Audrey Exposed (18 page)

“Stupid right? Thank God, Graham has the reflexes of a cat.”

“Sounds like a good guy. Maybe I can meet him later.” Dylan sits next to me and the mattress dips under his weight. He moves his hand to my chin and tilts my head up for a kiss. The familiarity of his mouth steels my nerves
, and I move to sit on his lap.

“I’ve missed yo
u,” I say, between kisses. I shift, feeling that he’s hard beneath me; and instead of being scared, I feel empowered. “I want to make it all up to you. Wipe away everything from the past, start new.”

“I want that, too.”

This time I kiss him, opening my mouth and gripping his hair with my fingers. I want friction and heat. I want someone to touch me.
Dylan,
I say to myself,
I want Dylan to touch me.

“I’m expected down the hall soon,” I tell him. He’s tugged down the straps on my tank, expos
ing the top of my breasts. I grind against him; making it very clear I’m not ready to leave. His shirt comes off easily and mine follows. I push him back on the bed in nothing but a pale yellow bra and thin shorts.

“You’
re eager,” he says, lips quirk in amusement. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

I unclasp my bra, revealing myself to him. My back arches as he brushes a finger over my hardened nipple. “I’m not the same girl I was before.”

Dylan flips me over with such force that a flare of nerves
rattles me. I push it aside because it’s irrational; it’s what Graham and I worked toward during those last meet-ups in bed. I trust Dylan, even if he’s different. He’s here by
choice.

“Are you ready?” he asks
; but I can’t help but compare how Graham would have checked, dipping his fingers between my legs to see if I’m wet. I was always ready for him because he’d worked me into a frenzy, way before the question needed to be asked. He knows my body better than I know it myself.

Enough about Graham
.

I watch Dylan remove his pants, catching a flash of his backside. His skin has darkened already from the sun, marred only with faint streaks of red. I’ve always loved his shoulders, the broadness and now I can’t wait to put my hands on them.
After the sound of tearing plastic, his rubber-covered cock greets me with a sharp jab. I inhale, bracing myself for him. “Just go slow,” I say, hating that I have to tell him; that I have to veer off whatever natural course he wants to take. He plants a kiss on my lips, and enters me faster than I like, stretching my insides with his girth.

“Good?” he asks. I use my hand to keep my legs wide. I’m more nervous than I thought, but his concern settles me.

“Yes.”

He kisses me again and we fall into an easy rhythm. I focus on his body
, on making him happy. I do all the things Graham taught me, pleased when Dylan shivers from my fingers grazing across his nipples.

The sticky sweat builds between us and he’s doing everything rig
ht, better than right. Sharp teeth scrape along my collarbone. Firm hands clench against my hips. Dylan’s thrusts slam into me, rattling my teeth; and I keep waiting for the anxiety, the internal block, but it never comes. He palms one of my breasts and squeezes tight, his hips moving with a speed and intensity that I’m unaccustomed to, and my body likes it.
No
. Loves it.

“Oh,” I sputter, unable to create thought. My hands clench around his backside holding tight. All of this creates a friction that causes my pussy to ache as my body builds toward release. The knot in the back of Dylan’s jaw tenses, as his breathing turns strained. I’ve seen him come before, worked over by my hands or mouth, but this is the first time I’ve hungered for him in return. I lie back and take the pounding, tits bouncing, euphoric that my body is working for me instead of fighting against me.
I catch a flash of his eyes, the kind, brown ones I’ve known for so long, searching for the electricity that comes with such passion. He blinks back and that’s when it hits.

This is not what I want.

Who I want.

My mind fractures at the same time as my body, the orgasm engulfing me. When my breath catches, the air caught deep in my throat
, I feel like I’m going to drown.

It’s not until Dylan’s hips stop moving, and he’s
lying on me with a weight I feel unable to bear, that my brain starts to function and I see the purplish markings on his throat. They’re not fresh.

“Turn around,” I say, and he frowns, but he twists his body until his back is visible. I didn’t notice before because I was in such a hurry. Faded red lines mark his back. The hickey glares at me from his collarbone. I’m such a dumbass.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” I ask, fumbling for the blanket to cover myself.

“Wait, it’s not what you think” he says, grabbing for me.

“
You’ve been fucking around.”

“She’s not important, just an undergrad looking for a good time. Waiting for you was killing me.”

“Killing you?” I clench the blanket tighter. “Do you even know what I went through to fix myself for you?”

“Whatever it was, it worked,” he says with a small smile. God, what is wrong with him? Who is this man? “I knew it
would be worth waiting for you to come around; and don’t tell me, you haven’t been fooling around too. I don’t know what you did, but you didn’t learn that on YouTube.”

