Angel Fire (55 page)

Please still be angry at me
, I thought.
Please – that’ll make it so much easier for us both
. Otherwise, I could hardly stand the thought of what I was going to have to do.

“Seb, will you help, if I need you to?” I asked finally, my voice faint.

“Yes, I’ll help.” But his face looked troubled; I could feel that he hated this almost as much as I did.

When we went inside, Kara was sitting at the kitchen table with her head slumped on one hand, an untouched cup of coffee in front of her. Her chin jerked up as she saw us, her brown eyes going wide.

“Hi,” I said. “We, um...we ran into some trouble.” Remembering the blasts that had trembled through the cathedral – the screams, the bodies – my voice came out sounding thin and unreal.

Kara slowly shook her head; she hadn’t stopped staring at us. “Oh my god, you’re really okay,” she murmured. To my surprise, a broad smile grew across her face. “Listen, I know someone who is going to be
very
pleased to see you!” She leaped up, sending her chair skidding. “Alex!” she bellowed in the direction of the boys’ dorm. “Alex, Willow’s here!”

Apprehension and longing filled me. I swallowed and took the file out from under my jacket, setting it on the kitchen table. Though Seb was standing several feet away, I could sense his concern. Kara turned to me with a relieved grin. “He was out all night looking for you. He just got back about an hour ago – I’ve never been so worried about him, not even after Jake died. He was sure you’d been killed—”

“
Willow!
” Alex burst into the kitchen. His gorgeous face was bruised and burned; there were dark circles under his eyes – and his aura had exactly the damage in it that Seb had described. I had a heart-wrenching glimpse of tarnished blues and golds, and then Alex had scooped me up into his arms before I could stop him. “Oh, Jesus, you’re alive—” I could feel him shaking as he held me, and for a helpless moment I couldn’t stop myself from hugging him back. I pressed my head tightly against his warm neck; the hard strength of his shoulder.
Alex
.

“Willow, I’m sorry; I’m so sorry—” He buried his fingers in my hair as he kissed my cheeks, my eyes, my mouth. “I’ve been such an idiot. Please, please, forgive me.”

Kara had tactfully melted away somewhere. Seb still stood near the table, his face expressionless – and I knew to my absolute dismay that I was going to need him there to make this believable.

It took every molecule of strength that I had to pull myself away from Alex. “Don’t, um...don’t do that, please,” I said, taking a step back.

He froze as if I’d just cracked a slap across his face. I saw his throat move. “Willow, I...I know I’ve been acting like a controlling jerk. You’re right to still be angry at me – if you never forgave me, I’d deserve it. But—” He glanced at Seb with a sudden frown, and gently put his hand on my shoulder. “Look, let’s go someplace private, where we can talk— ” He broke off as I shook away from his touch.

“No, don’t. I mean...thanks, but there’s no point.”

“No point?” he echoed, staring at me.

I tried to make my voice sound normal, as if I wasn’t dying inside. “No, there isn’t,” I said. “Alex, I’m really sorry, but...”

He looked from me to Seb. His eyes widened. “No,” he breathed. “No way.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “It just happened.” And the fact that something really
had
happened made my cheeks flush guiltily. I used it, hurrying on before I could weaken. “Last night we were hiding out, and...somehow we started kissing. One thing kind of led to another, and...” I trailed off; I couldn’t finish. The frozen look on Alex’s face – the stunned hurt, the anguished disbelief – was killing me.

“One thing led to another,” he repeated.

“Yeah,” I got out. “I still really care about you, but...I just can’t help what I feel for him. I’m sorry.”

He slowly shook his head, like a dazed animal. “What are you saying? Are you telling me you and he—” He moved so quickly I hardly saw it; suddenly he had Seb slammed up against the wall with a thud that echoed through the kitchen. He spat something in Spanish; the muscles in his arms were rock hard. Seb didn’t move, didn’t try to defend himself.

