Assuming Room Temperature (Keep Your Crowbar Handy Book 3) (14 page)

* * *

Deputy Penny Carson had finished her shower with barely a minute to dress again, before Kat, Rae, and Beatrix arrived for ‘ladies night’ at Rodger’s Rock Cabins.

Even though the collected members of their odd little party (mostly) got along, each had very much been looking forward to some time away from the men. Since Penny chose to stay in one of the nearby cabins—as opposed to the swelteringly hot post office—her place had been designated as The Spot To Go by the other girls. While the men in their party were nice enough, they tended to sweat testosterone. Much of the time they were simply unable to hold intelligent conversations when distracted by things like legs, butts, and boobies. Penny could occasionally identify with that male-based problem, but had been leery of doing anything about it, for fear of being labeled the group slut.

Penny wondered now why she’d bothered. It was the Apocalypse, dammit. Who cared who slept with whom? They were all adults. Being
forced
together—as Rebecca had attempted to do with Jake—was unacceptable for any reason, but if both parties agreed to have some toe-curling sex of their own free will? Well.
That
was a different story.

Carson mulled this over as the four of them sat around the cabin’s small dining table, playing spades to the light of pair of Coleman lanterns and several dozen candles. The electricity had been out for months, and noise from gas-powered generators attracted creatures like flies, so the people of Langley had learned to do without. It made cooking a bit of an experience, and there wasn’t a hot shower to be had.

She and Cho lost yet another hand to the team of Beatrix and Rae. Possibly due to the fact that—while all of them had been hitting from two bottles of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey Rae had brought along—Rachael Norris and Beatrix Foster turned out to be a pair of sharks. They’d been winning all night. So far, Penny and Kat owed them: a week of deserts from each of their MREs,
two
weeks of weapons maintenance and cleanings, a full set—bra and briefs—of underwear (each) from the next Vickie’s they came across, and $12,817.

Exactly.

“Tha’s it. I know when I’m outclassed.” Penny tossed her cards in the air and tried to focus on her drink for
balance,
for Christ’s sake. And she was sitting down. How the hell did Rae do it? The buxom woman didn’t even seem buzzed. “You missed your calling. Should ‘a bagged the whole FBI thing and hit Vegas.”

Norris laughed heartily. “I learned how to drink in collage. You
really
need to have endurance to fend off all the drunken frat-boys. Ask Bee, she’ll tell you.”

“No lie. Worse than locusts sometimes.” Beatrix knocked back another shot and shook her head. “You wouldn’t believe some of the shitty lines they tried on me. If I ever hear ‘Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’ again, I’ll probably shoot the guy. Hey! At last, a benefit of the Zombie Apocalypse! No more pushy pecker-woods trying to get in your pants!”

“Say that five times fast!” Kat pointed at her swiftly.

Bee did so. Flawlessly.

“No one likes a smart-ass,” Penny told her. “Well, since cards are out, who’s for truth or dare?”

“What are we? Twelve?” Rae didn’t look impressed with the idea and grabbed a handful of Cheese Puffs from Bee’s half-empty bag.

“Got anything better?” Penny asked.

Rae poured herself another shot. “Nope. Just asking.”

The four broke down into a collective giggle-fit.

“Alright,” Kat sat back and stretched her legs out under the table. “Who starts?”

“Since you two broke the bank earlier, how about I get the first round?” When neither woman objected, Carson looked at Rae. “Truth alright, Rae? Good. Have you slept with George yet?”

It was difficult to tell whether Rae or Bee was more repulsed at the question.

“Ghllk!” Norris choked on her Jameson’s.

“Ew! Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew!” Bee gagged and convulsed in horror. “Kill me now! Before the image hits my brain!”

Rae managed to clear her throat. “
No.
With a side of ‘Hell no’. Topped with a drizzle of ‘Not if you paid me.’ Dear God, Carson, I have standards! Foster doesn’t even know how to spell ‘sensitive.’ He’s more along the lines of crass, crotchety, and completely irritating. I wouldn’t go for him if the alternative was a nunnery!”

“I dunno.” Kat looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. “The both of you
do
go out of your way to annoy one another. Sometimes, a low level of aggression between two people is actually a sign of mutual attraction.”

Rae turned to her calmly. “Good point. Let me put it this way: Shut up.”