God
, he’s right. He’s so right; but that doesn’t make him
not wrong
. “So what were your plans after this? Did you just want to pop my cherry and run?”

“No,” he says, bending his legs and resting his elbows across the top of his knees. I can see his cock, pink and flaccid, resting between his legs and I feel a sense of rage. “I was never going to marry a girl I’d never fucked before. I just thought you needed some finesse.” He sighs and rubs his head. “I like you Audrey, a lot. And what we had together was good
, I thought it was the right thing for me too, but I had no idea if you were really going to get past your anxiety. And that was a deal breaker for me.” He shifts closer, but I’m not having it. Not now. “We can still give this a shot, I meant that all along.”

I take a deep breath
, and say, “I think you need to leave.”

“The next f
erry isn’t until this afternoon, where am I going to go? Come on; let’s work through this. You’ve got to admit that was pretty amazing.” He bats his eyes and I almost, for a second, fall for it.

“I trusted you Dylan
; and it’s not fair for me to get pissed because, no, I did not learn all that on YouTube.” I think back to the days outside of the therapy program, the other sex Graham and I had to
prepare
me. That wasn’t preparation. That was fucking, plain and simple. “I haven’t been entirely faithful either, even though my motives were clear. Or at least, I thought they were.”

“I’m not mad that you slept with someone else.”

I stand, taking the comforter with me to cover my body. “Yeah, but I am mad that you did. See? That’s shitty and immature of me. I’m not in the right place to be thinking about all this. I really think you should go.”

 
Reluctantly, he gathers his clothes, tugging on his flannel shirt even though its ninety degrees outside. Passing me on the way out the door he says, “I can still stay. We can spend the weekend screwing and doing all that fun wedding stuff.”

“I wish I could.” His eyes cloud and I can tell he’s not happy about being dismissed. I can’t really blame him
, but he has to go.

I o
pen the door; and Reese and her husband, Alex, are staring at Dylan and me from the hallway. Their jaws drop, and Alex’s eyes are firmly glued to my chest. I look down and cover myself quickly with the comforter. “Hey guys,” I say, before stepping back inside and hiding behind the door.

Only seconds pass before Reese is banging and calling my name. She won’t go away
; so with my blanket wrapped back around my torso, I reopen the door and prepare to tell my best friend what a clusterfuck my life has become.

Chapter 38

(Graham)

The
suit and tie don’t make me feel out of place or the makeshift aisle, made up of chairs and pale yellow ribbons. They feel like bars, trapping me in my seat. It’s the fact Audrey’s words hit home. I’m not much better than a whore, and the preacher at the end of the aisle makes me uncomfortable. I have no idea how Audrey found out, but I’m assuming if she knows, others do, too.

Last night, I tried to play sick
from the fall earlier that day, but Margaret wanted what she paid for. How could I argue? The word
whore
rattled in my brain as I licked her pussy with a throbbing headache. I went to sleep hard, unwilling to let her touch me in return. My thoughts were consumed by pale skin and red hair.

Just like now.

Audrey’s bare feet are the first thing I notice when the violinist begins playing. Then her legs, breasts and exposed shoulders, wrapped in a yellow sundress. Her face is framed by flaming red hair, glinting in the harsh afternoon sun. She passes my row, eyes forward, a smile plastered on her face. A tense line crosses her nose.

Something’s wrong.

The wedding goes off without a hitch, the bride and groom reciting vows I barely notice. My eyes are glued to Audrey, who not once, glances in the direction of the audience.

“Everyone
looks lovely, even if the dresses are a little much,” Margaret says, unable to conceal the hint of jealousy in her tone. She primped for an hour, squeezing into a tight white dress and a wide brimmed hat. She looks amazing, like always, but her neediness this weekend is wearing me out. “Your friend, Audrey, is a beautiful girl.”

“Her boyfriend should be here somewhere,” I say,
feigning indifference and moving away from that landmine. The truth is I want to see him for myself. See who’s getting this girl. Who is the lucky bastard that will sleep in her bed, feel her soft skin and tight pussy, tonight and every night forward?

I hit the bar heavy at t
he reception while Margaret is distracted by cameras and socializing. It’s crowded; mostly men and I narrow my eyes at someone familiar. “Have we met?” I ask, trying to place his face.

“I don’t think so,” he says, but gestures to my bruise. “But I think I know who you are anyway. I’m Dylan, Audrey’s boyfriend.
She told me about the horse accident.”

“Oh
, right.” I offer my hand. “Maybe I’ve seen you on campus.” The nagging feeling won’t let go. “Or in town?”

