As the World Churns (27 page)

    
“Uh-hello?”
Barbara Westheimer sounds surprised every time she successfully answers the telephone in her home. This con-venience-an absolute necessity if you ask me-is one of the modern compromises her family has chosen to make. Although they’ve used the community phone their entire lives, the Westheimers (or so Alison says) stare at the ringing device in their kitchen as if it were a bomb about to go off.

    “Be careful, Barb. If you let it ring more than four times, the Devil listens in on this special gizmo, and records everything you say.”

    
“Ach!”
She either dropped the phone, or hung up. Whatever the case may be, the second time around, she picked up after the first ring. “Is this Magdalena?”

    “As big as life and twice as ugly, although I’ve been told that I’m not so hideous after all, and that I’ve been suffering from body dysmorphic syndrome all these years, but even if I am as ravishing as my husband says, my cheery, though somewhat enigmatic response, would still not be appropriate, given that you can’t see me, hence I do not appear as big as anything.”

    “This must be Magdalena Yoder, young Alison’s mother.”

    “Right as rain-another quite senseless rejoinder, since whether or not rain is right or wrong is a purely subjective observation.”

    
“May I please hang up,
Magdalena
?
I am afraid that you are giving me a headache.”

    “Sorry, dear. I’ll get to the point. May Alison stay with you a couple more days? She can continue to ride the bus with Mary Ruth, and I insist on chipping in for groceries.”

    During the silence that ensued, my hair grew an inch. “Uh,” Barbara finally said, “are you still there, Magdalena?”

    “Yes, dear, and now it’s your turn to speak. May she stay over?”

    “But she is not here.”

    “Gone out to the barn, have they? I’m not saying I approve of it, mind you, but girls will be girls. Frankly, there’s no stopping them once they start. I was addicted to it once, you know. It’s all I could think about for months on end.”

    
“Ach!”

    “Oh, yes. But then Mama
made
me crochet booties for our neighbors’ baby girl, and that took all the fun out of it. I went from loving to crochet, to the point where just looking at a skein of yarn made me sick to my stomach.”

    “Alison is not in our barn, Magdalena, because she did not come to stay for the weekend.”

    “You’re mistaken, dear.”

    “I am afraid that it is
you
who are mistaken.”

    “But I happen to know that she is there, and since we both can’t be right-well, just do me a favor and count your children.”

    “Magdalena, if you continue in this foolishness, then I ask your permission to hang up the telephone.”

    Then it hit me with the force of a runaway train. I felt my knees grow weak.

    
Ingredients:

    
5 egg yolks

    
1/2 cup honey

    
1 pint (500 ml) milk

    
1/2 pint (250 ml) double/heavy cream

    
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

    Beat together the egg yolks and honey in mixing bowl. Heat the milk in a saucepan until it reaches boiling point, then simmer. Whilst it’s simmering, stir in the egg yolk-honey mixture. Continue to stir until it thickens.

    Remove from the heat, strain, and leave to cool.

    Stir in the cream and the vanilla extract, and then transfer the whole mixture into an ice cream maker. Freeze according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

    The fact that Alison Miller is not a perfect girl was what gave me hope. It was quite possible she’d hitched a ride into Bedford (she’s done that before) and was having the time of her life hanging out with “the bad girls.” I didn’t, however, for one second believe that she was staying at some boy’s house. Quite frankly, for better or for worse, I trust her too much for that.

    The so-called bad girls-it’s Alison’s term, not mine-are cousins of Levina Nichols, herself not such a good girl. Their mother, bless her heart, is a single mom and holds down three jobs just to put day-old bread on the table. Mrs. Nichols has neither the time nor energy required to raise three teenagers, and thus, it appears, has opted for the comfort of pretending that all is as it should be. The fact that her daughters habitually skip school, acquire clothes and cosmetics via the ten-finger discount, and sneak out of their window almost every night to roam the streets escapes Mrs. Nichols. Or does it?

    I wrested my crew from the pleasant warmth of Freni’s kitchen, and back into the car. Of course, I didn’t say anything about Alison having gone missing; Freni and my foster daughter are as thick as thieves. Two halves of an apple, as it were-just not the same variety. Freni is a Granny Smith apple, and Alison a Golden Delicious, although both can be crab apples upon occasion.

    
“Nu,”
Ida demanded, “vhere do vee look now?”

    “Bedford.”

    
“Vhat?
Vee
are
yust going to drive around looking for my Gabeleh
mit
out a plan?”

    “Actually, at the moment, we’re looking for Alison.”

    Ida gasped, and clapped her pudgy hands to her cheeks. “You mean your sheudo-shtepdaughter?”

    “Yes, I’m sorry to say.”

    “Pray tell,” Agnes wheezed, “what is a strudel-shtup-daughter?”

    “Oy,” Ida moaned, “dis von is a potty mouse.”

    “She is not a potty mouth,” I said. I turned and addressed Agnes. “That would be pseudo-stepdaughter, dear.”

