Astray (6 page)

Principal Geddy puts a hand on my back and I flinch. Cody waves once and then slowly turns and disappears into a crowd of students all rushing to get to class before the bell rings. The rest of the Meadows kids turn and follow the principal and me toward yet another set of glass double doors at the end of the hallway. I can feel their eyes on my back. My skin feels itchy and my face gets hot. I don’t want to turn and actually meet their eyes in case they’re glaring at me like Brian—or worse, grinning blankly like Julie. Before I left this morning, I was mostly worried about being with the Outsider kids; now I’m more worried about being with the ones I’ve known my whole life.

Evil is easy to spot when you’re looking for it.

—Heather Lewis, member of the Community

The media center turns out to be a library with rows and rows of books. At its center are a dozen or so rectangular tables. This is where Principal Geddy has us settle. Now,
this
place reminds me in some ways of our lesson room at the clubhouse. Same dusty paper smell mixed with hints of carpet, cloth, and leather. I’ve always liked this smell. Even now it has the power to calm me, but somehow I don’t think it’s working for anyone else. Tension radiates off of them. The quiet is complete and almost alive.

“Please, everyone, find a seat,” Principal Geddy says.

I don’t know where to sit. I try to catch Heather’s eye, but I don’t like the way she looks at me. She’s got the same vacant robotic smile pasted across her face as Julie. Both of them motion me over, but I look away. I can’t sit with them when they look like that. I sway in place, not sure which table to go to or if I should just settle next to the bookshelves on the floor. Finally, Will sighs and shakes his head. He uses his foot to push out the empty chair beside him. Brian’s sitting on his other side, and he shoots me an
annoyed look before getting up to move to Heather and Julie’s table. I almost walk away and sit by myself at the far end of the room despite Will’s invitation—I don’t want Brian to get mad at him too—but then Principal Geddy clears his throat and cuts his eyes toward the chair next to Will. He’s smiling, but underneath it I can see that he’s impatient for me to sit so he can get started. I slide into the chair. Will doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t look at me either. He’s obviously still upset about Cody. I want to talk to him about it, but I have no idea what words might make things better.

We spend the next hour listening to Geddy drone on and on about the school. His gaze passes over us continually without stopping as he talks. We make him nervous, I think. I try to listen to him, but I can’t help focusing on the rows of books instead. There are so many! More than I’ve ever seen in one place. And on the far wall are dozens of magazines, and beyond them, computers. So many things that were once off-limits are now less than three feet away from where I sit.

When Geddy finishes talking, a woman comes over to take his place. I hadn’t really noticed her before this moment. There was just too much to take in.

“My name is Mrs. Ward. I’m one of the counselors here at Culver Creek.”

Will rolls his eyes. “Like we really need another one of those. I think I’m gonna puke if one more person offers to dissect my feelings.” He punctuates the last two words
with air quotes and I laugh softly, but it’s more from relief than from what he’s just said. He’s still talking to me, thank God. I need him. I don’t want him to ignore me like the others are. I’m not sure I could stand it.

Mrs. Ward walks over to the table closest to her and sits on top of it. She puts her feet up on the chair in front of her and leans back on her hands. The pose makes her look younger. She’s wearing a pair of combat boots and her hair is short and spiky. I’m not sure if I think it’s cool or if she just looks weird. She smiles at us. It’s a slow, easy smile. I decide that I like her, at least more than I like Principal Geddy.

“This day is a big step. And it isn’t the first one you’ve had to take the last few months. Your world’s grown bigger and that can be terrifying and unsettling, but you aren’t alone. We’re here for you. To listen. To offer support when you need it. I hope that after we get to know each other a little bit, you will feel comfortable approaching me. My goal is to help you have the smoothest transition possible into our school.” She hesitates and looks at each of us. “You should feel safe here. You
are
safe here.”

This last bit gives me a chill. It reminds me of something Pioneer would say and I look around to see if anyone else recognizes it. But the others aren’t even looking in her direction. Their eyes—every last person’s—are on their tables. Even their hands are in the same position, clasped together in their laps. It’s like someone ordered them to
assume the same posture. Even Will.
Maybe someone has
. I try to get Will’s attention.

