Anarchy of the Heart (9 page)

Perhaps it was a purely selfish thought that
allowing Caitlyn freedom meant he himself could spend time with
Sofia guilt-free.

But oh, how Caitlyn would blush when the
Spaniard was with her - that notion alone turned Leo on like
nothing else. He had a fetish concerning his fiancée's blushes.

"Yes," he said, making certain he sounded as
confident as he could. "I'm sure. Are you sure?"

She nodded. Her face was so bright, so full
of energy, and yet underneath it all, looking into those big green
eyes, he could see how nervous she was. She said: "It's just a
vacation, right?"

"We'll have fun," he said.

"Yes, we will, won't we? And you'll enjoy
being with Sofia, and you won't be afraid."

He shook his head gently. "And you'll have a
good time with Marco," he said, "And when you're ready, you'll get
to know him... intimately."

Caitlyn blushed furiously. It quite took
Leo's breath away. 

She said, "You still have your... purchase...
from the pharmacy?"

He nodded, batting the little cardboard box
in his back pocket. "You?"

"Yes. And you'll call me, won't you? If you
feel bad."

"Of course I will, and you'll call me,
likewise?"

She nodded, swallowed. It was strange, it
felt like some kind of airport parting, that they wouldn't be
seeing each other for a long while. Leo took a deep breath, feeling
the peculiar sensation that he was welling up, that if he didn't
control himself, there might even be tears.

Perhaps, in a way, this would be the last
time he saw Caitlyn. This Caitlyn. They might be very different
people the next time they were in each others' arms.

This was the risk that they were taking. The
pursuit of a genuine thrill rarely came without a price.

She kissed him again, and even through their
clothes, he could feel her breasts squeezing against him, he could
sense a slight tremor in her body, confirming that she was feeling
exactly the same way as he was. There was something somehow
reassuring in that.

"You'll call me anyway, won't you?" she said
as they parted again. "Tonight?"

"Absolutely," he said, "I promise."

She mouthed the words: "I love you."

He smiled, returning those same words to his
fiancée. 

And she stepped away.

Marco and Sofia were all smiles as they saw
that the American couple was finished now, and still firmly in the
game. Marco looked to Caitlyn, and she sidled up to him, taking a
proffered hand.

Sofia gazed at Leo, those soulful blue eyes
of hers searching for signs within his that he was ready, that he
had prepared himself, that he wasn't hiding anything that might
suggest he was only doing this because his partner was doing
this.

He smiled at the golden-haired beauty, and
she gave him an appreciative nod, simultaneously praising him for
his courage and seeking to put him at ease.

"So," Marco said with that big grin of his,
"Assuming all goes well, we will meet each other again tomorrow
before dinner, yes?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Leo said, thinking
it sounded like a very long time to be apart from Caitlyn.

"Sofia and I have chosen a very nice little
place where we can go for a few drinks, and then we'll see how
everything went - and we can go from there." 

Leo felt a little queasy as he saw Caitlyn
place her hand in Marco's, look up at the Spaniard with a glimmer
of pure delight in her eyes, and then look round to give Sofia and
himself a final parting smile. 

Then his fiancée and her brand new
friend-with-benefits were walking casually away down the street.
Leo thought she already appeared very relaxed with the other man,
their conversation seeming easy as they departed.

He loved to see Caitlyn happy like that, but
how strange it was to see her disappearing with a man with the
express intent of bedding him that very night.

"It is strange to see them go, no?" Leo heard
Sofia's voice before he saw her step beside him. There was a kind
of dreamy quality to her dulcet French soprano, which somehow
seemed to both calm Leo and also lull him into a strange state of
euphoria.

"Very strange," he said softly.

Before Marco and Caitlyn disappeared around
the street corner, their audience saw the Spaniard do
something that made the brunette jump, let out a short sharp yelp
and then fall against him, laughing, draping her hands and arms
over him as they walked. Perhaps he had pinched her butt or
something to that effect, or said something to tease her. 

They looked very natural together, Leo
thought. Much more natural than he felt standing with Sofia.

"They seem good together."

"Yes, don't they?" Sofia said. 

Then Marco and Caitlyn turned, and were
gone.

Leo felt Sofia take his hand, her fingers so
light and soft around his, cool in the evening air. She said: "Are
you okay, Leo?"

He turned to look at her, taking a deep
breath that was accented by her perfume and the earthy smells of
the street. 

"I'm fine," he said, affecting a smile he
feared she might not think entirely convincing.

But she simply smiled in return, and the
sight was truly dazzling, even in the shaded street. "I know how
you're feeling, Leo," she said softly. "I've felt that way myself.
Even now."

"Even now?"

She shrugged, "Even now, yes, a little.
Nervous, excited, hopeful, afraid."

"Do you think we're going to be as good
together as they are?" he asked.

Sofia looked him over for a brief moment,
making him wonder what she thought of him. She grinned, "I think we
are definitely going to be just as good together."

Leo said: "In your experience, what's the
best way to handle all this?"

She paused, considering. Said: "In my
experience, the best thing you can do is to relax, be yourself, and
never keep anything hidden. Always be completely open and honest.
If you can't do this, it's no problem."

He nodded, breathing deeply. He said: "In
that case, would you be offended if I said I find you a little
intimidating, Sofia?"

"Intimidating? Me?" she inhaled. "But I'm so
small compared to you!"

