Awoken (The Lucidites Book 1) (29 page)

After several seconds he says, “We separated you for your protection. Zhuang would have found you two early on and killed you.”

“Why?” I question immediately. “Why would he come after us instead of the other people on the list?”

“You and your brother have something special. You’re twins and as such you share consciousness, which equates to energy. This type of energy is hard to hide; believe me, we’ve been struggling with it since you arrived. When you two are together, you set off all sorts of energy fields. Scientifically it’s quite amazing, but it wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by Zhuang. He’d have found you both long ago and killed you before you became a problem. That’s why we
had
to separate you.”

“Who is he? You said you’d already told him this. Why? Why am I the last one to find out?”

“Roya, I didn’t have to tell him,” Trey says. He pauses and when he continues his words are gentle and deliberate. “I only had to fill in the details. He already knew. He sees far into the future.”

“No!” I say, shaking my head. “That’s impossible!”

Trey’s voice is still steady and soft. “He saw a future where you two are close, like family.”

My mind sorts through what I know and all of this starts to piece together. Anger and betrayal cloud my head at once. “How long has he known?”

“Probably for a long time. It’s kind of hard to say with Joseph. He’s tough to read.”

Joseph is my twin.

My hands cradle my head as the emotions boil to the surface, about to spill over. I pull my head up and meet Trey’s eyes. “And who else knows? Aiden, right? Ren? Shuman?”

Trey’s face doesn’t give anything away.

“Why in the hell does everyone know my life but me?! I’m about to die for you people and you can’t even tell me the truth!” I slam my fist on the table. Trey doesn’t flinch.

“I didn’t feel it was right to tell you this until now.” He swallows. “You have to understand, I’ve had to make a lot of decisions and they can’t all be right.”

“Oh my God!” I yell. “I can’t believe you’re going to make this about you now! The manipulation just never ends around here, does it?”

Trey’s expression is pained as he says, “I’m truly sorry to have hurt you. We’ve only meant to keep you safe.”

“Is that why you put us in unfit homes?”

His eyes close for a half beat. When he opens them they’re rimmed with guilt. “We didn’t know the homes weren’t conducive for your growth when we picked them. By the time it came to light, it was too late. You would have been very confused if we placed you in another home. You must know I only meant to protect you and your brother.”

I can’t take one more minute. The sound of the words “your brother” incites me. I have to get out of this room, away from Trey and his lies.

With urgency I charge down the hallway. Suddenly I wish I was in a huge field, where I could feel the sun on my back and face. It’s been too long since I felt the sun. Every time I dream travel it’s usually dark or dusk. I miss the sun so much. I miss the lake and my home and how uncomplicated my life used to be.

Chapter Thirty-Four

T
he training studio is crowded with people when I arrive, tired and sweaty. My team is gathered around, waiting for our kung fu lesson to begin. They turn and acknowledge me as I charge into the room, straight over to Joseph. Everything moves fast. George’s eyes widen. He reaches for me, but I’m fast, much faster than him or anyone else in the room.

Confusion and then fear race through Joseph’s eyes. I sprint forward, pull my fist back and punch him in the face. “You knew!” I scream, and George catches up with me. He and Trent restrain my arms as I shout, “You knew all along and you never thought you should tell me!?” I push forward, wanting to tackle Joseph to the floor.

Samara and Whitney surround him, but he waves them off, clutching his bleeding nose. “I couldn’t tell you. Trey wouldn’t let me.” His eyes are full of regret. He pushes the blood away with the back of his arm. “And you had so much to deal with, it didn’t feel right to tell you yet.”

“Why does everyone get to decide what I can deal with? Shouldn’t that be my choice!?”

“Roya.” His voice is almost a hush compared to my volume. “There hasn’t been a single day I haven’t been with you. Please believe me when I say I’ve tried to give you what I could. I tried to be your friend since I couldn’t tell you the truth.”

Rage erupts in me like white fire. “So that’s even a facade? Our friendship’s just another act? It was you taking pity on me?!”

“No, that isn’t what I meant. All I was saying—”

“Shut up!” I cut him off. “You’re a liar. I’ve known that since the beginning.” I jerk out of Trent’s weak restraints.

