Backtracker (102 page)

"
I didn
'
t have any
money
.
I didn
'
t have any
insurance
.
My parents helped out some...but hers couldn
'
t...and the government wouldn
'
t cover
everything
.
I didn
'
t know...what I was going to do. I didn
'
t know...how I could
pay
for all this.

"
I didn
'
t
know
what to
do
,
"
shouted Larry, and then he surrendered to another wave of violent sobbing.

Dave wanted to laugh, at least giggle a little.

His eyes dipped to the body in the sand, and he wanted to giggle even more. That
wasn
'
t
Billy Bristol; it made Larry
'
s performance even funnier, for the killer was pouring his heart out over a fraudulent corpse. It was as if he were delivering a heartfelt rendition of Hamlet
'
s
"
Poor Yorick
"
soliloquy to the skull of a cow.

It was ridiculous.

Larry was lying and that
wasn
'
t
Billy Bristol and the whole scene was absolutely ridiculous.

'
I
'
m...
you
,
'
Larry Smith had said.

Ridiculous.

Shuddering, sniffling, rocking, blinking, Larry finally managed to continue. As he spoke, he looked more desolate than ever, more crushed, more exhausted...though, perhaps, it was just his gray pallor which made him seem thus. His face had markedly darkened, gone beyond slate gray, approached the shade of wet pavement.

"
I couldn
'
t take it,
"
he whimpered, fitfully kneading his blackened hands.
"
I kept sinking...lower and lower every day...every year.

"
My...my wife...and I hated each other...and we fought all the time. My daughter was in and out of the hospital constantly...and it hurt me just to
look
at her.

"
I couldn
'
t find a decent
job
.
I
never
had enough
money
.
The bills kept piling up...and I couldn
'
t pay them. We had to go on Welfare.
Me
, with a college
degree...and I was on
Welfare
.

"
I
had
nothing
,
"
wailed Larry, wincing haggardly at Dave.
"
I had
no one
, not even my
family
.
Mom and Dad practically
disowned
me.
Jeff
didn
'
t want anything to
do
with me.

"
All my
friends
were
gone
.
Living in the trailer constantly reminded me...of what I used to be...everything I
'
d lost.

"
I
'
d lost
everything
,
"
squeaked Larry.
"
Everything
.
"

Dave wanted to laugh; he wanted to laugh right in Larry
'
s face.

He wanted to laugh, and then he wanted to shoot.

He wanted to do it immediately. Larry
'
s sham of a confession had gone on too long; the killer
'
s undeserved reprieve had already extended beyond all reasonable limits.

Dave
didn
'
t
want to wait anymore. He wanted to shoot.

Now. He wanted to shoot now.

He wanted to shoot. He
didn
'
t
want to listen.

Larry was lying.

That
wasn
'
t
that
wasn
'
t
Billy Bristol.

Dave wanted to
shoot
.

"
I started drinking heavily,
"
blubbered Larry, staring at the lake.
"
It was the only thing that helped. I drank all the time.

"
I drank on the sly at work. I drank when I was home. I spent a lot of time in bars. I just drank.

"
I wanted...to
forget
.
I just wanted to forget everything...but I
couldn
'
t
.
I
'
d forget a little...but it would all come
back
to me...so I
'
d drink more and more. I
'
d drink and drink...but I could never
forget
.
"

Thunder rolled and crashed overhead; Dave jumped at the burst,
wasn
'
t
sure for an instant that it
hadn
'
t
been the crack of the .38.

He shifted the gun just a bit to keep Larry Smith
'
s head fixed squarely beyond the sight. As he squinted at the killer, Dave noticed that Larry
'
s face had darkened further; it was the shade of charcoal now, almost black.

The darkening
wasn
'
t
the only mutation. Small clumps of blisters had erupted on Larry
'
s cheeks and along his jawline; the skin of his face appeared more wrinkled than before, seemed to have shriveled and tightened against the bones underneath.

