Annihilation Road (43 page)

She sagged against him, her head dropping on his shoulder, her body shaking uncontrollably, hot tears flowing into his skin. Her legs wrapped around him as tightly as her arms, as
if she was afraid that if she let him go, she’d be lost. Savage turned his head and brushed kisses along her temple.

His legs had turned to rubber, but he held her carefully, murmuring softly to her. “I’ve got you, baby. You’re safe. I’ve got you.” He kissed the side of her face. Sipped at her tears. His breath came in raw, ragged rushes, but he forced himself to pull in air. To take care of her. She was the most important thing in his world.

Seychelle had done every single thing he’d asked. Given him everything. Her complete surrender. She’d taken his hand and the strap, and he hadn’t been gentle. She’d learned her orgasms came from him. She was beyond any partner he had ever imagined. Savage hadn’t known he was capable of feeling tenderness, but she definitely brought that emotion out in him.

Seychelle was shaking almost uncontrollably. Certain she couldn’t stand on her own, he eased her back against the wall and bent his head to her sore nipple, licking at it with exquisite tenderness. “I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you. You’re flying too high. Come back to me.” He kept his voice low, a velvet enticement, as he kissed his way back up her throat to her face to collect her tears. “I’ve got you. I’ll always have you.”

“Don’t let go of me, Savage.” There was real fear in her voice. She circled her arms around his shoulders, linking her fingers behind his neck, shaking so hard he was afraid she might go to pieces against him.

“Angel, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you. Let me get you to a chair. I’ve got to take that plug out and wrap you up, then I’ll hold you close.” He kissed his way up her neck and behind her ear, talking softly to her, reassuring her with the sound of his voice, bringing her down gently.

With one hand, he reached around her and managed to find the plug nestled between her cheeks. “I’m going to pull this out, baby.” He had no idea where he’d tossed the remote, and the damn thing was still vibrating. He tugged. She shuddered in his arms, then gasped when her breasts slid over his
chest, her nipples pressing tightly against him. “Shh, I’ve got you,” he murmured over and over in reassurance.

Once he knew he had his legs under him, he shifted her in his arms, allowing his cock to slide out of her. The movement triggered a series of aftershocks to ripple through her body. She moaned, her mouth against him, teeth biting into his shoulder as he lifted her, cradling her against him.

Savage carried her to the wide chair in front of the large window overlooking the view of the ocean. Waves rushed toward the bluffs, a turbulent wall of dark blue water, pounding them. White spray rose into the night sky like diamond drops—or crystal tears. He had a warm throw on the back of the chair, and he wrapped it around both of them and settled into the chair, Seychelle on his lap, cuddling her protectively.

He smoothed his hand over her hair and rocked her gently until the storm of tears passed. All the while he dropped little kisses on top of her head and along her temples. For a long time, he kept his eyes closed, his heart aching. She was his angel, giving him a miracle he never thought he’d have. He’d come to terms with what he was and what he needed, but he hadn’t thought how he’d feel when he actually loved someone. Really loved them.

“I’m so fucking proud of you, Seychelle,” he murmured. “I love you. Those words can’t even convey to you how much I feel for you. I know what gift you’re giving me, and I can only tell you how much I’ll always treasure you.” There was no real way to say what was in his heart. The ache that was there. The regret. The deep need that he knew would only grow.

He wasn’t a fucking poet, although he wrote in a secret journal for her, and he hoped someday he’d have the courage to give it to her. Maybe. Because she had such courage, and she deserved anything he could give her. Her sobs faded to soft little hiccups, and he caught up the bottle of water he’d put next to the chair earlier, in preparation.

“You need to hydrate, Seychelle. Drink just a little for
me.” He coaxed her; he didn’t command her. He kept nuzzling her neck, alternating between kissing her soft skin and tasting with his tongue while her hair tumbled wildly around his face, the silken strands reminding him how fragile she was.

She took the bottle, her hand trembling. He sat her straighter on his lap and helped her, making certain not a drop spilled on her but that she drank quite a bit before he put the bottle back on the end table. He pushed her hair back so he could tip her face up to his.

