Backtracker (24 page)

"
That
'
s not the
only
thing people think about you,
"
said Dave.

"
It
'
s the
first
thing
!
"
retorted Boris.
"
It
'
s the
main
thing!
"

"
No, it isn
'
t,
"
Dave said forcefully.
"
The
main
thing is that everybody
likes
you. You know all those people in the trailer
?
"
he said, hiking his thumb in the general direction of the party.
"
They
like
you, Boris! They couldn
'
t care
less
how much you weigh! The only thing that
'
s important to them...to us...is that you
'
re a nice guy!
You
'
re a lot of fun!
"

"
Oh, fun!
I
'
m a funny
guy
,
right?
"
Boris laughed bitterly, then made a ridiculous face; his eyes crossed, his lips puffed outward, and his tongue wagged from the corner of his mouth.
"
I
'
m
always
funny
!
"
he gurgled in a distorted, goofy voice.
"
I
'
m the funny fat guy! As long as people can
laugh
at me, they
'
ll let me hang around!
"

"
We
'
re
not
laughing
at
you...,
"
started Dave.

"
Yeah, yeah, I know,
"
cut in Boris, still posing, still speaking in his warped, cartoony voice.
"
You
'
re laughing
with
me! Nobody laughs at me, do
they? Neeever never never!
"

"
Your
friends
don
'
t! I mean, sometimes it might seem like we
'
re making fun of you, but we
'
re just kidding around! Everybody in the gang gets picked on equally!
"

"
I
'
m a fat clown
!
"
shot Boris, dropping his freakish act and reverting to a sharp, hostile tone.
"
That
'
s all anyone
thinks
of me!
"

"
How many times do I have to
tell
you
?
"
shouted Dave.
"
That is
not
how everyone thinks!
"

"
That
'
s what the
women
think
!
"
flung Boris.

"
They don
'
t all think that,
"
said Dave.

"
How do
you
know
?
"
lashed Boris.
"
You taken a
poll
lately?
"

"
Have
you
?
"
returned Dave.

"
Yes
!
"
blasted Boris.
"
I
'
ve been taking a poll for
years
!
I
'
ve asked one girl after another if she
'
d like to go out with me, and you know what the
results
were? Every single one of them said
'
No
'
!
Every one of them that weighed under two hundred pounds and didn
'
t have a face like a gargoyle...they all said
'
No
'
!
"

"
You
'
ve gotta
'
keep
trying
,
"
said Dave, realizing how weak and
clichéd
that sounded as soon as the words escaped his lips.

"
I
'
m
sick
of trying
!
"
thundered Boris.
"
I give up! It doesn
'
t take more than twenty
-
one years for me to get the message!
"

"
It takes a
while
sometimes
!
"
said Dave.
"
Some people don
'
t find anyone for years and years! That
'
s no reason for you to
kill
yourself!
"

"
Sure
it is,
"
Boris spat sardonically.

"
Maybe you won
'
t meet the right person for years,
"
continued Dave,
"
or maybe you
'
ll meet her
tomorrow
.
If you
kill
yourself, you
'
ll
miss
her.
"

"
You don
'
t know what you
'
re talking about,
"
Boris grimaced scornfully.
"
It
'
s impossible for
you
to understand how it is for me.
"

"
No it isn
'
t
!
"
protested Dave.
"
I know exactly what you
'
re talking about!
"

"
You
'
ll
never
know,
"
denied Boris, shaking his head.
"
You
'
re thin, you
'
re
good
-
looking, and you
'
ve got a girlfriend.
"

"
Good
-
looking
?
"
scowled Dave.
"
That
'
s
a crock of shit!
"

"
You
'
re better
-
looking than
I
'
ll
ever be
!
"
declared Boris.
"
At least when girls look at you, they don
'
t
laugh
or look like they
'
re gonna
'
throw up!
"

"
You
'
re blowing it all out of proportion,
"
said Dave.
"
I
know
you don
'
t make girls want to throw up.
"

"
How do
you
know
?
"
Boris cast spitefully.
"
Did you circulate a questionnaire? I wanna
'
hear the source of your information.
"

Rolling his eyes skyward, Dave released an exasperated sigh. The argument with Boris was really wearing him down, and he
didn
'
t
seem to be accomplishing a thing. He was starting to think that
he'd
only delayed the inevitable, temporarily diverted Boris from his predestined death scene.

"
Tell me which girls don
'
t feel sick when they look at me,
"
snapped Boris.
"
I wanna
'
hear some names, since you think you know so much.
"

"
Jane and Becky,
"
offered Dave.
"
You don
'
t make
them
sick.
"

"
Yes I do,
"
nodded Boris, tapping his belly with the barrel of the gun.
"
I can see it in their
eyes
.
They act nice to me, but the whole time they
'
re thinking to themselves
'
Who would wanna
'
touch
him
?
'"

"
You
'
re imagining things, Boris,
"
said Dave.
"
You think every girl hates you, so you get completely paranoid. Didn
'
t it ever occur to you that you
'
re not giving them enough of a chance?
"

"
They don
'
t wanna
'
touch
me
!
"
shouted Boris.
"
I
'
m not
imagining
it! I must
'
ve asked out
hundreds
through the years, and they
'
ve all
told
me that in
one
way or another!
"
Angrily, he thrust a foot against the hard ground, sending a spray of dirt fanning from the toe of his sneaker.
"
Some of them have been
polite
about it, some of them have
laughed
in my face, but they
'
ve all told me the same thing!
"

"
I
'
m telling you, you
'
re not giving them a chance,
"
insisted Dave.
"
I mean, just because some of them laughed at you or told you off doesn
'
t mean they
all
think that way.
"

"
If
you
were a girl, would
you
wanna
'
be seen with me
?
"
asked Boris.

"
I have absolutely no idea,
"
sighed Dave.
"
I can
'
t tell you one way or the other, Boris.
"

"
Well,
I
can
!
"
pounced Boris.
"
You wouldn
'
t!
Look
at me!
"
Spreading his arms, he looked down at his prodigious belly.
"
Two
-
hundred
-
and
-
seventy
-
five pounds,
all of it
flab
!
No girl in her right
mind
would wanna
'
come near me unless she looked like this, too! I
'
m only good enough for
fat
girls, and I don
'
t
want
a
fat
girl!
"