As Time Goes By (27 page)

‘I’ll put the kettle on and make us both a cup of tea,’ Sally offered.

Doris had called round just after the doctor had gone out on some calls, and so Sally had offered to show her around her new quarters.

‘Smells lovely of lavender polish. You were lucky to get your hands on some of that. I haven’t seen any since they brought in rationing.’

‘I found a load of stuff right at the back of one of the cupboards. I reckon someone must have put
it there and then gone and moved and forgot about it. I’d give you a tin, Doris, only properly speaking it belongs to the doctor. I could ask him if he minds, perhaps,’ she offered, seeing the look of longing on Doris’s face. The smell of the polish had lifted her own spirits this morning when she had been polishing the heavily carved wooden banister rail. ‘Funny how something as simple as a tin of polish can cheer you up, when you think we never used to give it a thought.’

‘That’s what war does for you,’ Doris told her. ‘Boys settled in all right, have they? What is it, Sally? What’s wrong?’ Doris pressed when Sally didn’t reply.

Sally gave a small sigh, then told her grimly, ‘They’ve settled in fine, especially Tommy, and that’s what I’m worried about really. He’s getting old enough now to recognise how much bigger this house is and all the things that go with that, and I don’t want him getting too used to it, and having ideas above his station, Doris. His dad and me could never have afforded to be living somewhere like this. When I was at the grocer’s yesterday I heard him telling another kiddie as bold as you please, “We live at my doctor’s house now.”’

Doris laughed. ‘I shouldn’t worry about it, Sally. You’ve got your feet on the ground firmly enough, and Tommy and Harry will look to you to tell them what’s what.’

Sally tried to look convinced as she made the tea and poured her old neighbour a cup.

‘China cups,’ Doris sighed approvingly. ‘My old matron when I was first training always used to say that you should drink tea out of a china cup and water out of a glass.’

‘Doctor said to use them. Me own are still packed up, just in case we end up having to find somewhere else. I don’t really like taking chances. You never know what might happen. It’s all very well you and Molly saying that it’s the best thing that could have happened to me, the doctor giving me this job, but if it doesn’t work out and we have to leave then I’m going to be in a real old mess.’

‘Give over, Sally, anyone can see what a difference you’ve made to this place. It will do the doctor no end of good having you and the boys around. I don’t hold with a man like the doctor living on his own. It’s not healthy for someone in his kind of work. He needs to come home to a decent meal and a properly aired bed. You’re a good lass, Sally, and a strong one too, but don’t you go being too hard on yourself. I’d better go, I promised Molly I’d call round. Oh, I almost forgot, Frank said to tell you that he’d seen a chap hanging round your old house the other night.’

Sally was glad she had her back to her so that Doris couldn’t see her expression.

‘It was too dark for him to get a proper look at him and he went off when he saw our Frank. If it’s that chap that was making a nuisance of himself …’

‘It won’t be him. It was probably someone thinking of renting the house and having a look at
it,’ Sally told her, but she knew that the man Frank had seen would have been the debt collector. She also knew why he had been looking for her, and it wasn’t because of the money she owed to the Boss, after all, as he had told her himself that Sally could have a bit of a break from making any payments if she wanted to do so. No, what he had gone round to the house for had been to try to ‘persuade’ her to give in to him and let him into her bed. Sally gave a shudder of revulsion. Here under the doctor’s roof, no matter what private doubts she might have about being here, she was safe from him in that respect. She knew Sid’s type. They feared anything to do with ‘authority’ and kept away from it.

There was still the matter of the money she owed, though. Only last night she had been looking at the little book in which she had meticulously kept a record of the amount Ronnie had borrowed and what she had paid back. It seemed so unfair that the interest she was forced to pay meant that she had already repaid the full amount twice over but still owed more now than Ronnie had originally borrowed. At least now, with what the doctor was paying her, she could afford to pay back more. Not through Sid, though. No. She’d rather save up the whole lot and pay it back in one go, so that she could get the whole thing over and done with for ever. What a weight off her shoulders that would be.

