Astounding! (13 page)

“Right. But what about me?”

That made John slowly shake his head. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you stood so close to me. It could be like… like interference on a radio frequency.”

Carter wiped the sweat from his forehead and then scratched at his stubble. He couldn’t explain why, but the photo thing disturbed him. He felt as if he was walking through a Halloween haunted house and something was about to jump out and scare the shit out of him.

But he squeezed John’s shoulder anyway because he looked so distressed. “C’mon. I’d like a shower, coffee, and a proper breakfast, in that order.”

John nodded and followed him into the RV.

T
HEY
GOT
a late start. It took some time for the four of them to take turns in the shower, then cook and eat breakfast alfresco and clean up afterward. They also had to turn the bed back into a dining area. Freddy helped Carter with this task, his eyebrows raised and his mouth set in a smug smirk. “Did you and John sleep well?” he asked quietly. Keith was still messing with his phone and John was outside, unhooking them from the utilities.

“Shut up.”

“You know, if you two need more room, we can swap beds. The other one’s bigger.”

“Shut
up
.”

Freddy patted Carter’s shoulder. “You look happy today, Car. It’s nice to see. Even if it means Keith and I have to buy earplugs.”

Carter flipped him off.

They had almost five hundred miles to drive that day. Freddy and Carter took turns behind the wheel. When he wasn’t driving, Carter sat with John in the space that had been their bedroom. Sometimes they read, sometimes they chatted with each other or with their fellow travelers, sometimes they just gazed out the windows. The terrain became increasingly mountainous and then, shortly after they crossed the California border, noticeably drier. There weren’t many towns in this region, and the ones that did exist were small and a little desperate-looking, as if they’d never quite escaped the frontier.

As they passed through, Freddy made up stories about the residents of Weed and Dunsmuir, about the guy glowering at them as he zoomed past in his Camaro, about the woman driving a pickup and pulling a trailerload of horses. John laughed at these stories, his eyes sparkling with humor, and Carter’s heart twisted a little every time. He had the impression John didn’t laugh often and rarely had the chance to spend time just hanging out with other people, having fun.

Hell, neither did Carter.

They left the mountains and descended into an endless valley. The landscape was unimpressive. Vast fields. Gas stations. Fast food. Few trees, and even this early in the year, the landscape looked dusty. Sacramento was a brief blip of buildings and twisty highway interchanges, and then came subdivisions and more farms. Cows. Hawks sitting atop light poles.

By the time they finally headed east toward the Sierras, Carter had experienced enough travel for the day. He looked forward to breathing fresh air and stretching his legs. And, if he was honest with himself, he looked forward to spending some time alone with John.

When Carter was younger and dreaming of the future, he used to imagine himself owning a little sports car. Something retro and foreign and convertible, like an MG or an Austin-Healey. He would wear sunglasses and his hair would be immune to the wind, and he would zip around the countryside with his paramour at his side, feeling dashing and sophisticated. That version of Carter probably would have loved the highway to Yosemite, which rose and fell and rose again, then curved and twisted before rising some more. But the
real
Carter Evans, the one piloting the rented behemoth, enjoyed this section of the journey very little.

Everyone felt relieved when they reached Yosemite shortly after nightfall. Freddy paid the twenty bucks that would allow them access for a week, and then he used the map to guide Carter to their campsite. Only after they parked did he break the news to Keith that this place had no hookups. Their stove ran on propane, they had access to communal bathrooms, and they’d be allowed to use their generator during certain limited hours, but otherwise they were utility-free.

“You have got to be kidding!” Keith whined.

“Hey, consider yourself lucky to be here at all. Campsites fill up months in advance. I had to throw around a lot of Famous Author cred to get a spot on such short notice.”

Keith crossed his arms. “I want a hotel.”

Freddy drew him close and nuzzled at his shoulder. “Just give it a try, babe. For me?” And when Keith nodded, the scene was so sweet Carter had to look away.

