And Then I Found You (15 page)

Emily turned in the swivel chair, her large eyes full of tears. “Will you do it, Mom?”

“Do what, darling?”

“Search her friends? See if there’s a Kathryn? I can’t do it. I might throw up.”

“I got it,” Elena said and Emily stood to allow her mother to take her seat.

“Mom. You’re my
mom.
Just look.”

Elena sat and typed the name
KATHRYN
into the friend search bar. Nothing.

“Try Kate or Katie or something like that,” Emily said. “Or only the last name.”

Elena typed “Vaughn” and two women’s photos popped up—Kate and Molly.

“It’s her,” Emily said.

“Yes, honey, I think you’re right.” Elena clicked on Kate’s photo. And then she spoke
the truth. “Now you know. You look just like her.”

fourteen

BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA

2010

Jack and Kate sat at an outdoor café table, and he ordered wine.

“French café in Birmingham. Weird,” Kate said.

“What? You think Alabama is backward?” He smiled at her, warmly.

“No…” she laughed. “Well, maybe. And I’m warning you,” Kate said. “I know you want
to go to the museum, but if I drink this, I might not make it. I could easily fall
into some sunshiney afternoon nap.”

“Is
sunshiney
a word?” Jack said.

“It is now.” Kate pulled her sunglasses from the top of her head to cover her eyes.
“You know, that’s the word that actually came to mind when I met Mimi Ann. She seems
so … sunny and all. And very smitten with Jack Adams.”

He laughed. “Not true. Now how are things at the store and home?”

“I called Norah and told her I’d have a full report. So, she’s happy. I called Lida
and told her that I had some great new ideas for the store. So, she’s happy. I called
Rowan and told him I’d run into an old friend and I was staying one more night, so
he’s not happy.”

“Sorry about that,” he said.

“Be quiet. It’s not your fault.”

The surprise of their kiss on the sidewalk had faded. Guilt replaced that warm place.
Kate resolved, right there at the table, to enjoy Jack without again touching him.
That’s how all the trouble had begun and that is not how it would end.

A waitress approached with their wineglasses and salads. Jack reached for the saltshaker
across the table and bumped the vase, spilling water as a small wildflower fell into
Kate’s lap. Jack threw napkins over the water as Kate picked up the flower. “This
is beautiful.” She stared into its center, a place where brilliant yellow mixed in
a pattern of intricate lines and swirls. “I wish I knew its name,” she said.

“We can look it up,” he said. “There’s nothing Google can’t tell us.” He smiled and
again those eyes and the green that changed with the light.

“I wish I knew what they’d named
her,
” Kate said, wine loosening her thoughts.

Jack tilted his head. “We aren’t talking about the flower anymore are we?”

“No, not the flower at all.”

“I wish I knew too, but that’s not something we can look up on Google.”

“No,” her voice cracked.

“I wonder if they kept Luna as any part of her name,” Jack said, lifting his wine.

“It would be nice if they had. But Luna isn’t a usual name, and probably not one a
parent is likely to keep.” She shrugged. “I bet if we had … if we’d kept … if we’d
been her parents we wouldn’t have named her Luna. I did that because of my love for
the moon, not because I thought she should be called that name.”

Jack reached across the table and took her hand. “I like it. I would’ve kept it.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have brought her name up. We were having such
a nice day. I don’t know when to shut up and I don’t ever, ever talk about her and…”

Jack looked over his shoulder. Sunlight glared into his face like a spotlight so Kate
couldn’t tell if he was upset or wincing against vivid light. “I like talking about
her. It’s okay. I like it. I’ve never been able to.”

Kate lifted her wineglass to the sun, changing the subject. “This looks like a red
wine that someone watered down.”

“It’s a rosé.”

“Ah,” Kate said.

“Reminds me of the time my brother watered down Dad’s Talisker, as if he wouldn’t
notice that.” Jack shook his head. “Fool.”

“Water in the Talisker? Isn’t that like a mortal sin or something?”

Jack stretched back. “Probably. But if it was, my dad beat the devil out of him and
saved his soul. So tell me about your family. I wonder about your dad sometimes. I’m
sure he’s not my biggest fan.”

