Anubis Speaks!: A Guide to the Afterlife by the Egyptian God of the Dead (35 page)

Our work here is done.

As my mummy makers used to say, “It’s a wrap, people.”

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Farewell . . . Until Tonight

Now wave goodbye as Ra sets off on his boat for his daylight journey through the sky. Don’t you feel refreshed and hopeful? Watching the sunrise does that to people. It even moves us old Egyptian gods, too.

Sniff
.

What happens to Apophis after the sun is reborn?

He stews, grumbles, and complains, thrashing about in a rage. It will take him all day, but he will regenerate. And he will be waiting for us again tonight.

As for us gods, we go back to our day jobs. For me, that used to mean overseeing my priests as they mummified the dead and loosening up my throwing arm in case I needed to lob someone’s heart to Amut the Destroyer.

But now that my people are gone, and no one

worships us anymore, I have different work. These days, I hang out with my favorite mummies in the undiscovered tombs of our long-dead pharaohs.

That’s right. I hang out with Snefru, Amenhotep I, Ramses XI, Akhenaten, Darius I and II (from the Persian Dynasty), Alexander the Great and Cleopatra (from the Greek Dynasty), and many, many more rulers of Egypt. I play Senet with their kas as I stretch my paws over their gleaming gold couches.

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And no, I will not tell you where their tombs lie hidden. You’ll have to find their treasures on your own. Cheating is, after all, against the rule of Ma’at.

But, then again, if you’re determined to break the rules of Ma’at, don’t let me stop you.

Really. My heart-throwing arm is a little rusty.

I could use the practice. And ol’ Amut the Destroyer has worked up a really, really good appetite for human hearts over the millennia. She’d be happy to relieve you of yours.

No takers? Ah, well. . . . There’s always tomorrow.

Sweet dreams, mortals!

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Anubis’s Guide to the Gods

and Demons in This Book

Aker:
Known as a primeval earth god, Aker was often depicted as a two-headed lion sphinx. He is the idolization of both ends of the horizon. (Get it? One head on each end? The two horizons?)

Amut:
Sometimes called
Amit
or
Amam
, she is also known as “The Destroyer” or “The Devourer.” She is my personal assistant—the crocodile-headed, lion-bodied, hippo-legged monster that eats the hearts of those who fail my weighing of the heart test. She’s sweet to me, though, so I don’t know what all the fuss is about.

Anubis, Me, Your Guide:
Known as
Ienpw
(Yi-neh-pu) to the Egyptians (Anubis is my Greek name), I am the god of embalming and the weigher of the hearts of the dead. I determined whether you lived forever in the afterworld or evaporated into nothingness. I taught my people the sacred art of mummification. But I could be moody, too, and was often called upon to curse enemies with the blood of a black dog. (What?

I like the smell of blood!)

Apophis:
A giant serpent-snake demon-god of pure evil. He waits for Ra to enter the underworld at night, and then tries to devour him, thus destroying the world and all of us in it. The ultimate, nightmare-inducing, bad-guy monster.

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Babi:
Also one of my assistants, Babi is a baboon demon god that goes into violent rages if you fail my heart test. He will devour your entrails and throw the rest of you into his Lake of Fire, all the while screaming, baring his teeth, and jumping up and down in a rage. It’s fun to watch, actually.

Bast/Bastet:
A cat goddess of protection. She watched over pregnant women and loved to party with music and dance. She also protected men from evil spirits and disease. Lots of people loved and adored her.

I never understood why—I’m more of a dog person myself.

Duamutef:
The jackal-headed god who guarded the stomach and upper intestines of the dead in canopic jars.

Geb:
An earth god who was married to his sister-wife, Nut, the sky goddess. Geb and Nut (the earth and the sky) were separated by their father, Shu, the air god.

Hapy:
The baboon-headed god who guarded the lungs of the dead in canopic jars.

Horus:
My half-brother, son of Osiris and Isis, Horus was the god of kingship and victory. Isis protected him from Set, who didn’t want him around and fought him for the throne of Egypt. Because the gods chose Horus to succeed his father, it set the standard of succession for mortal pharaohs. Horus was usually represented with a hawk head.

Imsety:
The human-headed god who guarded the liver 106