Arrow of Time (17 page)

I put my arms around his waist, and he hugged me.

“
We okay, Nibbles?”

“
Yeah. We’re okay. I’m sorry, I know you two are close.”

“
So are you. He talks about you all the time.”

“
Does he?”

“
Yeah. Not the things I wanted to know. Except that he got to touch your panties.” He chuckled, but it was a strained chuckle. I noticed the shine in his eyes. “He loves you, don’t doubt it for a second.”

“
He loves you, too. Loves everyone in the club and the club.”

Dawg took me over to a couch, and we sat down. The people around me were crying and I was... trying to feel something. Anything. I tried to force myself to feel. I thought about every happy moment I’d had with Vasco, and there were quite a few. He’d been so great, and I forced myself to think that he was almost gone, that maybe I wouldn’t see him again. When the doctor came out, Dawg's hand squeezed mine tight, and I turned to look at him. His eyes were closed, so I put my arms around him, hugged him, and he held me so tight, so hard. I could feel the quiet sobs through his body and... nothing. I couldn’t cry.

Brick got up to talk to the doc, and I held my breath. When he turned around, shaking his head, I knew. Vasco was dead.

Later that night I was at the clubhouse with all of the members and most of their friends. I was keeping close to Dawg, but was still numb. When people talked it was like there was a filter between me and them, a slight buzz in my ear that kept their words from fully reaching me. I hadn’t known Vasco for long, just over six months, but since that first night at the clubhouse he’d been a friend. He’d been a guy that I could talk to, he listened, never judged and didn’t let me get away with anything. If I was off, he called me out on it and didn’t let me hide away. If I had a shit day, he almost knocked down my door and pulled me out of the apartment, for a ride, a drink or anything. Just to get me outside. Like he'd done on my birthday. He'd made me celebrate it for the first time in my life, and in a good way, a way I liked, and he wouldn't be around for the next.

My sister was my sister and I loved her, but she was careful with me. Vasco wasn’t. Vasco did what was needed to get me out of my shell. He made me face things I'd never faced. And despite all that, I couldn't cry.

The days that followed passed in a haze. I hardly had any idea of where I was most of the time. I spent a night or two at Lanie’s. Dawg spent the following nights on my couch. I wasn’t sure if that was for my sake or his, and I didn’t really care either. I didn’t care about anything. I kept breathing, but that was it.

-o0o-

Thursday, September 13
th

MELANIE WALKED FROM THE
cemetery next to her husband. She turned around and saw Edie still standing by the grave, looking down into it. She was worried, more than worried. Edie seemed gone. She hadn’t seen her cry; she hardly seemed to react to anything. Like a zombie. She'd seen that look on Edie's face before, that blank stare, the disconnected appearance, and it was just after she'd killed their father. She'd worn it for a long time after that, and it scared Melanie to see it again.

She watched Dawg as he went up to Edie and stood next to her. He seemed better now. He’d been pretty bad for a while, and he’d cried a lot during the ceremony, but now he seemed calmer, just like Brick. Brick said that was one of the purposes of the funeral; it was a way to cry and grieve and then it was easier, and he seemed to have been right. They would all still have bad moments, bad days, but this was a way to really let go and let it all out. Which was another reason she was so worried about Edie not seeming to be able to react.

Edie had just been standing there during the ceremony, looking at the horizon with her hands hanging at her sides. Much the same way she was now, and she didn’t move until Dawg put an arm around her shoulders. She still worried about them, Dawg and Edie; she didn’t talk to anyone about it anymore, but she did still worry about them. Or rather him. Why he was doing what he was doing. At the moment it didn’t bother her that much. The two of them had been close to Vasco and they'd found comfort in each other. Anything that could get Edie out of her slumber was a good thing.

They all went to the clubhouse, and she sought out Edie and sat down next to her.

“Hey, honey.”

“
Hi,” Edie answered with a toneless voice.

“
How are you really doing?”

“
I’m not sure, Lanie. I’m... numb.”

Even if she'd heard Edie describe her feelings like that before there was still a cold chill that went down Melanie’s spine.

“Honey, you can’t be afraid to feel things.”

“
I’m not afraid, I can’t seem to be able to. I’ve tried, I’ve thought about all those things he was to me, how important he was, what he was like and how much I loved him. But it’s like there’s a wall in my head that stops those things from going down to my heart.” She was talking with a low, slow almost drugged voice; it broke Melanie's heart to hear her like this, and she wasn't done. “I know this is horrible. I know that he was my friend, that I loved him. He was my friend, one of the best I've ever had.  I know that this should hurt, that it
is
hurting. I
know
it, but I can't
feel
it.”

“
Honey...” She didn't even know what to say, and Edie shook her head to interrupt her attempts.

“
I’ll figure it out. I will, Lanie. I just... need to snap out of this, and I’d ask you to slap me, but I don’t think that would help.”

“
No.” She took Edie’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m not sure how to help you, Edie. I really want to help, but I don't know how.”

“
I’d tell you if I knew. It's okay. Thanks for trying.”

When Edie looked up she gave another one of those horrible, weak smiles to someone behind Melanie, and when she turned she noticed Dawg coming towards them.

“Hey, Nibbles.” He held a joint in front of him. “Wanna share with me?”

Edie nodded and when Dawg sat down next to Edie, Melanie left them. It was Brick who had pointed out that it wasn’t all that strange that the two of them sought out each more than usual, since they both had similar relationships to Vasco. He'd even encouraged it. Said everyone needed someone to be there, to talk to.

