Anthology Complex (18 page)

After I finish stubbing both of my toes, I go to the bathroom and take a
shower. I get tired of standing so I sit down facing the dial and I feel the
hot water hit my body. I'm so relaxed that I eventually fall asleep and begin
to dream. In the dream I'm standing alongside a row of parked cars, and in
front of me in the distance is the Mount Rushmore National Memorial.

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham
Lincoln all before me representing the first one hundred and thirty years of
the history of the United States. It's a shame that the project was cut short
in 1941 due to a lack of funding. Maybe if it wasn't, the completed sculpture
would be represented in this dream.

After some time I find myself still standing in the same place next to
the same car still looking before me at the memorial when a storm starts.
What's interesting about this storm is that the rain is unusually warm, and
there is no thunder, only lightning. I suppose it happens sometimes. After so
long the warm rain becomes extremely cold and I wake up and find myself in the
shower being hit by cold water.

I turn the shower off, grab the towel and then go to turn on the light,
but when I flick the switch on, nothing happens. No light. I also realize that
there is rain hitting my window and I wonder if the power went out. I open the
bathroom door and peer outside into the rest of the apartment and notice that
every thing that runs off of electricity is off. The power did in fact go out.
Not too soon after I hear thunder. I open the door to my apartment and look out
to the second floor hallway, no lights are on. Son of a bitch.

I go to my bedroom and put clothes on and then lay on my bed and attempt
to figure out what I'm going to do with no computer or television. After a few
minutes I get up to check if my flashlight still works. It doesn't, and when it
gets dark in a blackout, it really gets dark. I decide to go to the store and
buy another one, and as I'm closing my door I catch a glimpse of Lynne's door
and I wonder if she would need one as well. I knock on her door, and David
answers, this cool little kid. "Mom, it's your friend."

She comes to the door and I ask her if she needs a source of light. Not
in those words. She says no, that they have candles and flashlights, but she
says that she could use some batteries. On my way out I see that the rain has
begun to settle down and that I might not really need my umbrella, but I take
it with me anyway. I come to Chase Mart all the time for groceries, but in all
my years coming here I have never bought a single inedible item.

When I walk through the front doors, I see a new yet familiar face at
the register. New as in I've never seen her at the register, but familiar as in
I have seen her somewhere before. I go to the batteries, and I realize Lynne
didn't tell me what kind she needed, so I buy one from each rack, and then I go
buy my flashlight.

As I'm walking towards the employee I realize that it's Julia, a girl
from one of the drug session things I used to go to. I refer to her as a girl,
even though by now she is a woman, because of the many years I have on her.

I hand her my items and when she looks at me I can tell she recognizes
me even though we have never spoken before. Unlike Jamal, she doesn't have that
look that implies that she is still using drugs. This one, she actually looks
drug-free.

After the transaction is complete and as I'm walking away, she calls me
a bastard. I turn around in question, complete confusion, and she says she
can't believe that I would just walk away after what I did to her and pretend
we didn't even know each other. That I must still be getting high and lost all
of my brain cells even though I've never used an illegal drug in my life. Then
that's when I remember what hides in between fact and fiction.

You're at this place filled with a bunch of people who want to better
their lives, but they need the help of others if they want even the smallest
chance to succeed. At this place they tell you their stories, and then they
tell you their dreams. You are sitting there, a tourist among people who you do
not belong around, but these people, they intrigue you. They show you what it
means to rise when you are down. They show you that even the bloodiest battles
with your mind can in fact be won.

Now you see a girl named Jane Doe get up to speak. You call her Jane
because you don't know her name or who she is. If you had known about Joe at
this moment in time, you might make a joke and call her Jae, and they would go
hand in hand. Jane stands up there, and she tells you her story. She doesn't
tell you about the rape yet because it's too personal, but she will later on
when she's ready. For now, she tells you about how she sat in her bathtub,
about how she wanted to commit suicide, a word used more than just for
classification purposes.

Then she tells you about how she dialed her grandmother's phone number,
how it would be her last cry for help. That if her grandmother didn't pick up,
then she was going to do it. She tells you about how her grandmother's home
phone doesn't have an answering machine or caller identification, so she lets
it ring for a long time, but no one ever picks up. She tells you about how
ending that call meant killing any kind of hope she had left, and after so many
rings, how she kills the call.

Then Jane tells you about how a few seconds after killing the call, her
grandmother is knocking at her door, visiting because she wants to play a board
game. She tells you about how for the first time in her life, at that moment
when she opens the door for her grandmother, that everything in her life is
finally enough. The drugs and the lies to herself fell short for relieving the
pain when compared to the rescue of her grandmother. That image in the doorway
that would make well for a cherished painting and memory.

After the entire session is complete, Jane bumps into you, and being
moved by her story, you talk to her. You find out her name is Julia and that
she is desperately trying to change. This idea interests you, but you are not
interested in her, and that is what ultimately causes your relationship to end.

