Axel's Pup (51 page)

“I had to sort everything out, sir.” He glanced toward Axel. The way Axel frowned was almost the last straw. Bayden jerked himself to his feet and paced over to the window, turning his back on Axel before he proved just how right his mother was to doubt his ability to lead even the tiniest of packs.

Blinking rapidly, he brushed at his eyes to check. Tears hadn’t fallen. They weren’t going to fall.

He heard Axel get up and leave the room. Bayden closed his eyes and managed not to run after him. He didn’t know if the punishment had started, if not being close to Axel was part of it. Bayden gripped the towel tightly. He wanted to be close to Axel so badly. He didn’t deserve to be held close, but he wanted it so much he could barely breathe.

Axel came back. Bayden turned toward him. If Axel had just gone to get something to punish him with, maybe there was still hope.

Axel went into the flat’s kitchen, then returned to the living room. He had a bottle in one hand and a glass in the other. He sat on the sofa.

“Come here.”

Bayden sat next to Axel, but he couldn’t meet his gaze. He watched Axel pour a large glass of clear liquid, but his brain was so sluggish he couldn’t work out how it would fit into any punishment.

Axel held out a glass. “Drink.”

Bayden automatically took the glass.

“Toss it straight back in one. Do as you’re told.”

He obeyed. The liquid hit the back of his throat. It was the same thing that had made him choke when he drank most of the top shelf. He barely managed to swallow it down before he started coughing so hard tears sprung to his eyes. Still coughing, he rushed to wipe them away, but it was as if the first few drops had broken the damn.

His coughing stopped, his tears didn’t. He covered his eyes and tried to turn away, but Axel caught hold of his shoulder and pulled him back. The next thing he knew he was curled up in Axel’s arms and a few stupid tears had turned into a flood.

“I…”

“Hush. Let it out.”

Bayden shook his head.

“Don’t argue with me, pup. Do as you’re told. Let it all out.” Axel’s words were gentle, but his tone allowed no room for argument.

“He died,” Bayden blurted out.

Axel held him tighter, rocking him gently.

Bayden pushed against Axel’s chest, trying to get away, but Axel’s grip was too strong. The only place Bayden could hide his tears was in Axel’s shoulder.

“He died. And she’s gone. And it wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to die. I never wanted him to die—never.” The tears weren’t the only things that flowed faster than he could control. The words were unstoppable. He had no idea how many Axel could make out through the tears, but Bayden was powerless to stop them from tumbling past his lips.

When he finally managed to silence both his tears and his garbled explanations, the room was eerily quiet. His whole body trembled.

Bayden’s mind slowly came back on line. He pulled away. This time, Axel allowed it. “I…”

“Yes, you did, pup. And the world’s still spinning.”

Bayden blinked at him.

“That was why you hung up on me, so I wouldn’t hear you cry.”

Bayden glanced at the glass. Axel had known what would happen. He’d made it happen on purpose.

“I don’t care about tears. And I don’t care if you blush over them,” Axel said.

Bayden cautiously lowered his head onto Axel’s shoulder. Axel let him do that. “It wasn’t just that. I…”

Axel just stroked his palm over Bayden’s back. The towel had slipped. It pooled around his lap, leaving his back bare and nothing between him and Axel’s touch.

“I couldn’t risk it, sir.”

“Me knowing where you were?”

“You ordering me to come home.” Bayden ran his fingers over the edge of a tattoo just visible past Axel’s T-shirt sleeve. “It was my responsibility. I had to sort it all out. I couldn’t just…”

“You thought I’d have ordered you to do that, that I’d expect you to obey that kind of order?” Axel asked.

“I wanted to. It was all falling apart and…” He shook his head. “And all I wanted to do was walk away, to come back to you and pretend that it wasn’t happening, that it wasn’t my responsibility. What kind of a wolf does that?”

Axel pushed his fingers through Bayden hair. “It never occurred to you that I could have helped if you’d told me what was going on?”

“It wasn’t your responsibility. He wasn’t part of your pack. I should have been able to handle it.” Bayden cleared his throat and tried to pull himself together once more. “You didn’t say what the punishment is, sir.”

“I’ll make my decision and we’ll discuss what it is closer to the time.”

“Sir?”

