Authors: Mike Ripley
Tags: #london, #1990, #90s, #mike ripley, #angel, #comic crime, #novel, #crime writers, #comedy, #fresh blood, #lovejoy, #critic, #birmingham post, #essex book festival, #homeless, #sad, #misery, #flotsam, #crime, #gay scene, #Dungeons and Dragons, #fantasy, #violence, #wizard, #wand, #poor, #broke, #skint
âI think I might have one by tonight,' I said, the full horror of what I'd agreed to finally sinking in. âWhen can I pick it up?'
âSay six o'clock.'
âSounds good. One other thing â is Maxi around?'
That brought a sparkle to his eyes. He knew me better than to have to give his hands-off speech about Maxi, who was rapidly gaining pride of place in his and Doreen's household, maybe even ahead of his favourite monkey wrench or his pewter tankard down the local pub. I was well aware of how much she meant to them, just like I was aware of how easily Duncan's horseshoe hands would fit around my windpipe.
âI want to ask her advice on something,' I said casually. âThat's all.'
âShe's in the pit,' said Duncan, jerking a thumb into the workshop.
I narrowed my eyes to get used to the gloom. The only electric light was a bulb in a wire cage on a length of cable that was clipped to the axle of the car parked over the inspection pit.
âShe loves working on the Cosworth. Would do it for no pay, she said. Great car,' Duncan mused. âEver fancied one?'
âNot really,' I said truthfully. I admired the Ford Cosworth but so did every joyrider in town, and they were such a target now the insurance premiums were stratospheric.
âIf I ever drove one,' I conceded, âit would be the SE Cosworth.'
Duncan looked puzzled. âSomeone Else's,' I explained.
He grinned. âI'll remember that one when I sell the bugger.'
âMake sure you fit an alarm.'
âAnd an engine disabler. Maxi's on to it. Oi! Maxi! Visitor.'
There was a scraping of boots down in the brick-lined pit and Maxi used the front bumper of the car to heave herself out until she sat on the edge. Then she took a rag from her oil-stained overalls and wiped her fingerprints from the bumper. With me, that would have been a precaution. For her, it was a mark of respect for the car.
She nodded her close-cropped head in my direction just the once. That was her shorthand for saying hello, she was fine, she hoped I was and could she get back to work now? Her hands fell silent in her lap.
Duncan had stumbled across her, literally, in a jeweller's doorway one night in the City. Quite what Duncan was planning to do in the shop doorway was never resolved. What Maxi was doing was a fair crack at suicide by solvent abuse and hypothermia.
Duncan took her home and Doreen put her in a bath to soak off a filthy red T-shirt that had stuck to her chest there was so much glue down the front of it. Then she had fed her up and talked non-stop at her for a month, not getting a word in reply.
One day Maxi followed Duncan to his garage and just hung out there, watching him work. The way he tells it, he was reaching from under the hood of a car for a socket spanner and the correct-sized socket was handed to him. He invited her to help him finish the tune-up or whatever and that afternoon she had her own pair of overalls and the name Maxi â because that was the car she'd been working on. If she ever told him her real name, or anything else about herself, Duncan had never let on.
I crouched down, almost sitting on my heels, so I would be nearer eye level and less threatening.
âHiya, Maxi. Listen, no pressure, okay? I need some advice.'
There was no response but she was still sitting there and that I took as a plus.
âI'm trying to find someone â a young guy â lives on the street â¦'
An eye flicked. She had expected me to say âlike you did'.
âHe moves around a lot. Lincoln's Inn, the Strand. Knows a lot of people. Calls himself Tigger.'
âGay scene?' she said quietly.
âCould be. Don't know if he's a regular.'
âRent boy?' She said this staring straight ahead at the Cosworth.
âCould be. You heard the name?'
âNo.' Was that too quick? I couldn't tell. She'd said more to me so far than she ever had before.
âWhy did you say rent boy then?' I asked gently.
âIt's always the renters they come looking for. Frightened they're gonna tell on somebody, or demand money from them. Sometimes they want to find them again because they like them, or want to give them a present or something. But usually it's to keep them quiet.'
âIt's nothing like that â look, I'm a mate of Tigger's and I just need to find him. It's about a van, that's all. No sweat. We did some jobs together. I just don't know how to find him.'
She looked at me and began to edge her buttocks back into the pit. I was losing her in more ways than one. âDoes he have money, this Tigger?'
âSome.'
âAnd he's on the street from choice?'
âI guess so.'
âThen he doesn't want to be found.'
She was gone.
Â
There was enough of the afternoon left to get back to the West End and do a couple of parcel jobs for Dispatch just to keep in with the firm. None of them would put me in profit as far as they were concerned but times were hard and there were a lot of owner-drivers queuing up for vacancies.
My mind wasn't on the job, though to be fair it never had been. What exercised me was partly what Maxi had said, but mostly where the hell I could take Fenella for her first (uninsured) driving lesson. That was a tricky one â I mean, there are so few nuclear testing grounds devoid of anything other than single-cell life forms in London these days.
I was cruising Marylebone Road when I had my first bit of luck of the day. A rider on a flash BMW cut me up and gave me a swivel of his backside as he settled in front of Armstrong. The rider was invisible in leathers and helmet but I recognised the bike and wondered for the millionth time how Crimson could afford a machine like that. I flashed Armstrong's headlights (no horn: that means war in taxi land) and he flipped an indicator before turning right into Baker Street.
I followed him until he pulled into Porter Street, and I was parked and out of Armstrong by the time he'd got his helmet off.
âYo, Angel-man, how they hanging?' he greeted me.
âA lot more comfortably if you can tell me where to find Tigger.'