“Alex, no!” I tugged uselessly at his arm. “Please, stop – it’s just the way I feel; I can’t help it!”

He and Seb were inches apart; Alex’s jaw was rigid as he stared at him. Finally he let go of Seb with a shove.

“So let me get this straight,” he said. “While I was out all night in the middle of riots looking for you, going out of my mind, thinking maybe you were lying somewhere dead...you and Seb were—” He broke off as a muscle in his jaw leaped; turned away and raked a hand through his hair, breathing hard. When he spoke again his words were flat, dead. “Okay, got it. That’s really good to know. Thanks for coming here to tell me what a fool I’ve been.”

“Alex...” I was close to tears; Seb must have sensed I was wavering. He put his arms around me from behind, drawing me close. I leaned against his chest, and wrapped my arms around his to hide my trembling.

“It’s all right,
chiquita
,” he said, kissing my head. “Sorry, man,” he added to Alex. “These things happen, you know?”

Chiquita
. It was Spanish for “babe”; Alex’s word for me. He stiffened, nostrils flaring, so that for a second I thought he was going to punch Seb even with me in front of him. “No,” he said suddenly. “No, I am
not
just going to stand here and—”

He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away from Seb, hands tight on my arms. “Look me in the eyes, Willow,” he demanded. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you really don’t love me as much as I love you. I don’t believe it – I don’t care
what
you did with him, I don’t believe it—”

I loved him so totally that I knew he must see it written all over my face; must feel it even through my clothes, burning out of me like the sun. In another second I was going to blurt out the truth. Alex would argue with me; he’d tell me that his sick-looking aura had nothing to do with me at all – that his migraines were only a coincidence. I wouldn’t be able to resist him a second time. I’d just curl up in his arms for the rest of my life, like I was a fraction away from doing now.

And then all of us, the whole world, might be lost.

From somewhere deep within, I found the strength to say words that would make him hate me for ever. “It’s true,” I said. “I never told you, but the dream I had about the Council – Seb was in it, too. I dreamed about him before I even met him. It’s why I wanted to come here, because I knew it’s where he would be.”

Slowly, Alex’s hands fell from my shoulders. “What?”

“I dreamed about him,” I said levelly. “That’s how he found us; he saw my dream in my shirt. And in my dream, I didn’t want to leave you, but I knew that I never wanted to be without Seb. That...he was the one I really loved.” Except for the most important words of all, everything I was saying was true – and I knew Alex heard it in my voice. He stared wordlessly at me.

My throat was sand. “I do care about you,” I said again. “I’ll never regret anything that happened between us. But Seb and I are both half-angel, and...I just can’t fight that.”

Seb put his arm around me. “Sorry, man,” he repeated to Alex with a shrug. “She didn’t want to hurt you, but I guess it’s just fate, you know?” And even though I could sense how much he wasn’t enjoying this, I had a stab of hatred for him, that he was playing his part so well.

The expression on Alex’s face made me feel like I was being battered inside. To keep myself from throwing my arms around him and taking it all back, I reached up and gripped Seb’s hand as hard as I could. “We...found the information about the Council’s visit,” I said shakily. “It’s in that file.” I nodded at the table.

Alex didn’t look at it. He put his hand over his face, rubbing at his temples. “Get out, both of you,” he said finally.

I licked dry lips. “But what about the Council? We still want to help; you’ll need everyone you can get—”

Alex dropped his hand, and my chest clenched at the utter hatred in his eyes. “You have
got
to be kidding me,” he hissed. “Do you think you’re actually going to stay here in this house and still be part of the team? I’ve got news for you; the team doesn’t trust you, neither of you. And you know what? I don’t trust you now, either. Just get out – get your things and get the hell out. I never want to see you again, Willow.” His gaze fell on Seb. “And if I ever see
you
again, I swear to god I’ll kill you.”

He turned and left the room. I stood motionless, staring after him, taking in his dark hair; the firm line of his shoulders. The way he moved. Alex.
Alex
.