“What are you …,” I start to whisper, but Mrs. Ward looks over at me and I stop. Will’s eyes cut over to mine for a moment before he refocuses on the table.

Mrs. Ward stops talking. Her lips press together as she notices that no one will look at her. The room goes deadly quiet, but still no one looks up. Her eyes meet mine and I shrug my shoulders.

Principal Geddy finally steps forward and clears his throat. “Okay …,” he begins, but before he can get another word out, a loud buzzing sound rips through the air and these small rectangular lights on the wall by the door start flashing. The noise is so loud, so frantic. It feels as if it’s cutting right through my chest. It sounds a lot like the alarm siren at Mandrodage Meadows.

Too much like it.

For a few seconds no one moves, and then the room erupts into chaos. The kids start screaming and the adults begin yelling a whole lot of words, but no one can really make them out above all of the noise. Heather and Julie and most of the other girls have left their seats and are herded together in a tight circle. Their hands are up around their ears. Their mouths are wide open. Their screaming is almost as loud as the alarms. Brian and some of the other boys have rushed over to them, knocking their chairs over in the process.

“Please, everyone! Calm down!” Mrs. Ward yells through cupped hands, but no one pays any attention. She shares a look with Principal Geddy. He rushes from the room and out into the hall, his face bright red and his chest heaving.

Mrs. Ward’s eyes land on me again. I’m the only one who isn’t screaming or huddling. Still, my heart is slamming against my chest. I want to be able to move, but I can’t. Suddenly Mrs. Ward is next to me with her arms on my shoulders, trying to get me to look at her.

“This is nothing to be scared of. It’s just the fire alarm. I’m sure it went off by mistake.” She pulls me along, grabbing the other girls as she goes. Then she moves all of us toward the library’s door.

Principal Geddy runs back into the room, his face beaded with sweat. “The fire alarm has been tripped but there’s no fire. Please, you have to calm down!” He flaps his arms at his sides a few times like a chubby, khaki-clad bird. A bubble of laughter finds its way to my mouth and then pops out of me, startling not only me, but Mrs. Ward as well. My heart’s still hammering, but the laughter has loosened my limbs and brought me back to myself a little. Another false alarm. We aren’t in any danger. But these people won’t be able to convince the rest of the kids. I have to do it or pretty soon they’ll all run screaming from the school. I shake free of Mrs. Ward’s grip and climb on top of the nearest table before I can rethink it.

“Shut up, you guys, and listen!” I yell as loudly as I
can. The room gets quieter almost immediately. I take a deep breath and keep going before I lose my nerve. “It’s a false alarm. A practice, you know, like we used to have.” In that moment, I have the strangest feeling that I’m back in Mandrodage Meadows, just outside the Silo door all over again.

The alarm keeps a steady rhythm as I stare out at them and they stare up at me. Finally a few of the girls loosen their grip on one another. Their faces are ashen, but they’re no longer panicking.

Principal Geddy takes over once he sees that I’m not going to say anything more. “We still have to evacuate the building just in case, but there is no fire. This is not an emergency. If you’ll line up behind Mrs. Ward, we’ll head outside to join the rest of the students and teachers. Once we’ve double-checked the school, you’ll be able to come back in.”

We file back out the double doors we entered just an hour ago and out into the cold. We left without our coats and almost immediately we start shivering and huddling together to stay warm. Principal Geddy leads us out to a wide field just beyond the parking lot where there’s a crowd of other students milling around. Most stare as we round the corner of the building, all of us in one long row, walking so close to one another that we’re having a hard time not tripping over each other’s feet.

“It’s the apocalypse. Take cover!” some boy wails dramatically, before he crouches behind the kid in front of
him in mock panic. The students around him lapse into hysterics.

“Got room for us in your shelter?” someone else calls out. More laughter follows.

Will stiffens in front of me. I can see his hands ball up into fists.

My cheeks start to burn. I search the field for Cody, but I can’t find him. There are so many students. Hundreds gathered into loose rows. I’ve never seen so many kids in one place.

Once we’re halfway across the field, I spot Taylor. Her eyes meet mine, but just as I’m about to wave at her, she turns in the opposite direction. I’m sure that she saw me, but it looks as if she wants me to think she didn’t.
She’s embarrassed by me
. From then on I don’t look up anymore. I’m scared that I’ll see Cody next and that he’ll do the same thing.

