And Those Who Trespass Against Us (38 page)

KATHERINE STOOD SILENTLY, her focus on Father Cleary. "I heard the front door open and wondered who was visiting us at this time of day. Won't you come in, father?"

Katherine walked down the hall to the parlour without bothering to see if he was following. Waiting, she stepped aside and allowed him to enter. When Catriona made to follow, Katherine stopped her. "No, I've no doubt there are things Father Cleary wishes to discuss with me in private." She gave her a reassuring look and gently pushed Catriona back through the entrance and closed the door behind her. Turning, she realised he hadn't taken a seat. As calmly as possible she sat, anticipating his onslaught.

"When Mrs. Greystone came to me yesterday afternoon with her wild tale, I was ready to dismiss it as yet another example of her overactive imagination.

In fact, on the ride out here all I could think of was the perfectly reasonable explanation you'd have for what occurred yesterday." Father Cleary paced the room, failing to rein in his anger. "Yet when I arrived and saw the two of you together--I chastise myself for not seeing it sooner."

Katherine remained silent.

"Young Miss Greystone saw you and Miss Pelham exchange a--a kiss, like one exchanged between man and woman. Is--is this true? Are you two intimate in such a manner?"

Katherine's nod was the spark which ignited his flame of rage.

He fixed his hawkish glare on Katherine. "And you have the audacity to call yourself a nun! Is it not sufficient you should break your vows of celibacy, but you do so with a woman? What the two of you are doing is sacrilege not only in the eyes of the church but this town as well. Not one week ago you sat in front of me and said your leaving the church wasn't that woman's doing. You even said you couldn't bear to sin by living a lie any longer. So what kind of lie are you now living, Sister?"

Katherine had heard enough and crossed the floor to meet Father Cleary face to face, barely managing to keep her own anger in check. "I remember what you asked me, and everything I told you was true. My leaving the church has never been Catriona's doing. Despite what you may think with or
without
her, I would have eventually left.

"As for me living a lie, it's true. How can I serve out religious humble pie when I find myself gagging on its taste? My lie had nothing to do with the relationship between the two of us. The relationship I have with the church and the townsfolk is what I found deceitful." She paused, her breathing strained. "And, as for what we have being sacrilegious, let me ask you this, Father. How is it something which involves love and commitment on both sides can be seen as sordid by such an all loving, omnipotent God?"

"I'm not about to get into a theological debate with you. You know or
should
know your scriptures better than most people. Such acts are regarded as unnatural. Stop for a moment and think about what you're doing. If you believe for one moment the town's going to accept what's going on out here, then you're sadly mistaken. As we speak, Mrs. Greystone is petitioning for your removal from the town. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only way there can be an end to this.

"Furthermore, I feel I can no longer trust you with the well-being of the children of the district. You're released from your requirement to work with them. I'd advise you not to approach them or I'll
personally
see to your removal!"

Katherine turned in an attempt to hide the pain on her face. She didn't care about his opinion of their relationship, but his warning regarding the children hurt her deeply. Teaching them was one of the things which had truly given her pleasure. Now he'd snatched it from her.

Collecting herself, she turned to face him. "You once told me you've no direct authority over my being here. If you've no direct authority then you can't order me to leave. As for the children, I can't believe you think I'd ever do anything to harm them. What
you're
demanding will hurt them. What will happen to their education without someone to teach them? It will wither and die. You've allowed me to build up their hopes, and now you're going to ruin it? If that's what you want, then so be it. But mark my words, I won't turn away any mother or child who approaches me."

"I can't have you thrown out of this town, but I doubt I'll have to. This is one time I'll be happy to have the ladies' committee do my work for me." Without waiting for Katherine's reply, he yanked open the door and strode out of the parlour.

CATRIONA CAME OUT of the kitchen in time to see the front door slam and Katherine slump against the hallway table. "He wasn't here long. I gather bad news travels fast."