As the rest of them settled in, John built a fire. One minute he faced an ashy pit with a few chunks of firewood, and when Carter glanced out the window less than a minute later, John stood before a roaring fire. An odd sensation fluttered in Carter’s chest at the sight of it, and when a little door inside his brain began to creak open, he stubbornly kicked it shut. Lighter fluid. John must have bought lighter fluid at the same time he stocked up on condoms and lube.

Dinner was less fancy than the night before, but fun. They roasted hot dogs over the fire and ate bags of potato chips. Their conversation was quiet, comradely. Keith and Freddy sat in folding chairs that had come with the RV while Carter and John huddled close to each other on the ground.

After they disposed of the food, John lay down with his head in Carter’s lap. Carter found himself stroking John’s hair and was so surprised he froze. But John looked up at him, big-eyed, and Carter resumed his movements. John rewarded him with a sound almost like a purr. God, Carter had never thought of himself as a touchy-feely type, but this was nice.

And there was something else too—something he couldn’t quite admit to himself but couldn’t entirely deny. Every time his skin touched John’s, a faint thrill went through him, like an extremely mild zap of static electricity.

Keith tried to take photos of them, but none turned out.

It was late when Keith announced he was ready to turn in. He groused a little about having to tromp through the darkness to find the toilets, but Freddy only smiled fondly at him. After the two of them were inside the RV, John stood and stretched. “Will you go for a walk with me?”

“Now? It’s dark.” A flashlight probably lurked somewhere, but Carter didn’t feel like searching for it.

“I can see. I’ll lead you.”

“But… there are bears.”

This time John laughed. “I’ll lead you
and
I’ll make sure nothing eats you.”

That would be an interesting way to die, Carter thought as he hauled himself to his feet. Devoured by wildlife. Eh. He probably didn’t taste very good. Too bitter.

John took his hand, and they walked past several other campsites, then down the road. Soon they saw no sign at all of other human beings, and only pale starlight filtered through the trees. John walked confidently, steering Carter around small bumps in the pavement and then taking a turn down a trail covered in pine needles.

“Where are we going?” asked Carter, whispering because the quiet was so thick.

“Into the woods.”

“What if we fall off a cliff?”

“If you fall, I’ll catch you.”

Irrationally, Carter believed him.

They walked for what felt like miles, but Carter didn’t grow tired. He should have been cold—his fleece jacket provided poor insulation against the cold night air—but he wasn’t. Warmth flowed through him from the hand that clasped John’s. Carter didn’t feel anything like himself. He wasn’t a guy who cuddled or went for nighttime hikes in the wilderness. He wasn’t—

So what the hell
was
he now?

The question brought him to a standstill in the middle of a small meadow. Perhaps taken by surprise, John released his grip and kept walking for several steps before stopping. Somewhere close by, water trickled and a frog chirped. And in the darkness, John should have been invisible. But when Carter looked ahead, he could see… something. A dancing cloud that reflected no light and yet had a presence that buzzed in place like a congregation of tiny fireflies. It pulsed like a heartbeat. It was real, and it was beautiful. And it was John.

“Carter,” John said, the name barely audible.

“I… I see…. But you can’t….”

“You’ve edited science fiction and fantasy stories for years. Is it so hard for you to believe that some of your astounding tales might be true?”

Carter’s knees wobbled. And the feeling inside him was so huge he couldn’t identify it. Terror? Joy? Amazement? He couldn’t find his voice.

“Please, Carter. Just… just this once before I have to go. Please will you let me in?”

Against all good judgment and common sense, Carter answered, “Yes.”

John flew to him instantly, crashing their bodies together, wrapping his arms tightly around Carter’s torso. He felt… like a man. When he brushed his cheek against Carter’s, John’s was damp with tears. But the noises he made into Carter’s ear were ecstatic little moans and wordless croons—the sounds of a man who’d been granted his heart’s desire.

They kissed.

They were both fully dressed, but the contact felt more intimate than any sex Carter had experienced in the past.

And then John was in him.

