Astray (13 page)

The road up to the school is almost empty. The news vans and reporters from yesterday have thinned out considerably. With Pioneer’s first court appearance coming up, there are a lot of other angles to our stories and not enough time to stick to any one of them for too long. Principal Geddy and Mrs. Ward are waiting for Will and the others by the front entrance again when we walk up. I try not to laugh when I see the principal. If it’s possible, his pants are even tighter today, cutting his chubby middle in two, making it seem like his stomach has lips.

“So, Ms. Lyla, how are you?” Principal Geddy looks anxious, like the path his day will take is tied to my well-being or lack of it.

“Not too bad,” I lie.

Mrs. Ward joins us. She’s got on a bright orange coat and a denim skirt that just reaches her knees. I stare at the patterned tights on her legs and the same black boots she wore yesterday. Cody said that on the weekends she sings
with a nineties cover band in town. It makes sense. That she works at a school counseling kids? Doesn’t. I smile at her.

“How’s the book? Did you get a chance to crack it open yet?” she asks.

“Um, yeah. It was … not really my thing.”

I managed to read the first few chapters last night before bed. It was interesting, but not the easiest book for me to tackle. The characters were all either succumbing to a hideous plague or trying to survive it while battling this guy with supernatural powers named Randall Flagg who had gathered a group of followers in Las Vegas. It hit a little too close to home. I brought it back to school with me so that I could turn it back in. No more apocalypses for me. I want rainbows and unicorns and happy endings for the rest of my life.

“What book?” Cody looks at me. I unzip my backpack and hand it to him.

“Stephen King’s
The Stand?
A great book, but probably the worst choice of books
ever
for you.”

Mrs. Ward looks defensive. She’d read the title out loud yesterday, so she knew what I was getting myself into. “I thought it might be a good parallel for her to explore, you know, to see how the characters stood up against a powerfully evil force. How they forged their own path.”

“She’s already lived that.” Cody smiles at me proudly. I feel myself blush.

Mrs. Ward clears her throat. “I’m sorry if the book
didn’t work out, Lyla.” She looks a little embarrassed and I feel sort of bad for her. I actually do believe that she wanted to help … she just has no idea how to go about it. “Well, why don’t you two go back to the library now and pick something else? We’ll meet you in there once the others show up. And Cody, make sure you head to class well before the bell.” She smiles slightly before turning to talk to Geddy again.

“Okay,” Cody says once we’re inside the library. “So what do you want out of a book? Fantasy? Lots of action? Kissing?” He raises one eyebrow at me. “Can I read over your shoulder if there’s kissing?”

“Somehow I doubt you’ll be trying to read,” I say, and elbow him in the ribs. Sometimes his jokes remind me of Will’s, but instead of making me feel uncomfortable, they thrill me. I can never quite meet his eyes when he talks like this.

“I don’t know what I want,” I say. I’m not trying to be difficult. I don’t even know where to begin.

“We have about ten minutes before Mrs. Ward gets here and shoos me out. How about you pick one at random and go with it? Read a little tonight, and if you don’t like it, try a new one tomorrow. Now we just have to pick which kind—fiction or nonfiction?” He waits for me to decide.

I shuffle from foot to foot. “Fiction for sure.” Where else am I going to find those rainbows, unicorns, and happy endings?

“All right, so we’re in the right section then. Now pick out a book, any book.” He gestures at the shelves.

I go for the shelf by my feet. Might as well start at the bottom and work my way up. I pull out a book and inspect the cover. I read the title out loud to Cody: “
Lord of the Flies.
”

He groans. “You’re like a magnet for the wrong kind of book. Pick again.”

I put the first book back and move over a few feet and pick from the middle shelf. “
The Forest of Hands and Teeth.
” I turn the book over and read the description out loud.

Cody snatches it out of my hands. “Seriously? That’s what you managed to end up with?”

It gives me the giggles. “Should I pick again?” I ask.

“Absolutely not,” he says. He’s laughing too. He walks back to where I found
Lord of the Flies
and picks another book from the same shelf. “
The Princess Bride,
” he says, his mouth curving up on one side as he reads. “Perfect. You’ll love this.” He flips it over. “I mean,
I
haven’t read it, but the movie is epic. It’s a fairy tale.”

