Assassin's Heart (41 page)
Authors: Monica Burns
But did she love him enough?
The moment Atia took center stage, Ares and Lysander moved to flank the Prim
a Consul.
It was a clear show of solidarity on Ares’s part. Her brother had obviously come to terms with Lysander’s Praetorian heritage. Did Ares even know that Lysander’s father had murdered their parents? It was possible her brother hadn’t seen the Praetorian’s face as clearly as she had.
a Consul.
It was a clear show of solidarity on Ares’s part. Her brother had obviously come to terms with Lysander’s Praetorian heritage. Did Ares even know that Lysander’s father had murdered their parents? It was possible her brother hadn’t seen the Praetorian’s face as clearly as she had.
Either way, Ares was holding Lysander blameless for his mixed blood. So what did that say about her own ability to forgive? A sliver of regret etched its way into her heart, but she ignored it. Lysander had lied to her, and that wasn’t something she could forgive easily. He’d hurt her not so much with the lie as with his inability to trust her. The Prima
Consul
arched her eyebrow at the
Celeris
monitoring a laptop at the far end of the conference table, and when he nodded, Atia stared in the direction of the webcam.
Consul
arched her eyebrow at the
Celeris
monitoring a laptop at the far end of the conference table, and when he nodded, Atia stared in the direction of the webcam.
“Greetings. I know this is an unusual occurrence, but I wanted to prevent rumors and misinformation from making their way through the organization. What I share with you today is information I shared with the Order’s Council just a few hours ago. Last night,
Legatus
Lysander Condellaire and his team found a valuable artifact that has brought us one step closer to finding the Tyet
of Isis
.”
Legatus
Lysander Condellaire and his team found a valuable artifact that has brought us one step closer to finding the Tyet
of Isis
.”
Atia’s declaration caused the entire room to stir with excitement, and she raised her hand for silence. “In addition to this new discovery, there were other revelations brought to light last night. Revelations the Council is now aware of and which I will share with you now. For some time now, there have been ritualistic executions of Sicari, Vi
gilavi
, and others connected to the search for the Tyet
of Isis
. All of those executed have borne an unusual mark we now know is an incomplete version of the Chi-Rho, and it is the work of a Praetorian Dominus.”
gilavi
, and others connected to the search for the Tyet
of Isis
. All of those executed have borne an unusual mark we now know is an incomplete version of the Chi-Rho, and it is the work of a Praetorian Dominus.”
As the Prim
a Consul
paused to allow time for her words to sink in, Phaedra sensed the mood of the small gathering change from excitement to serious misgiving. She imagined the reaction was the same at other installations watching Atia’s address. As the group shifted restlessly in their seats, Phaedra turned her attention to Emma, who was standing just inside the door of the conference room. Emma’s parents and mentor had all been victims of the ritualistic murders. Even Emma had been a target, but Ares had chosen to protect her and had fallen in love as a result. A small part of her envied her brother’s happiness. Atia’s voice interrupted her train of thought.
a Consul
paused to allow time for her words to sink in, Phaedra sensed the mood of the small gathering change from excitement to serious misgiving. She imagined the reaction was the same at other installations watching Atia’s address. As the group shifted restlessly in their seats, Phaedra turned her attention to Emma, who was standing just inside the door of the conference room. Emma’s parents and mentor had all been victims of the ritualistic murders. Even Emma had been a target, but Ares had chosen to protect her and had fallen in love as a result. A small part of her envied her brother’s happiness. Atia’s voice interrupted her train of thought.
“The warriors who fought the Dominus last night now know what we’re up against and will be better prepared the next time they encounter this newest threat to our existence.” The Prim
a Consul
paused to look at Lysander’s emotionless expression before her unrelenting gaze of authority swept across the faces of men and women in the conference room to return her attention to the webcam. The imperial look of confidence on Atia’s face said she dared anyone to question her on whatever decision she was about to announce.