Oh, not John’s body. That was still clutched in Carter’s embrace. But John’s… essence. John danced along Carter’s nerve fibers from scalp to toes. He hummed through Carter’s head and burst into colors in his optic system. He made Carter’s skin tingle and his cock as hard as iron.

And Carter—he was both himself and within himself, writhing rapturously along with John, joining him in synchronous bursts of scent and taste. He heard himself crying out in bliss.

That would have been enough. Would have lightened his soul and made every previous encounter with another man pale into insignificance. But then John tangled himself comfortably with Carter and drew Carter up into the night sky.

It didn’t feel like being a bird, because even birds were bound by flesh and bone. It was like… the wind. Like the northern lights playing through the atmosphere. Like particles that, energized by the big bang, began spinning thirteen billion years ago and hadn’t stopped. Together, John and Carter swooped and flew. And although Carter kept his sense of personal identity—his essential Carterness—he was also part of the unified organism he and John had temporarily formed.

It was too much to last forever. With one final grand pirouette that stretched from horizon to horizon, John gently carried them back to Earth, back to their bodies, withdrawing from Carter with a final jubilant caress.

Still embracing, they sank to the soft ground.

After an eternity, Carter gathered together enough of himself to sit up. He panted loudly. John sat too, not quite touching him. Even in the darkness, Carter could tell that John’s shoulders were hunched as if for a blow.

“John,” he rasped. His voice was broken, as if he’d been screaming for a long time. Perhaps he had been.

John was silent for a moment, then shifted a little. “Are you…. How do you….” His voice was broken too. In fact, it sounded as if
he
was close to breaking.

So Carter reached for him, just a hand on John’s knee. John sobbed—just once—before scooting closer, draping himself against Carter. “You’re not angry?” he whispered. “Or disgusted?”

Disgust wasn’t even in the same universe as what Carter felt, although he was definitely in the galaxy populated by the stunned and overwhelmed. “No,” he whispered back. “But give me a minute to recover, okay? I just found out the guy I’m dating is an alien.”

T
HEY
DIDN
’
T
talk as John led them back to the campground. Carter’s
skin still fizzled and popped in a way that was pleasant but distracting. And his mind whirred like a frantic cyclone as he tried to absorb the new reality. He was glad John still held his hand, because otherwise Carter might have disintegrated into a cloud of buzzing atoms.

Finally, when they were back on the road, John hazarded a question. “You’re not bothered about… consorting with a creature like me?”

Carter barked a slightly hysterical laugh. “Not bothered, no. Flabbergasted. And, um, deeply grateful you’re not the sort of alien that has tentacles.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that,” said John, chuckling softly. “I’ve noticed a
lot
of tentacles in the stories in your magazine. What’s the fascination?”

“I have no idea.” After a brief pause, he cleared his throat. “Um, that thing we just did….”

“I was in you, Carter. Like when we made love last night.”

“So it’s… alien sex?”

“Not exactly. We don’t procreate that way, remember? It’s more of an expression of bonding between two entities that care for each other. It’s the most intimate thing we can do.”

“It’s… I never dreamed of feeling like that. Is it always that amazing for your human partners?”

“You’re the only human I’ve ever done that with.”

Carter halted, dragging John to a stop too. “The only one?”

“I’ve had sex before. Not often, really, but now and then. When I wear this body, I crave sex just as any human does. But I’ve never before become close enough with a human to do what you and I just did.”

“Shit,” Carter moaned.

“You’re special, Carter. Special in all the world. I’m really… I’m really glad you shared this with me.”

“Me too.”

After they walked another hundred yards or so in silence, it was Carter’s turn to question. “How can you stand to be… stuck in a human body when you could be…?” He fluttered his free hand spastically, not quite able to find the right words.

“A physical body can be confining,” John admitted. “But there are benefits too.”

Carter shook his head. To be able to fly without a plane, without any sense of up or down, with nothing but pure will—that was beyond anything he’d ever dreamed of. And then he considered the practical aspects. No need for food or rent or a goddamn job. It was the ultimate freedom.