George steps forward. “Roya.” His voice is cautious. His eyes say
stop.

I know he feels what I’m about to say, but I don’t care. I’m only bent on destruction. “George, mind your own damn business for once! You know as well as I do Joseph’s a liar. Every word out of his mouth is a lie. He isn’t who he says he is.”

Hurt flashes on Joseph’s face, but I don’t stop. I don’t know how. I’m officially out of control.

“And who else knew?” I round on my team. “Did any of you know Joseph and I are twins?”

Tension cuts through the room as my uncharacteristically authoritative presence takes over. I’m overwhelmed with power, justified in attacking anyone at this point. This is how people go down the path of evil; they let hurt tear them in two.

From the corner of my eye, Samara raises her hand like she does when she has a stupid question in class. I turn on her. Of course she knew. I should have guessed.
No shame traces her opaque blue eyes.

You should have told me. I had a right to know.
Something makes her mouth twitch slightly, but she doesn’t say a word.

Beside her, George’s face catches my attention. Strain creases his forehead and painful guilt streaks his eyes. He wears his emotions on his face like a neon sign. It must be that he’s overwhelmed by everyone else’s and has no room internally to store his own.

“George?” My voice is low now.

His tone is flat, his eyes burdened. “I knew.”

“How?” My head twists with confusion.

“It’s Joseph’s connection to you. I’ve felt that type of emotional connection thousands of times between people. It’s unmistakable.” George clears his throat. “Only families feel that way about each other.”

Of course.
George knew how Joseph felt about me. Relationships are built on emotional foundations. George doesn’t just know how everyone feels at any given time, he also knows how we feel about each other, our past, things, events.

“And you didn’t think it was important to tell me this?” I say, narrowing my eyes at him.

“I can’t reveal someone’s emotions.” George gives a sympathetic look. Recently I’d seen his guardianship of other’s emotions as noble. Not anymore. Now I see it as betrayal. With all my heart I focus on feeling betrayed, letting it envelop me in a powerful storm.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” George says, obviously picking up on my inward emotional outburst.

“What else do you people know that you’re keeping from me?!” I yell, my face flushing hot.

A crowd of speechless, sullen faces stares back at me.

“Please, Stark.” Joseph’s eyes beg along with his words. It’s a look he’s perfected no doubt to manipulate people. I knew all along he was a liar, a cheat.
Why did I let myself get close to him?
“You have to listen to me. I can explain.” Joseph steps forward.

I shake my head. “I don’t
have
to do anything. I don’t have to listen to you. I don’t have to fight Zhuang. I don’t have to pretend any of this or you matter, because to me, right now…it doesn’t.” I whip around and stomp away, feeling all their eyes on my back.

Chapter Thirty-Five

I
f I knew where one of the other GAD-Cs was located somewhere on the globe I’d travel there, autogenerate my body, and forget I’d ever been a Lucidite. Even though I already ran five miles this morning, I know the only thing left for me is to run. To hide in my room all day is lame. And going to trainings isn’t an option after I’ve just punched my brother in the nose.

I grab my iPod and set off for the workout facility. Luckily no one’s in there. I jump on a treadmill, crank it up, and run. The music now holds new meaning than it did this morning. Every song is about lies, confusion, betrayal, loneliness. When I finally slow the treadmill it’s only because my body is past the point of depletion. I haven’t eaten or drank anything in several hours. Now my fear is I’ll pass out here. I drag myself to the showers before this happens. The water is frigid and I drink it in as it pours over my head. It stings my hand as it runs over my knuckles, which are red and cut where I punched Joseph. It’s nothing compared to the searing pain in my heart.

I return to my room, still warm from the run, exhausted and emotionally burnt out.
Why did I have to give that stupid chocolate to Shuman?
It would be really great to have at this point.

The other package I didn’t have time to open this morning sits on my bed. I grab it, hoping Bob and Steve packed me some more food. I yank open the box. On top of a piece of tissue paper is a card with a sailboat navigating choppy ocean waters. My heart aches at the sight of the image, knowing somewhere out there is the boat Joseph and I were born on. Our mother died on this boat. And then we were separated.