“I think we have a winner,” I say, and we take it up to the counter and check it out.

By the time the others start filing in, I’m alone at one of the tables with my book and Cody’s on his way to class. I’d stopped thinking about the owl and everything else and immersed myself in Buttercup’s story … that is, until
Will walks in. My stomach drops into my shoes. I have the overwhelming urge to either hit him or go hide.

He collapses into the seat beside me and rests his head on the table. His face is turned toward mine and his eyes are red and bloodshot. He looks horrible.

Good. I hope he does. After what he did last night, he should feel bad. It was disturbing and terrifying and twisted.

“Sorry. For last night,” he says in a low voice. “I only followed you to make sure you were okay, I swear. I shouldn’t have let him get to me.”

“What?” Is he talking about out on the road? That was bad, but the owl … was so much worse. I open up my bag and, without a word, place the owl in the center of the table. “Why would you do that?” My voice cracks and my eyes well up.

Will looks at the owl and then at me. He picks it up and inspects it. “It broke?”

“Don’t do that!” I yell, and everyone looks in my direction. I hadn’t noticed that the rest of the kids were there. I lower my voice. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I never thought … I never thought you’d want to scare me into coming back. Not you.”

Will shakes his head back and forth. He looks totally confused. “I don’t. I swear.”

“Cody threw that owl out of his car yesterday after we found it. You came back to the school to get it, glued it
back together, and left it
inside
my bedroom last night like some kind of warning. Admit it.”

His eyes widen. He doesn’t say anything at first and then he turns in his chair to face the others. “Who?”

They don’t take their eyes off me. If it wasn’t Will, then who was it? Brian? Julie? Mr. Brown? My mom? It could have been anyone in the Community, I realize. One of them is watching me all the time, taking pictures. The photo album at my parents’ trailer is proof of that.

“I’m not going back. No matter what any of you do.”

Brian leans back in his chair and smirks. “That’s not what Pioneer says.”

Julie stands up, walks over to me. “We’re not trying to scare you, Lyla. But, I mean, what do you want us to do? The Outsiders are around you all the time, keeping us away, threatening to take us from our families again if we try to talk to you. We have no other choice but to sneak around. We just want you to remember who you are. Where you belong. I know what you think you saw in the Silo has you scared, but it wasn’t real. You had a concussion, and being down in the dark in the cell … it made you hallucinate.”

“Pioneer killed Marie! I saw him do it. How else could she have gotten her throat cut?”

Julie shakes her head. “She killed herself, Lyla. You had her convinced that the sheriff and the others were going to get in, that you were going to help them and she
would go to jail. She shot one of the deputies out on the wall. Did you know that?”

I blink and try to focus. “What? No, that’s a lie.”

“I was out there with her. I saw her do it.”

“No, no, I don’t believe you. I … she would’ve told me.”

“She knew you were falling for Cody. She was afraid you would hate her for hurting one of his friends, your precious Outsiders.”

I look over at Brian. He looks away, his hands clenched into fists.

I think back to our last few moments in the Silo, how I begged Marie to let me out. I can’t remember it clearly. There are only bits and pieces of memories swirling in my head. I was so sure Pioneer killed her. He killed her. I saw him. I couldn’t have made that up and yet …

“Will?” I look at him, hope that he’ll argue with Julie, come to my defense. If he didn’t put the owl in my room, there’s a chance …

Will looks away from me.

“You had a concussion, Lyla, and you were isolated for days …,” he says softly. “Jonathan, one of the Freedom Rangers, is ex-military. He says everyone hallucinates if they’re left alone in the dark too long.…”

“SHE DIDN’T KILL HERSELF!” I bang the table with my fist. “PIONEER KILLED HER! I KNOW IT!” I stop yelling, swallow hard. No one was in that room but
Pioneer, Marie, and me. Her autopsy hasn’t been released to the public yet. I can’t prove to them that it happened the way I said it did. I don’t want to doubt myself … but I was pretty confused, falling in and out of consciousness. Could they be right?