Crimson's eyes shot up to heaven. âO-oh. What's he done now?'
âNothing serious, just run out on a job and I gotta find him.'
âThat guy is the wind, man,' said Crimson, peeling off his gauntlets.
âI thought you knew him.'
âHe's been around. You know. Here, there. Don't mess with him myself, âcos I've got my reputation to think of. Ain't seen him for weeks.'
I flapped my arms and reconsidered the benefits of smoking heavily.
âWhen you don't want him around, you can't get rid of him, but when you try to find him, nobody's got a clue.'
âSounds like Tigger,' Crimson nodded sagely. âYou tried any of his regular hang-outs?'
âNo, I seem to have mislaid my copy of the
Good Cardboard Box Guide
.'
âAw shit, you'll never find him on the street. I meant the places he hangs out, not where he lays his head.'
âSuch as?'
âThere's the pub up East on Rimmer Road.'
âThe Grapes?'
âYeah, that's the one. He's been there more than once.'
So had I, and now the sign above the bar came back to me: GAY NIGHT LASER KARAOKE.
âI know the place. I've even been there with him.'
âAsk around, man, but expect some strange and wicked answers.'
âI thought you were going to give me one.'
âWhat?'
âA strange answer. When you said regular hang-outs I thought you were gonna recommend the gents on Platform Five round the corner.'
âYou've been talking to the Beast, ain't you?'
I nodded.
âHe's got a thing about that place. I think he musta had a close encounter there himself. You got time for a tea or summfing?'
He pointed to the McDonald's sign.
âNaw, I've got a driving lesson to give.'
âSuit yourself, man. Good luck finding Tigger. Live long and prosper and all that shit. Oh â and don't believe one word the Beast tells you.'
âI won't,' I said, taking out Armstrong's keys. âNot even the bit about the Steel Rule guy who trawls the toilets.'
Crimson grinned.
âYeah, I heard him tell that one before, but it's all shit. They ain't got steel rules in their pockets. Man, they're just genuinely pleased to see you.'
Â
âAngel, we're home. Angel, say something. Did I do all right? Angel, say something. Anything. Please â¦'
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There was a sign in one of the windows of the Grapes saying: BAR STAFF WANTED. It was handwritten on a piece of cardboard torn from a box, but at least the spelling was fair. I hadn't noticed it on my previous visit. Maybe it hadn't been there before, or maybe the Grapes was the sort of pub where it was better not to notice things.
I had arrived earlier than intended, around 7.00 pm. I had been determined not to hang around the house in Stuart Street in case Fenella spotted me and demanded another lesson, so I had nipped in, fed Springsteen, told him to take messages, and sneaked out again. Now I was sitting in Armstrong in the car park waiting for some inspiration.
The only train of thought I had was that Tigger had asked for a meet here at 8.00 pm that first night I met Bassotti. I knew he slept up West, or at least that's where he'd always asked me to drop him, so perhaps if he used the pub he used it early. Until I saw the sign asking for staff, that had been my one and only cunning plan, ploy and tactic.
The blag of going in to ask about a job at least gave me the option of hanging around inside and chatting up the manager. That solved one problem, as gay night audiences don't welcome outsiders as a rule, especially not snooping ones asking questions. And who can blame them? They were there to party, not provide a free floor show or missing person service.
One bar had been reserved for the festivities by placing in front of the door a life-size cut-out of Humphrey Bogart as he appeared in
Casablanca
. Across his white dinner jacket, in what appeared to be lipstick (Sunset Gash was the shade, I think) was written âGay Nite Tonite'. Then, lower down: âThis could be the start of a beautiful friendship.' Was nothing sacred?
Beyond Bogie I could see a guy in a tank top assembling the disco gear, complete with autocue for the karaoke. Beyond him, with her back to me, was a tall blonde emptying plastic bags of coins into the cash register as a float. I decided to take my chances with her.
âExcuse me,' I said to the back of her
Basic Instinct
haircut. She looked up into the mirror behind the bar.
âI think you want the other bar,' she said in an Australian accent.
âActually, I'm looking for the manager.'
âReally?' She went on emptying coins into the register. âWell, actually, sport, you've found her. âBout the job is it?'
âYeah. What's the form? I could use a few nights, no weekends and cash in hand.'
âSounds good to me. Let me know if you find anyone hiring.'
There was an ugly buzz as the cash register told everyone that its drawer had been open too long and there was probably some fiddle going on. She closed it with her right hip as she turned.
âLook, everything here's on the up, okay? We're looking for full-timers and we'll go to £140 a week after tax, plus your grub, plus accommodation, we are that desperate. Average length of stay is three months. You do split shifts four days, one night Friday thru Sunday, two days off per fortnight on a rota basis. Interested?'
âI was looking for part-time,' I said weakly, wondering how to string the conversation out to maybe half a minute.
âSorry, nothing doing. Did the Jobcentre send you?'
Jobcentre? I almost asked what she was talking about.
âNo, I just saw the sign.'
She gave me a good once-over with eyes that could have microwaved pizza.
âDone bar work before?'
âSure. And cellar work. Don't expect any Tom Cruise fancy cocktails but I can manage a lager top and a Malibu with ice without losing track of what day it is.'
âGot references?'
âCan get âem, or give you some numbers to bell. A couple of pubs down Southwark and the odd wine bar in the City.' Very odd, now I remembered.
âGot any ID?'
Now that threw me, and I gave her a lights-on-but-nobody-home look, then remembered I had a driving licence in my wallet and handed it over. As she read the name on it, I twigged. She thought I was from the Jobcentre or Social Security or somewhere, checking up.