“Last night also revealed something I and only one or two other individuals have known for a long time. Le
gatus
Condellaire’s father is Praetorian.” Everyone stirred at the news, but Atia’s hard look of disapproval made the occupants of the room quickly grow quiet. “Up until the Praetorians tortured the Le
gatus
last year, he had always believed his father had died fighting our enemy.”
gatus
Condellaire’s father is Praetorian.” Everyone stirred at the news, but Atia’s hard look of disapproval made the occupants of the room quickly grow quiet. “Up until the Praetorians tortured the Le
gatus
last year, he had always believed his father had died fighting our enemy.”
The Prim
a Consul
turned her head toward Lysander with an expression of regret and pain. Atia was a politician, but Phaedra was certain the woman’s emotions were genuine, not simply a display for her audience. The woman truly felt anguish for what Lysander was going through. Atia cleared her throat to resume her address to the Sicari in the room and those watching.
a Consul
turned her head toward Lysander with an expression of regret and pain. Atia was a politician, but Phaedra was certain the woman’s emotions were genuine, not simply a display for her audience. The woman truly felt anguish for what Lysander was going through. Atia cleared her throat to resume her address to the Sicari in the room and those watching.
“The circumstances of his birth were kept from Le
gatus
Condellaire out of respect to his mother and her traumatic sexual assault. A year ago, when the Praetorians tortured the
Legatus
, his biological father was his interrogator. The Praetorian recognized Le
gatus
Condellaire, torturing him physically and emotionally with the knowledge. The man who did this is Patriarch of the Praetorian Collegium.”
gatus
Condellaire out of respect to his mother and her traumatic sexual assault. A year ago, when the Praetorians tortured the
Legatus
, his biological father was his interrogator. The Praetorian recognized Le
gatus
Condellaire, torturing him physically and emotionally with the knowledge. The man who did this is Patriarch of the Praetorian Collegium.”
Another gasp flew through the room, and emotion constricted Phaedra’s throat as Atia’s words sank in. Slowly, she absorbed the Prim
a Consul’s
words. Dear
God
, the man who was now Patriarch, and second only to Monsignor in the hierarchy of the Collegium, had raped Lysander’s mother. She’d been concentrating so hard on the fact that Lysander’s father had murdered her parents, she’d not really considered what his mother must have suffered at Nicostratus’s hands. Only a woman of strong mental reserves could have chosen to keep a child from such a horrendous act of violation.
a Consul’s
words. Dear
God
, the man who was now Patriarch, and second only to Monsignor in the hierarchy of the Collegium, had raped Lysander’s mother. She’d been concentrating so hard on the fact that Lysander’s father had murdered her parents, she’d not really considered what his mother must have suffered at Nicostratus’s hands. Only a woman of strong mental reserves could have chosen to keep a child from such a horrendous act of violation.
Her gaze flew to Lysander’s expressionless features. He appeared unaffected by Atia’s announcement, but she knew better. The muscles of his scarred face were taut, making the tic in his cheek more noticeable. Her fingertips tingled with the need to touch him, soothe his pain.
Christus
, he had to be in a living hell right now hearing Atia share his secret shame.
Christus
, he had to be in a living hell right now hearing Atia share his secret shame.
And she was convinced he was ashamed. If he hadn’t been, he would have told her the truth. Told someone. She flinched. He had told someone. He’d told Atia. He’d entrusted the Prim
a Consul
with his secret, not her. Instead, he’d pushed her away. It wasn’t the first time she’d acknowledged the fact, but it cut deeper this time. He’d shut her out, and the pain of it pounded its way through her bloodstream until every one of her nerve endings screamed a protest.
a Consul
with his secret, not her. Instead, he’d pushed her away. It wasn’t the first time she’d acknowledged the fact, but it cut deeper this time. He’d shut her out, and the pain of it pounded its way through her bloodstream until every one of her nerve endings screamed a protest.
As she studied him, she saw him stiffen. His gaze briefly scanned her face before he
resumed his stare at the wall. Was he reading her mind right now? Without thinking, she reached out with her senses to find him amid all the other emotions that were flooding the room. It was like moving through a crowded square of people to reach him.
When she did, it was as if she’d reached sanctuary, despite the pain she sensed in him. It didn’t surprise her that his emotions were so open to her. With all his energy focused on maintaining his impassive expression, he had nothing left with which to lock down the emotions running rampant behind his mask. The darkness of his feelings washed over her in a violent wave of fury, despair, and shame.