Apparently, Larry
'
s affliction was indeed spreading. Apparently, he would continue to decay, would blacken and wither right before Dave
'
s eyes.

It was enough to make Dave want to laugh. It was almost enough to make him refrain from shooting, just so he could see how Larry would end up.

"
I really got bad,
"
gurgled the killer.
"
I was drunk all the time.

"
Finally...it all caught up with me. I finally...I finally...
"

Larry
'
s voice cracked; again, he broke down in a sobbing fit. Choking, heaving, shivering, he doubled over and plunged his face into his hands.

Dave shivered, too...but not because he felt any kind of empathy with the killer. Dave shook because a frigid wind had sprung upon him; he was soaked, the rain was pouring harder than ever, and the icy wind seemed to rush right through him.

As cold as it was, the wind was just a taste of the chill to come. Twilight was well underway; the sky, already darkened by clouds, was dimming further, and the temperature had dropped noticeably. Soon, the sky would be completely dark, lit not even by the cloud
-
shrouded moon and stars...and Cross Creek State Park would grow bitterly cold, downright polar.

Dave wanted to finish the ridiculous encounter before the night
'
s freeze set in; he wanted to conclude the whole fiasco immediately and get home, get warm, get some sleep. There was no use in listening to more of Larry
'
s maudlin blubbering; it was silly to linger any longer by that body which
wasn
'
t
Billy
'
s, which could never be never be Billy
'
s.

After several false starts, Larry finally managed to squeeze out a ragged dribble of words. He seemed to have more trouble speaking than ever before; the anguish in his voice exceeded all prior levels.

"
I...I was driving...from a bar...one night,
"
he sobbed, mashing his hands together.
"
I was...drunk...like always...and I wrecked.

"
I...hit another car...head
-
on. There were...there were three...people in the...other car.

"
There was...a mother...and two kids...and they were all...all killed.

"
I was...smashed
-
up...but they were all...killed.

"
All...killed,
"
gasped Larry.
"
All three.
"

Dave wanted to shoot.

Enough was enough.

"
I
killed
them,
"
wailed Larry.
"
I
killed
them!
"

Enough was enough.

Larry seemed about to again collapse in a sobbing heap, but he somehow kept wrenching out words.

"
They...threw me...in prison,
"
he choked.
"
They put me away...and I deserved it. God...I
deserved
it.

"
I deserved...to be killed...for what I
'
d done. I kept wishing...that they
'
d
kill
me...b
ut they just put me in
prison
.

"
I even...tried to...kill myself...since they wouldn
'
t do it. I tried...over and over...but they wouldn
'
t
let
me! They kept...
stopping
me. They wouldn
'
t...even let me...
die
.

"
I found out...later...why I wasn
'
t allowed...to die yet.
God...wouldn
'
t let me go...because he wasn
'
t done...
punishing
me...for killing those people!

"
He was...saving up...to make me...truly
suffer
!
"

Enough was enough.

Dave was going to shoot.

He was going to shoot now.

He
wasn
'
t
going to listen to another ridiculous word.

"
I wasn
'
t...done
suffering
,
"
bleated Larry.
"
The best...the
best
was still to
come
!

"
Four years after...I was put away...my brother...my brother...was
arrested
for dealing
drugs
!
Jeff...my brother, Jeff...was put away, too!

"
He
'
d been in
deep
.
He
'
d started running with...that little bastard...I killed at the Rock today. The little fuck...was in with a bunch...who were the biggest dealers in this part of the state...and he pulled Jeff in...and they were all busted.

"
Jeff was put away...and I knew
...as soon as I heard, I
knew
.

"
I knew...it was my
fault
!
"
wailed Larry, clawing at his scalp with both hands.
"
I hadn
'
t...been there for him! I
'
d let him down! I
'
d
failed
him...and
God
was
using
him to pay me back...for what I
'
d done!

"
I
'
d taken...three lives,
"
groaned Larry,
"
and God..
.
ruined my
brother
'
s
life...in
return
.