"It does. He accused you of influencing my decision to leave the church and called our relationship sacrilege. He said I was a liar and that Mrs. Greystone is agitating to have me thrown out of town. If that isn't enough, he's taken from me all my responsibilities,
including
the education of the children. Catriona, he's set me adrift and taken one of the things I love doing most." Katherine moved into Catriona's comforting arms.

Catriona held onto her tightly. "At least you have me. Think about it, he could have brought the Greystone lynch mob with him."

"I'm glad I still have you." Katherine laughed bitterly. "But what kind of life can we expect to share with that woman ranting and raving all over town? I know her type. She's like my mother. She won't give up until she gets her own way. How are we going to cope?"

Pulling her tighter, Catriona was ashamed she didn't have an answer to give. "I don't know, my love. I don't know."

THAT NIGHT, DESPITE the comfort of Catriona's arms, Katherine couldn't sleep. Questions filled her head. Did she really want this sort of isolation? She'd never be able to go into town again, for fear of one of the members of the ladies' committee lurking around the corner, waiting to shout undeserving invectives at her.

Katherine rolled away, her gaze focused on the wall. More importantly, she wondered about Catriona, who had made it clear she wasn't worried about the town's feelings. But what about her business, and the people she had to work with in town? How would the farmer's cooperative react to the news? Would they still sell grain to her, or buy her crops?

The myriad of questions which clouded Katherine's mind were insurmountable. What was worse was the lack of any answers she could come up with. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, beside a sleeping Catriona, she made her decision.

KATHERINE ROSE EARLY, avoiding their normal morning ritual of making love. She meandered mechanically about the kitchen, studiously avoiding contact with Catriona where possible. She prepared breakfast, eating hers in silence and refusing to be drawn into a conversation.

By mid-morning the quiet had become unbearable. Catriona took a protesting Katherine into the parlour. "What's the matter?" Catriona searched her face. "You've hardly said two words to me this morning."

Katherine moved away. "It can't be like this," she said quietly. "My work here has suffered. Your work is bound to suffer because of the pressure the ladies' committee will bring to bear on the town. They'll ostracise us both. We'll never be able to show our faces, or go out anywhere. We'll be like prisoners to the prejudices of others. I don't think I can live like that."

The colour drained from Catriona's face. "What do you mean it can't work? It
is
working, Katherine. Why does it have to matter what the town says? We still have each other, no matter what."

"Is it enough? Maybe it is for today, next week or next month. What happens if it isn't? What are you going to do if you can't get help during the harvest? We couldn't possibly do the job ourselves. And what about mustering your cattle for sale, or selling your crops? Can you subsist if no one buys your produce? How will you live then? I couldn't bear to see you suffer because of me. And I'd hate to see you bitter and resentful because of it. There has to be more. But I don't want to see us end up hating each other for it."

"What are you saying?"

Katherine took a deep breath. "I think it would be best for both of us if I leave."

Catriona groaned, as if wounded. "How can you say that if you really love me? You said you'd never leave me. Now things are getting hard and you're going to walk out? Yesterday you were adamant we'd weather this. We
can
make it through this, Katherine," she pleaded. "I know we can. Just try harder."

It pained her to see Catriona so badly hurt. As she started toward her, Catriona recoiled like a child who'd been given a beating and wasn't sure why. Katherine stopped. "I love you and I'll always love you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing this. Can't you see that? I can't bear to see us grow apart from each other. Yes, I said I'd never leave you--I never will. I'll always be here with you in some form or other. Please trust me when I tell you there can be no other way to end this without further pain for us both." She raised her hand to her mouth as Catriona sobbed. Moving to her, Katherine took her in her arms and gently held her as she wept.

LATER IN THE morning, after what seemed a lifetime of trying to explain to a pleading Catriona that what she was doing was for the best, Katherine finally put an emotionally exhausted Catriona to bed.