“You didn’t deny you think he’s sexy.” Cho’s grin was mammoth as she popped a puff into her mouth. “Come on. George’s got that ‘Stephen Lang’ thing going on.”

“I hate you.” Rae said brightly.

Penny nodded over her drink. “Hey, she’s not wrong. Let’s be honest ladies: Foster’s pretty damn hot for an older guy, if you actually take the time to look closely. And you scrape off all the barnacles. He was probably Sean Connery ‘Bond’-level hot in his younger days. I don’t doubt he left a string of brokenhearted women from Moscow to Montevideo.”

“Moving on!” Rae said firmly. “My turn. This one’s for you Kat. Truth? If you could have one night with anyone—fictional or non—who would it be?”

Kat snorted. “Pppf! That’s an easy one. Goku.”

“The guy from
Dragonball-Z
?” Beatrix’s mouth quirked. “Why?”

“Are you kidding?” Cho began ticking off reasons on her fingers. “Totally drool-worthy, cool hair, bad-ass without being arrogant, kind of goofy, and still has a spark of innocence, even though he goes toe-to-toe against mega-powered monsters to save the world on a regular basis? Gimme some o’ that Super-Saiyan booty!”

“Wow. There’s a surprise.” Rae’s eyes went skyward.

“Huh?” Cho looked confused. “Wha’d I say?”

Penny could see that Kat didn’t realize she’d just described most of the qualities currently displayed by a certain, crowbar-wielding member of their group. But then again, she’d consumed a lot of really good whiskey by that point. Rae recognized the archetype, however. She and George had been present in the rear of the Mimi when O’Connor had finally collapsed, as they’d made good their escape from the burning Purifier compound.

When Jake had stopped breathing on the gurney, the pretty ninja-girl had a breakdown. She’d locked her arms around him and refused to move, sobbing incoherently and screaming for him not to leave her. If it hadn’t been for George’s willingness to take a few hits from Kat in the process, Rae and Gwen wouldn’t have been able to drag her from the dying man so they could perform CPR, thereby restarting his heart and respiration once more. It had been a near thing. Even once they got him breathing again it had taken a pair of transfusions—one from Cho, the other from Elle, who was also a universal donor—to stabilize his condition.

Rae had wondered since what Kat would’ve done if they had been unsuccessful. That was secretly why she’d been opposed to making the blue-haired young woman their group’s leader in the wake of O’Connor’s injury. Kat
seemed
to be relatively stable during his ongoing recovery, but if Jake were taken out of the picture? Norris had worried over that, daily.

“Forget it.” Penny said, and shot Rae a scathing look. “Your turn.”

Kat shrugged. “Okay. For you, Penny. Truth? What’s the craziest place you’ve ever done it?”

Carson had to think about that one for a minute. “In the Macy’s Christmas Day Parade.”

“Bullshit!” Rae’s mouth hung open. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yup. On the Swiss-Miss Hot Chocolate float, when I was twenty-two.”

“
That
is impressive! What did the guy say afterwards?” Kat wondered.

“What guy?” Penny asked her.

“The guy you were with. On the float.”

Penny raised an eyebrow and grinned. “I admitted to having sex in the parade. I never said it was with a
guy.
”

There was a round of wide-eyes, accompanied by some knowing smiles and a collective squeal of slightly-nervous laughter at her admission.

“I’m sure it was memorable.” Rae wiped tears of mirth from the corners of her eyes. “God, I can’t even begin to imagine how risqué that would be!”

Penny smiled wickedly. “The blonde I did? Yeah, she was one of the women who wore the Bavarian maid costumes. Let me tell you; those flared, mid-thigh skirts of theirs were designed for easy access. The under-bust bodices are a pain to get off, though.”

“Hah!” Kat exclaimed and slapped the table with one hand. “Deputy Carson got her fa-reak on! Oh-oh! Did you use your cuffs?”

“Not in the parade,” Penny admitted with a leer.

“Wooo!” Bee laughed so hard that for a moment she was in danger of passing out.

“Truth, Bee?” When she nodded, Penny asked, “Ever tried it?”

“Like, in a parade? No, I never thought about it before.” Bee considered the question. “I guess it wouldn’t be that difficult to get away with. Maybe at a state fair or something, but not at Disneyland. Or the one on Christmas Day, like you did.”

Carson held up one hand. “No, I mean with another girl.”

“Please,” Bee sputtered. “I’m in
collage.
Course I have. A few times. Just to make sure I got the full experience.”