“There’ll be a punishment, but not while you’re still grieving,” Axel said.

“I can—”

Axel shook his head. “The decision’s been made.”

Bayden had missed that certainty so much. He looked down. “Until then, sir?”

“Everything is exactly the same as it was before.”

Bayden nodded.

* * * * *

“One last question then we’ll be done for now.” Axel hesitated, only in part because he wasn’t sure how much more Bayden could take that night.

Bayden looked up. He had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was all messed up. His skin was pale.

Axel had never seen anyone look so fragile, but he had to know. “The scene we did the night before you left—did it make you less likely to contact me?”

Bayden fidgeted with the edge of the towel. The answer was obvious.

Axel bit back a curse. He stroked Bayden’s jaw, making him look up. “The knife?” he asked. He supposed that was better than some of the other possibilities that had occurred to him. He still didn’t know how he could have been so stupid.

Bayden frowned, as if he thought Axel was an idiot for not having known it would bring up bad memories for him.

Axel stroked his fingers along Bayden’s neck, where one of the cuts had broken his skin.

Bayden jerked back. Before Axel could react, Bayden was out of the room.

Axel rushed after him, only to hesitate when he realised Bayden had gone into the kitchen rather than head for the exit.

Bayden hurried back in with a knife in his hand.

He held it out, the handle pointing toward Axel. When Axel didn’t take it, Bayden proffered it more intently.

A quick dart forward, Bayden caught hold of Axel’s wrist and pushed the knife’s handle against his palm.

“Bayden?”

“You can.”

Axel looked down at the kitchen knife. “Pup?”

“You can, sir,” Bayden rushed out, pulling his towel back around him as it started to slip. His hands were shaking.

Axel carefully put the knife on the coffee table, never taking his eyes off Bayden. “I can?”

“You think I didn’t like it. That I don’t think you should have. That I’m afraid of it,” Bayden shook his head. “I’m not. You can. We can do whatever you want.”

Axel put his hand on Bayden’s cheek and gently hushed him.

“Whatever you want, sir. Please?”

“What scared you if it wasn’t the knife?”

“I wanted to come back, sir. I wanted that so much.”

Axel narrowed his gaze. “You liked it so much, it made it more tempting to leave your responsibilities and come back to me?”

Bayden looked down.

“Because in that scene you felt…”

Bayden remained silent for a long time but Axel waited him out.

“Right,” Bayden finally whispered, barely loud enough for Axel to make out the word. “Safe. Yours.” Heat rose to his cheeks.

“Mine,” Axel agreed. Bayden had felt like he belonged to him. It had been an entirely accurate sensation. Axel brushed their lips together. He let the first few seconds be about pure reassurance.

“I liked it, sir,” Bayden whispered, when Axel pulled back. His grip on Axel’s T-shirt was white knuckled.

Axel nodded. Bayden had liked it, and he wanted it again.

“Last time, how you acted, that’s how a wolf shows that he likes his lover being more dominant with him?” Axel asked.

Bayden hesitated. “It means something different to a human, sir?” He sounded heartbroken over the idea.

Axel thought back to that night, the soft tenderness of every touch. “It could mean a human sub was trying to gentle things down, that he was worried his dom was being too rough with him.”

Bayden shook his head, very rapidly. “I won’t do it again, I—”

“Yes, you will.”

Bayden shook his head again.

“I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t.”

Bayden glanced up at him. “You liked it too, sir?”

“Pup, I actually cut your clothes off. That doesn’t mean I was going through the motions.” He kissed him again, very gently. “Give me your instincts, show me what you’d show a wolf.”

Bayden stared at the way he held Axel’s shirt. He nodded. Dipping his head, he pressed a kiss against his shoulder and nuzzled against his skin. His actions were hesitant, he evidently expected to be knocked back for his cheek, but the move was obviously honest too. He wasn’t doing anything because he thought it was what Axel wanted. It wasn’t even about what Bayden wanted—it was pure need driving him now.

Axel led him into the bedroom. It took a fraction of a second to discard Bayden’s towel, and barely a few more moments for Axel to have himself just as naked.

Bayden’s vulnerability was so close to the surface. His need for reassurance was so obvious. Words weren’t enough. The kind of comfort and acceptance he needed wasn’t to be found in syllables. It had to be wrapped around him, completely possessing him.

