tipped her chin up and felt himself falling faster, harder, and most surprising of all, falling heart first, into her. “You make me feel like the fantasy is possible.”

“Then why fight it?”

“I’ve been asking myself that since I realized it was you at the bar. Why fight it? I’ve been attracted to you for so long, it’s like you’re part of me. Listening to your stories about boring dates, tortured by your intellectual prowess—which, by the way, is a million times more seductive than any clothes or tactics you can buy or learn.”

She smiled, and it made him ache even more. “I’m going to revisit that answer when I’m not so confused and angry and hurt, so don’t think you can lay all those amazing things out there without me picking them apart, Mr. Bad. But I can’t revel in the words I’ve waited years to hear when the look in your eyes tells me that even if you feel those things, you’re not willing to stand behind them. So for now, please tell me why you’re fighting it.”

She clung to him, and for a long moment he let her question hang between them, because when he answered, she would never touch him again.

He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the freckles that had initially led them to this moment. Then he slid his hand to the nape of her neck and lifted her hair, revealing the other marks he’d come to love, and he kissed her there, watching as she closed her eyes and the shiver he’d caused moved through her body.

“Open your eyes, baby.” She lifted heavy lids, meeting his gaze. “We weren’t supposed to end up here, but now that we are, I have to do the right thing because I care about you. You should be with a man who believes the fantasy. Not someone like me, who knows real life is waiting after the honeymoon period. And real life is a bitch, with bad shit coming from all sides when you least expect it.”

“So it’s better to let me deal with it on my own? Or with some loser who’s one one-hundredth of the man you are, whose best is a half-assed job?”

She smiled up at him, and he couldn’t help but return the emotion. She’d turned this around on him and exposed his Achilles’ heel—
sweet, sassy, adorable, lovable, sexy, confident Amanda Jenner.

“I think, Counselor, you are misconstruing the facts.” She went up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “I don’t want you to protect me. I want you to love me.”

ONE OF THE first things Mick had taught Amanda when she’d started working with him was never to show her hand. She’d not only shown her hand, but she’d practically shoved it down his throat—and she felt the effects in her own, as she choked on her stupidity. Lines of concentration deepened along Mick’s brow. A million thoughts raced through her mind, and she was incapable of holding on to a single one.

A slow, secret smile formed on Mick’s lips, only she wasn’t privy to the secret. It was maddening—and irresistibly devastating.

“You’re
fearless
,” he said with awe.

She inhaled a breath of utter astonishment. “I am? I…I mean. I am! Of course I am.”
I’m so far from fearless I can’t even remember how to spell it.
“Can we pretend I never said that last part?”

“Hell no.” An arrogant grin spread across his face. “But I think we can agree we’ve revealed enough secrets for tonight. We should let things simmer. See how we feel in the morning.”

She breathed a little easier—still not easy enough, though. He hadn’t responded to her confession, but he didn’t tell her not to love him, either. As small as that was, she’d come to realize that it was huge in the world of Mick Bad.

“That sounds like a fair plan,” she said. “I hope this won’t make things awkward between us.”

“I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone, details about my sister, my father, my life. I’ve told you that I want you, that I want to be with you. I’ve revealed parts of myself I didn’t even know existed.” He reached for her, as if he hadn’t just been a whirling tornado of emotions or that his words hadn’t just sent her heart spinning again. “We know every inch of each other’s bodies intimately, and you’re worried about admitting you have feelings for me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Put that way, no, but…yes.”

“What shall we do about that?”

“
Pfft
. Like we can do anything?”

He eyed the water. “I think I know how to wash away the awkwardness. Take your clothes off.” He stepped back and began unbuttoning his shirt.

“What happened to seduction? A little foreplay?” Still reeling from all they’d said to each other, she made no move to undress.

He raised his brows and tossed his shirt on the deck, toed off his shoes, and made quick work of removing his slacks. And briefs.
And all the air from the state
. She couldn’t tear her eyes away.

“Need help, or do you want to ogle a little longer?” He moved toward her with the stealth of a panther—and there was no tender underbelly in sight. His erection bobbed enticingly against his flesh. His eyes were liquid heat.

She stumbled backward. “I…No.”

He took her hand and tugged her forward.