‘Is everything all right, Sam?’ Hazel asked, falling into step beside Sam as they left the parade ground
before breakfast. It still wasn’t quite light, and whilst the nip in the wind blowing off the sea might have brought roses to Sam’s cheeks, it had also left her fingers tingling with cold. ‘Only you’re very quiet,’ Hazel continued. ‘You haven’t had words with that chap of yours or something, have you?’

Hazel’s sympathy brought a quick surge of tears to Sam’s eyes, which she hurriedly blinked away.

‘Not words, no.’

‘But something’s been said that’s upset you?’ Hazel pressed her as they crossed the road to walk back to the house.

‘Johnny didn’t mean to upset me, I know that,’ Sam defended him. ‘It’s just that we had a few words over his sister. She’s living right here in Liverpool but when I said that I’d like to meet her …’ she gave a small shake of her head, ‘well, I could tell that he didn’t want me to. I suppose I’m being silly.’

‘You aren’t being silly at all,’ Hazel told her. ‘And if you want my opinion, Sam, there’s only one reason why a chap doesn’t want to introduce a girl to his family and that’s because they know things about him he doesn’t want her to know.’

Sam was taken aback. ‘Things? What kind of things?’

‘Things like him having a different girl for every day of the week – or worse!’

‘That’s impossible,’ Sam told her. ‘I’d know if Johnny was seeing anyone else.’

‘That’s what I thought about my ex,’ Hazel said
grimly. ‘Look, Sam,’ she added more gently, ‘if he hasn’t got something to hide then why doesn’t he want you to meet his sister? It doesn’t make sense. There’s something fishy going on, and you must think so yourself, otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling so glum.’

Did she? Surely not. She loved Johnny and she trusted him. But his way of blowing hot and then cold was confusing her and leaving her feeling unhappy.

‘I thought they might just have fallen out,’ she told Hazel.

‘Then why didn’t he say so?’

They had stopped walking as they talked, and now Sam realised that the other girls were well ahead of them.

‘We’re going to be late for breakfast,’ she warned Hazel, glad of an excuse not to discuss Johnny any more. She felt disloyal doing so, and she felt unhappy as well, as though admitting her worries changed them from something vague to something far more important.

‘Hang on a minute.’ Hazel stopped her, putting her hand on Sam’s arm. ‘I know how much you love Johnny, Sam, but what do you know about him really? You’re so young and … and inexperienced … and well …’

‘I’m old enough to know how I feel.’

‘Yes, but can you honestly say that you’re experienced enough to know how
Johnny
feels Sam? He may tell you he loves you, but those are just words. Anyone can say them and sound as though they
mean them. Remember what they say about actions speaking louder than words. Do Johnny’s actions say that he loves you? And I don’t mean the kind of actions that go with kissing you senseless either,’ Hazel warned her, mock sternly. ‘Not wanting you to meet his sister isn’t the action of a man who loves you, Sam, and I think you know that yourself.’

Sam shivered but the icy cold feeling that was gripping her had nothing to do with the cold wind. Was Hazel right? Was there something that Johnny was keeping from her?

‘The best thing you can do is talk to him, Sam. Ask him to tell you why he doesn’t want you to meet his sister. There’ll be an explanation if he hasn’t got anything to hide, and I can’t think of any reason why he shouldn’t tell you what it is.’

‘But you don’t think there is an explanation, do you?’ Sam challenged her miserably.

Hazel sighed, her exhaled breath making a white puff of vapour on the cold air. ‘You know so little about him, Sam, and he seems very reluctant to tell you anything. That can’t be a good thing, can it? When two people fall in love it’s natural and normal for them to want to know everything about one another. He’s old enough to know that.’

‘He said when … well, he told me when he first said that he loved me that he wished he didn’t and that he’d tried not to. Maybe he doesn’t want to introduce me to his sister because he’s not really sure whether he loves me or not,’ Sam told Hazel miserably.

‘You need to talk to him, Sam,’ Hazel told her again adding gently, ‘Come on. We’d better go and get our breakfast, before they send a search party to look for us.’

