Authors: Laura Jane Cassidy
‘Nick, it’s so much more than a beauty contest,’ said Colin dramatically, although Sarah was completely oblivious to his sarcasm. Sometimes I considered the advantages of being that self-absorbed.
The crowd got louder as everyone joined in the chorus.
‘
She is handsome, she is pretty,
She is the belle of Belfast city.
She is a-courtin’ one, two, three,
Please won’t you tell me, who is she?’
The atmosphere in the pub was brilliant. The drinking and the singing and the chatting continued beyond closing time. I didn’t want to leave. I was having the most fun I’d had in ages. Just being around Nick gave me a little shiver of excitement. I should have felt bad thinking this way when his girlfriend was sitting less than a metre away, but she was being so irritating that I found my guilt fading.
‘I’m going to get some crisps,’ I said. I’d been so excited at the prospect of being on Nick’s table quiz team that I hadn’t been able to eat much earlier.
‘Oh, will you get me some too?’ Colin asked.
‘Sure,’ I said, and made my way over to the bar.
‘Some of those questions were impossible, Joe,’ said Mary. Joe was standing behind the bar with his wife, Rita.
‘What year did Phil Lynott die?’ said Rita, flicking through Joe’s quiz sheets. ‘I should know that.’
‘1986,’ I said involuntarily. Thin Lizzy trivia was one of my specialities.
‘That was the year I got married,’ said Mary. ‘And the year Beth Cullen was murdered.’
Murdered?
This was too weird. Not only did I keep coming across her name, but she’d been murdered. The combination of the two was unsettling.
‘Is it that long ago?’ said Rita, collecting empty glasses from the counter.
‘Yes,’ said Joe. ‘Twenty-five years. Hard to believe, isn’t it? God rest her soul.’ He blessed himself and turned to me. ‘What can I get for you, Jacki?’
‘Er … J-just two packets of crisps, please, Joe,’ I stammered, and handed over some change. I made my way back to our table and I noticed there was a stool next to Colin.
‘Who was Beth Cullen?’ I asked him as we opened our crisps.
‘Jim and Lily Cullen’s daughter. She was best friends with Lydia too, actually. She was murdered in 1986 around Christmastime and her body was found a week later in the forest.’
‘Oh my God …’ I said as a chill crept up my back. ‘How old was she?’
‘She was twenty-two. They had a huge search party out looking for her from the very night she went missing. Her parents found her bike dumped up by the church, and they knew straight away that something was wrong.’
‘But it took a week to find her?’
‘That forest is more than four hundred hectares. They found her not far from your house actually.’
I shivered at the thought of a dead body being discovered near my house, even if it had been twenty-five years ago. ‘Thanks, Colin,’ I said. ‘Did you really need to tell me that? I’m having nightmares as it is!’
‘Don’t worry. All this happened before either of us was born, remember. But I’ve heard lots about it because my mam and dad were part of the search party. Lydia couldn’t face it though. She was in shock because Beth was her best friend and she was afraid of finding her. She said she knew she was already dead. From the day she went missing she knew something terrible had happened.’
‘How?’
‘I don’t know … just an instinct, I guess.’
I didn’t feel like eating my crisps. I just didn’t feel hungry any more. Suddenly, in my head was a vision of Beth Cullen’s body, preserved by the cold December air, hair tangled across her face, hiding her features, her skin as pale as porcelain, her eyes still open, staring straight ahead, frozen in fear.
I couldn’t believe I’d just conjured up an image like that in my head. It wasn’t like anything I’d seen on TV or in movies. I didn’t even know what she looked like, but it was horribly detailed. Horribly real. I had an unsettling sick feeling in my stomach.
‘Who murdered her?’ I asked, pushing my crisps aside.
‘No one knows,’ said Colin. ‘They never caught the psycho.’
‘But they must have had some suspects or at least –’
‘Here, one of these young ones will give us a song!’ shouted Mary, pointing over at our table.
‘No, you’re all right, Mam,’ said Nick.
‘Ah, go on! Don’t be shy,’ said Joe.
‘Sarah, go on and give us a song there,’ said Colin. ‘It’ll be good practice for your pageant.’
‘OK then,’ she said, sitting up straight and fixing her hair. She started to sing softly.
‘
When Irish eyes are smiling …’
‘God help Nick if she doesn’t win this Miss Avarna thing,’ whispered Colin. ‘She’ll be crying for a fortnight.’
