Back Talk (11 page)

“Call my sister, hell no! That woman could talk the ear off an elephant. I’d never get her off the line. Did I ever tell you the time we went to the Portland Zoo …”

“Lillian, if you want to smoke, you’d better get going,” Anne 75

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said, pointing to the big black clock. They had approximately six minutes before Anne had to be back on the air.

Anne’s show ran from ten in the morning until twelve. Each segment was approximately fifteen minutes long. At every quarter hour they broke for commercials, news and weather. This was the perfect length of time for Hilton to keep the Web site updated and not get burned out sitting endlessly in front of the computer.

“Oh, crap. I’ll tell you later,” Lillian said. She bustled off as fast as her square-heeled orthopedic shoes would carry her.

“That was good,” Dave said. He got up and stretched.

“And the rest of the day will be even better,” Anne said, rubbing her hands together gleefully. “Do you want to go to lunch after the show?”

“I’d love to but I have to take Shannon to get her annual shots.

It doesn’t take long. You could come with and then we could go eat.”

Dave gave them both a funny look.

“Dave, would you like to go to lunch too?” Anne asked.

“I wasn’t invited.”

“Dave, you’re acting like a girl.”

“Dude, I was just messing with you. Actually, I got a date with the new mail clerk downstairs.”

“The one with the Gucci obsession?” Anne inquired.

“Have you seen her?” Dave asked.

“Those are not real,” Anne said.

Hilton smirked. It was obvious that the woman had breast implants.

“Does it really matter?” he replied, his eyes glossing over.

“I think he’s visualizing his face nestled between them,” Anne said to Hilton.

“Was I that obvious?” he asked.

Anne glanced at the clock. “Yes, and try to remember not to stare at her chest the whole time you’re having lunch. It’s a dead giveaway.”

“Dude, it’ll be seriously hard.”

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“Try,” Hilton advised. “You’ll get to that place faster if you pretend to be interested in her mind. Remember, you’re not the only guy on the planet who wants to rent the condo with nipples.”

“Got it.”

“Condo with nipples?” Anne clicked in from her booth.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Hilton replied.

Dave started the bumper music and played “Brick House.”

Lillian came clunking in and the show began.

Anne interspersed the second segment of the show with pro and con calls. There was much heated debate and Anne pretty much let the callers do all the work. She engaged in one of her favorite pastimes, which was throwing pencils at the suspended fiberglass ceiling. There must have been a thousand pencils up there already. Every now and again, Ed would have maintenance change out the panels, he’d have a discussion with her about her proclivity, and then it would continue. No one had lost an eye yet.

Veronica came flying into the control room all out breath.

“Great goodness, you wouldn’t think getting a smoothie would be so difficult. It seems there’s some kind of fruit dispute and it’s suddenly extremely hard to come by. It’s a dock strike or something.”

“Veronica, you didn’t have to go to all that trouble, really.”

Hilton almost felt guilty. She did feel a little more confident, a little more in control. Attitude was everything and good clothes seem to help even if her hair was fucked up.

“You’ve got to keep your energy up.”

“Thank you,” Hilton said, taking a sip. Shannon woke up from her mid-morning nap and came sauntering over to check it out.

Hilton gave her a taste.

Dave was busy making it look like he was fainting from famine but Veronica pointedly ignored him. He must have been somewhat convincing because Shannon came over and licked his face.

Dave giggled and screamed.

Anne clicked on her mike from the radio booth as station identification played. “We need to get him a man or a testosterone shot. He’s acting like a girl again.”

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Dave managed to extricate himself from Shannon and stood up.

He grabbed his balls and said, “No way. I’m man, all man.”

“Whatever,” Anne said, rolling her eyes. She was back on the air.

Hilton was enjoying the show when Natalie arrived. Anne was having an animated conversation with a fervent atheist. Somehow Nat had wheedled her way past Veronica, which for Nat wouldn’t have been that difficult, Hilton thought. Nat could charm the smock off a nun if it was to her advantage. In fact, she probably had.

