Ashes to Flames (6 page)

Where the hell was he?

Sabria read Jai’s stilted message again before tossing her phone on the pillow beside her. Her stomach twisted into knots and then untwisted. He’d told her nothing to raise her concern and yet everything he hadn’t said set off a million alarms within her.

Something was seriously off. She had no problem giving him the space he needed to tie up loose ends, but the sound of his voice… So cold and distant. Totally unlike him. She’d tried calling him over and over with no luck, finally leaving him several messages of her own to call the moment he had a chance, to which he hadn’t responded.

“To hell with this,” Sabria muttered, grabbing her jeans off the chair by the television stand.

She’d barely been able to sleep or eat, too wired and anxious about Jai’s return. She was done waiting. Sabria pulled her jeans on along with her favorite boots. She grabbed a gray shawl to go over the black tank top she was wearing and headed out of the door.

Sabria barely heard the soothing sounds of jazz music wafting from the piano bar as she rushed through the lobby and outside. “Dammit!” She’d forgotten her keys lying on the bathroom counter.

Too frustrated to go back inside to get them, Sabria hailed a cab. She gave the driver Jai’s address and settled back into the seat, trying not to wrinkle her noise over the lingering scent of cigarettes within the vehicle. The driver weaved in and out of traffic, but Sabria stared unseeing out of the window.

Surely Jai hadn’t forgotten how critical time was for them? He had seemed to understand his relationship with Melanie would eventually come to an end regardless of whether he was ready for it to or not.

“Seventeen dollars and fifty cents,” the taxi driver called through the safety glass partition.

Sabria blinked in surprise. She hadn’t noticed they’d even stopped. She paid the taxi driver, exited the vehicle and stood in front of Jai’s building with butterflies in her stomach. The wind whipped around her and she welcomed the chilled air washing over her heated skin. She pushed the bell for Jai’s place, expecting to hear his voice asking who she was, but he buzzed her in.

She knocked and waited. Seconds went by, feeling like hours, with no signs of movement inside then she saw a shadow of light beneath the door before it was opened.

All the questions faded the moment she saw Jai. Her heart skipped a beat as her gaze ran over his unshaved beard, the dark circles beneath his eyes and the ragged jeans, unfastened and riding low on his hips. “Jai?”

He didn’t answer, barely looked at her before turning to let her inside his dim apartment. A blast of heat scattered goosebumps over her skin.

What the hell?

Her kind avoided unnecessary heat like some people avoided the sun. Every single curtain was drawn in Jai’s place. The only source of illumination came from the wood kindling in the ornate fireplace in the living room.

“Jai, it’s way too hot in here. What are you trying to do to yourself?”

“I was going to call.” His voice sounded as rough as he looked.

“Jai, what’s wrong?” She reached out to touch his arm and was taken aback when he moved out the way.

He finally met her gaze and the agony mirrored in the mocha depths of his eyes tore at her heart. Beads of sweat dripped from his bald head, down his proud jawline to splash on his bare chest. Sabria had never seen him in such a state. He was tortured by something…something they’d never dealt with before.

“Is it Melanie?”

Jai turned his back on her again with the mention of the other woman’s name. “She didn’t deserve this.”

“I know it couldn’t have been easy to end things with her.” Sabria watched him cross his arms, mahogany muscles momentarily taking her attention. “Especially when you couldn’t tell her the truth.”

“She opened her heart to me and what did I do?” Jai asked, absently scratching at his beard.

Sabria resisted the urge to walk over to him and wrap her arms around his waist, fearing he’d pull away again. “You did what you had to do. I know it couldn’t have been easy—”

“There was no easy way to tell her I couldn’t give her the love she deserved.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Sabria said softly, wishing she knew the right comforting words to say.

Jai cursed. “The look in her eyes when I told her I loved you…”

His voice had lowered to a hoarse whisper and Sabria felt guilty for feeling a spark of happiness at the mention of his love for her. “Jai, I know you didn’t want to hurt her.”

“Hurt her?” Jai pivoted quickly to face her. His handsome face was a mask of pain and anger. He walked up to her and took hold of her by both arms and the heat from his touch seared her skin.

“Yes, Jai, I know you didn’t want to hurt her.” Prickles of awareness zipped through where his fingers bit into her flesh.

“I didn’t just hurt her, Sabria. I
killed
her.”

The ferocity of his words shocked her almost as much as what he’d said. She flinched when he released her and almost flung her away from him. “What?”

“She’s dead. Melanie’s dead. I told her we couldn’t be together and she was so upset…so heartbroken. She rushed out of her place. I went after her and I guess she wasn’t looking…didn’t see the van coming.”

“Oh my God,” Sabria gasped, feeling the blood drain from her face.

“I couldn’t save her.”

Sabria’s eyes widened in horror as Jai shook his head and paced the floor. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye. She died thinking I didn’t care about her.”

He stopped pacing and Sabria yelped when he smashed his hand into the wall, punching easily through the painted surface.

“Jai!” Sabria rushed to his side, took hold of his bruised, bloodied hand. She lifted her other hand to touch the side of Jai’s face. The moisture glistening in his eyes brought tears to her own. “I’m so sorry, Jai. I’m so, so sorry.”

“She died because of me, Sabria.” He met her gaze and Sabria wondered if she’d ever see the familiar light and joy in them again. “She died because of me.”

Sabria let go of Jai’s injured hand to cup his face with both hands. “Jai, listen to me…what has happened is beyond tragic. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are in right now, but you’ve got to know this isn’t your fault. It was an accident, a terrible accident.”

“One that never would’ve happened if she’d never gotten involved with
me
.” The storm in his eyes hurt her soul.