I didn’t like to admit it but Sarah’s voice was very sweet and she seemed to be extremely well prepared – and she was pretty.
There was a round of applause. Sarah smiled.
‘Well done!’ said Nick.
‘Jacki,’ said Lydia. ‘Your mam told me you’re a great singer. Will you sing something for us?’
‘Yeah, go on, Jacki!’ said Mary.
‘Oh, all right … OK,’ I said. I loved singing. I glanced over at Nick. He was still congratulating Sarah.
‘What are you going to sing?’ said Colin.
I thought about it for a moment, then the perfect song came into my head.
‘I think I’ll do “She Moved Through the Fair”.’
‘Oh, I really like that song,’ said Colin.
People were often surprised when they heard me sing. I guess my voice was quite different to how I looked. I closed my eyes and began.
‘
My young love said to me, my mother won’t mind
And my father won’t slight you for your lack of kind …’
I could feel Nick looking at me as I sang. Thankfully I was used to performing and it didn’t make me too nervous.
‘I dreamed it last night that my young love came in …'
When I finished there was a moment of silence and then lots of loud applause.
‘Whoa, you’ve got some voice there,’ said Joe.
‘Thanks,’ I replied, a little embarrassed because everyone in the pub was staring at me.
‘That was brilliant,’ said Colin.
‘It really was,’ agreed Nick.
‘Thanks.’
‘Your voice is so distinctive,’ said Lydia. ‘So effortless.’
I tried not to blush.
‘I’ve heard that song so many times before,’ said Colin. ‘But I never really listened to the words until now. You’re a great singer.’
Then looking at Sarah, he added, ‘Oh … you were great too, Sarah.’
She looked at him blankly.
‘Seriously though,’ said Colin, turning to me. ‘I’m your new number one fan. Can I design your album cover when you’re famous?’
‘Ha, sure,’ I promised.
‘Simon just texted me,’ said Nick. ‘Himself and the lads are having a few cans up in the forest. Will we head up to them?’
‘All right,’ said Colin. ‘You’ll come too, won’t you, Jacki?’
‘Where?’ I asked.
‘The forest. There’s a clearing up behind the mines, just past your house. We hang out there sometimes.’
‘Yeah, sure, I’ll come.’ I couldn’t help thinking back to Beth Cullen. Not that it mattered – I was hardly going to be wandering
around there in the dark on my own. Anyway, there was nothing to be afraid of.
Nick’s phone buzzed again. He stared at the screen for a few moments, a look of confusion on his face. Then he turned to Sarah.
‘Babe, what’s this?’ he asked, showing her the phone.
She took a few seconds to answer, and suddenly looked very flustered.
‘Em … I … I can explain; it’s not what –’ She put her hand on his arm.
‘Is it a joke?’ he said, looking at the screen again.
‘Listen, Nick, I was wasted … I didn’t –’
‘So you’re not even denying it?’ he said, pushing her hand away. ‘I don’t believe this.’ Then he stuffed his phone in his pocket and hurried towards the door.
‘Nick, wait!’ shouted Sarah, running after him.
‘What was that all about?’ I said.
‘Dunno,’ said Colin. ‘They’re always fighting. Come on, let’s go to the forest. They’ll catch up.’
We turned left before the disused Avarna coal mines and followed a path that led to the forest. It was so dark I could hardly see beyond the narrow conifers in front of me. Once we ventured into the forest, the path wound and turned and I couldn’t tell in which direction we were heading. I struggled to keep up with Colin, who knew this section of the forest so well that he could find his way easily in the darkness. I followed a metre or so behind, using my phone as a torch, careful not to trip over any protruding roots. Twigs snapped under my feet and the occasional sound rustled in the treetops above my head.
There was still no sign of Nick or Sarah. If that fight was anything like the ones Cian and I used to have, it would probably go on for ages. I still couldn’t believe how much time I’d wasted arguing with him. Deep down I must have known I was unhappy, but I just couldn’t let him go. And when I finally broke up with him I wasted even more time. I locked myself in my room and did nothing except eat giant chocolate buttons, listen to non-love songs and read music biographies. Mum had tried to coax me out with the promise of shopping trips, but eventually she’d given up.