Hilton opened the door to the control room. “What are you doing here?” she asked. She stood in the doorway to block Nat’s entrance. Suddenly, she was concerned because Nat didn’t do things like show up at work. Half the time Nat had no idea where she was. They just sort of ran into each other whenever. They were actually more like sisters than lovers. Still, what love and sex and lust was between them hadn’t found a place to go or a way to end.

“I came to talk to you. I’m moving to Sherry’s for a little while.”

Nat pulled her knapsack up on her shoulder. It looked heavy and Hilton figured it was full of clothes. Not a lot, but enough to indicate this wasn’t an overnighter.

“What! You’re moving out?” Hilton could feel her heart pounding in her ears like the way waves make that thudding sound when they hit the beach.

“I just think it’ll be better if I wasn’t around while you’re having this thing with that pink-haired freak, Emily.” Nat peered into the booth at Anne who was twirling a pencil between her fingers like a baton.

“Nat, I’m not doing anything with Emily. I haven’t seen her since that night. You’ve seen more of her than I have. Really, I’m not that interested. You know, it was kind of a one-time thing.”

Hilton realized she was pleading. Part of her was totally disgusted.

After all, it was Nat who did most of the messing around. The other part of her was cringing in the corner with terror that the 78

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one person in her life masquerading as a constant was about to make a run for it.

“I always wondered what she looked like,” Nat said, apparently more interested in Anne than in the fact she was tearing Hilton’s world apart. She was like a child who’d spent all afternoon metic-ulously building a house with wooden blocks only to kick them all over in a gleeful act of total destruction.

“Nat, could we talk about us for a minute? You can’t just move out like this. What about us?” Hilton whispered. Dave was doing his best to pretend he wasn’t in the room.

“Oh, it’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll be back before you know it. You know how I am.” Nat touched her cheek. “I love you.”

Shannon came up behind her and peed on Nat’s pant leg.

Nat swung around. “Damn it! Why does she do that to me?”

“Because she can tell you’re upsetting me.” Hilton went and sat down in her chair. She could tell there was no reasoning with Nat.

She had made her decision and now it was time for action. That was one of the things Hilton admired yet despised about her. What was done was done and what needed to be done was done regard-less of how foolish or destructive the choice became.

“I’ve got to go. Sherry is waiting for me downstairs.”

“Great! Tell her hi for me,” Hilton said facetiously. She doubted Nat would get it. She never did.

Hilton watched her go and then got up, kicked her chair and went to the restroom.

She had her face in the sink and was running cold water over her eyes when Anne found her. Dave must have informed her.

“Are you all right?” Anne asked.

“Yeah.” Hilton dried her face. Her eyes were red and it was apparent she’d been crying.

“Was that Natalie?”

“Yeah, she’s going to move out for a while.”

“Oh.”

“I guess I should have seen that one coming. I’m not good at seeing her sucker punches coming. You’d think I would be.”

“Did Shannon pee on her?”

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Hilton smiled weakly. “Yeah, she does that sometimes.”

Anne started to laugh then contained herself. Then Hilton laughed.

“Got to love that dog,” Anne said.

“She’s better than any girlfriend I’ve had.”

“Which is pretty much Nat.”

“Well, yeah.”

“Can you get her to do that on command?”

“I don’t know. Why?” Hilton grabbed some toilet paper and blew her nose. There was no sense pretending she hadn’t been crying. Besides, with Anne somehow it didn’t matter. Anne knew what it was like to lose someone. Nat had hurt her and then she had a good little cry. She didn’t need to be ashamed. Sometimes she wished she had more normal people skills like Anne. Anne could handle any situation. Hilton always felt kind of awkward.

She thought one day she might outgrow her social phobias but that had yet to happen. She often wondered if it ever would.

“Because I’d like to take her to the monthly staff meeting and have her pee on people who are giving me a hard time.”

Hilton laughed.

Anne gave her a hug. “In a couple of days you’ll feel better and you’ll get more logical about it. I swear.” Anne held her for a minute longer than was probably necessary but neither of them pulled away. There was a knock at the door and they both jumped.

It was Dave. “Dudes, it’s, like, almost time.”