Normally Sam had a good appetite but this morning she just didn’t want to eat anything. Her insides were churning with misery. She felt so confused. Being in love shouldn’t be like this. She had been so happy at first, but now she was filled with doubt. Why didn’t Johnny want her to meet his sister? Was Hazel right? Was he hiding something from her? She didn’t expect him not to have had girlfriends – she wasn’t silly. Perhaps she should tell him that. Maybe he was worrying that she might be upset to hear he had enjoyed the company of other girls before he had met her and that was why he was reluctant for her to meet his sister.

Her spirits started to lift. She dipped her spoon into her now congealing porridge. Yes, that was probably what it was. Poor Johnny.

Sally refused to look directly at the doctor as she took his breakfast into the dining room.

‘Would you like me to pour your tea, Doctor?’ she asked him woodenly as he sat down, holding the newspaper that had just been delivered.

‘Yes, please.’ His voice was as curt as her own as he opened the paper, but as Sally poured the tea, his expression changed, a broad smile talking the place of his frown.

‘Sally … Mrs Walker … there’s excellent news here from the Prime Minister, with a report of a speech he made at the Mansion House last night.’

Immediately Sally forgot her own hostility, sharing in his excitement as she leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of what it was he had been reading. Good news was something they all desperately needed and their shared eagerness for it transcended everything else.

‘Well, things do seem to have been on the up,’ she acknowledged, ‘what with us having that victory at El Alamein, and then Malta being relieved.’

‘Yes, and don’t forget the success of the recent Allied landings in North Africa, and the fact that it looks as though the Russians shall win through. Here, let me read this to you. This is what Mr Churchill said at the Mansion House. “This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”’

Sally heard the emotion in the doctor’s voice, and felt her own throat start to close up with the same feeling.

They looked at one another, separated by only a few inches as Sally had moved closer to the doctor to stand at his shoulder whilst he read the newspaper article to her, united in their shared pride in their fighting men, their country and their Prime Minister.

Neither of them moved. Sally could see the rise and fall of the doctor’s chest as he breathed. Such
a strong, dependable man. A man that any woman could easily be tempted to lean on. His sleeve brushed against her own and yet she could have sworn that neither of them had moved. Her heart had started to beat faster. She wanted to move away from him, indeed she knew she must, but somehow she felt too weak to do so.

‘Oh.’ Sally put her hand to her chest, suddenly feeling slightly breathless and dizzy. And not just because of the good news she had just heard, she admitted. The fact that she must have inadvertently moved so close to the doctor had at least something to do with her agitation and dizziness.

‘Sit down, Sally,’ the doctor told her gently, reaching past her to draw out a chair. ‘Even good news can leave a person feeling shocked.’

Thankfully Sally seized on the excuse he had unwittingly given her. ‘Yes, it did give me a bit of a shock. It’s almost like a miracle, isn’t it? Like it’s too good to be true? We’ve been at war for such a long time that I can’t believe, even though the Prime Minister’s said … well, at least that’s the way it seems,’ she told him shakily. ‘There’ve been so many terrible setbacks, especially with losing Hong Kong and Singapore.’ She blinked back the tears that just saying the names of those places brought. ‘So many good men lost and so much hardship for them and for everyone here at home. There’s some I’ve heard saying that they don’t know how they’re going to get through another winter of rationing, they feel that worn down and worried, but now … I can hardly believe it …’

‘The Prime Minister has a way of reaching our hearts and putting new strength into us,’ the doctor agreed. ‘This news can’t bring back those who are gone, it won’t bring an end to rationing or hardship, but it does give us something very precious indeed: it gives us hope, and that’s something every human being needs. Without it …’ he paused and shook his head, and in the sudden glint of emotion she could see in his eyes Sally’s heart turned over and she wondered if perhaps he was thinking about his wife and his sons, just as she was thinking about Ronnie.

Instinctively she wanted to reach out to him, just as she would have done to Doris or Molly, or even Frank, a small touch that said she understood and felt the same way, but even as she began to do so a stronger need to protect herself stopped her, and made her step back from him, ignoring the sense she had that he was waiting for her to say something.

The silence between them now felt awkward and uncomfortable.

It was Dr Ross who broke it to say, ‘You know there really isn’t any need to go to all this trouble in the morning. I would be quite happy to have my breakfast with you and the boys. You’ve got more than enough to do as it is, without having to serve my breakfast in here.’