Hannah had wanted to throw me a break-up party (she’d
never liked Cian), but I refused to leave my room. That’s a week of my life I’ll never get back. Although I did get through quite a few biographies. I now know that Patti Smith was superstitious and that Kurt Cobain liked to collect heart-shaped boxes. If I ever get famous, I pity the person who has to write my biography. When they look through my life they won’t find many interesting facts or quirky details. But I suppose I do have the standard dysfunctional relationship to my name.
I’ve always been amazed at how strange a thing love can be. It can steal all sense of logic from even the smartest of people. I was pretty sure Sarah was not ‘the one’ for Nick, but I knew how relationships worked, so I wasn’t expecting him to realize that any time soon. At least Colin agreed that she wasn’t right for him. But who was I to know what was really going on? I barely knew either of them.
‘Hey, wait up,’ I said as I hurried through the darkness. Colin was resting against one of the tree trunks, waiting until I caught up.
‘What’s that over there?’ I asked, pointing to our left where four small wooden crosses stood at the head of a large flat grey stone.
‘Famine grave,’ said Colin as we walked on.
Shivering at the thought of treading over another person’s bones, I stepped on the ground as softly as possible. I’d already decided that I was going to be cremated rather than buried. I didn’t like the thought of being stuck underground. The notion of my ashes floating around some place special was much preferable. Not that I’d know the difference when I was dead. But, still, I knew I didn’t want a grave.
‘Are we near where Beth’s body was found?’ I asked.
‘No, that was much further in. Don’t worry, we’re just heading for the clearing. We’re almost there.’
‘I’m not worried,’ I said, but the image of Beth Cullen’s murdered body haunted me. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d imagined her – her tangled hair, her eyes frozen in a deathly stare.
‘They’re just over here,’ said Colin, rushing ahead again. It was taking all my concentration not to trip over, so I didn’t even bother to catch up with him.
I could hear laughter up ahead, then a guy’s voice.
‘Colin, you know that girl you were on about? The one whose mother bought Alf’s house?’ They were talking about me. I hadn’t been nervous about meeting everyone before, but I was actually worried now. I wondered what this guy was going to say about me. Had he taken an instant dislike to me without even meeting me?
‘Yes. Actually she’s –’
‘I got a good look at her today. Nick was right. She’s hot.’ My heart thumped faster. Had I heard that right? I slowed down a bit, wondering what else this guy would say.
‘Shh,’ whispered Colin. ‘She’s right h–’
‘I heard she was in your house the other day. Maybe you could introduce me?’
I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. I stepped into the clearing where four people sat round a small campfire. The guy looked shocked.
‘Sure,’ said Colin. ‘Simon, meet Jacki. Jacki … meet Simon.’
Simon turned bright red with embarrassment.
I nodded at him but he quickly turned away. So Nick Reynolds thought I was hot. I couldn’t believe it.
‘Aren’t you going to introduce us too?’ said the dark-haired guy sitting on Simon’s right.
‘Jacki, this is Chris,’ said Colin.
Chris had several tattoos on his left arm and a lip piercing.
‘Hi,’ he said, and then took a sip from his can of cider. I nodded at him.
‘And this is Fitz.’
‘Hey,’ I said.
Fitz took a pull on his spliff and nodded at me. He had scruffy blond hair and bright blue eyes.
‘And this is Emily.’
‘Hi!’ said Emily with a smile. She was a pretty girl with dyed red hair and was wearing a black hoodie, purple skinny jeans and a little black bow in her hair. I instantly liked her.
‘How was the table quiz?’ asked Emily as we joined the circle.
‘It was fun,’ I said. ‘We came third.’ I sat down between Emily and Colin. The campfire crackled in front of us.
‘A table quiz?’ said Fitz. ‘Ye’re such nerds.’
‘Shhh!’ said Emily, obviously worried that he might offend me.
‘Chill out, Em,’ said Fitz. ‘Not everyone is as sensitive as you.’
Emily gave Fitz the finger without looking at him, and then asked me lots more questions. I really liked her. She was one of those people who made you feel comfortable, even though you didn’t know them at all.
‘Suppose you won’t want any of the nerdy biscuits we won then, Fitz,’ said Colin, opening his tin. Fitz swiped a chocolate one and Colin wrestled him to the ground. Fitz almost kicked Emily by mistake, but she dodged his foot just in time.
‘They can be SO annoying,’ she said, but she didn’t actually seem mad. Chris threw a stick on to the campfire. His tattoos were really cool. It was very unfair that Mum wouldn’t let me get even a tiny one.