“Mick? What are we—”

In one swift move he pulled her dress over her head and tossed it aside, his expression now hovering between smoldering and playful. Cold air rushed over her skin, bringing goose bumps to her flesh. He traced a line down the center of her chest, pinched the front clasp of her bra, and flicked it open without ever looking down.

“Are you ready?” he asked in a low voice that made her belly flutter as he tossed her bra to the deck.

Despite herself, she was always ready for the excruciatingly complex and insanely intense man.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” He lifted her and guided her legs around his waist. “Don’t even think about scooting down and trying to take advantage of me.”

Her eyes widened. Wasn’t that his intent?

“Do you know how to swim?” He stepped over the railing, and she clung to him like a monkey in full panic mode, trying to scale his shoulder to reach the deck.

“What? Yes. Wh—no! Hell no! It’s going to be freezing. No, Mick. Please don’t!”

His deep, hearty laugh vibrated through his chest. “Hang on, baby, because we’re going down.” He leaped from the boat.

“No—”

He captured her mouth just before they hit the water and sank into the frigid depths of the lake. With one arm holding her like a vise, he used the other and his powerful legs to propel them upward. They broke the surface gasping for air and laughing hysterically. He kicked and kicked, keeping their heads above the water.

“You’re crazy!” She was smiling so hard her cheeks hurt. The water was freezing, but Mick’s body was on fire, and she stuck to him like molten metal.

His response was another hearty laugh. Lost in the exhilarating moment,
she
silenced him with a kiss, reveling in the cold and hot sensations breaking over her skin and the hard tumbling in her chest. The kiss intensified, and they began to sink, causing her to giggle.

“What?” he said with a laugh, kicking to keep their heads above water again. “
You
kissed
me
. Everyone knows a man’s brain can’t function when a hot woman is wrapped around him naked. I forgot to kick.” His face turned serious. “How do you feel about drowning?”

“How do you feel about getting kicked in your family jewels?”

“Not as good as I feel about drowning while making out with you.” He nipped at her lower lip.

God she loved him. “I should be furious with you for making me bare my soul and—”

“Your body?”

Her head fell back and she held her fists up to the sky. “Why? Why this man, of all people?” She lowered her chin, meeting his amused expression. “No. I wanted to bare my body to you, but my soul? Not so much.”

His eyes went all sad puppy on her, and she groaned. “You’re hot, you’re cold, you’re in control, you’re furious, and now this? Adorable? Are you kidding me? What’s next?”

His gaze turned sinful. Pleasure radiated through her, different from the anticipatory thrill of a good fuck. This was deep-seated affection, pure, unadulterated love, filling her from the soles of her feet to the tippy top of her scalp. She wasn’t fooling herself. It was a dangerous love, one he’d made clear would remain unrequited. But her brain and her heart were on different wavelengths, and no amount of intelligence could avert the emotions bedding down in her heart.

“There is no way Bridgette would have been better off without sharing the time she’d had with the man she loved—no matter how short. Memories of this weekend will last a lifetime.”
They have to.
She couldn’t believe she’d said it aloud, but she had, and it was the truth, and she wanted him to know it.

With a clear head and a full heart, she tried once again to abandon her hopes for more than the weekend and reveled in the luxurious experience of being with the man she loved.

**

AMANDA SHIVERED IN Mick’s arms, her body pressed tightly to his, as they kissed and kissed and kissed some more, bobbing in the water like buoys. In the space of a few short days, she’d upended him like a dinghy caught in a squall—exposing fissures he’d long ago masked. With each confession the fissures expanded, until they were gaping holes, sucking him under, drowning him in emotions he didn’t want to feel. Just when he thought he’d hit his limit, Amanda reeled him back to safety with a touch, a smile, a few carefully spoken words, allowing him to gain his footing and rebuild the walls. Only now they weren’t quite as soundproof, not quite as thick or resilient, and Amanda was no longer standing outside those walls. She’d become a part of them.

It was those overwhelming emotions that had him guiding them toward the swim platform on the side of the yacht, because despite the heat sizzling between them, her teeth were chattering.

“Inside, baby. You’re too cold.” He lifted her onto the deck, and she wrapped her arms around herself as he pulled himself up, chiding himself for forgetting to toss a few towels onto the platform. He tucked her against him as they went inside, and used the control panel to close and lift the platform. “Come on. I don’t want you to get sick.”