“Oh? You wonder about my family?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Dad never blamed you. So stop there. But my parents are great. They live only a few
miles away from me.”

“So you all ended up right there near each other. Still all wound up together.”

“You make that sound like a bad thing,” she said.

“No, not at all. It’s great. I know how much your family means to you. You’ve never
been one to have a horde of friends, you like your close family and best friends near
you.”

“Yes,” she said, her voice breaking in the middle of the word.

“Did I make you upset?”

“No. It’s this thing that Rowan and I sometimes argue about. Not fight really. He
can’t seem to understand why I don’t want to be part of some never-ending party line
of dinners and large groups. They unsettle me.”

“I know,” Jack said. “You feel like you’re going to come out of your skin.”

“Exactly…”

“I know.”

I know.

Kate wanted to defend Rowan even as she reached across the table to Jack. “It’s not
his fault. I mean, he likes to be around a ton of people. It’s like crowds feed him,
but drain me. It’s not a big deal,” she said, waving her hand across the air.

Jack nodded, but didn’t answer.

“He understands.” Kate’s words were coming too fast. “Our parents met a couple days
ago.”

“Nice.”

“It was Luna’s birthday. Isn’t that crazy?”

“Those coincidences happen all the time, don’t they.”

They sat silent under that warm sun, Luna’s memory between them. Kate kept her thoughts
locked inside, wanting to tell him that there were some things she’d miss for her
entire life. Forever probably. Some people you stop missing. Some things you stop
wondering about. But not Luna. Not him. Not this.

Instead she smiled at him. “You’re not making me sad.”

Lazy light fell over them, silence comfortable until Kate asked. “Do you date?”

“What?”

“Colleen says you are the most sought-after bachelor.”

“She’s lying.”

“You never wrote about girls or dating. Always and only your job, Caleb, and Birmingham.
A restaurant opening, a new artist, or whatever, but never a girl.” She smiled at
him. “Surely you date, Jack.”

“Nothing to write about.”

“Miss Mimi Ann Davolt?” she asked, smiling.

“Yes. But it’s tricky. She runs the studio and I’ve been alone for a while now with
just Caleb.”

“You’re a dad,” she said, a simple statement that carried a million others.

“Yes, I am. Caleb is amazing. He really is.”

In the honesty and simplicity of the moment, she spoke the truth. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t
be able to love another child; I’d close up or something terrible.”

“You wouldn’t. I don’ t know how to explain why. But you’ll be able to…”

“When the time is right,” Kate whispered.

“‘Time does not bring relief.’”

“Huh?”

“That’s part of my favorite poem,” he said.

“Poem? You’ve turned into such a Renaissance man.”

“Yeah, right, Katie.” His laugh was soft.

“Yep,” Kate said as it became impossible to make any more words that made any more
sense.

*   *   *

The day passed with stories, but no touching. Saturday night turned into Sunday morning.
Sunday afternoon turned into Sunday evening and Kate still hadn’t left. The day and
night passed with hours spent in conversation and quietness.

While Jack cooked dinner, Kate finally brought up the one subject she’d avoided all
weekend. “Do you still see Maggie? I mean, how are things between you?”

“I do see her. We have Caleb and we live twenty minutes away from each other, so yes.”

“Do you still … love her?”

“That’s a complicated question,”

“It always was,” Kate allowed.

“I don’t know what to say. The answer seems tangled.”

“Try,” she said.

“No, I don’t love her like I want her back. I loved her the best I knew, but she was
right when she left me—I didn’t love her enough or the way she needed. I thought I
did. I wasn’t trying to be duplicitous or fool her. But in looking back, I see how
I married her when everything was unsteady and, as my Brit friend says, mucked up.
You were gone and she was here. She loved me. I loved her. Simple, right?”

“Sounds so.”

“Until you look back and realize that you loved someone as part of an answer to a
question.”

“What was the question?”

“What am I going to do without the only person I loved my whole life?” His voice soft.

Kate wanted to stand, stomp her foot, argue that his one decision had ruined all their
years. She wanted to unravel the past days, wind them into a tight ball of yarn and
start again. Begin again. “So you married her because I was gone?”

“I didn’t marry her
only
because you were gone, but it was part of it.”