“Jai, please listen to me. Meeting and connecting with Melanie was a chance encounter you both found mutual pleasure and joy from. You didn’t know our secret. Your relationship was a series of unexpected happenings that you and she could not be held accountable for. The moment you knew it couldn’t work you went to her.” She searched his face for understanding, but only saw emptiness in his eyes.

“I let her down,” Jai said, pulling away from her.

He went into the kitchen, took out a clean dish towel and wet it beneath the faucet. Sabria went to his side, took the towel from his hand and wrung it out. She carefully wrapped the cool towel around his hurt hand.

“Melanie wanted you in her life. That was her choice. Always her choice.”

“A choice she wouldn’t have made had she known the truth.”

“
You
didn’t know the truth.”

“That doesn’t make me blameless, Sabria!”

The fury in his voice made her jump. He pulled from her grasp and went over to stand in front of his fireplace. Nothing but the crack of the wood in the fire could be heard for several long minutes.

Sabria wiped away the tears she hadn’t even known had fallen before shedding the shawl around her shoulders. “Jai, you couldn’t have stopped Melanie from falling for you when you had no idea who or what you are.”

“She needed me.”

Sabria crossed the hardwood floor to place her hand on the corded muscles in Jai’s back. His skin felt dangerously hot beneath her fingertips “She needed you and you were there for her. We don’t get to choose our destiny, Jai.” She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face against his back. “I’m truly sorry Melanie is gone and I hate to see you in so much pain. I know you probably need some space, but we’re running out of time, Jai, and I need you.”

Chapter Five

Jai felt Sabria’s tears on his back before he pulled away to face her. “Melanie’s funeral is taking place in less than an hour. I need to be there.”

Sabria gave him an understanding nod. “Okay. I’ll go with you.”

“No. I need to do this, say goodbye. Alone.” Jai saw the hurt in Sabria’s eyes when his words came out harsher than intended, but he was in too much pain himself to even attempt to smooth things over. “I’m going to take a shower and go.”

“All right,” Sabria said, stepping back from him. She tore her gaze from his to glance at the timekeeper, but not before Jai saw the sheen of more tears in her eyes.

“How much time is left?” Jai asked, wishing he could just hold her the way he wanted to if guilt and heartache wasn’t weighing every inch of him down.

Sabria glanced at her watch and shrugged. “This thing never gives the precise moment we’re out of time, but I’d say roughly less than twelve hours, maybe less. We’ve never waited this long to reignite our bond. I’ll just go back to my hotel.”

“Stay here and wait for me,” Jai said, not wanting her to leave. His ravenous desire for her and the conflicting sadness making him want to push her away was tearing at his mind, driving him a little crazy. “I’m going to shower, change and go.”

“Okay.” Sabria glanced around. “Do you have anything to read? A television?”

“I’ve got both in my bedroom. Come with me and I’ll show you.”

Sabria’s boots clicked behind him as she followed him into his bedroom. Jai strode over to the drawn curtains, opened them and pointed to the flat screen to his left. “Television.” He gestured toward the stack of books by his bed. “Books.”

“Thank you,” Sabria said with a small smile.

“Need anything else before I hit the shower?”

Sabria’s gaze skated across his bare chest. “No.”

Jai knew better as she grabbed the remote off his nightstand and turned on the television. He went into the bathroom as she started flipping through channels.

Twenty minutes later, he came back into the bedroom to find Sabria sleeping on his bed. He looked at her lying on his comforter, overwhelmed by her beauty and his love for her, remembering all of the moments he’d stood over her sleeping and thought the exact same things.

He wanted to work through the pain wrapped around his heart and be the mate Sabria knew and needed him to be. He just couldn’t figure out how to do it when he felt so fractured inside.

Jai dropped the towel slung around his hips on the bed and moved to his dresser. He opened the drawer, cursing softly when the old hinges creaked. He turned to see if the noise had disturbed Sabria and found her staring at him. “Sorry.”

“I’m not,” she said as her gaze drifted over his body.

Jai almost mustered a smile while pulling on his underwear and socks. He half-expected Sabria to talk while he finished dressing in a dark suit and tie, but when he looked at her again she’d closed her eyes. He could tell she wasn’t sleeping though by the chaotic rise and fall of her chest. She was obviously on edge and wanting.

“I’ll be back soon,” Jai said.

“I’ll be here. Jai?”

“Yes?”

“It’s okay to admit that you loved her…to acknowledge you’ve lost someone you loved,” Sabria said, barely stirring.

Stunned, Jai didn’t know how to respond. He stared at her for a few seconds before leaving, hating the feeling he was letting her down just like he had Melanie.

By the time he got to the church the parking lot was full and parking on the street was scarce. He was almost fifteen minutes late to the service. Looking around the church, Jai saw familiar faces, including Sarah, Melanie’s older sister. He and Melanie had gone on a double date with Sarah and her boyfriend a few months back. Jai’s chest tightened when their gazes locked, but she surprised him by giving him a small smile and he responded in kind before looking away. He wondered how much Melanie had mentioned to her sister about their relationship.

Jai sat through the rest of the service in a numb fog. His kind had no need for funerals. The concept to Jai was beautiful and a bit barbaric. He didn’t understand why humans would willingly sit through something that would cause more grief, and yet he respected their need to celebrate the life lost with words and songs.

Finally, it was over. Jai got up off the hard pew, relieved. A sea of faces and people moved around him as he made his way toward the exit when he felt a hand on his arm.

“Jai?”

He turned to see Sarah by his side. “Hello, Sarah.”

“I’m sorry we’re meeting again under these circumstances,” Sarah said sadly.

“As am I. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Sarah looked away from him for a moment. “Melanie will be missed by all of us. I wanted to tell you how happy you’d made her. I’d never seen her so happy.”

“Your sister made me happy too.”