B003B0W1QC EBOK (19 page)
Authors: Dossie Easton,Catherine A. Liszt
Transgender:
An umbrella term for anyone whose sense of their own gender is not firmly rooted in either “male” or “female.” Transsexuals and some transvestites consider themselves transgendered.
An umbrella term for anyone whose sense of their own gender is not firmly rooted in either “male” or “female.” Transsexuals and some transvestites consider themselves transgendered.
Transsexual:
Someone who lives in a sex that is not the one with which they were born. Transsexuals may or may not have had surgery to change the appearance and function of their genitals. Most but not all of them take hormones to change their physical appearances and voices. The authors of this book consider it a major breach of etiquette to refer to a transsexual by the wrong pronoun (to call a male-to-female transsexual “he,” for example).
Someone who lives in a sex that is not the one with which they were born. Transsexuals may or may not have had surgery to change the appearance and function of their genitals. Most but not all of them take hormones to change their physical appearances and voices. The authors of this book consider it a major breach of etiquette to refer to a transsexual by the wrong pronoun (to call a male-to-female transsexual “he,” for example).
Transvestite:
Anyone who enjoys wearing the clothes of another gender. Some transvestites cross-dress for erotic pleasure, others to express an alternate persona, and still others simply because they feel more comfortable and at home while cross-dressed.
Anyone who enjoys wearing the clothes of another gender. Some transvestites cross-dress for erotic pleasure, others to express an alternate persona, and still others simply because they feel more comfortable and at home while cross-dressed.
24/7:
A
dominant/submissive
relationship in which the partners relate to one another as dominant and submissive at all times (“24 hours a day, seven days a week”). This typically doesn’t mean that these people are acting dominant or submissive toward one another while they watch TV or tend the garden, but that they move fluidly into those roles and back out of them according to their circumstances and mood, rather than setting up a special scene for that purpose.
A
dominant/submissive
relationship in which the partners relate to one another as dominant and submissive at all times (“24 hours a day, seven days a week”). This typically doesn’t mean that these people are acting dominant or submissive toward one another while they watch TV or tend the garden, but that they move fluidly into those roles and back out of them according to their circumstances and mood, rather than setting up a special scene for that purpose.
Vanilla:
Kinkyfolks’ term for non-kinkyfolks, or for non-kinky sex. This is not intended as an insult - as Catherine notes, “Vanilla is my second-favorite kind of sex.”
Kinkyfolks’ term for non-kinkyfolks, or for non-kinky sex. This is not intended as an insult - as Catherine notes, “Vanilla is my second-favorite kind of sex.”
Verbal
abuse: Play in which one partner yells at another or calls him nasty names - e.g., “Get down on your worthless knees, you slut.” (We wish there were another word than “abuse” for this, since we don’t think consensual and mutually desired play is abusive.)
abuse: Play in which one partner yells at another or calls him nasty names - e.g., “Get down on your worthless knees, you slut.” (We wish there were another word than “abuse” for this, since we don’t think consensual and mutually desired play is abusive.)
Voyeur:
Someone who enjoys watching someone else doing something sexual - the natural partner of the
exhibitionist
. Ethical voyeurs watch only when invited.
Someone who enjoys watching someone else doing something sexual - the natural partner of the
exhibitionist
. Ethical voyeurs watch only when invited.
Watersports:
There are two meanings for this word. One is play involving urine - most often one partner urinating on another. The other is play involving enemas. If you’re not sure what someone means by “watersports,” you’ll have to ask.
There are two meanings for this word. One is play involving urine - most often one partner urinating on another. The other is play involving enemas. If you’re not sure what someone means by “watersports,” you’ll have to ask.
Whip
: Endlessly creative kinkyfolk make whips out of just about every imaginable material, creating sensations from the gentlest caress to intense pain. If you hear that your kinky person has bought himself a whip, please don’t picture an Indiana Jones bullwhip - the actual implement is far more likely to be a flogger of the softest, most sensual doeskin.
: Endlessly creative kinkyfolk make whips out of just about every imaginable material, creating sensations from the gentlest caress to intense pain. If you hear that your kinky person has bought himself a whip, please don’t picture an Indiana Jones bullwhip - the actual implement is far more likely to be a flogger of the softest, most sensual doeskin.
Workshop:
A class in which someone with expertise in a particular technique or subject shares her knowledge with others. A workshop might include lectures, discussion, paper handouts, and/or demonstrations. Workshops are often put on by
support
groups or
at leather
conferences.
A class in which someone with expertise in a particular technique or subject shares her knowledge with others. A workshop might include lectures, discussion, paper handouts, and/or demonstrations. Workshops are often put on by
support
groups or
at leather
conferences.
Zoophilia
: another word for
bestiality
.
: another word for
bestiality
.
13
Resource Guide
The Dance of Intimacy, by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D. Harper & Row, New York, 1986.
The Intimate Enemy: How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage
, by Dr. George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. Avon Books, New York, 1968.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION ON ALTERNATIVE SEXUAL PRACTICES, by Dr. George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. Avon Books, New York, 1968.