“Look at me, baby. I need to know you’re back with me.” He kept possession of her chin, his thumb sliding along her cheek gently while his palm framed her jaw. Her bone structure felt delicate in his hand. “That’s it. Look right at me.” Her pupils were dilated, and she still looked a little dazed, but her eyelashes fluttered a few times and she focused on him.

“I’m okay, Savage. That was . . . intense. I didn’t expect it to be like that.” She laid her head back on his shoulder.

He bunched her hair in his fist. “We have to talk about it, Seychelle. Now, and again when you’ve rested. I need to know if at any time you were going to tell me to stop. You have to be honest with me.”

She was silent, and then she nodded. “Just once, after you took off the first clamp and we started to move again. The chain on the second one was swinging. The clamp tightened and it felt like it pulled so much. It was painful. Too painful.” Her voice was muffled by his shoulder.

Savage couldn’t tell if she was beginning to cry again. He tugged on her hair until she tilted her head up, her blue eyes meeting his. There was that liquid in them that made his cock stir. “Why didn’t you tell me to stop?”

She frowned. “There was so much pain, and it radiated out and down to my . . . sex, and then the pain turned scorching hot, and you were moving so hard and fast. The vibrator was going crazy. My bottom was on fire. Everything came
together, and I couldn’t tell what was happening to my body, only that I was hot and needed you desperately.”

“Did you like it?”

Her frown deepened. Her fingers on his arm dug into his muscle. “I don’t think
like
is the word I’d use. I think it’s addicting. This time I came so much harder than last time.”

He let his breath out. She had recognized that her body wanted the things he had been slowly introducing to her. Each time he made love to her or fucked her hard, he had to have some level of this kind of interaction, and he’d done different things to coax her body into accepting them.

“It’s also a little terrifying, Savage. I was so scared of why my body responds to this kind of sex when I never really responded to other men. Why, when I bent over that bench, was I already getting hot and slick at what you were going to do, and what you would do after? I think about you teaching me to take you in my mouth. You haven’t done that yet. I don’t know why, but I know it’s going to be a lesson that might be scary and yet my body reacts the same way. I think about the ultimate end, what you’re going to need, and that’s the most terrifying of all, and yet I’m so hot I can’t sleep sometimes. What’s wrong with me, Savage?”

A fresh flood of tears accompanied her question. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead to his chest.

“You fell in love with me, Seychelle,” he said gently. “That’s the only thing wrong with you. The only way you know how to love is wholly. Completely. With everything in you. You gave yourself to me knowing I was a fucked-up mess. I don’t know another woman who could have done that. You came into this with your eyes wide open, but more importantly, baby, so was your heart. You turned your body over to me to be trained in the things I need.”

He brushed kisses down her temple to her ear. “I love you so much, Seychelle.” He whispered it to her. “I can’t be any different. I want to be. I was trained to be this way from the
time I was a little kid. It was every day. Weeks. Months. Years. I trained girls for them. Boys. I did things to keep my brother alive. To keep the others alive. I don’t know when I crossed the line into needing this shit, but somewhere I did, and there was no going back. I never knew any other way of having sex. I didn’t know there was another way.”

Savage stroked her hair and then nuzzled the top of her head with his chin. “I can’t lose you, Seychelle, I can’t, but I’m never going to be different. I thought, when I realized how much I loved you and that it was growing every day, that maybe I could overcome those needs for your sake, but instead of them lessening, I needed them more.”

He pushed his forehead against hers as he made the confession. “The idea of putting my marks on you, of you allowing it, of
wanting
them there.” His lungs burned as the rush took him. “It won’t go away, baby. And with it, there’s going to be other things I thought I could give you, that you asked me for, but that we might need to talk about again.”

“I’m so scared for both of us,” Seychelle whispered. “Going down this path with you, and then if something goes wrong and I lose you . . .” She trailed off. “What if I can’t be what you need after all? What if I’m not that woman? I almost stopped you.”