“It’s possible.
So how did you end up down here? Do you know Jessica?”

“No, not directly. I’m escorting a friend.” Margaret chooses that moment to wave across the reception,
as if she has me bugged.

“Damn. Caught a cougar, eh?” I sip my beer instead of reply
; but he continues, anyway. “I should try for older some time; I tend to have a weakness for younger girls. I like the challenge, but I bet experience trumps all that.”

“Audrey can’t be much younger than you,” I point out
and that’s when it hits me. This is the guy I saw with Cory at the bar. Her douchey boyfriend.

Shit.

“No, but Audrey’s different. She’s a little naïve.” He
winks and I restrain myself from punching him on the spot. I seethe while he orders a second drink, whiskey straight and try to figure if I’m wrong. Obviously I’m wrong.

I’m about to ask him about Cory when a
commotion at the door catches our attention and we turn.

The bridesmaids enter the reception tent all at once, a burst of yellow sunlight. Audrey scans the room, searching, I suppos
e for Dylan. I notice the furrow of her eyebrows when she sees us together.

“So you’ve met,”
she says, a harsh glare in her eyes. I know she’s pissed about last night, hurt even, but something’s off. She snatches a glass of wine from a passing waiter and downs it in one swallow. Then, in low voice, she says to Dylan, “I thought I asked you to leave.”

“I told you, the ferry doesn’t leave for an
other hour. I figured I’d cash in on some free drinks while I’m still here.”

“Dylan, we talked about this,” she eyes his drink.
“I know you’re hurt—“

“Is everything okay?” I ask, knowing that, no, not everything is okay. Something has gone drastically wrong.
Does she know?

Her eyes flick in my direction and it’s pretty fucking clear. She knows.

“It’s really none of your business, Graham. I’ve got to go do a bridesmaid thing,” she says. “I’m sorry about what happened; but really, you being here is only going to cause more problems than I can deal with right now. If you care about me, you’ll go.” She turns away; and without making my own   excuse I double around, catching up with her near the porch.

“What’s going on?” I ask. “And don’t tell me nothing, you’re wound up tighter than an alar
m clock. What happened with Dylan?” She laughs, clapping a hand over her mouth, but I also notice the glassy tears in her eyes. “ What? Audrey, what the hell?”

“I had sex with Dylan
,” she blurts, glancing around to see if anyone heard.

The ne
ws hits me like a ton of bricks, unexpectedly and squarely in the chest. “Already?”

“Yes,
this morning.”

I don’t want to know
; but I can’t help myself, so I ask, “And?”

“A
nd it was good. Like, holy shit, Graham. You’ve been holding out on me.”

“Oh.” I fight back the bitterness in my throat.
I had one thing to bring to the table, or so I thought, and apparently, it’s not good enough. “If all that happened then why is he leaving?”

Tears spring forth again. In a quiet voice she says, “
He’s been cheating on me this whole time; well, at least since Valentine’s Day.”

It may be
the concussion, but my vision turns white. The bitterness from a moment before turns into an intense rage that boils under my skin. I clench my fists. “Are you kidding me?”

“Would I joke about that? The worst part is that I’ve been cheating on him, too.”

“No.” I pace the wooden planks on the porch. “That is not what you were doing. We weren’t like that. What a fucking prick.” I move toward the door to find him, but Audrey holds me back.

“No
, he’s not worth it; and Jessica will kill me if we make a scene at her wedding. I just want him to go while he can. I have no idea how to deal with all of this. Not with him or you.”

I reach for her hand
, but she turns away. This is all so unexpected; I have no idea what to say. On a selfish level, I want to celebrate. But I don’t want to see that sad look in her eyes ever again. Catching a glimpse, I realize it’s too late.

In a quiet voice
, she says, “It’s like everything I told Dr. Markson, about why I’d saved myself for so long, came true. I’m not sure I can trust anyone. I don’t even think I can trust myself. It’s like everything I thought about sex, the lies and cheating, the hurt and pain, were true all along.”

“Audrey
, no, that isn’t true.” I want to hold her so badly, fix the damage that’s been done to her by Dylan and me, but her arms are crossed defensively over her chest. There’s no way she’s letting me close. “I know you may not believe it right now, but you can trust me.”

She wipes under her eyes
, and says, “I can’t trust someone if I don’t know who they are, Graham. I revealed so much about myself to you.
Everything
. I bared my soul and my body.”

“I know.”

“And I know that it’s not that you lied; but the foundation of that relationship was built on a psychological experiment. Not reality. Unfortunately, I gave you too much, when you couldn’t do so in return.”