“I hate when he calls me a dude.”

“It’s kind of like a term of endearment,” Hilton replied.

“I’ll take you to lunch after our vet visit and we’ll have a couple of adult beverages and you’ll feel better.”

Hilton nodded. They had one more half-hour segment. Hilton was glad. She’d have some time to compose herself.

After the show, they took Shannon to the vet in Anne’s Chevy Avalanche. It appeared Shannon thought they were going for a ride until they got closer to the vet’s office. She must have memo-80

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rized its location because she started to whimper and whine the closer they got. Then she started pacing in the backseat. When Hilton pulled the leash out of her backpack, Shannon barked. She was seldom on a leash, so when it appeared, she knew for certain where they were going.

“Stop being such a baby. You think going for a pelvic exam is a treat and I still do it. It’ll take five minutes. I thought you liked Dr.

Vincente.”

Shannon whimpered again.

“This is sad,” Anne said, looking into the rearview mirror.

“Don’t buy into it. It’s quick and it’s necessary. I’m glad you came, though. Sometimes I have a little trouble getting her into the office.”

“Trouble?” Anne said, pulling into the parking lot Hilton had pointed to.

“You’ll see.”

It started with trying to get Shannon out of the backseat.

Hilton had Anne hold Shannon’s leash from the other direction while she pushed her. Hilton took hold of the leash and then she pulled and Anne pushed Shannon to the front door. Shirley, the vet tech, opened the door. She took the leash and Anne and Hilton pushed Shannon through the door.

“There is a downside to having big dogs,” Shirley said. She wiped a bead of sweat off the end of her nose. She was a petite, curly-headed redhead and Hilton had always admired her skill with animals. Shirley pulled a piece of dried black meat from her pocket. Shannon became a different dog instantly. She sat down and patiently waited for her treat.

“Do you have any more of those?” Hilton asked.

“We just got a shipment in. I saved two bags for you. You can buy one and your friend can buy one,” Shirley said, winking at them.

“Are they a precious commodity?” Anne inquired as they followed Shirley into the examination room.

“They are if you’re a dog and there’s a limit of one bag per cus-tomer,” Hilton explained.

“What are they?”

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“They’re air-dried, grass-fed buffalo livers.”

“Yum,” Anne said.

“Dogs will do anything for them,” Shirley said as she prepared the vaccinations for the vet.

Dr. Vincente came in. She was a tall, leggy blonde with her hair pulled back in a bun. She wore purple scrubs and faded black high-top sneakers. She held out her hand and Shannon came over and licked.

“See, this isn’t so bad,” Hilton said.

Dr. Vicente smiled at Hilton. “Had a bit of a time getting her in here.”

“Just a little,” Hilton replied. “Luckily, I had help.”

“Aren’t you Anne Counterman?” Dr. Vicente asked, staring intently at her.

“Yes.”

“We listen to your show every morning in the office. My goodness, you’re absolutely hysterical and right on target.”

“Why, thank you,” Anne said.

Hilton noticed that Anne blushed slightly at the compliment.

“Well, Shannon, don’t we have important and famous friends.”

Dr. Vicente scratched her ears and fed her another piece of buffalo liver. She gently inserted the needle beneath Shannon’s scruff.

Judging from her lack of response, she must not have felt a thing.

Dr. Vicente looked in her ears, listened to her heart and pro-nounced her fit.

Shannon bounded out of the exam room but kept a close eye on Anne and the two bags of buffalo livers. Hilton was writing a check at the reception counter while Anne was inspecting the display of dried things that dogs liked. She picked up one that looked like a long brown cigar. She ran it under her nose like a cigar.

“What’s this?” she asked, taking a closer look.

“It looks like one of those rawhide chewy things,” Hilton ventured.

“Actually, it’s a dried bull penis,” Shirley said as she handed Hilton her receipt.

Anne dropped it instantly. She was clearly aghast.

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“It seems to have that effect on a lot of people,” Shirley said diplomatically.

“I think I’ll wash my hands.”

Shirley and Hilton waited until she was out of earshot before they exploded into giggles.