“Baby, we would have stopped. You say
stop
, we stop. You’re so far ahead of where I thought we’d be, it’s insane. Clover clamps are for very advanced users, not beginners. I expected you to put the brakes on. I wanted you to see it would be perfectly all right and you could trust me to stop.”

He tipped her face up to his again and captured her tears. “Don’t get me wrong, it was the best fucking turn-on ever, but I would have stopped if you told me to. I’ve got to get you in a bath. Drink more water while I get that ready. I’ll cut up fruit and clean up in here while you’re soaking, and we can talk more before you go to sleep.”

Seychelle was shocked when she saw the master bathtub. The master bathroom was enormous, with a long double sink that looked as if it was made from abalone shells. The countertop was thick and covered in a pearlescent, shimmery granite. The shower was a huge tiled room with more golden jets and a complicated overhead rack of long showerheads. She only caught glimpses of both, because he carried her down a short hallway that looked almost like they were entering a grotto.

The wide cavern was arched and made of stones, grays and blues that were soothing, but set in the stones were floating jellyfish of various colors, all lit, tentacles floating behind them. In the darkness they looked beautiful and serene. Forests of kelp seemed to float along the bottom of the stone wall, swaying slightly in rhythm with the tentacles of the jellyfish.

The tub itself was huge, the water blue and steamy. Savage lowered her gently, seating her carefully almost all the way up to her neck in the water, which clearly had some kind of bath salts in it. She felt the effects on her bottom, thighs and nipples immediately.

“There’s a cushion for your neck. Just lean back and rest. You have a bottle of water right next to your hand. I’ll get us some fruit.”

She didn’t want him to leave her, but the water was soothing, even the seat her sore bottom rested on was cushioned. She felt the padding with her neck. Part of her didn’t want to close her eyes. The bath looked like an underwater cave. It truly was beautiful. Another part of her wanted to relive the experience with Savage. It should have been terrible. She was sore. Her bottom, for certain. Not terribly sore yet, but she would be. She thought about that a lot. She’d been right on the edge, so close, the entire time he was administering his reminder to her. What did that mean?

Just thinking about how he made her feel, the sound of his voice, the shock of the strap as it laid across her skin and the heat spreading straight to her sex. Rushing like a freight train. She kept him in her mind the entire time. Savage. What he needed. What he wanted. That look on his face when he clamped her nipples. When he took her tears. So much heat. All that heat and fire belonged to her.

In a million years she had never imagined the absolute pleasure he could give her when he slammed his cock into her. She hadn’t been able to think. Only feel. Only want. She would have done anything for him. She would do anything for him. She knew she would. It wasn’t just the intensity of the orgasms he gave her; it was the look of utter love on his face after. She knew she loved him already with every breath she drew. She hadn’t been as certain of what he felt for her until that moment.

That knowledge was what she needed to give her the courage to go forward, no matter where their strange sexual relationship took them. He was honest with her. He said he would have to talk about things she’d asked him for that he might not be able to give her. She was concerned what they might be. She’d been with him quite a while—not always in a sexual way, but with him—for months now, and he’d given her everything she’d ever wanted.

“Why are you frowning? Are you hurting?”

She lifted her lashes and looked up at him as he stepped into the deep blue tub, which looked more like a lagoon. He set a plate of fresh cut-up fruit on the wide ledge beside the water bottle. The fruit looked refreshing and tempting. She sat up straight and immediately took a piece of mango.

“I was trying to think what you might not be able to give me that I asked you for. You’ve given me everything so far.” The fruit was so delicious, just what she needed.

“Drink the water too, baby.” He sat close to her, his hand on her leg, sliding his fingers along her scars the way he often did.

He was silent for so long she was afraid he might not answer her. She didn’t ask him again. Shadows from the floating jellyfish and kelp seemed to move on the wall, and she looked at the cave surrounding her. There were octopi hidden, and a few other sea creatures, when one really studied the clever design.

“You wanted to keep what we did only between us, and I agreed. It’s intimate. A gift you give me. I hope you feel love every time I touch you, the way I feel and see it when you surrender to me.”