The relief in Bayden’s eyes when he realised that Axel didn’t intend them to simply sleep in the same bed confirmed every one of Axel’s suspicions.

Quickly preparing Bayden, Axel arranged him on the bed on his stomach. Bayden tried to get up onto his hands and knees, but Axel hushed him back into place. As he pushed into Bayden and brought their bodies together, Axel completely covered Bayden’s smaller frame.

Bayden’s hand rested on the bed sheet alongside his head. Axel caught hold of his wrist but he kept his hold on him gentle, just letting him have the reassurance of knowing he was being held.

Bayden twisted and offered up his other hand.

Taking Bayden’s other wrist in a similar grip, Axel pushed into Bayden again and again; one slow, deep thrust after another.

Bayden was back, and Bayden was his, and everything was fine. For the first time in days, Axel could breathe. He rocked his hips, not inclined to rush now that he had Bayden safe where he belonged.

Bayden tugged at Axel’s hold on him—a tiny movement. Bayden’s cheek rested on the pillow, his profile was clearly visible. He didn’t look scared or uncomfortable.

A few seconds passed and Bayden tested his hold again.

Axel stilled. He saw a flash of emotion in Bayden’s eyes and made a leap of faith.

“Are you trying to say your safe word, pup?”

Bayden shook his head very quickly. “I—”

“Because that’s the only thing that will convince me to let you go. Squirming is only going to make me hold you tighter, keep you closer, safer.”

Bayden whimpered. He pulled more firmly against Axel’s grip on him.

Tightening his fists around Bayden’s wrists, Axel let a little more of his weight rest on Bayden, pinning him firmly in place.

Bayden gasped. A moment later, he smiled. Relief flashed across his face.

Axel rocked his hips more deliberately. It had been days since they screwed, but there was no desperation there, only determination. Bayden was his. Axel thrust deep inside him, doing his damnedest to let Bayden feel his possession of him, all the way through his body.

Bayden murmured his pleasure. Every so often, he would fidget within Axel’s grip again, asking to be held even tighter. Axel’s hands started to cramp. He would never have risked holding a human that tight, but he gave Bayden what he asked for, trusting him to follow his instincts and know what he needed.

The skin beneath Axel’s fingers turned white. Bayden’s breathing became shallower and more rapid. He jerked beneath Axel, unable to move far enough to even scrabble at the sheets as he came.

As far as Axel could tell, Bayden had made no effort to hold back. He’d done exactly what Axel’s rules demanded.

Axel relaxed his hold on Bayden, but a whimper quickly convinced him to resume the painful grip. He thrust harder, letting his body take over as his mind gradually released all the fears that had consumed him over the last few days.

He came, pinning Bayden down hard against the mattress. As pleasure faded, Axel refused to pull away. Instead, he allowed more of his weight to rest against Bayden. Minutes ticked by. Finally, he convinced himself to move to lie next to Bayden rather than directly on top of him.

“Good boy,” Axel murmured.

When Bayden hesitated, Axel tugged him closer. Bayden’s hand came to rest on Axel’s chest as he curled in against his side.

Axel checked his wrist. It was already marked. By the morning, he had no doubt bruises would encircle his skin. “Sore?” he asked.

“Good, sir,” Bayden whispered. “Yours. Safe.”

Axel brushed their lips together and held him a little more tightly. “Good boy.” Nothing had been resolved. They still had to deal with everything that had happened, but Bayden was there in his bed and in his arms. Axel could breathe, and everything else could wait until tomorrow.

“I can get the money myself, sir.”

Axel opened the safe in his office at the back of the pub and started to count out notes. “You’re sure there’s nothing apart from the headstone?” he asked. “Think it over carefully so we can take care of it all at the same time.”

“There’s nothing else,” Bayden said from the doorway. “But you don’t need to pay for anything at all.”

Axel ignored the last bit.

“If you’ll just give me permission, sir,” Bayden said again.

“Not going to happen.” Axel made sure the money was right and held it out to Bayden.

Bayden didn’t take it. “You could punish me for it, sir.”

“I could give you permission, then punish you for doing what I gave you permission to do?” Axel checked.

Bayden looked down. “Yes. Or punish me for needing to ask for permission in the first place, or…”