Anything but Minor (24 page)

“We have to talk about this right now?” He was feet away but so distant I didn’t recognize him. “I have a lot going on.”

“So do I,” I said as I commanded his eyes to mine.

His continued silence was too much to handle. I pulled my keys from my pocket and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll let you know when I get back.”

Rafe nodded, and I didn’t bother to wait on anything else.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I watched her tiny frame disappear into her car then gathered the bats and helmets to load them in my Jeep. I felt my pocket buzz and saw the call was from Andy. I ignored it. His issue was becoming mine, and instead of letting Alice kiss me, I’d cowered away to keep from hurting Kristina but hurt Alice instead. I’d have been so much better off not knowing her feelings for me. I should’ve just come clean and told Alice the truth, but her budding friendship with Kristina was important to her. Alice had told me as much. She said she’d never really had a close girlfriend, and I didn’t want to take that away from her. Kristina was not a spiteful person. She was, in fact, the stuff that a good and loyal friend was made of, like Andy.

I didn’t want to hurt either of them. Kristina, along with Andy, had been my two closest friends for years.

This whole situation was fucked. And to top it off, I’d been pushing Alice away little by little to try to stifle my need for her, and it was only fucking with me that much harder. July was coming, and if I got the call, I’d be forced to leave her, and not for just a two-week stint. As much as I hated to admit it, Andy was right; it was the worst time ever to start a relationship.

I ripped through the waves for the rest of the day, taking out my frustration on the ocean. A plane flew by in the distance, and I briefly wondered if Alice would stick around much longer due to her job being a total disaster. We already had the space lingering between us for me to make a clean break. The road was hard, but if I got called off to the majors, I’d all but vanish from her. She sensed the space but didn’t have an explanation, which she deserved.

It was so much easier when I was a bit more selfish, when pussy was playtime and ball was business. The lines were clear. I’d initiated the relationship with Alice. I’d purposefully placed myself as the man in her life. I could never get
bored.
I could never, ever get enough of her, and I owed it to her to tell her as much.

I crested the wave and landed in the salty cool water. I wondered what she saw in me for a moment. I loved the way I looked reflected in her eyes. Whatever she saw in me, I wanted to be that man.

I could try to convince myself all I wanted to, that our relationship was fun, an escape, a way of passing time until the moment I’d been waiting for since I turned eighteen arrived, but it was pointless.

I was in love with her.

If mood was a color, today I was gray. My mood coordinated with the old room I occupied in my house. My mother had called me for dinner ten minutes ago and I couldn’t bring myself to go to her. As I lay in bed and mulled over my life in Charleston, I envied the women who could confide in their mothers. The women who could discuss anything with them. It would only help to deepen the relationship. As a daughter, I’d always felt judged by my actions.

Why couldn’t I have that?

I briefly thought of calling Kristina to vent about Rafe and his sudden withdrawal and thought better of it. Speculating about it would get me nowhere. I closed my eyes and thought of his smile, his powerful kiss, and about the time we spent together. I’d finally found my Jake Ryan, and suddenly all that mattered was the distance he’d put between us. In the two days I’d been back in Ohio, he’d only texted me once to make sure I arrived home safely. My mind refused to shrug it off as anything but a dismissal.

I was only a few months into my first adult relationship, and I’d blown it somehow. A piercing pain spread through my chest as I thought about what I could have possibly done.

“Alice, I called for you,” my mother scorned from my door.

“I’m not hungry, Mother. I’m sorry if you went to any trouble.”

“Did you come here to mope? You haven’t been pleasant a minute since you arrived.”

I blew out a breath of frustration. “Yeah, I haven’t,” I said through gritted teeth. “How inconsiderate of me.”

“What’s with the tone?” she said, taking a commanding step into the room.

“Oh, I don’t know, Mother. Maybe I hoped for a little different reception, myself,” I snapped as I grabbed my suitcase and began packing. “Like, I don’t know, Alice, you seem upset. What’s wrong, honey? But I guess that’s too much to ask.”

“You don’t speak to me like this,” she warned.

“No, I don’t out of respect. I respect you, but I can’t honestly say at the point I know how to do much else.”

“What in the world are you talking about?” she said as she adjusted a framed picture on the wall that could never have been crooked. My mother’s ship was leak proof.

“You!” I confronted. “And the way you act as if we’re in some partnership to get through our time together. As if I’m not your daughter but some sort of...obligation.”

“Alice, what has gotten into you?”

“I’m in love with a man! That tends to drive
normal
women crazy.”

My mother stood deathly still. “Your virtue—”

“Got taken away years ago, and don’t play so innocent. I
found
your vibrator when I was sixteen.” I lifted a brow. “Really went all out with those extra lithium batteries, didn’t you?”

My mother’s jaw dropped. Years of pent up frustration of a relationship we didn’t have leaked out in anger as I stared at her.

“You’re a woman whose husband left you. It happens to women daily. Please tell me why you decided to nun up and make my life miserable.”

