As You Like It (16 page)
Authors: William Shakespeare
To Phoebe
SILVIUS
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
ORLANDO
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
ROSALIND
Who do you speak to? ‘Why blame you me to love
you?’
ORLANDO
To her that is not here, nor doth not hear.
ROSALIND
Pray you no more of this. ’Tis like the howling
of Irish wolves against the moon.—
To Silvius
I will help you if I can.—
To Phoebe
I would love you, if I could.
To all
Tomorrow meet me all together.—
To Phoebe
I will marry you, if ever I marry woman, and I’ll
be married tomorrow.—
To Silvius
I will content you, if what pleases you contents you,
and you shall be married tomorrow.—
To Orlando
As you love Rosalind, meet.—
To Silvius
As you love Phoebe, meet.— And as I love no
woman, I’ll meet. So fare you well:
Exeunt
running scene 11 continues
Enter Clown
[
Touchstone
]
and Audrey
TOUCHSTONE
Tomorrow is the joyful day, Audrey: tomorrow
will we be married.
AUDREY
I do desire it with all my heart, and I hope it is no
dishonest
desire to desire to be a
woman of the world
4
. Here
come two of the banished duke’s pages.
Enter two Pages
FIRST PAGE
Well met,
honest
6
gentleman.
TOUCHSTONE
By my troth, well met. Come, sit, sit, and a song.
They sit
SECOND PAGE
We are for you. Sit i’th’middle.
FIRST PAGE
Shall we
clap into’t roundly
, without
hawking
9
or
spitting or saying we are hoarse, which are the
only
10
prologues
to a bad voice?
SECOND PAGE
I’faith, i’faith, and both
in a tune
12
, like two gypsies
on a horse.
Song
It was a lover and his lass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
That o’er the green cornfield did pass
In the
spring-time
, the only pretty
ring-time
17
,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
Sweet lovers love the spring.
And therefore
take
20
the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
For love is crownèd with the
prime
22
Between the acres of the rye,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
These pretty country folks would lie
In spring-time, etc.
This
carol
28
they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
How that a life was but a flower
In spring-time, etc.
TOUCHSTONE
Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no
great matter in the
ditty
, yet the
note
was very
untunable
33
.
FIRST PAGE
You are deceived, sir: we kept time, we lost not our
time.
TOUCHSTONE
By my troth, yes: I count it but time lost to hear
such a foolish song. God buy you, and God mend your voices!
Come, Audrey.
Exeunt
running scene 12
Enter Duke Senior, Amiens, Jaques, Orlando, Oliver, Celia
DUKE SENIOR
Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promisèd?
ORLANDO
I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not,
As those that fear they hope and know they fear.
Enter Rosalind, Silvius and Phoebe
To Duke Senior
You say, if I bring in your Rosalind, you will
bestow her on Orlando here?
DUKE SENIOR
That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
To Orlando
ROSALIND
And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?
ORLANDO
That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
To Phoebe
ROSALIND
You say, you’ll marry me, if I be willing?
PHOEBE
That will I, should I die the hour after.
ROSALIND
But if you do refuse to marry me,
You’ll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?
PHOEBE
So is the bargain.
To Silvius
ROSALIND
You say, that you’ll have Phoebe, if she will?
SILVIUS
Though to have her and death were both one thing.
ROSALIND
I have promised to
make all this matter even
18
.
Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter,
You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter.
Keep you your word, Phoebe, that you’ll marry me,
Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd.
Keep your word, Silvius, that you’ll marry her
If she refuse me. And from hence I go,
To make these doubts all even.
Exeunt Rosalind and Celia
DUKE SENIOR
I do remember in this shepherd boy
Some
lively
touches
of my daughter’s
favour
27
.
ORLANDO
My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
Methought he was a brother to your daughter:
But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
And hath been tutored in the
rudiments
31
Of many
desperate
32
studies by his uncle,
Whom he reports to be a great magician,
Enter Clown
[
Touchstone
]
and Audrey
Obscurèd
in the
circle
34
of this forest.
JAQUES
There is, sure, another flood
toward
35
, and these
couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very
strange beasts, which in all
tongues
37
are called fools.
TOUCHSTONE
Salutation and greeting to you all!
JAQUES
Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the
motley-
39
minded
gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He
hath been a courtier, he swears.
TOUCHSTONE
If any man doubt that, let him put me to my
purgation
. I have trod a
measure
43
, I have flattered a lady, I
have been
politic
with my friend,
smooth
44
with mine enemy, I
have
undone
three tailors, I have had four quarrels, and
like
45
to have
fought one.
JAQUES
And how was that
ta’en up
47
?
TOUCHSTONE
Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon
the seventh cause.
JAQUES
How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.
DUKE SENIOR
I like him very well.
TOUCHSTONE
God
’ild
you, sir, I
desire you of the like
52
. I press in
here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
copulatives
53
, to
swear and to forswear, according as marriage binds and
blood breaks
55
. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but
mine own, a poor
humour
56
of mine, sir, to take that that no
man else will. Rich
honesty
57
dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor
house, as your pearl in your
foul
58
oyster.
DUKE SENIOR
By my faith, he is very
swift
and
sententious
59
.
TOUCHSTONE
According to the
fool’s
bolt
, sir, and such
dulcet
60
JAQUES
But, for the seventh cause. How did you find the
quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE
Upon a lie seven times removed — bear your body
more
seeming
, Audrey —
as
65
thus, sir: I did dislike the cut of
a certain courtier’s beard. He sent me word, if I said his
beard was not cut well, he was
in the mind
67
it was: this is
called the Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again it was
not well cut, he would send me word, he cut it to please
himself: this is called the Quip Modest. If again it was not
well cut, he
disabled
71
my judgement: this is called the Reply
Churlish. If again it was not well cut, he would answer, I
spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If again it
was not well cut, he would say I lied: this is called the
Countercheck
Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie
Circumstantial
75
and the Lie Direct.
JAQUES
And how oft did you say his beard was not well
cut?
TOUCHSTONE
I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct, and so we
measured
80
swords
and parted.
JAQUES
Can you
nominate
82
in order now the degrees of the
lie?
TOUCHSTONE
O sir, we quarrel
in print
84
, by the book, as you have
books for good manners. I will name you the degrees: The
first, the Retort Courteous: the second, the Quip Modest: the
third, the Reply Churlish: the fourth, the Reproof Valiant:
the fifth, the Countercheck Quarrelsome: the sixth, the Lie
with Circumstance: the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you
may avoid but the Lie Direct, and you may avoid that too,
with an ‘if.’ I knew when seven justices could not
take up
91
a
quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of
them thought but of an ‘if,’ as, ‘If you said so, then I said so’,
and they shook hands and
swore brothers
94
. Your ‘if’ is the
only peacemaker. Much virtue in ‘if’.
JAQUES
Is not this a
rare
96
fellow, my lord? He’s as good at
anything and yet a fool.
DUKE SENIOR
He uses his folly like a
stalking-horse
98
and under
the
presentation
99
of that he shoots his wit.
Enter
Hymen
, Rosalind and Celia.
Still
music
HYMEN
Then is there
mirth
100
in heaven,
When earthly things
made even
101
Atone
102
together.
Good duke, receive thy daughter,
Hymen from heaven brought her,
Yea, brought her hither,
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within his bosom is.