In the master bedroom, Mick wrapped her in a plush robe. Holding either side of the neckline, he pulled it closed and kissed her tenderly.

“Thank you,” she said through bluish lips. “I didn’t realize I was this cold.”

“We stayed in longer than I anticipated. Sorry, baby. Let’s take a hot shower and warm you up.”

Mick gathered her close, allowing the warm water to rain over her. Her arms were tucked between them, her cheek pressed to his shoulder, safely nestled in his embrace.

“That was fun,” she said, teeth still chattering.

He ran his hands up and down her sides and back, trying to warm all of her at once.

She tipped her face up with a sweet smile. “Do you skinny-dip often?”

He laughed. “No. Never, in fact.” She was trembling less now, warm to the touch. “Do you?”

She pressed her cheek to his chest again, wrapped her arms around his neck, and yawned. “No. Ally and I snuck into a neighbor’s pool a few times when we were kids, but I haven’t gone since.”

“Then it’s a first adult skinny-dip excursion for both of us.” He kissed her shoulder, surprised by how much he liked knowing they’d shared another
first
.

They remained there, beneath the warm water, until the steam was so thick it dripped from the shower doors.

“Come on, baby, let’s get you to bed.” Mick dried her off and wrapped her in a dry towel before tending to himself. Amanda’s lids were at half-mast, a sleepy smile on her lips. She looked delicious and sweet and so very trusting it made his heart ache and sing at once. He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her. The kiss was languid and intimate, a kiss for her tired soul to melt into.

He carried her to the bed and laid her down. She reached for him with so much love in her eyes he felt it coursing through his body, leaving her mark, claiming pieces of him he thought no one could ever reach. And he wanted more. More firsts, more time. Mornings and evenings and everything in between. He’d fought those feelings for so long, he’d truly believed he was incapable of really falling in love. But Amanda had found her way into his heart and captured nearly three years of repressed emotions as they tried to escape.

Her legs parted as he came down over her, her hips rising to greet him. He cradled her head in his hands again, overwhelmed with the love that had become too powerful to ignore.

“You’re truly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

“You know I’m a sure thing, right?” She playfully patted his butt.

“No. You’re not a sure thing.”
You’re everything
. “I’m lucky to be here with you, and I meant what I said.”

“Mick,” she whispered, wonder washing over her features.

He kissed her softly. “You should sleep, baby. You’re tired.”

“I’m not too tired for our last night together.”

Our last night
. Like a ravenous castaway thrown into a feast, he wanted to devour every moment, every touch, every word. His emotions gorged and swelled, consuming every part of him until he ached with them.

“You’re sure?”

Her smile widened. “Yes, Counselor. Stop badgering the witness.”

God he loved her sassiness. His defenses were weakening to the point of transparency, and when she leaned up for a kiss, he met her halfway, deepening the kiss as their bodies joined together and they found their rhythm. Pleasure radiated through him, each thrust pulsing with the need to protect her, every kiss flooding him with the desire to cherish her. They were a perfect match in the office, in the bedroom, beneath the autumn sunlight or the evening moonlight.

He reached beneath her, angling her hips so he could take her deeper, love her more completely. Her eyes slammed shut as waves of ecstasy consumed them, pulsing around his cock as she cried out his name—and he followed her over the edge, with the pure and explosive need to love her
.

They lay with their legs and bodies intertwined like tangled vines. Awareness prickled around Mick as Amanda’s heartbeat calmed and her breathing evened out. His thoughts raced forward, then retreated, pushing him in directions he never thought he’d go. She nuzzled in closer, and he kissed her cheek.
Maybe I can do this, baby. Maybe we can have a future.
Maybe he wasn’t as broken as he thought.

She shifted, curling tighter against him, and a short while later, fell fast asleep in his arms.

“I love you, baby. I’ve loved you for a very long time,” he whispered on deaf ears. That was okay, because he hadn’t been sure he could actually say the words out loud. This all-consuming love terrified him, but he’d managed to say the words, and it felt incredible.

For the first time in decades, the world wasn’t racing by, and Mick wasn’t chasing distractions. He was exactly where he wanted to be. He drifted off to sleep with thoughts of their future dancing in his head.