Andy Stevenson vs. The Lord of the Loins (9 page)

"Here.” I pulled two cassettes out of my back pocket and handed them over. “Payment for services rendered?” I winked.

"Don't tease.” Kim grabbed them out of my hand. “You know I'm fragile.” She went over to the stereo and changed the tapes.

"She's really sweet, Andy, and I'm sure she keeps you in line,” Kendra remarked.

"Yeah.” I smiled. “she's a regular tramp—champ!” Kendra gave me a light smack on the arm. She may be Italian and tall, but she had quite a bit in common with Kim in that they shared the same look in their eyes that suggested they were capable of more than what one saw at first glance.

"You must be Andy.” A girl I hadn't noticed standing close to us addressed me.

"I hope so, because I'm wearing his underwear.” I smiled. “And you are?"

"Alexia ... Alex, the tramp's sister."

What? Nobody could think to introduce me to the “evil sista” before I went and opened my big damn mouth? I mean, it's not like I could have known. The girl was a little bit younger and shorter, but her mannerisms were all Miss Kim and...

Okay, maybe I should have known.

"That was a joke.” I didn't quite know what to say.

"It's okay, really.” Alex grinned. “I've been calling her that for years, but then, that's why I'm the ‘evil sista.'” We shook hands, and then I introduced her to Kendra and they shook hands.

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid an act that is. Friends and relatives of friends shouldn't have to shake each other's hand. It's too damn formal. A nod, a smile, a quick fondle—fine, but not this asinine ritual of formalizing an informal meeting. What happens if the person you meet turns out to be a complete asshole? Do you really want the memory of having touched them?

Alex turned back to me. “I've certainly heard all about you."

"Well.” I laughed nervously. “I'm sure you haven't heard everything."

"You'll have to fill me in, then. Hey!” She grabbed a guy who happened to be passing by and pulled him closer. “This is Alan, my sister's flavor of the night."

I didn't even look at his face. Instead, I just extended my hand to do that stupid shaking hands thing again. I might as well just get it over with.

"According to Kim, she's looking forward to repaying him for something nice he's done for her ... or to her. We're not sure."

It seemed I wasn't the only one who was curious.

I did, however, look at Alan's hand, and that's only be-cause he had a very powerful grip. I like that. He had very thin fingers, yet they were strong, and I found that oddly attractive, somehow. I followed the length of the hand with my eyes, up the arm and finally the shoulder, neck and face.

He was Asian, sort of, and much younger-looking than the college freshman I knew him to be. Knew him to be...

Hey, I know him!
Alan had been in a study group I'd at-tended last semester when I retook and finally passed chemistry.

I immediately understood why Kim liked him. Alan was the kind of guy who never had an unkind word to say about anybody, who offered constructive criticism in lieu of bitchiness and always made time to ask how you were instead of talking incessantly about himself. This was the guy parents dreamt their child would bring home. Maybe that's why I never paid any attention to him. He was too perfect, straight, a reminder of everything I wasn't and simply way out of my league.

While his mannerisms and choice of attire, even casual, were impeccable, it was his features that really completed the package. Alan's eyes weren't as narrow as was generally typical of some Asians, and his hair wasn't as straight, either. Actually, his hair had more body to it than most white boys’ I knew. He smelled good, too—really good. Then I realized he was wearing a new scent by Calvin Klein called Eternity. All in all, he was utterly exquisite! It would be so easy to fall for someone like him, so it was a very good thing I wasn't the least bit interested.

"Chinese?” I asked him.

"Half.” He smiled, and I think I blushed. “My mother is, but my dad is Caucasian.” Well, it certainly looked like he'd gotten the best of both worlds, but only Kim would know for certain once she'd had her way with him. I got the impression he'd been asked about his heritage quite a bit. Still, it had been worth it just to see him smile.

"Oh, good.” Kim rejoined us as Pseudo Echo started blasting out of the stereo. “You're both here. Andy, I want you to meet my evil sista—"

"Alex.” I cut her off. “We've already met."

"You have?” She obviously hadn't seen us talking.

"Yeah.” I grinned and decided to show off a little for Alan's sake. “She was just telling me how you go out cruising around Chicago on your motorcycle wearing a leather jacket and high-heel boots."

