BacktoLife (9 page)

The kiss was soft as a feather, their
mouths barely touching, and yet she felt it deep inside her. She loved him so
much. Of course, she’d loved him for years, but this was more. This felt
completely different, as if she was hanging from a cliff and the only way to
save herself was to count on him, to grasp his hand and hold on. She shivered and
drew back a little, gasping when she spotted the emotions clearly displayed on
his face.

She felt a smile blossom on her face. “Okay
then.”

Jared started laughing. He wrapped his arms
around her and hid his face in the crook of her neck, the bristles covering his
cheeks abrading her sensitive skin. She wiggled a little, then settled into his
embrace.

Closing her eyes, she felt tears threaten
and hoped he wouldn’t notice. She had the right to be emotional though, right?
She’d taken her wedding band off, something she’d refused to do for so long,
people had even stopped asking her about it.
But I did it.

Jared tightened his hold on her, squeezing
her until it nearly hurt. She didn’t complain however. She was exactly where
she wanted to be.

* * * * *

“Are you sure, dear?”

Sara looked up from her computer screen the
next day and smiled at old Mrs Willowsby. “Am I sure about what?”

“About your new man. Mike was the good one
of the family, you know.”

She blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I know how much you loved your husband. He
really was a great catch and perfect for you, but his brother, dear… He’s not
cut out of the same cloth.”

“What?” She couldn’t think of anything else
to say. She was that shocked.

“Mike was the nicest man in town. He had
such perfect manners, even as a child. His brother, however, he’s been spoiled
too much. He makes a decent living, but there isn’t much upstairs, if you get
my meaning.”

“He’s not stupid!”

“No, of course not. I never said that. He’s
just not really clever, not like your husband, dear.”

“My husband’s dead!”

“Shh, shh, I know, sweetheart. And we miss
him every day, just like you do.” The elderly woman patted her hand and left
the doctor’s office, leaving Sara completely rankled.

What the hell had that been? Oh, she’d
known Mike had been loved in town. He’d owned the only insurance agency in the
county, turning it into a successful venture, mostly thanks to his charm.
People saw him and thought, what a gentleman. He had the gab of a salesman and
the smooth manners that went with it. Only she had known that he also had a
hidden side, one he never showed outsiders.

He was all smiles and sunshine with people,
but was often depressed when he was home. She’d had to fake her happiness for
so long she’d even started to believe it. He’d needed her so much, she’d become
this fantasy Sara, the one who was always cheerful, the one who didn’t complain
about anything just in case it sent her husband spiraling into an even darker
mood. She’d loved him so much, and yet not having to lie all the time had felt
good. Easier.

She froze, her hands suddenly immobile on
her keyboard. Had she just thought her husband’s death was a good thing?
Oh
God!
She was a despicable person! And just hours after she’d taken his ring
off too…

She bit her inside lip and felt tears
threaten. What was wrong with her? Was Mrs Willowsby right? Maybe being with
Jared was a bad idea. She’d been married for ten years. Mike’s memory should be
more important than that, and yet what was she doing? Spending her time having
sex with his younger brother as if she had every right to. “I suck,” she
murmured under her breath. She really did.

Which was why an hour later, as soon as it
was time to go home, Sara went to the cemetery instead. The tears were already
dripping down her face as she climbed out of her car. She stumbled on the
gravel path, the black court shoes she wore to work pinching her toes.

She’d forgotten her coat in her haste and
the wind whipped at her thin white blouse, goosebumps appearing across her
skin. She rubbed her forearms and strode forward, her attention only on the
second grave on the right after the fir tree. Just a few more yards and she’d
be there. She rounded the corner and stopped abruptly, a gasp lodging in her
throat.

She could see Mike’s grave from here, but
someone was kneeling in front of it. She knew Shirley came often, but it wasn’t
her softly whispering, a hand on the smooth gray marble as if he needed
anchoring. No, it was Jared.

His face was drawn, not unlike her own as
she remembered it from her last bathroom stop before she’d left the office. He
was talking to his brother, she realized as she stepped forward, walking on the
wet grass so he couldn’t hear her. She shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but she
couldn’t help herself…

“I love her, Mike. I know I shouldn’t, that
she was yours first, but I can’t stop. I always had a crush on her, you know
that. And now that you’re gone, we spent so much time together and…I guess
feelings grew. She’s a very special lady, but I’m sure you know that already.
She tells me she loves me, but…I don’t know. She was so in love with you. She
really took your death hard. She was crying all the time and it damn near broke
my heart. I know she always thought of me as a little brother, as a friend
even, but a lover? It’s too good to be true.”

He snorted. “Whatever my friends think.” He
bent his head and added, “I’m not good enough for her. I’m not you. I’ll never
be you.”

Her heart squeezed painfully inside her
chest.
Jared…
“I don’t want you to be like Mike.”

He whirled around so fast he nearly fell on
his butt. He reached back and managed to hold himself up against the marble.
“Sara? What are you doing here?”

“I…” She blinked, suddenly realizing she
couldn’t tell him what had been going through her head. She was so ashamed of
her inner thoughts there was no way she could tell anyone.

“You were crying?” he asked suddenly,
pushing up on his knees until he was once more towering over her. “What’s
wrong, baby? Did something happen?”

She shook her head. “No. Yes. I mean, no.
It’s just… I was thinking about Mike and decided to come here.” She wiped her
cheeks.

“Oh. I see.” He took a step back. “I had
the same idea.”

“I saw. I…heard.” She winced when she saw
him stare at her. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help but overhear you talk to him. And
you’re wrong, you know. I don’t expect you to be like your brother.”

