Backtracker (66 page)

"
He tried to get to know his wife, tried to love her. He started looking for a full
-
time job so he could support her and the baby. He tried to convince himself that he could still be happy, that family life would be good for him.

"
None of it worked, though.

"
The more he got to know the girl, the less he liked her. The two of them fought constantly.

"
He couldn
'
t find full
-
time work, either. His college degree didn
'
t do him any good because there weren
'
t any jobs in the area. He knew
he had
to move out of town, but his wife was against the idea. Her family all lived in the area, and she didn
'
t want to leave them.

"
As for happiness, forget it. He didn
'
t like his wife, he couldn
'
t find work, and as the baby
'
s due date got closer, he got more and more scared and depressed. You and Ernie managed to perk him up every now and again, but you were looking for work out of town, Ernie was getting ready for medical school, and the two of you gradually found less and less time to spend with Billy.

"
He got pretty low,
"
said Larry, slowly shaking his head.
"
He hated the whole situation. He didn
'
t get along with his wife at all, and he didn
'
t have any prospects for work. As it was, the two of them couldn
'
t make ends meet, and they had to constantly borrow money from their parents. Billy didn
'
t know how in the world they
'
d manage once the kid was born.

"
Then, he finally got some reason to hope. At the steakhouse, Mr. Wyland announced he was going to take on a third manager. The starting salary wouldn
'
t be high, but at least it
'
d be a full
-
time job with benefits, and there
'
d be opportunities for Billy to move up.

"
He was ecstatic. He figured he was a shoe
-
in since he
'
d had years of experience at Wild West...
plus
,
he ha
d
a college degree. There were other people who
'
d been at the steakhouse as long as him, and who had as much experience as him, but he was the only one with a Business degree.

"
Billy worked his ass off trying to impress Wyland and Martin. He came in early, stayed late, studied all the manuals, learned all the paperwork. Whatever he didn
'
t already know about the steakhouse
-
and that wasn
'
t much
-
he learned it fast.

"
For a while, it really looked like he
'
d get the job. With that to look forward to, he started to feel better about things.

"
Of course, that
'
s when the bottom fell out again,
"
Larry growled bitterly.

"
Not only did he lose his shot at the manager
'
s job, but he was fired from the steakhouse completely. Because of his own stupidity, because of his bad luck, becaus
e of Tom Martin,
Billy lost the whole magilla.

"
See, Martin caught him stealing some steaks. It shouldn
'
t
'
ve been a big deal, really...but you know Martin.

"
They were just
old
steaks, discards. You know, the steakhouse can only keep meat for so long, and then they have to throw it away...but the meat
'
s still good enough to take home and use, if you
'
re not too picky about that sort of thing. Billy had been lifting discards for years, ever since he
'
d started there. Hell, everybody who
'
s ever
worked
at Wild West has sneaked out some expired T
-
bones at some time or another. With money as tight as it was, that meat
was
extra
-
important to Billy.

"
Wouldn
'
t you know it. After all those years of stealing discards, just when he needed them the most, when he needed his
job
the most, Billy got nabbed. Martin caught him tossing a bag of sirloins in his car, and the son of a bitch fired Billy on the spot.

"
Billy was devastated. He just couldn
'
t believe it. He went to Fred Wyland the next day and begged for mercy, hoping Fred would be a little more understanding than Martin. Fred and Billy had always gotten along well, and Fred had always been a fair man.

"
It turned out that Fred couldn
'
t help him, though. He said he
wanted
to keep him on, but there was just no way around the firing. Company policy was pretty strict about stealing...even stealing steaks that were going in the garbage...and Martin was on the warpath.

"
Just like that, Billy was out of Wild West. He lost his job, he lost his hope for the future, all because he
'
d taken a couple steaks that were going to be thrown away anyway.

"
It didn
'
t make
sense
,
"
said Larry, anger curling like smoke in his voice.
"
Nothing
made sense.
"

Larry closed his eyes,
didn
'
t
speak for a moment. His brows knotted, his teeth bared, his nose mashed as if he were in tremendous pain, as if an agonizing memory were playing out behind his sealed lids. His shoulders rose and fell in a faster rhythm, the quicker beat of agitated breathing; he twitched, flinched into the stone, wrapped his folded arms more tightly against his chest.

At last, he shook his head, whipped it violently as if to disperse some storm from within. He cleared his throat loudly, then opened his eyes.