"Bitch starting rumors
again
?"

"Oh, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.” I put my arm around her and winked at the rest of the group. “I'm sure we've all wondered what it would be like to be thrown in jail overnight because we bruised someone up with a bullwhip."

"Oh, hell, no!” She glared at me. “I don't have to put up with this shit. It ain't in my contract. My name is Kim.” And there it was.

"We know, we know,” Alex piped up, “and so do half the men in the state of Illinois and Indiana.” She pushed a button in the way that only a family member could do so well.

"Alex.” Kim smiled and put on her happy face. “At least I put out for a boyfriend, not make him jump through hoops thinkin’ he's gonna get some while you're busy with his best friend behind his back."

"Oh, yes.” Alex put her hands on her hips. “Another lecture from the girl whose motto in high school was ‘treat me like a stamp—lick me, stick me and send me on my way.’”

"You're the reason I donate to Planned Parenthood."

That one finally stopped Alex in her tracks. Leave it to the older sister to still set the example of when it's time to just shut the hell up.

"Kiss noises.” Alex grinned one final, exaggerated time.

"Love you like the sister I should have drowned at birth."

And as quickly as it began, the show was over and everything was back to normal.

"What just happened?” I wondered out loud.

"It's a sibling thing, honey. Anyway, I need a drink.” Kim walked over to a cooler while we stood around wondering what to do next. She had a six-pack of beer when she returned and offered them to us. It was a welcome sight, and I wondered if they had any Corona and a lime. This was going to taste so good!

Alex and Kendra took one, but Alan declined. I declined, too, mostly because he did. I had to follow his lead, didn't I?

"You should have been here an hour ago,” Kim told me, “when I was playing that Roxette tape you made. Everyone loved it, but I suppose you were happier downstairs playing with your bad self for hours on end."

"I would have been here sooner, but I got my finger stuck up my ass again.” Beer came up through her nose, and she choked while Alex, Kendra and Alan howled.

"Can't you just once let me make a smart-ass remark without making one back?” she pleaded, wiping beer from her chin.

"No,” I said simply, and strolled over to the cooler to see if there was anything in there I could drink.

Let's see ... there was vodka, coolers, schnapps and something with crystals growing on the inside of the bottle. I may not be an expert in chemistry, but I was pretty sure those couldn't be good for anybody.

"Hey, Kim?” I finally caught her attention again. “Would you mind entertaining Kendra for a few minutes? I'm going to run downstairs and get a couple cans of pop."

"Pop?” Kim rolled her eyes. “Why aren't you going to get drunk with the rest of us tonight?"

"It's more fun to watch you get drunk, especially since making things up is a whole lot easier the next day when you can't remember if it's true or not."

She flipped me off.

"Would you like a hand?” Alan touched my shoulder. “I wanted to ask you about that Roxette tape anyway."

"Yeah, sure.” I tried to act natural about it. Actually, why did I need to act at all? The kid was the subject of my best female friend's hormones and that pretty much made him off-limits to me. Didn't I learn anything from the last incident?

"Great."

He followed me out of the lounge and down the hall towards the stairs.

"I noticed there were some songs on it that I've never heard before."

"You sound surprised."

"I hope that didn't sound arrogant. It's just that I go to Hong Kong every summer and they get CDs the US doesn't. I've never seen anything else by the group other than the one album."

We descended the stairs to my floor.

"Actually...” I fished in my pocket for keys. “...the disc is extremely rare.” We came to a halt at my door, and I unlocked it. “I'll show you.” I turned on the light and ushered him inside. Alan stared at the posters on my wall:
The Lost Boys, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn
, Samantha Fox and a map of Mackinac Island. While he was doing that, I looked through my CD rack until I found what I was looking for. “Here.” I handed him the disc.

"Pearls of Passion?"

"That's the one.” I went to the closet and took a few cans of Pepsi out of the little refrigerator. “It was their first official release back in nineteen-eighty-six, before their US breakthrough. Unfortunately, I've never found another copy of it, which means it didn't get released in too many places other than Sweden. Would you like a Pepsi?"

"Do you have Coke?” He was reluctant to take his eyes off the disc in his hands, and I was reluctant to take my eyes off of him, since he wasn't leaving here alive with it.