But no. NO, there’s no way! They’re trying to make me crazy. I have to get out of here. I need to clear my head. I need to … I need to …

I launch myself out of my chair, knocking it over in the process. I head for the door just as Principal Geddy opens it on his way inside. He looks up at me, startled, but I don’t stop. I just keep moving past him, through the door and straight into Mrs. Ward.

“Lyla!” Geddy comes back out of the library, letting the door shut behind him. Both he and Mrs. Ward stare at me.

“I can’t stay in there with them,” I say loudly. My voice echoes in the empty hallway.

“What happened?” Mrs. Ward puts a hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it away.

“Can we just get to our classes already? Please?” I snap. My voice is hard and borderline disrespectful—enough that I cringe. Back in the library I’d
almost
doubted myself. Part of me still believes in what went on at Mandrodage Meadows, still believes that Pioneer’s right and I’m all wrong.

“
You’re mine, Little Owl.
”

But I don’t want to be.

If God cannot trust his own angels … how much less will he trust those made of clay? Their foundation is dust, and they are crushed as easily as moths.

—Job 4:18–19

I have nowhere to go but back into the library with Principal Geddy and Mrs. Ward. They’ve promised me that they are just about to send us off to our classes. I’ll only have to endure the others for a few more minutes.

I can do this.
Don’t fall apart, Lyla
.

I follow them into the library and move to a table in the back of the room, away from Will and everyone else. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I don’t look up. I can’t. My whole body feels hot and uncomfortable. Principal Geddy’s talking. I make an effort to concentrate on what he’s saying and block out everything else, but mostly I just stare at the fake wood grain on the table in front of me, tracing the patterns it makes with my finger.

Five students file through the library door a few minutes later. They gape at us. A few of them seem to have forgotten how to close their mouths entirely. One or two are smiling. It’s these smiling students that make me the
most nervous. I feel like they’d take a look under our skin if they could to see if we’re different from them on the inside somehow. I guess maybe it would make them feel better if we were.

Jack, the girl I met in the bathroom yesterday, is one of the five. She smiles when she sees me and waves. I wave back. Will turns around to frown at me. I wave a little harder at her and fake a smile. I’ll be friends with whoever I want now.

All in all, there are three girls and two guys. The guys don’t look friendly at all, but then again, the Community guys aren’t looking all that friendly either.

Principal Geddy steps forward and claps his hands to get our attention. It’s like he’s never sure anyone’s ever really listening to him.

“I’ve arranged for a few of our students to give you a proper tour of your lockers and show you to your classes today. I’d like to get you acclimated to the regular school day as quickly as possible so that you can start getting to know the other students and catching up on the curriculum.” He lifts a stack of papers into the air. “Mrs. Ward and I spent several hours last night going over yesterday’s test results and placing you in classes accordingly. You’ll find that your classes … will vary greatly, but should cover all of the current gaps in your education.”

Brain shoots a glance at Heather and Julie and all three cross their arms and frown. I know what they’re thinking:
What gaps?

“Next to me are Jack, Sam, Phoebe, Alex, and Alicia. We’ve enlisted some of our student council members as well as some of our athletes to give you a sense of what the student body is like here.” The students nod or wave at us. Jack does this little salute thing. I think most of us are staring only at her. It’s hard not to with that glittered hair and chest of hers.

“Okay, people at this table in front of me, take your things and follow Alex. This table, follow Phoebe. Table three—Alicia. Table four—Sam. And table five, follow Jack—you too, Ms. Hamilton. Enjoy your tour. Mrs. Ward and I will be checking in with you throughout the day.” Everyone starts to move all at once. No one looks too excited about leaving the library.

“And if you need anything at all in the meantime, please come by the office and we will do what we can to assist you.” I can’t help thinking that Principal Geddy added this last comment after we got up to follow our tour guides because he was hoping that we wouldn’t hear him and take him up on his offer. The sooner he can have us safely and invisibly integrated into the school, the easier he’ll breathe. I follow Will toward Jack, but I stay far enough away from them both that there’s no chance that he’ll try to talk to me.