He was ashamed of who he was. No. What he believed himself to be. He didn’t believe he was Sicari. De
us
, no wonder he’d kept his distance from her over the past year. She swallowed hard as she realized how difficult it must have been for him. What would have happened if she had pushed back sooner? Demanding an answer as to why he’d rejected her. Would he have told her his secret? She didn’t have to probe his senses any deeper to know the answer was no.
us
, no wonder he’d kept his distance from her over the past year. She swallowed hard as she realized how difficult it must have been for him. What would have happened if she had pushed back sooner? Demanding an answer as to why he’d rejected her. Would he have told her his secret? She didn’t have to probe his senses any deeper to know the answer was no.
He wouldn’t have told her. He still would have kept it from her. The realization was an emotional slap in the face. She struggled to accept his inability to trust her. It was one thing to accept that he wasn’t responsible for his father’s sins, but trust was essential to a relationship. How could she trust him not to keep other secrets from her? And without trust, they didn’t stand a chance in hell.
“I have every confidence in Le
gatus
Condellaire, and I am convinced he and his team will be successful in their mission to find the Tyet
of Isis
. L
ongior vivere ordinis Sicari.”
As Atia formally closed her address, Phaedra murmured the words, “Long Live the Order of the Sicari.” The phrase that ended all official Council events was second nature to her, and it took her a moment to realize she’d missed the last part of the Prim
a Consul’s
speech. Suddenly overwhelmed by a desire to cry like she had last night, she ducked her head in an attempt to regain her composure.
gatus
Condellaire, and I am convinced he and his team will be successful in their mission to find the Tyet
of Isis
. L
ongior vivere ordinis Sicari.”
As Atia formally closed her address, Phaedra murmured the words, “Long Live the Order of the Sicari.” The phrase that ended all official Council events was second nature to her, and it took her a moment to realize she’d missed the last part of the Prim
a Consul’s
speech. Suddenly overwhelmed by a desire to cry like she had last night, she ducked her head in an attempt to regain her composure.
“That will be all until the team briefing at one o’clock.” Lysander’s voice was brittle, and she didn’t look at him as she stood up to leave the room with everyone else. As she tried to slip out of the room unnoticed, he stepped into her path. “Phaedra, I’d like to see you in the study.”
“Can it wait?” She stiffened. De
us
, she didn’t think she was up to this. She barely glanced at him, unwilling to reveal how devastated she was feeling.
us
, she didn’t think she was up to this. She barely glanced at him, unwilling to reveal how devastated she was feeling.
“No.”
That was it. No compromise, just a refusal. With a sharp nod, she brushed past him and headed toward the study. Fi
ne. Maybe it is best to get this over with.
Less than a minute later, she entered the empty study. She didn’t have to turn around to know when Lysander entered the room. Her body reacted to him like a sonar device gone crazy. At the sound of the door closing, she turned to face him, waiting for him to speak. The tension between
them was like taut piano wire ready to break the minute the wrong key was struck.
His jawline hard and inflexible, he folded his arms across his chest. They stared at each other for a long moment as she waited for him to speak. The emotion penetrating the silence between them only heightened the tension in the room. He was the one who’d asked for this little meeting. Why didn’t he say what it was he wanted to say so she could get out of here? Being alone with him made her feel vulnerable. If this was an intimidation tactic, it was working.
“Say something,” he rasped.
“What?” She stared at him in amazement.
“Say something,” he repeated himself. “Yell at me, rant, whatever you want, but just say something.”
“There isn’t anything to say.” No. There was a lot to say, she just wasn’t prepared to go down that road just now. The pain was too fresh to expose herself to more misery.
“F
otte.”
He took a step toward her in an explosive movement. Startled, she leaped backward in surprise, and a bit of fear too, if she was honest. He
was
half-Praetorian. The thought made her heart ache. That was unfair of her. He’d never given her reason to think he’d harm her. His features became a carved sculpture of anguish, and he immediately turned away from her. ”
Christus
, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”
was
half-Praetorian. The thought made her heart ache. That was unfair of her. He’d never given her reason to think he’d harm her. His features became a carved sculpture of anguish, and he immediately turned away from her. ”
Christus
, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”
“You didn’t frighten me.” Her fierce bravado was a lie. She
had
been scared, and she despised herself for it. She knew he would never hurt her. He faced her again, and she could see from his expression that he knew she was lying.
had
been scared, and she despised herself for it. She knew he would never hurt her. He faced her again, and she could see from his expression that he knew she was lying.