My mother took a step back as she shook from head to toe, her hand on her heart. For a brief moment, I knew I was going too far, but couldn’t help my outburst.

“I chose to dedicate my life to God and live as sin free as possible. That happens every day, as well.”

“By taking all of the fun out of your life
and
mine? And you aren’t dedicated, you’re hiding behind him. I’m pretty sure the God I pray to doesn’t think smiles and good humor are an abomination. I’m pretty sure he made the stars in the sky for you to admire, not hide your face behind a book—his book of rules.”

“Alice!”

“It’s been twenty-five years but allow me to introduce myself. I’ve never been the prim and proper, normal girl you’ve so desperately tried to turn me in to. Grade school really sucked for me, like it does most nerdy girls, and high school was equally a nightmare. I didn’t change to please anyone
except you
.” I shook my head as I confronted her. “Not that you would notice because you were too busy pointing out all the crap I wasn’t doing. College sucked as well, Mom.” My voice shook with defeat. “I felt guilty for every smile, every sinful thought, every chance I didn’t have the courage to take. I was stunted because I let you cripple me into thinking I wouldn’t be the woman you raised if I lived for even a second outside of character.” I shrugged. “But that’s just it. I was playing a role.” I pushed the rest of my fear aside as I gave her the truth. “That girl doesn’t exist. I’m loud, and opinionated to the point of being obnoxious. I take chances now and live like there’s no tomorrow. I drink beer and sometimes” —I widened my eyes— “I overindulge. I go to the beach and watch baseball games. I laugh often, I joke, and I smile.” I threw my clothes into my suitcase before I looked back at her to give her a sly grin. “And every chance I get; I praise Rafe Hembrey’s penis!”

“ALICE BOYD!”

“I’m living!” I yelled as I snapped my suitcase shut. “And it’s wonderful. You hide behind this demeanor of yours but you can’t stand some of your friends. I can see it sometimes. And do you know why you can’t stand them? It’s because they’re totally boring!”

“Maybe you
should
go. I did not raise you to speak to me or act like this.”

“No, you raised me to believe that fun was a sin, and I’m calling bullshit!”

The air thick with tension, she watched me closely. I shrugged my shoulders and held her gaze. When silence lingered, I decided to make my exit. I wanted to be back in Charleston with my movies and my misery. At least life there had seemed promising at one point.

“Wait,” she said under her breath as I passed her in the doorway. Ignoring her, I made my way toward the stairs. I was losing it.

“Alice, wait!”

I stepped into the foyer and shouldered my purse.

“You’re right.”

Those two words stopped me. “What?” I looked over to see her at the foot of the stairs.

“You’re right. I was too strict. I’ve been dealing with that guilt for some time now, and I know that’s why you don’t visit often. I’m sorry, Alice.”

“Not good enough,” I huffed as I looked at her in accusation.

“You’re all I have.”

“That’s not my fault. There’s a whole world out there, Mother. Go enjoy it.”

“It’s too late,” she said as she took a step forward, reaching out to touch the lining of my suitcase. “But I’m glad you’ve found your fun.”

“I want to have fun
with you
, Mother. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s not too late for you to do
anything
...everything.”

“You’re so full of life, like your father.” I froze as she spoke of him.

“I don’t want to know anything about him. I want to know you. His absence didn’t bother me, but
yours
did.”

I saw a tear fall down her face, followed by another as I went on. “I remember the way you smiled and laughed at him and that’s all. I know he was the one who took it away when he left. I have no desire to know him. But that was twenty years ago. You have got to let go and try life again. And I can’t be scared—”

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. “Oh, crap.” Right before Rafe had become distant, he’d seemed to want reassurance from me. He’d fought hard for my attention, for me, and I’d all but told him I didn’t believe in his feelings for me with that statement about another man touching me. He wanted to know if it was safe to trust me, and I’d been ambiguous about the whole thing...because I was scared.

My mother cried silently as I put my suitcase down. We’d never really done the hug thing, and it was one of the reasons I was not good at the woman thing, but I pulled her to me, anyway. “I totally get it now. I’m in love with Rafe, and if he hurt me like Dad hurt you, I know it would change me. But enough is enough, Mom.”

She held me to her as she cried.

“You can’t possibly still be in love with him after all this time.”

“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She pulled away, her brown eyes the color of mine. Her frailty in that moment silenced me. I’d never seen her so vulnerable.

“Well, it’s time to get back on the horse,” I ordered. “Now,” I said as I pulled my suitcase back into the living room and unlocked it. I pulled a sundress out that would fit her perfectly and thrust it toward her. “Get dressed. We’re going to do this together.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“No one changes overnight, but one night can change
everything
. We’re about twenty years overdue for a night of fun.”

“Oookay,” she said with a hopeful lift.

“And, Mom?”

“Yes,” she said as she eyed the dress with a small amount of fear.

“No spandex.”

“So you’re in love?” she whispered as she eyed me, curious.

“Totally, and he’s unworthy at the moment. One issue at a time, and tonight is about me and you.”