Books:
The Bottoming Book: Or, How to Get Terrible Things Done to You By Wonderful People
, by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt. Greenery Press, 1995.
, by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt. Greenery Press, 1995.
Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It
Safely
, by William Henkin, Ph.D. and Sybil Holiday. Daedalus Press, 1996.
Safely
, by William Henkin, Ph.D. and Sybil Holiday. Daedalus Press, 1996.
Different Loving:
The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria G. Brame, Will Brame, Jon Jacobs. Villard Books, 1996.
The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria G. Brame, Will Brame, Jon Jacobs. Villard Books, 1996.
The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex,
by Cathy Winks & Anne Semans. Cleis Press, 1994.
by Cathy Winks & Anne Semans. Cleis Press, 1994.
Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice
, by Mark Thompson. Alyson Books, 2000.
, by Mark Thompson. Alyson Books, 2000.
My Husband Wears My Clothes
:
Crossdressing from
the Perspective of a Wife, by Peggy J. Rudd. PM Publishers, 1999.
:
Crossdressing from
the Perspective of a Wife, by Peggy J. Rudd. PM Publishers, 1999.
SM
101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, 1996.
101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman. Greenery Press, 1996.
The Topping Book: Or, Getting Good at Being Bad
, by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt. Greenery Press, 1998.
, by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt. Greenery Press, 1998.
Websites:
The Society for Human Sexuality, at the University of Washington at Seattle, sponsors an excellent general-interest sexuality website at
www.sexuality.org
.
www.sexuality.org
.
San Francisco Sex Information (which also maintains a wonderful sex information telephone line at 415/989-SFSI) has another great general site at
www.sfsi.org
.
www.sfsi.org
.
For questions specifically about BDSM and related practices, try the detailed site at
bdsm.about.com
.
bdsm.about.com
.
Organizations:
The Society of Janus is a general-interest BSDM organization, headquartered in San Francisco, for people of all genders and orientations -
www.soj.org
,
P.O. Box 426794, San Francisco, CA 94142, 415/ 292-3222. The Eulenspiegel Society is a similar organization in New York -
www.tes.org
,
P.O. Box 2783, New York, NY 10163, 212/388- 7022. Although these are the largest and best-known BDSM support and education groups, dozens of others exist in other cities and can be found through the websites listed above.
www.soj.org
,
P.O. Box 426794, San Francisco, CA 94142, 415/ 292-3222. The Eulenspiegel Society is a similar organization in New York -
www.tes.org
,
P.O. Box 2783, New York, NY 10163, 212/388- 7022. Although these are the largest and best-known BDSM support and education groups, dozens of others exist in other cities and can be found through the websites listed above.
IFGE (International Foundation for Gender Education).
www.ifge.org
.
P.O Box 367, Wayland, MA 01778.
IF THE PERSON YOU LOVE IS GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL OR TRANSGENDEREDwww.ifge.org
.
P.O Box 367, Wayland, MA 01778.
Books:
Coming Out to Parents : A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents
, by Mary V. Borhek. Pilgrim Press, 1993.
, by Mary V. Borhek. Pilgrim Press, 1993.
Loving Someone
Gay,
by Donald H. Clark. Celestial Arts, 1997.
Gay,
by Donald H. Clark. Celestial Arts, 1997.
The
Transsexual’s
Survival Guide
II:
To Transition
&
Beyond, for Family,
Friends &
Employers, by JoAnn Altman Stringer. Creative Design Services, 1992.
Transsexual’s
Survival Guide
II:
To Transition
&
Beyond, for Family,
Friends &
Employers, by JoAnn Altman Stringer. Creative Design Services, 1992.
When Sons and Daughters Choose Alternative Lifestyles,
by Mariana Caplan, M.A. Hohm Press, 1996.
by Mariana Caplan, M.A. Hohm Press, 1996.
Organizations:
P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).
www.pflag.org
.
726 M Street NW, Suite 400, Washington, DC 20036, 202-467-8180.
FOR HELP WITH THERAPISTS, PHYSICIANS, ETC.www.pflag.org
.
726 M Street NW, Suite 400, Washington, DC 20036, 202-467-8180.
Books:
Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse
and Their
Caregivers,
by Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. Greenery Press, San Francisco, 1999.
and Their
Caregivers,
by Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. Greenery Press, San Francisco, 1999.
Websites:
Kink-Aware Professionals. Author/educator Race Bannon maintains a list on the World Wide Web of therapists, physicians, attorneys and other professionals who are open to working with clients with nontraditional sexualities: it’s at
www.bannon.com/kap
.
www.bannon.com/kap
.
1
Kinsey, “Male Sexual Behavior, ”p. 580.
2
Easton & Liszt, “The Topping Book: Or, Getting Good At Being Bad,” “1995
3
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, the American Psychiatric Association, Washington, D.C., 1994, pps. 523 & 525. We do not support sexual behaviors engaged in without the full and knowing consent of competent adults.
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