Every moment we had together was real.
Each one, that’s what I want to tell her. However, even I know how false that sounds when I’m here with another woman. One I’m working for. Walking away from Margaret isn’t that easy. In the growing silence between us, once again, it’s more than obvious I can’t give her what she needs.

“I want to make this right,” I tell her. “I just don’t know how.”

She laughs bitterly. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Graham. I’m not a child or a pathetic virgin anymore. I’m not willing to sit back and wait for life to happen to me. Especially the bad stuff. You may be right. There may be something between us, something more than what Dr. Markson orchestrated; but it doesn’t matter if we aren’t available to one another.” She takes a deep breath. “Even though my anxiety is cured, I’m not entirely whole. All those years of anxiety did a number on me. But more than that, you can’t give up this lifestyle you’ve chosen; one that, no matter what you tell me, cannot be healthy.”

She steps forward and rubs her hand over my swollen cheek. “
We’re too different, too messed up.”

“I don’t believe that
.”

“Why? Because the sex was good? We can’t base a relationship on that.
And really, I’m starting to realize that although sex is a big part of relationships, it’s not the only thing.” She eyes me for a minute and the sadness returns. “Well, I can’t… I can’t be that person. It’s not who I am.”

She walks back into the party. I want to tell her so many things, but the words don’t come. They’re stuck in my throat. My heart hammers and for the
first time, I feel real terror. Fear runs through my veins and settles in my bones. I take a deep, choking breath; and it dawns on me that this is how Audrey used to feel about intimacy. The tables have turned and she’s conquered her fears, while I’ve only just revealed mine.

*

I don’t see Dylan again that night, but I do see Audrey. It’s not as though I can avoid her. She’s part of the wedding party and her yellow dress beckons me at every turn. She does a good job masking her pain, but her eyes betray her emotions. She’s hurt and angry. Sad. I give her space though, because she asked for it; and I have a job to do, one that Margaret is unwilling to let me forget.

“They’re adorable,” she says, referring to the bride and groom. Her hand strokes up and down my thigh. I’m thankful for the tablecloth.
I’m also exhausted and keep hoping Margaret will drink too much and pass out.

“Let me get you a refill.” I remove her glass and take it to the bar before she can protest. When I return she drinks it quickly, smearing her lipstick on the rim. Stupidly, I use my thumb to wipe it away
. She snags my wrist with her hand and envelops my thumb in her mouth.

“I could fuc
k you here,” she says, after performing a sloppy version of fellatio on my thumb. Her voice is louder than appropriate. So I do what I know best, I smile, trying to appease her.

“Let’s go back to the room,
” I suggest, helping her out of her chair and steering her though the remaining crowd. Some of the children have already gone to bed, with their parents or another family member. Audrey and I make eye contact as I escort Margaret from the room; but she looks away quickly, making me wonder if I’d imagined it.

“I need some air,” she claims, veering away from the stairs. My good humor is rapidly disappearing, but I follow her outside like a good boy. Once there she
stumbles down the porch steps to a bench cloaked in darkness. She kicks off her shoes and sits like a sloppy drunk, legs spread. I have a feeling this night is never going to end; and when it does, it won’t end well. She leans back and her tits threaten to spill out of her dress. I can see the brown edge of a nipple showing. Oblivious, she asks, “What’s got you in a foul mood tonight?”

“It’s been a long weekend.”

“I’ve enjoyed having you twenty-four-seven, all to myself.” She smiles seductively and I try to give her something in return, but this time I can’t. I’ve got nothing left to give and it’s time I told her so.

“We can’t see each other anymore after this trip.”

“Sure, babe, talk to me after I suck you off.”

Her
words sting like a slap, and I know then I’m done with Margaret, and with this life. I don’t need it or her.

“I do. I’ve changed, Margaret. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve got school and my career to think about.”

She reacts with a laugh, deep and genuine. “Career? Doing what? Fucking 101?”

Her
jab exposed a wound because, God, that’s exactly what I’d been doing, she just doesn’t know the extent. “I care for you, Margaret, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s eating away at me.”

“You don’t care about me, Graham,
not really,” she says. “Like everyone else, you’re tired of me; and you just want someone young, with tits that are soft and bounce over you while you ride their tight pussy. I’m not a fool. I’ve been through this before.”

“That’s not true,” I say, bending down to look her in the eye. “You’re a beautiful woman and you’ve grown so much in the time I’ve known you. You’re strong and smart and yes, incredibly sexy, but paying me for sex isn’t making you a better person.” I swallow. “And it’s making me a shitty one.”