"
Anyway,
"
he said darkly.
"
After he lost his job at the steakhouse, he got
another
part
-
time job at a fast
-
food joint. He kept looking for full
-
time work...God, how he looked...but there just wasn
'
t any to be had.

"
His new job paid even less than Wild West. There was hardly any money coming in, and his wife couldn
'
t work, and the baby was on its way. Before long, he and his wife were depending almost totally on their parents for money...but there was a limit to even that. Neither family was rich, and they could only give so much. Not only that, but the parents...on
both
sides...weren
'
t crazy about supporting their married kids.

"
Billy started to do some drinking...
serious
drinking. He didn
'
t do it for fun, like before. Things were so tough, he was so depressed, he just drank to keep himself from thinking. He hardly spent any time at home. When he wasn
'
t at work, he was at a bar somewhere.

"
By the time fall rolled around, he was drinking harder than ever. He spent too much money on booze, and that made things worse at home...and that just made him drink even more.

"
You and Ernie deserted him that fall,
"
Larry said tightly.
"
You
'
d spent all summer sending resumes out of town, and you finally got a good job in Kentucky. Ernie went off to medical school in Philadelphia.

"
Billy
'
d known for a long time that you weren
'
t staying, that you
couldn
'
t
stay. Still, it was a terrible blow when you and Ernie were finally gone. The two of you had been like brothers to him. You
'
d kept him from going completely over the edge.

"
Other members of the old Wild West gang were still in town, but they gradually stopped coming around once the parties stopped. A lot of the old gang ended up moving away, like Jack Bunsen and Jane Niessner. Boris Blovitz, of course, was long
-
gone. He
'
d killed himself in the woods behind Billy
'
s trailer months ago.
"
At that, Larry hesitated for just a beat, the briefest of instants.

"
Anyway, Billy was alone before long. All the people he
'
d cared about had abandoned him, left him with a pregnant wife he didn
'
t love.

"
He sunk lower than he
'
d ever been before. Things kept getting worse.

"
Because of his drinking, he missed work a couple times, and he finally lost his job at the fast food joint. He was able to get unemployment compensation for a while, but it eventually ran out. He and his wife ended up on welfare.

"
When the baby was born...well, things got tougher than Billy had ever expected. It was a boy. It was also...it had Down
'
s Syndrome.

"
You know. Mentally retarded.
"

Larry shook his head slowly and sighed. Turning his face upward, he stared at the sky, cast a pained, hopeless look at the blueness.

"
It would have been difficult enough if the kid had been...normal...but its condition meant more troubles. The boy was severely retarded. Taking care of him would be an expensive, lifelong project.

"
Billy wasn
'
t ready for it. Maybe, if he
'
d been a little older, a little stronger, he could
'
ve taken everything that was thrown at him...but he was young and weak, and it broke him.

"
He drank and drank, stayed away from the wife and kid as much as he could. He was angry and depressed and drunk all the time. Got ugly. Pretty soon, he just wasn
'
t Billy anymore.
"
Pushing away from the wall of the trench, Larry began to pace, plodding back and forth in the narrow space.

"
He thought about killing himself,
"
continued Larry, hands clasped behind him as he paced.
"
One night, he actually almost did it...but he was too scared to finish the job. Wasn
'
t worried about who
'
d take care of his wife and son if he did himself in. He was just too scared of dying.
"
Head bowed, Larry walked and turned, walked and turned before the body in the dirt.

"
Anyway, Billy gave up,
"
said Larry.
"
He stopped trying. He stopped trying to find a decent job. He stopped trying to give a damn about his wife and kid. He stopped trying not to drink.

"
Once he
'
d completely given up, things went downhill a lot faster.

"
He got into drugs. He hooked up with some people at the dives where he hung out, and they became his new best friends because they always knew how to score drugs. He did just about everything you could think of, and he loved it. The dope made him forget a hell of a lot better than the booze.

"
Before long, he even started selling the stuff. Made some money at it, but most of it just went to support his own habit. You know how it goes.

"
It only took a couple months for the next bomb to hit.
"
At that, Larry stopped pacing, came to rest in the middle of the trench. Arms folded, he stared intently at one stone wall.

"
He was making out okay as a small
-
time dealer. He was keeping himself in coke and he was even throwing a little cash his wife
'
s way.

"
Then, he sold to the wrong guy one day. Billy thought he was dealing some coke to a harmless kid off the street, only the kid turned out to be a narc. He was working for the cops.