Katherine hitched the wagon for a foray into town which, she knew, wasn't going to be an easy trip. Aside from the cold reception she was sure she'd receive, her emotions were strained to breaking point. She was forced to stop twice and shed her own tears before continuing on.

She entered the town, conscious of the eyes painstakingly avoiding her. Katherine concentrated on the task before her, to let Susan know what had happened so at least she and Me Lin could look out for Catriona.

After successfully negotiating the buckboard to a stop in front of the store, she struggled to get down. The more she tried to pry her habit loose from a place where it was wedged, the more flustered she got. She knew people were aware of her plight. No one offered to help though, almost as if to touch her would herald the same contagion she obviously carried.

She was fighting back tears of rage when someone reached in and loosened the cloth from its sticking place. She turned and looked into the quiet eyes of William Gilchrist, his hand outstretched while he waited to help her from the wagon.

No words were exchanged, even though she felt the surrounding crowds were eagerly waiting for some. Instead, a look of gratitude and acknowledgment passed between her and William before Katherine walked up the stairs and into the store.

Susan quickly finished with her customer and closed the door. "I saw what just happened through my window. Thank heavens for William's graciousness. What are you doing here? I thought we agreed you'd wait before coming back into town."

Katherine told Susan of the father's visit and the words between her and Catriona.

"It pains me to say it, but I can't help but think you're right." Susan brought her hand down hard on the counter top. "Damn the bloody narrowmindedness of some of these people!" She rubbed her hand across the back of her neck. "I'd like to think that the time will come when women like us can live together, without the judgment of others. Although that's unlikely while the likes of Greystone and Monteith prevail."

Katherine earnestly looked at Susan. "I'd ask one thing of you if I may."

"Of course. Anything."

"Take care of Catriona, especially in the first few days. She doesn't understand I do this because I love her. I don't want to see her hurt by these people. I'm not sure she'll cope, given what's happened between us and everything else that's happened to her."

Susan squeezed Katherine's arm. "Of course I will. Are you
sure
there's nothing else you can do? Your leaving is going to fundamentally affect her."

Katherine turned away, attempting to hide the tears in her eyes. "Don't you think I know that? I hope what I'm about to do works out for the better. I expect all I can ask of you is for you to trust my judgment on this and, most of all, take care of her."

"That's a promise. When are you going to leave?" Susan asked.

"I hope to secure a berth on the train which passes through here in two days. I know it doesn't leave me much time, but I think it's for the best. I can't bear to see Catriona suffer any longer than necessary." Katherine stopped at Susan's look of shock.

"I'm sorry, but it's all so sudden. I'll be at the train on Friday to see you go. But don't expect too many others." Susan came around the counter and opened the door to allow Katherine to pass through.

Katherine turned to her as if she'd forgotten something. "I want you to know I'm grateful for the friendship you and Me Lin have given me. I'll never forget it. I wish you both the best and hope you never find yourselves in a similar situation."

Katherine finished and was down the stairs before Susan could reply.

She had one final matter of business in town. Having spent the last of her funds on a letter to the convent, she was in the ironic situation of needing to ask for money so she could leave. Father Cleary gave her barely enough to cover her boat and train fare, advising her that the funds were not his and had been raised by the ladies' committee with this aim in mind. He told her if she needed lodgings in Sydney, she'd have to approach a convent and ask for their charity.

There were no more words left to be said between them, and Katherine left to book her passage at the train station.

DESPITE SHARING THE same bed, hardly anything was said between Katherine and Catriona during her remaining hours in the house. Catriona drifted from room to room, barely acknowledging Katherine's presence.

On their last night together, Catriona made love to Katherine, bringing her to climax again and again as if doing so would change her mind. Katherine responded by giving Catriona all she could, hoping to convey with her actions the abiding passion she felt for the only true love she had ever known.

By morning, Catriona was again sullen and distant. Katherine had packed her meagre possessions the previous night and was surprised to see the wagon hadn't been prepared for the journey.