I rip open the card, trying to get the ship’s image out of my head. It reads:

Dear Roya,

Forget who they say you’re supposed to be. Become who you are. Deep down there’s a place in you and this is where you’ll find the strength to defeat Zhuang. We’re proud of you. We believe in you.

If all else fails then maybe this will help. You’re a warrior and we felt you should look like one.

Love,

Bob & Steve

Did they know about Joseph and me? Maybe they’ve known all along? Fury flares at the thought. Could it be possible that every Lucidite knows more about who I am than I do? Am I their fool? Their puppet? Protected for the purposes of fighting their battles? Angry tears constrict my throat and I try to breathe them away.

I yank back the tissue paper and find an object which fills me with confusion. In the box lies a braided leather headband fashioned with two iridescent peacock feathers. Magic seems to glimmer around them as I take in their richness. Vibrant blue encircles sturdy brown and encases soft green, like a lake with a shore bordered by grassy knolls. Enchanted by its beauty I sweep the headband into my shaking hands and wrap it around my head with the eye of the peacock feathers horizontally above my ear. The fanned ends trail behind my shoulder.

I steal a glance in the mirror, inspecting myself like I’ve just put on a pair of earrings. The image isn’t what I expected. The girl who stares back from the mirror is a stranger. Somehow I’ve been transformed. The peacock feathers contrast boldly against my blonde hair, casting a powerful glow across my face. My cold, red eyes give away my forlorn heart, which actually completes the effect. All fighters are scorned in some way, that’s part of their motivation. With my headdress and a broken heart I look the part. I am a warrior.

Guilt prickles my throat. The letter wasn’t about Joseph and me. Bob and Steve don’t know he’s my brother. They were just being supportive. How in the world did I ever land them as guardian angels? Once again I feel I don’t deserve them. Nothing that’s a part of my current life feels like it should belong to me. I have a twin brother, a dead mother, and a host family who was programmed to accept me. My entire life is an assortment of lies and there’s still much I don’t know. But I don’t want to know anymore. The pain is a knife pressing into my chest, sharp and threatening.

Those people who raised me aren’t my family. They’re strangers who were forced to adopt me. No wonder I never truly connected with them. Understanding and pain take turns sifting through my chest as I force myself to revolve on the implications of everything I’ve learned. I was never truly theirs. I was a person placed into their home who they were forced to accept. But they never really did.
My entire life…a lie. My entire life…manipulated. My entire life…wrong.
All so I could become this warrior for the Lucidites.

Furious, I rip the headband off and send it to the far corner of my room. The wall is cold when I slam against it and slide down until I’m seated. Clawing at my throat are a thousand hurts and scars and words I’ve never expressed, all protesting to be released. This is it. I won’t allow myself another moment like this. Not in battle and never in front of anyone. Silently I agree to these terms. The dull ache in my throat races forward, enjoying its first moment of freedom. The pain I’ve held onto for so long, the pain unearthed by this new discovery, emerges in hot tears which sting my eyes and sop my cheeks. My chest convulses with each eruption. I’m on fire and my tears are lava as they pour and flow. Just when I think I’m done and regain control there’s another explosion. This goes on until the tears dry up, and only because I’m dehydrated. I can’t cry another drop even if I want to. My well is empty.

I sit staring off into the abyss for an hour. The dark space of a corner has never been so intriguing. My stomach awakens my attention. It’s imperative that I eat.

I creep down the hallway, hyperaware of every noise. My reserves are so low at this point I’m like a threatened coyote, ready to attack at the slightest offense. Each step is torture.
How have I allowed myself to get to this point?

The main hall is mostly empty when I poke my head around the corner. There are only a few staff members prepping food stations. I sigh, grateful I don’t have to face anyone. With my head down I race for the drink table. The ice water freezes my throat as I gulp it down, but it instantly makes my body feel human again. I consider drinking straight out of the pitcher as I shakily refill my glass. The frigid water is once again racing down my mouth when I see a figure press into my periphery. I lower my glass and stare forward, afraid to turn and face him.