Her heart began to pound. She had loved surrendering to him. It was terrifying, but at the same time, it was her gift to him. She wanted to submit to his desires. To give herself time, she drank some of the water before she asked.

“We did say we would always keep this part of our relationship between only us.” She kept her voice strictly neutral.

“I did tell you that our club members have no problem with nudity or having sex in front of one another. It’s no big deal, right? I would never let another man touch you. Not ever. But if you were nude or I was in front of others, I wouldn’t think twice. I was raised without clothes, and so were they. We don’t think about it.”

“I wasn’t raised that way.” Again, she kept her voice nonjudgmental.

“I’m aware of that, baby, but you’re also adventurous. I don’t think if we’re at a party, and it’s late and dark and the music is playing, and women are dancing nude and some of the others are fucking their brains out, you would care all that much.”

She wouldn’t, if she was going to be honest. She’d probably look too and find it interesting. Maybe even hot. She found it hot thinking about it, but she had been hot thinking about the way Savage had taken her after he’d pulled the last clamp off, and her orgasm had roared through her over and over until she thought she’d go insane from sheer pleasure.

“All right, maybe not,” she conceded, because he was waiting for an answer and she was determined to always be honest with him. Especially about sex.

“We talked about going on runs and going to parties. I go to them, Seychelle. As my wife, or my partner—and let’s be honest, I prefer you to marry me as quickly as possible with as little fuss as possible—you go with me.”

“What does that mean? Little fuss as possible?”

“Don’t change the subject. One thing at a time. You accompany me to these events.”

She sighed and looked down at the mango. She’d eaten quite a lot of it without even knowing she was eating it. “About the run, Savage. I was thinking maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for me to go this time. Before you get upset, I don’t know the rules. I could do something wrong and get you killed or get the entire club in trouble with the Diamondbacks. I could stay with Blythe and you wouldn’t have to worry.”

She was determined not to go. She’d made up her mind about it, and she did her best to look him directly in the eyes so he could see she meant business, even though she couched it in terms of hesitancy.

His blue eyes moved over her face, a moody, ice-cold glacier. He had his death mask on, the one that could look right into a person, and he was looking right into her. “Those damn sisters of mine. They scared the crap out of you at the clubhouse. I knew they were talking shit to you.
I could see it on your face. You’re not going to start a war with the Diamondbacks, because you’re going to follow the rules, Seychelle. You’ll do fine. You always do, and you have a few weapons of your own. You have that voice that can calm any storm if you have to use it.”

His hand moved over her scars. She felt him write something. His name.

“And I want you there with me. I need you with me.”

The way he said it. That voice. His eyes, when they looked into hers. Her heart clenched and so did her sex, totally betraying her. There was no staying strong, not when she was looking at him—or listening to him. Or he was naked. Or dressed. There was just no denying him anything. She sighed and took another piece of mango. It was the only sane thing to do.

“Fine, but if I do anything wrong, it’s totally on you, Savage. I’m not going home with a sore butt.”

“Yes, you will, if you break a rule on a run.” He leaned over and bit her earlobe, then sucked it into his mouth before she could yelp. “But I’ll guarantee you’ll like it.”

Seychelle glared at him, but there was no denying her sex clenched. She really was becoming needy around him. “Tell me what has changed about our talk, Savage.”

“I can’t have sex with you without some kind of pain included. It won’t work for me. I thought it would, baby, but it won’t. The more we’re together, the greater that need is. To treat you like every other woman I’ve been with since I was a kid, forcing my cock to work by telling it to cooperate because I marked skin and then fucked a mouth, is repugnant to me. I’m not sure I could do it to you, and I don’t fuckin’ want to.”

Seychelle pressed her lips together, going over what he said. She didn’t want him to have to tell his cock to work, and she sure didn’t want to be lumped in with his other women—hundreds, maybe thousands. He’d said that so casually and contemptuously. She didn’t want to be one of that number. She wanted to be . . . his.

“Do you have to go to these parties and runs?”

“Not every time, and we won’t when I don’t have to, but I hold a position in the club that means I’m needed right now. It’s important I go.”