After two nights with zombie Edie in their house, Brick had called Dawg, and he came and took Edie for a ride and then spent the following nights on her couch. He wasn't really getting through to her, to her feelings, and no matter how much she feared how he could hurt her, Melanie knew that he was a support to her at the moment. They were each other's support.

She just wanted Edie to cry, just once so she knew she was starting to process what had happened. That Vasco was gone. So far Edie hadn't even asked what had happened to him. It was possible that Dawg had told her, but she hadn't asked anything.

Later that night Edie came over and said good night and that Dawg was going to take her home. Melanie gave Dawg a hug as well and asked him to take care of her sister. He kissed her cheek and said ‘absolutely’, he’d take care of her and make sure she came home safely. She watched them leave, and even followed outside to see Dawg leading Edie to the passenger seat of her truck and then climb into the driver’s seat himself. She decided it was a good thing. A proof that he really was going to take care of Edie.

-o0o-

Dawg decided to follow Edie to her door, just in case. He'd stayed at her place since he'd picked her up at Brick's, and he didn't mind staying another night. He didn't feel like being alone and he also wanted to keep an eye on her. She seemed... lost. After opening her door, she walked inside, leaving it open behind her, so he followed her. She walked through the kitchenette and started to peel off her black tights.

“
Baby, are you gonna be okay?”

He really hoped that she'd let him stay. He didn't want to go back to the clubhouse and he absolutely didn't want to go to his own, very empty, apartment. And he liked being with Edie, he liked her place. In just a few months she'd made it much more a home than his own place would ever be. And at the moment, being close to her felt a bit like being close to Vasco. She didn't answer him.

“If you want me to, I’ll stay here, Edie,” he clarified. “I don't mind. Unless you want me to leave.”

That made her stop, and she shook her head without saying anything. He was worried, she’d hardly said two words the entire day, and she hadn’t cried. She’d had that same blank expression the entire time, the same one she'd had since she walked into the hospital. Arguing with himself for a few seconds, he finally decided and walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tight. They stood like that for a long time, and then he felt her arms tighten around him and her lips against the side of his neck.

When he leaned back to look at her, her hands went up to his cheeks and she hesitantly pressed her lips against his. This was not good. At all. It wasn’t that it was something he didn’t want to do. Quite the opposite; he’d wanted to do that for a long time, but not like this. Not now. And not when he wasn’t sure if he could give her more. He tried to make his arms move, to move her away, and he looked into those beautiful, blue eyes that seemed to beg him, urge him to not do just that. To not turn her away.

All he wanted to do was grab her, shove his tongue into her mouth and walk her to her bed, but this was not the right time to do that. Not when she was in this state of mind. He shook his head to clear it and then looked at her again.

“Baby, this is not a good idea.”

“
Please...” she mumbled and leaned forward again, carefully nibbling his lower lip and he groaned. “Please, Dawg. I need this.”

He cupped her face, holding her a few inches from his face, and he looked at her.

“Edie... this is not...”

She didn’t let him finish. “Please,” she said again and grabbed his cut, looking at him with an urge he'd never seen in her face before and more emotions that he'd seen there in days. “I need you.”

Fuck, she was so beautiful, and he did it. He moved closer and carefully tasted her lips before he opened his mouth, and she claimed it. It was an amazing kiss, probably the best he’d ever had, and he closed his eyes. Her sweet taste made him groan, and when she sucked on his tongue, circled it, he was lost and started to walk her towards her bed.

She broke the kiss only to hold up her arms so he could pull the black dress over her head, and when she tried to move closer to him again he stopped her, holding his hands on her hips, and looked at her. Edie, right in front of him, in nothing but panties and a bra.

“Jesus, baby. You’re so beautiful.”

Instead of answering, she slid his cut off him, and he smiled when she carefully and respectfully folded it to put it on a chair. The next thing was his shirt, and she kissed him while unbuttoning it and pulling it over his shoulders. Around that time was his last attempt to think clearly. So he asked again.

“Edie, are you sure about this?”

“
Yes, please.” She whined against his lips. Tentatively giving them a quick lick. “Don’t leave me.”

“
Okay,” he said and then kissed her again before mumbling, “I won’t leave.”

He’d been wanting to do it for so long and for a second he thought he could just fucking kiss her for the entire night. Taste her. That was until she stroked the back of her hand over the front of his jeans and then gently grabbed his hard-on through them. She took a deep breath. He realized he wasn't the only one who was extremely turned on, and he wanted her naked. He wanted to see if she looked like he'd imagined she would so many times.

He unhooked her bra and dropped it at the floor and gently ran his hands up her sides, finally cupping her breasts. He couldn't turn his attention away from them and knew how stupid his smile looked. Fucking perfect. Gently, he laid her down on the bed and followed to lie beside her. Leaning over her, he kissed her hipbone, up over her belly and after a careful lick in the valley between those perfect fucking tits, he took a nipple into his mouth.

Edie’s reaction was immediate and with a sharp breath of air, she arched towards him, grabbing ahold of his hair to make sure he didn’t move. While sucking her nipple, circling it with his tongue, he moved his hand down to the junction between her legs. After a careful stroke outside her panties, he noticed that she was already soaking wet and damn near growled against her breast. He was so fucking hard it was almost painful, but he wasn’t going to rush this. He was going to enjoy this to the very last drop.

Somewhere in the back of his head he was still worried how this would end, but it was blown away when he slipped his hand inside her panties. She was shaved clean, and he could feel how warm and wet she was. When his finger slipped inside her, she tightened around it, and she felt like silk. With his free hand he gently pushed her back until she was lying flat on her back and then pulled off her underwear, taking in her entire perfect being while he took off his jeans.