The silence lengthened to the inevitable conclusion: Kate needed to go home. “I really
do have to go,” she said. “I’ve said that at least five times.” She laughed and shook
her head. “But this time, I’m leaving. I’ve got to go.”

“I know, and Caleb will be home in about an hour.” Jack stood from the table and carried
their dishes to the sink.

“I’ll be gone by then,” she said, feeling the weekend’s end seep into her with sadness.
“I should have been gone a long time ago.” She stood. “I’m going to get my stuff together
real quick.” She walked away, her heart directly behind her feet.

The doorbell rang, and Kate startled as she zipped her suitcase. She heard voices:
deep and familiar. She walked out of the bedroom to the front hallway to find Rowan
Irving, in his khakis and white button-down, standing in the doorway, talking to Jack
Adams.

This fact was so impossible that Kate could only stare. Rowan walked to her and put
his hands on her shoulders. “Kate.”

“Rowan,” she said, her arms loose and seeming unattached. Tingling formed at the back
of her brain and moved forward.

Rowan stepped back and looked first at Jack and then at Kate. “Does anyone want to
explain this?”

“What are you doing here?” Kate asked.

“I was worried as hell. You said you were coming home last night and you didn’t. You
won’t answer the phone. You won’t call back. You had this crazy explanation about
an old friend and how you’d explain all of it to me when you got home. Is this your
friend?” He pointed to Jack.

“Yes, this is Jack Adams.” Kate didn’t look at Jack, not even a glance or she would’ve
been unable to speak.

“And Jack is an old friend? Or is this the old boyfriend?”

“Seriously. How did you get here? I am so confused,” Kate said.

“You’re confused? I thought you were here to look at a boutique and then coming home.
And now you’re here snuggled up with an old boyfriend? Coming out of a bedroom? What
the hell is going on?”

“I promised I’d explain everything when I got home. How did you find me?”

“Lida.”

“What?”

“I asked her if you were visiting anyone here.”

Lida was one of the very few who knew where Kate was. But why would she tell Rowan?
“I don’t get it.”

“Does that part even matter right now?”

“Yes, yes it does,” Kate said.

Jack stepped toward them now. “Would you all like to come out of the hallway? Inside?”
His voice was a broken robotic sound, uneven.

“No,” Rowan said. “We’d like to leave, but before we do, would you two like to tell
me anything?” He waved his hand between them. “Is there anything I need to know?”

“There’s lots you need to know,” Kate said. “And if you’d waited for me to get home,
I would’ve been able to tell you.”

“Are you two…” Rowan’s face crumbled with his next words. “Together?”

“No.” Kate stepped forward and took Rowan’s hand. “Nothing like that is going on here.
We went through something together a long time ago and haven’t seen each other for
a very, very long time. Please believe me. I came here to close a chapter, not start
a new one. I wanted to begin my life with you and I had to see Jack to do that.”

Kate then looked at Jack and his face was blank, cold.

“I flew here,” Rowan said. “And I’m going to drive you home. Let’s go.”

In movements as slow as walking through water, Kate went to the back guest bedroom
and grabbed her suitcase. Her toothbrush was still on the sink’s edge as if waiting
for her to spend one more night. Just one more night.

Jack and Kate said good-bye without a touch. Kate climbed into the passenger seat
of her own car, and the words tumbled out in a mangled mess of explanation.

“Rowan, you’ve got to listen.”

“Go for it. Explain.”

“This is hard for me.”

“Hard for you?”

Kate took in the longest breath and turned toward Rowan. His face was hard and sad,
a combination she’d never seen on him before. Compassion rose. “Jack and I dated all
through high school and college.”

“I know that part, Kate. It seems I’ve missed out on the part after that…”

The story of Luna took an hour to tell, and there remained five hours to argue and
understand.

The word
pregnant
dropped into the car and into their life.

He pressed his body hard into the back seat; his fists clenched the steering wheel,
turning his knuckles a grim bluish white. “Oh, dear God. You have a daughter.”

“Yes,” she answered.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? You have a child living out there in the world somewhere
and you never, ever told me? Who else knows? Why did you keep this a secret? Who is
she?”