“Freaks!” someone yells out of nowhere. It’s like they have to keep reminding us that we’re not welcome in case somehow we forgot in between this comment and the last one.

“That’s enough!” a man shivering in a sweatshirt with a whistle around his neck barks.

The crowd settles a little. There are only a series of murmurs behind cupped hands. But then there’s a sound above us, a plane flying directly overhead. I tilt my face up to watch it; so do Will and a few of the others. It beats looking at the other students.

“That’s a play-ane,” a boy across from us says loudly and much too slow. He laughs and looks at the boys next to him. “Ha! They probably thought it was their aliens finally coming to pick them up.”

He’s talking about the Brethren, our creators and the ones who told Pioneer that the end was coming in the first place. I hate that these kids think that our belief in the Brethren makes us stupid somehow. It bothers me. A lot. And I’m not the only one. Brian breaks free of our group and heads straight for him. The boy and his friends laugh harder. Brian is primed for a fight, I can tell. If we were back home, I’m pretty sure he’d have his gun out.

“Knock it off!” Principal Geddy hollers. The man with the whistle steps between Brian and the other boy. He pulls the boy away, practically drags him up to where Principal Geddy’s standing. The boy puts his hands in his pockets and looks out at the crowd. Winks. I see Will take a step forward beside me and I put my hand on his arm to keep him from charging too.

“Brent Dickerson. You’ve just earned yourself a detention this afternoon.” Principal Geddy stares the boy down.

“You really want to do that right now, considering how ticked my mom is already?” Brent asks, smirking.

Principal Geddy looks like he’s ready to strangle him. His jaw is clenched so hard that the cords on his neck are sticking out. There’s one long moment of awkward silence. Brent lazily stretches his neck from side to side. I can hear it cracking.

“Mr. Stevenson, take Brent to the office as soon as the building’s clear,” Principal Geddy yells. His face is so red, I’m afraid he might explode.

Mr. Stevenson starts pulling Brent away. The boys from Brent’s group stare at us. One in particular catches my eye. He’s standing in the group’s center and he’s looking at Brian like he’s daring him to lose it.

“How’s your first day?” he asks Brian just loud enough for most of us to hear him, but not Principal Geddy or the other adults who are all standing in a clump by the sidewalk talking in low voices.

I feel an overwhelming fury. This guy pulled the alarm. I can’t prove it, but that sneer on his face … I
feel
like this is the truth. I just know it. I want to punch his squared-off face and that stupid cocky grin of his.
How can he think it’s funny to scare us like this?

Pioneer’s words start to echo in my head. “
The world is a wicked place, full of people who want nothing more than to cause you pain. Now I ask you folks, what good can it do to rub shoulders with them? No good, that’s what. They’ll get in your head and twist all that’s right in you until you are just like they are. Better to stay far, far away. You have to protect yourselves.
”

I start to shiver and I’m not sure if it’s my rage or the cold and my lack of a coat that’s causing it, but I can’t make it stop. Will rests both of his hands on my shoulders. He’s shivering too.

I want this day to be over. I fold my arms across my
chest as the bitter air stings my face and hands. I stare out at the crowd and then look beyond them, to the woods out past the fence, trying to distract myself by focusing on the trees. I won’t lose control and cry. Not now. Not ever. I bite my lip hard, hoping that the pain will keep the tears pooling in my eyes from overflowing.
Keep it together, Lyla
.

While I struggle to stay calm, a movement in the woods catches my eye. A shadowy figure is moving between the trees, coming closer to the fence. Then there’s another and another. I’m pretty sure that it’s a herd of deer or something at first, but then they get closer and I can see that they aren’t deer at all, they’re people. Mr. Brown and several other men from the Community step out into the open space between the fence and the trees. They’re staring in our direction. My direction. Reflexively, I back up. The men put their hands up to the fence and lace their fingers through it. Mr. Brown nods at me. They could be here to check on the others. I silently will them to be, anyway, but the way that my heart is racing and my instincts are singing makes me doubt it. I look at the teachers and other students to see if anyone else has noticed them, but most are too busy talking and stealing glances in our direction. I turn to Will, to see if he’s seen, but he is head-to-head with Brian, trying to keep him from charging the boys across from us.