That drew a shocked expression from Rae. “What?”

“Hey! I wanted to experiment. It’s no big deal.” Bee fanned herself with a four-month old Newsweek she snagged from the floor.

“George would have a cow if he found out.” Norris shook her head.

“I wasn’t planning on discussing any of my previous sexual escapades with my uncle, you know.” Bee shuddered for effect. “I say again, ‘Ew!’
Totally
none of his business.”

“I can hear him now,” Kat giggled, “I’m positive the phrase ‘Wait till your parents find out!’ would be in there somewhere!”

“Okay there, Miss Funny-britches. This one’s for you.” Bee smirked. “Truth? Have you been with other girls?”

Cho stopped laughing and downed the rest of her Jameson’s. “Just once.”

When she didn’t elaborate, Bee asked, “Well?”

“Nothing to tell.” Kat said without feeling. “We were good friends, and stayed that way, but we knew it was basically spur-of-the-moment. Something we needed during a low point in our lives. We were both honestly into guys anyway.”

Penny stared at Kat. “You never wanted to try again?”

Cho’s eyes had that ‘hundred-yard-stare’ look as she remembered the night. “No. It was a one-time thing. I won’t say it wasn’t fun—and
totally
mind-blowing—but can’t see myself being with a woman again. It would hurt too much, and I’m a different person now. If I did, it would, I don’t know...cheapen that night, I guess.”

That seemed to put a damper on the party. The others played a few more rounds, but Kat didn’t take part and, shortly thereafter, gathered herself to head back to the post office. Rae and Bee rose and, grabbing their respective weaponry—no one walked around without a firearm any longer—said their goodbyes to follow her through the door. That left Penny alone with her lanterns and candles, half-drunk and extremely frustrated.

Carson sighed and poured herself another, then mumbled a rebuke to the walls of her cabin. “Well, what did you think was going to happen girl? She was gonna throw herself at you, after ripping their shirt off like a barbarian-babe and trilling a Xena battle cry?”

That brought an arousing image to mind.

“Well, shit,” Penny gulped her shot. Was it too much to ask for, that—in the middle of the damn Zombie Apocalypse—she might be able to find someone to blow off some steam with? Nothing long-term, just a partner who wanted to enjoy themselves, no strings?

Penny rubbed her face, rose, and insured her door was locked. Even though Langley hadn’t experienced an intrusion since the town’s barricades had risen, it didn’t hurt to double-check things like that. After blowing out three-dozen candles, she felt a bit lightheaded, and made for her bed. The way the world tilted couldn’t have been due to all the alcohol she’d consumed earlier. That was just silly. Penny slid wobbly out of her cargo pants, holding on to the wall for support so she wouldn’t nosedive into the floor, tossed her Beretta on the ugly nightstand, and flopped gratefully onto the bed. She stretched luxuriantly and pushed her dark hair away from her face, thinking how nice it would be not to sleep alone for a change...

* * *

Penny woke a few hours later to the smell of Cheese Puffs.

The first thing she noticed—after the smell—was the fact that she wasn’t alone in her bed any longer. There was a shape kneeling over her on the comforter. Carson almost reached for her pistol, but drew up short once her brain started working.

The second thing was that the bed’s other occupant was definitely female. Even with only weak moonlight filtering through the boarded-up bedroom window, there was enough illumination for Penny to see the shadow-woman’s high, firm breasts as the she straddled her. They were nice, even though the fabric of her tank top, and certainly confirmed the woman’s arousal, even in the mid-August, Oklahoma heat.

The third was that her shadowy visitor was there for a very pleasant reason. She caught on to that when the woman took hold of her shirt’s lower edge and proceeded to pull it up over her head as Carson watched, revealing the pair of very nice breasts.

That brought Penny fully awake. She reached upward, smoothing her hands up the woman’s torso to cup said endowments, and roughly flicked her fingernails over tightened nipples. A lusty groan floated through the room and, when she pinched them between her thumbs and index fingers, the woman’s spine bowed sending her shadowed face quickly towards the ceiling. Strong hands came up to grasp her wrists, keeping them firmly in place while she toyed with sweat-moistened areolas causing a sharp breath to hiss from her visitor’s lips when she gripped their hardened tips.

Smiling at the desired reaction, Penny pulled the shadow down by her nipples, earning another breathy gasp, and was stunned by who’s face came into view above her.