He brushed a hand over his face and sighed.
“I know what people in town are saying. Mike was… He had it all. He had his
whole life figured out by the time he was twenty!”

“You have a life too. You have a family who
loves you, a job you’re good at, friends. What more do you need?”

“You.” The word rang between them, stilling
the world for a second.

Sara grabbed his hands and pulled him
close. Her eyes steady on him, she finally replied, “You’ve got me.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment or two,
but soon his arms were around her and he was hugging her tight. “I do. I do,”
she heard him murmur against her hair.

They stood there for long minutes, the cold
air whipping around them. It didn’t matter however. They had each other to keep
warm…

Chapter Six

“Baby, are you sure you want to do this?”
Jared watched his girlfriend stare up at the mountain path they were going to
take in a few minutes. “We can do something else, you know.”

She shook her head. “I’ll be fine,” she
replied, but he wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself.

“You don’t have to come with me, Sara,” he
tried again. This time she turned and glared at him. “Right.” He winced. “Let’s
go then. Do you have your pack?” She nodded. “Good. What time is it?” He
checked his watch. “It’s just past ten. It shouldn’t take us longer than an
hour and a half, maybe two if we dawdle. We can go have brunch somewhere in
town afterward, what do you think?”

“Sounds good.” She moved to his side as he
started walking.

He wasn’t too sure what had made her decide
to join him on his practice hike, but she’d insisted she wanted to come. He’d
tried to dissuade her. After all, he knew damn well she hated walking. How many
times in the past had she told him she didn’t understand why he loved hiking so
much?

She wasn’t an outdoorsy kind of person and
he was fine with that. She didn’t like the things he did, but so what? That
didn’t mean they weren’t perfectly happy together. Couples didn’t have to do
everything together, right?

As the thoughts circled inside his head, he
wondered for a second if maybe she had heard what his friends had said in the
bar the other evening. Maybe one of the other patrons had repeated Chris’
hurtful words. Their town was so small everyone knew each other and it was
entirely possible. Shit, could that be it?

“Babe?” he heard himself say. She looked
up. Crap! He had no idea what he’d been about to ask her! “Huh, are you okay?”

She blinked. “Sure. We only just started.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean then?”

He squeezed her fingers. “I meant in
general. Are you happy?”

She was frowning by the time he finished
talking. “Sure. Aren’t you?”

Argh!
“God,
are you kidding? Of course I’m happy. I’ve got you, haven’t I?” He grinned down
at her.

Her face cleared. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

An hour later, however, love wasn’t in the
air as they climbed the steepest hill of their hike. Jared had moved behind her
in case she fell, and as he watched her take step after step, he couldn’t help
but admire her curves.

Her hips rolled from left to right. Her ass
jiggled with her every movement. The muscles in her calves, uncovered by the
Bermuda shorts she wore, were taut.

She was sweating too, something he probably
shouldn’t find so damn appealing, but it reminded him of the way she looked
after a particularly energetic bout of sex. Yes, just like now. Her face red,
tendrils of hair frizzing everywhere, her mouth open as she panted. His shorts
starting to feel a lot less baggy, he took an extra-long step and rested his
hand on her lower back.

She started and looked at him over her
shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a helping hand.” He winked.

“I’m fine.”

“Baby, let me, okay?”

“I’m slowing you down. I know I am. You
should just go ahead and—”

He grabbed her hand and tugged. She
squealed and slumped against him, but he didn’t give her time to start telling
him off. Instead he slipped his palm up her back and caught her ponytail,
pulling her to him so he could kiss her hard.

She moaned something against his lips, her
hands coming up to rest on his chest. They stood like this, kissing as if they
had all the time in the world…and they did.

When he drew back and brushed his thumb
against her slightly puffy lower lip, he knew he was smiling like a lunatic.
She was the only person who’d ever made him feel that way. As if nothing else
was important. As if he could take on the world and be victorious only because
she was by his side.

He was in love and it was an exhilarating
feeling. And because euphoria was bubbling inside him, he decided to question
her right there and then and not back at home like he’d planned to do. “Why are
you doing this, Sara?”

She frowned. “You’re the one who kissed me,
you know.”

He cupped her cheek with one hand. “No, not
that, even though it was a very nice kiss.” He smiled softly. “Why are you
acting like this? I know you hate walking. I’ve known you for years, remember?”

He watched as she bit the inside of her
mouth. “Maybe I just wanted to see why you like it so much.”

Jared thought about that for a second.
“That makes sense. I know you’re lying though. Why are you here? Why do you go
walking all the time? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” She took a step
back, but he was holding her and wasn’t letting go. “Answer me, baby.”

“It’s nothing, okay?” She grabbed his
biceps, trying to push him away from her.

“I’m not moving until you answer me, Sara.
I love you, you know that, right? I love you just the way you are. I don’t care
that you don’t like hiking. Really, I don’t.”

“But it’s your job! It’s what you do!”

“So what? Does that mean you expect me to
learn all that insurance lingo you use every day at the office? Or that I
should start reading all those romances you like? That I can’t have sugar in my
coffee ever again because that’s the way you drink it?”

“Don’t be stupid. I never said that.” She
crossed her arms and glared up at him. Again.

“What happened, baby? Did someone tell you
something?” He was fishing, he knew that, but if she’d heard what his friends
had said, he was going to find them and pummel them. No regrets, no excuses. He
was going to hurt them for the way they hurt his girl. His voice a lot harsher,
he repeated, “What did you hear?”