She studied his face. “You protect everyone.”

He didn’t answer her, but she knew. His expression was unreadable. She took a deep breath and guessed again. “And Alena will have to see Pierce there again, won’t she? He’ll most likely be with another woman. Alena’s going to hurt like hell. You’re going to take that on as well. You’re going to take on a lot while you’re there, aren’t you?”

Again, he remained silent, just watching her. Seychelle finished the slice of mango and then took a drink of water. “What would I have to do?”

He rubbed his hand over her scars. Little circles. Massaging her. Soothing her. “I wouldn’t do anything obvious, and I’d take you where no one else could see you—outside club members, who would make certain no one else would come near us.”

Seychelle was already shaking her head, hunching her shoulders. “I don’t know if I could do that, Savage.”

“Seychelle, stop. You’re thinking too much, in your head too much. Just listen to me. First of all, you don’t really give a damn if you’re naked in front of anyone else, as long as I’m with you. You’re gorgeous and you know it. Right? If the other women are naked, you wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Say it. Tell the truth.”

“Probably not.”

“You wouldn’t. It makes you hot thinking about it. If you’re with me, and I’m sitting on a fucking picnic table drinking a beer, and I want to see your gorgeous tits and I tell you to take your shirt off, you know you’d do it for me. And if I want to suck on your tit or clamp your nipples, you’d do that too. You wouldn’t give a damn who was around. You would give me whatever I asked.”

She would. She
so
would. It did make her hot thinking about it. She nodded.

“So we know clamps are okay to bring with us. I can use them, and we make sure we have somewhere dark and to ourselves. Nothing obvious like a flogger or strap, but I can find something to mark you mine. I’ll think of something unique and different, something special you’ll love but that won’t be obvious to anyone. Are you okay changing our rules a little?”

His blue eyes stared straight into hers, refusing to allow her to look away. Refusing to allow her to hide from him. She sighed. She wished she could tell him she didn’t want to change them. A part of her didn’t.

“What is it, baby? We promised each other we’d talk about everything. Talk it through. I didn’t expect to have to change the rules. We made them in good faith. I made you a promise. You have every right to decide that’s a hard no for you. We would have to go back to me makin’ my cock cooperate, which I would hate, but I would do it. That’s me being honest. You have every right to hate it as well, but if you can’t make yourself do this, it’s what we both have to do.”

“I want to get out of here,” Seychelle said. “It’s beautiful, and I appreciate you putting this all together for me, but I want to go to bed. I’ll talk in bed.” She could tell there were things about the run he wasn’t telling her. Club business. Things he had to do that she couldn’t know, but it was going to be important for him that she was there—like the Alena and Pierce thing, but more.

She stood up, water pouring off of her. Savage did as well. He snagged two warm towels from a towel warmer and wrapped her in one before removing two plugs to allow the water to swirl out. Seychelle tried not to allow the towel to brush over her very sensitive nipples as she walked down the hall to the bathroom. Savage had provided a brand-new electric toothbrush and water flosser exactly like the ones she had at her house. She used both and dried off gingerly.

“I’ve got lotion that will help your ass and nipples, Seychelle. Once you’re ready, go on into the bedroom and I’ll apply it for you.”

“I can do my nipples.”

Savage raised his eyebrow at her. Seychelle sighed and walked into the bedroom. It was immaculate. He’d cleaned everything. Her clothes, the toys, his strap, all of it was gone. There was water on the end table. He really believed in hydration. She sat carefully on the bed, waiting for him, hands folded for some reason, her heart pounding.

Savage looked larger than life when he walked into the bedroom, totally naked. Her breath caught in her throat. He had more muscles than she’d imagined a man could have. He was bigger than she thought, even when he wasn’t as hard as a steel pole. She couldn’t imagine how he fit inside of her, or how a woman took him in her mouth. She was going to have to keep practicing, something she’d been doing behind his back with cucumbers, because that hideous woman wasn’t going to be able to do something for her man that she couldn’t do a thousand times better. But she might have to find a bigger cucumber. He seemed to be growing as she stared at him.