I remember Lynne telling me that black roses are not natural, that they
are created by botanists by manipulating the rose's genes. She also tells me
that while a black rose may symbolize death, it can also symbolize rebirth. An
end and a new beginning. But what sticks out the most to me is how they can
represent the darkness of human nature.

After I get to know Julia, she tells me about how she was raped, and how
her life spiraled out of control. She tells me how it wasn't just the rape, but
that it was the rape that sent her over the edge, and that makes me assume that
she had a terrible childhood, but I never find out if I was right or wrong
about that.

After some time, she wanted to be more than just friends, she wanted
someone she could go to when she needed, but after Maria I knew I wasn't what
she was looking for. After I admitted to myself that I only liked her because I
was interested in picking her brain, I kind of disappeared, and I haven't seen
her until now. I'm guessing I didn't fully remember what happened between her
and I because in those days, one day just bled into the next and my mind was
already half gone.

So how do you explain yourself to a girl, or woman, who probably hates
you and feels that you betrayed her trust somehow? I try to tell her I'm sorry
but she tells me to just forget about it, and then I leave. How the fuck am I
suppose to go in there and buy groceries if she's working there now? I
certainly don't feel like walking all the way over to the next store. Damn it.

Chapter 33:

THE HUMAN CONDITION

I'm a few yards away from Chase Mart's front entrance walking in the
direction of my home thinking about how the clouds are beginning to separate so
that the Sun's light might be visible once again, but what I don't know at the
time is that our entire building won't have power for two days and two nights,
and for such a short storm it definitely wasn't worth it.

I guess what I should be thinking about is how I mistreated Julia, and
that I should be more considerate towards the ways other people may feel. I
know what happened will stay in the back of my mind, but it will never make it
to the front.

I walk up the stairs and when I reach the top, I see Mary in the
distance entering an apartment. Mary does not live on this floor, but she is
friends with one of the people who do. I head towards my apartment and open the
door and then sit on my couch. This lovely couch.

Julia's facial expression echoes in my mind, and piece by piece I begin
to remember the things we did together. In an effort to not fall asleep I grab
my television remote and press the power button, but nothing happens. I forgot
that the power was out, which reminds me why I went to the store in the first
place.

I knock on Lynne's door, and this time it's Sarah who answers, this cute
little kid. "Mommy, it's your flower friend." What is a flower
friend? Lynne comes to the front door and I hand her the batteries and I let
her know she doesn't have to pay me back. Lynne asks me if I'm busy, that if
I'm not doing anything if I would like to come over. She tells me that since
the power went out, her and her mother and kids are just sitting around
talking, trying to pass the time and hoping that the power will be back on in
an hour or two.

Even though I hate sitting around talking, I find it difficult to say no
to her, and then she invites me in. She tells the kids that I brought over
batteries for their games. They both run into their room and then run back out
with these little devices, then Lynne puts batteries in them both, and then
David and Sarah are instantly in another world.

Emily, Lynne's mother, says hello and I greet her back and Lynne tells
me to sit down. Lynne almost looks nothing like her mom. Sometimes a trait
might skip a generation due to the lack of genes necessary to create that
combination for that trait, so there is a chance that Sarah might end up
looking more like her grandmother than her mother. I kind of know Lynne and her
behavioral properties, but I have no idea what Emily is like, but the question
I have is if Sarah will behave more like her grandmother than her mother as
well.

Someone told me once that many kids rebel against their parents and that
they would try to become what their parents weren't, so in turn the kids that
these kids would have in the future would also rebel against them therefore
being what their grandparents were. Something tells me it's more complicated
than that, though.

There have also been stories about identical twins who end up being
separated from each other, but because of a sort of "genetic memory,"
they ended up behaving very similarly, sharing certain elements in life such as
their hobbies, the type of friends they have and the career paths they chose.

All of this makes me wonder if there is a certain combination of which
switches need to be on and which switches need to be off in the human body to
achieve a genetic peace. This switch needs to be off, but this one needs to be
on, and maybe if you can get the code one hundred percent correct, you will be
at peace. Maybe the world is also capable of a genetic peace.

The three of us begin to converse, and then Lynne shows me a drawing
that Sarah made for her a little while ago. On Mother's Day, to be more
specific. It's the childish drawing of a smiling white rose with a smiling Sun
in the background, and I immediately realize that this is what inspired Lynne's
painting, a gift from her daughter. Sarah named her drawing "Happy
Flower," Lynne named her painting "White Lights."

Emily makes a joke about how all Lynne got her for Mother's Day was a
bunch of flowers and how that was so boring. All that was really on my mind was
what I would say if either of them asked me what I got my mother for Mother's
Day. I could always lie and say I got her flowers as well; people bring flowers
to the graves of those that have passed away all the time.

The night that had already begun to fall long before has finally completely
fallen, and the candles and flashlights come out. David and Sarah, who are now
tired and bored of the other world come back to ours and are running around the
apartment shining their flashlights. What was small talk turned into long talk
and then became interrupted by flashlight talk.