“I want to explain—”
“Don’t.” She raised her hand.
There wasn’t any explanation he could give her that would ease the anger and pain she was feeling right now. To keep something this important from her showed his lack of trust, and without his willingness to believe she wouldn’t betray him, they had nothing. She knew he was in pain, but so was she, and she wasn’t ready to forgive him everything just yet.
“Damn it, I need to make you—”
“U
nderstand?
I understand everything completely.”
nderstand?
I understand everything completely.”
“Do you? I doubt it.”
“Let me see if I can clarify it for you.” She glared at him in hurt frustration. “You lied to me.”
“I
never
lied to you.” His mouth thinned with anger as he stood rigid in front of her.
“It’s called the sin of omission. The Praetorians know it well. You could have told me.
Should
have told me who you really are, but you didn’t. That’s lying in my book.”
“Who I really am?” The bitterness in his voice made her wince.
“You know who I am, Phaedra. I’m the same man today that I was yesterday before you knew about my Praetorian blood.”
“No. I don’t know you at all. How could I
possibly
know you when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me your darkest secret,” she said fiercely. “A secret you entrusted to Atia without any problem at all.”
possibly
know you when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me your darkest secret,” she said fiercely. “A secret you entrusted to Atia without any problem at all.”
“
Il Christi omnipotentia
, it wasn’t like that.”
“Yes, it
was
like that. So why don’t you just drop this charade of you caring about what I think and leave me alone?”
She
didn’t
want him to leave her alone. She wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her he was sorry for not trusting her. She wanted to hear him say he loved her. She wanted so much and was terrified he’d never tell her what she needed to hear. With a bowed head, he looked away from her until his demonic profile was all she could see.
didn’t
want him to leave her alone. She wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her he was sorry for not trusting her. She wanted to hear him say he loved her. She wanted so much and was terrified he’d never tell her what she needed to hear. With a bowed head, he looked away from her until his demonic profile was all she could see.
“I can’t do that.”
“Sure you can,” she sneered. “You managed to do it without any trouble once before, what’s so different this time?”
“It’s different because who I am is out in the open now.” His entire body was knotted with tension as she fired back at him.
“So because everyone else knows now, that makes it okay? Well guess what. It doesn’t. And you want to know why? Because I had to hear it from that Praetorian
bastardo
instead of you? Even worse than that, you trusted Atia enough to tell
her
. You trusted her, but not me, and you should have.”
bastardo
instead of you? Even worse than that, you trusted Atia enough to tell
her
. You trusted her, but not me, and you should have.”
“Can you really blame me for not saying anything?” he rasped as he faced her again, anger darkening the angelic half of his face. “Look how you reacted last night.”
She cringed inwardly at his accusation. “Last night our lives were at stake. Did you expect me to have a conversation with you while that
bastardo
was announcing to the
world you were his son?”
“No. But afterward—”
“Afterward, I was too busy dealing with the fact that your father—”
“He’s
not
my father,” he growled with a ferocity that made her jump, but she didn’t back down.
“That
bastardo
isn’t just
any
Praetorian. Your father is the same monster who butchered my parents.”
The sharp declaration was like a thunderclap in the room, and Lysander recoiled from her so quickly she thought he was going to bolt out of the room. There wasn’t a drop of color in his face, and his features had hardened into a stone facade of horror. The scarred tissue layering his cheekbone was stretched so tight, she knew it had to hurt.
Even if she’d not been able to see his features, she would have known how appalled and shocked he was by her words. His senses were exploding with a fury that alarmed her. Her gaze pinned to his face, she swallowed hard as one turbulent emotion after another rolled off him. The pain that accompanied his horror squeezed at her heart. Close on the heels of those two powerful waves of emotion was intense shame.
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