    I filled them in on the Alison saga as I shtepped on the gas. In times of stress-perhaps a few other times as well-I have been known to press the pedal to the metal. It is an evil vice that I knowingly engage in. Speed kills, especially on our winding roads, which are heavily trafficked by slow-moving Amish buggies.

    But we made it to the Nicholses’ house without a major incident, and everyone, including myself, managed to keep her lunch down. When Ida saw the sort of house the bad girls called home, she feigned a hip problem. Agnes, ever the caring woman that she is, volunteered to stay in the car with my mother-in-law, leaving me to face alone whatever lay behind the sagging porch and peeling front door.

    The bell was missing, so I used my infamous knuckles. When, after I’d worn off several layers of skin, they failed to elicit a response, I tried the knob. The door was unlocked which, at least in my book, is tantamount to a formal invitation to come right on in and make oneself at home. This code of behavior, however, does not apply to my house.

    “Yoo-hoo,” I hollered pleasantly. “Is anyone here?”

    There was no response, but just when I was about to back out gracefully, I noticed what appeared to be a jumble of hastily discarded clothes in front of the swayback sofa. These days, it’s hard to tell which gender wears what, but it looked to me like these items represented both sexes.

    “Is everyone decent?” I called.
“Because I’m coming in, whether you like it or not.
I am, after all, a semi-official deputy of the Hernia Police Department, and I’m here on a missing per-son’s case. If the person in question can hear me, then I suggest she hie her hiney in a hurry to my car, which is waiting outside, or face the wrath of an overly distraught mother-one who has enough energy to make her daughter’s life miserable for decades to come.”

    Like a jack-in-the-box-make that a Jack and a Jill-from behind the sofa popped two teenagers. They were as naked as baby jaybirds.

    The girl spoke first. “We wasn’t doin’ nothin’. Honest. Please don’t tell my mama.”

    “It ain’t what it looks like,” the boy muttered.

    Still recovering from the shock of what I’d seen, I turned my back on the nude couple. “Is Alison Miller here?”

    “No!” Now that the girl knew I wasn’t gunning for her (to borrow a Presbyterian term), she’d traded in the vulnerable act for one of utter impudence.

    “Are you sure she’s not here?”

    “Yes, I’m sure.” She spit the words out like sunflower seeds.

    “You might want to watch your tone, missy. I’m not above butting in and letting your mama know what you’ve been up to. In fact, I think I will. Kids your age have no business doing the shag carpet shag without the benefit of clergy. Even then- Just how old are you, anyway?”

    “Eighteen.”

    “When were you born?”

    “Uh-that ain’t
none
of your business.”

    “Guess again, dear. From the glimpse I caught of your boyfriend, he’s been able to vote for several years. That could make him eligible for statutory rape charges. In that case, I, as a concerned citizen, would feel obligated to issue a citizen’s arrest.”

    “Jimmy,” she whispered, “when was eighteen years ago?”

    “It
don’t
matter,” Jimmy said. “I’m only fifteen.”

    “You
are
? Why Jimmy Cantrell, you lied to me! You telling me I almost did it with a baby?”

    “I ain’t
no
baby!”

    “Kids,” I bellowed, “shut up and put your clothes back on.”

    Yes, those were harsh words, coming as they were from the mouth of a gentle Mennonite woman, but desperate times call for desperate measures. What counts is that they were effective words, and, a few seconds later, the teenagers informed me that they were dressed, and it was all right for me to turn around.

    “You ain’t gonna go blind looking at a naked kid,” the girl said.

    “That depends on whether or not I feel compelled to poke my eyes out.”

    “Good one,” the boy said.

    “Shut up,” the girl said.

    “Don’t use that kind of language,” I said.

    
“Why not?
You did.”

    “I’m a grown-up; we have different rules.” I flashed them a benevolent smile. “Now, kids, you said that Alison Miller isn’t here, but do you know where she might be?”

    The boy shook his head.

    “Me neither,” the girl said.

    I was about to deliver a short but pithy parting lecture, when a second girl bounded down the stairs, stumbled, and landed at my feet. She gasped when she looked up and saw me.

    “Miss Yoder!”

    
“Levina Nichols, as I live and breathe.
Does your mother know you’re here?”

    “Of course she does; not that it’s any of your business. I come here all the time. This is my aunt’s house, you know.”

    “Indeed, I do. And that’s why I’m here. I was hoping to find Alison. For some inexplicable reason, she seems to find you Nichols girls more entertaining than the fleshpots of Hernia.”

    “Man, this lady’s nuts,” Jimmy said.

    I favored him with a frown. “Nuttier than a PayDay bar, so be careful how you speak to, or about, me. There’s no telling what I’ll do when I’m provoked.”

    “Weird,” Jimmy’s girlfriend said.

    “Speaking of weird,” Levina said, “you try looking for Alison at that weird Amish kid’s house?”