"Coke? Sorry, I only buy what I know I'll drink.” I would have bought some if I'd known he wanted it ... but then why would I do that? Oh, for God's sake! He's straight. How many times was I going to have to tell myself that before it finally sank in? Then, too, Kim liked him, and I'd seen how the last guy she liked turned out.
Stop it!

"Pepsi's fine, then."

"Glad to hear it.” There were so many similarities between us, though. Kim liked us, we both listened to Roxette and we both smelled good. Didn't that mean something? There was one sure way to find out, and I absolutely hated having to resort to it, but I didn't see that I was left with much choice. This was my gay litmus test.

"Do you know who Andy Taylor is?” I held my breath.

"Did I meet him at the party?” Alan looked up at me. “I'm terrible with names."

"No,” I breathed, “he wasn't.” I tried to stop my heart from beating so fast! “He played guitar for Duran Duran."

"Aren't they dead?"

"Fuu...” Oh, . got it! I understood what Cathleen was try-ing to say! And I understood why it came out as a sound instead of a whole word. Sorry, back to the story. Yep, he was straight, and there was no longer any doubt of it in my mind. “We should get back up there before Miss Kim calls down here to see if I'm molest ... uh, showing you my ... moleskin cap."

"You have a moleskin cap?"

"No, which is why I don't want her calling down here for me to show you something I don't even have."

Alan looked perplexed.

"Kim gets that way sometimes when she's been drinking. Just wait until she hugs you and whispers ‘Oreo cookie’ in your ear."

"I need to ask you something, and I'm a little embarrassed about it.” His voice was quiet, and he looked down at the floor.

"Sure.” My heart started to pound again, and I wanted so badly just to give him the answer without his even having to ask. Just ask it! “It's okay."

"Maybe I shouldn't.” Alan looked up sheepishly and tried to smile.

"No, really, it's fine. Go ahead and ask.” I waited a few seconds, and he didn't say anything. “Please?” I hoped it didn't sound like I was begging. I wasn't. I absolutely wasn't begging. I just really wanted to hear what he had to ask. Oh, the hell with it. “Maybe this helps if I say it first. I'm..."

"Can I borrow this disc and give it back to you in a few days?” He spoke quickly.

"...not in the habit of loaning my most valuable discs out to people I don't know very well.” That was an accident just waiting to happen, and thank God, it didn't! Actually, God and I were getting to be on a first-name basis with everything that was happening in my life lately. I just hoped He didn't hang up on me if I kept calling.

"I understand.” He smiled and handed the disc back to me. “I'd probably be as protective as you are if I had something like this, too."

"That's a nice way of calling me a dick.” I replaced the disc back in the holder.

"No,” he sputtered, “I-I didn't mean that at all."

"It's okay.” I laughed, and he relaxed. “I was only kid-ding. I'll tell you what, how about if I bring it over to your place sometime and you record it then?"

He readily agreed, and we exchanged phone numbers before going back to the party. I discovered in conversation on the way back upstairs that he lived about twenty minutes away from my parents’ house back home and two buildings over from me here at school. That was convenient ... for no specific reason that I could think of.

All in all, the night was going quite well. Maybe he had a brother or a friend he could introduce me to. That wouldn't be so bad. There was just something about Alan I couldn't put my finger on ... but I sure wanted to!

Stop it. There was nothing healthy about this. No, there was nothing
fair
about this. This just in: life is officially unfair! I didn't expect to be attracted to someone again so soon, especially someone who really seemed genuinely ... genuine. Well, no matter how I might feel, I wouldn't say or do anything that would make anyone uncomfortable, especially Alan and Kim.

"You ready?” he asked and helped me gather up the cans of pop. Yes, pop. Not soda, you freaks!

"Yeah.” I breathed deeply. “I am."

[Back to Table of Contents]

It turned out I no longer had to worry whether or not Tristan was going to show up at the party because he was already present and accounted for along with at least fifteen additional people by the time we returned. Kim met us at the door and whispered in my ear at how excited she was to have a choice as to which man she would seduce tonight, especially since she'd heard Tristan's name mentioned last semester and that he'd sleep with anyone. Once again, information I could have used before now.