Seb gave me a quick shake. “Hold yourself together,” he ordered, letting go of me. “I’ll get our things.”

I shook my head, stunned. Somehow, I hadn’t expected this. “But Seb, we can’t actually
leave
,” I said in a small voice. “What about the attack?”

“We’ve seen all the information,” he said. “We can go there, we can still help them. But for now—” His mouth twisted grimly as he glanced in the direction Alex had gone. “I think he means what he says.”

The world was crashing in my ears. “All right,” I said after a pause. “I’ll get my own things.”

No one was in the girls’ dorm; it was a relief. I changed out of Liz’s clothes and sandals, leaving them neatly on her bed – she’d probably burn them or something, once she heard what had happened – and pulled on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, my hooded sweatshirt. My purple Converse sneakers. I remembered buying them with Alex; the way he’d grinned and said,
This is a girl thing, isn’t it?

No. Don’t think about it.

I didn’t have a bag any more, but there was a plastic carryall in the closet that looked like it had been there for ever. I shoved the rest of my things into it. The necklace with the crystal pendant Alex had given me lay at the bottom of one of my drawers. I hesitated and then took it out, slipping it into my jeans pocket. Its chain felt cool against my fingers.

When I returned to the kitchen, Seb stood waiting for me with his knapsack over his shoulder, wearing jeans and his long-sleeved grey shirt. I was keenly aware of how silent the house was. Somehow I knew that everyone knew – I could just
feel
them all sitting back in the TV room, talking in low whispers. Alex was in his room; I could tell without even trying. And he thought Seb was the one I was in love with. That the two of us had...I swallowed; I could hardly even complete the thought.

Suddenly the only thing I wanted was to leave the house by myself and not have to be with anyone, not even Seb. No – especially not with Seb. The thought of being alone with him now, knowing what Alex believed – and knowing the grain of truth that had been our kiss – made me cringe.

All of this came and went in a second. Seb stiffened as he picked up on it; I sensed his pain in a quick stab. Responding to my unspoken thought, he said quietly, “I’m not leaving you on your own. Even if there were no angels,
el DF
’s a dangerous place for a white girl who doesn’t speak Spanish. Once all this is over, I’ll go away if that’s what you want – you’ll never have to see me again. But I’m not leaving you by yourself in this city.”

I felt cold, locked away from myself. “Okay, you’re right,” I said finally, my voice dull. “And I didn’t mean that I never wanted to see you again. It’s just...everything’s really complicated right now.”

“With you and Alex, yes. With us, it’s only as complicated as you’re making it,” said Seb shortly. He took the carryall from me and wrestled it into his knapsack. The material bulged as he zipped it shut. His face was expressionless as he swung the bag over this shoulder again. “Ready?”

I almost asked where we were going, then realized I didn’t actually care that much. Slowly, I reached into my jeans pocket and drew out the necklace. I gripped it in my hand, feeling its facets against my palm and remembering the look that had been in Alex’s eyes when he gave it to me. Then I lay it on the kitchen table beside the file. The teardrop crystal rolled a little as I put it down, sparkling like a diamond.

“Ready,” I said softly.

S
OMEHOW THAT DAY PASSED
– Alex wasn’t really sure how. Once Willow and Seb had left, he went over the plans on the memory stick in detail; ran target practice with the team; ate a dinner that tasted like sawdust. From the forced conversation and concerned sideways glances, everyone knew that Willow had been busy spending the night with Seb while he, like a complete idiot, had risked his life looking for her on the riot-choked streets. He supposed Kara must have told them – he’d run into her as he’d headed to his bedroom, and told her what had happened. The look of shock on her face had been almost gratifying.

“Oh, Alex,” she’d breathed. “I am so sorry—”

“Yeah, well don’t be,” he’d said. “I’m better off.”

The muscles in Kara’s slim arms were taut; she was as furious as he’d ever seen her. “God, I don’t believe it! And I actually sat there and smiled at her! I’m going to—”