"Because you're stunning," he said. "You're
very beautiful."

He could see Sofia melt a little, tilting her
head as she looked at him, perhaps seeing him in a new light now
that he was on his own, away from Caitlyn, outside the public
sphere of their group of four.

Then she stepped forward, reached her arms up
behind his neck, and kissed him. 

Oh my God.

She tasted of sugar and rosé wine, she
smelled of apricots and soft blazing sunshine. She was pretty as a
picture in a magazine, and her plans for the evening were pure
seduction.

How on Earth had he gotten himself into
this?

"You shouldn't feel intimidated by anyone,"
she whispered into his ear.  

After that kiss, Leo felt a little better,
some of the tension between them dissipating, though none of the
extraordinary sense of anticipation for what they were doing.

Sofia took his hand in hers and they walked
in the opposite direction from Caitlyn and Marco, over towards the
port of Old Nice.

"You and Caitlyn are only the third couple
we've ever been with," she was saying, after he'd asked how it was
that even she was still nervous in this situation.

"Only the third?"

Sofia smiled, "We only play with others when
we're on vacation. Last year, the way the economy was, we did not
take a vacation. Before that, for a few years, we saw the same
couple each time."

Leo noticed other men looking at him as they
wandered the streets, and at first he thought he must have spilled
something on his shirt, or perhaps that his hair was doing
something ridiculous in the breeze. His clothes were clean,
however, while the breeze was barely strong enough to even
tickle.

Only after a little way did he realize the
men were looking at him because he was walking hand-in-hand with
Sofia. 

Well, she certainly was a sight to
behold. It warmed him up a little, to see those envious
glances, and perhaps even made him begin to see that this could be
fun. He could simply enjoy the physical side of this, leave the
emotions behind.

"Is this always how it is when you're with
someone new?" he asked her now. 

"How it is?"

"You know, you meet for lunch, you pair off,
you take things slowly so it can be stopped in case someone's
unhappy. The process."

She shrugged, "I don't think we have a
process. The few times we've met new people, it's been different
each time. The first time, we weren't even thinking about it at
all."

"No?"

"We met these guys who had the room next to
ours in the hotel, and just spent the vacation with them, not even
imagining what might happen."

"And what did happen?"

"We were having a lot to drink back then,"
she chuckled, "then one night things just went further and further
- we drank more and more, we ended up back in our hotel room,
dancing, drinking. The boys traded dance partners - quite a few
times, actually. Then you know, the clothes started
disappearing..."

"And you were all right with it?"

Now they were stepping out into the sunshine,
the old port revealed before them, and Sofia looked absolutely
gorgeous, like some kind of mythical nymph.

She gave him a mischievous grin, continuing
her story. "I was very, very drunk, Leo. So very, very drunk. We
all were."

The French girl steered them around the
little old harbor, which was little more than a small marina for
the wealthy, enclosed by the Old Town. 

"I don't remember too much now from that
first time," she said, "but I think the boys would dance with us a
little, and then they would switch partners, and then they would be
back again, and then Paulo pulled off the shirt of his girlfriend
Maria, and it was like he was daring Marco to do the same and then
trade dance partners again."

"Pretty wild."

"Well, the two of them were very competitive.
Each time, Paulo would take something off Maria, and Marco would do
the same, or maybe Marco would take off something of his own, and
then Paul would have to do the same. And then I would be dancing
with Paulo, and slowly, while we kept drinking more and more of the
Rioja, we were becoming naked..."

"And then you slept together? You and
Paulo?"

Sofia paused while a few tourists had gone
by, then she said: "The boys just continued their silly little
game. Maria and I were just laughing non-stop, taking more wine...
Paulo was dancing close with me, so Marco would have to dance
closer with Maria. And then Paulo was squeezing my... you know, my
breasts... so Marco was kissing Maria's breasts..."

Leo felt himself thinking how lucky this
Paulo character must have been, before it dawned on him that he was
essentially becoming this year's Paulo for Sofia.

"...and then Paulo was kissing me between my
legs, and so Marco was... well, you get the idea."

Sofia smiled, drawing her description to a
close as yet another collection of tourists wandered by.

"Here," she said, "it's just around the
corner now."

It was a sweet little restaurant, which
appeared to have reached that the point in the evening between the
early evening tourists going home and the later evening locals
arriving for their dinner.

They took a table outside, where Leo ordered
merely a Coke, while Sofia chose a glass of chilled Sancerre.

"What happened when you guys... you know,
sobered up?" Leo asked as they  considered the menu, the
wonderful smell of garlic-laden food filling his nostrils along
with the salty aroma of the sea.

"I woke up between Paulo and Marco, and I was
pretty horrified," she laughed. "I'd been with Marco maybe... six
months by then? He was always flirting with the girls, but I
thought he was different from the other Spanish guys. He was always
very decent, very attentive to my needs."

"You were upset with what had happened?"

Sofia withdrew a packet of cigarettes from
her purse, which rather surprised Leo, being so used to smoking
being banned in restaurants.

"You don't mind?" she signaled the cigarette,
holding up a lighter ready to fire.

"Sure, of course," he said. It was outside,
there was a light breeze here by the harbor, but mostly, he just
didn't want to make a bad impression, particularly now. He declined
her offer of one for himself, and as she lit up, he said:
"It's a little weird seeing people smoke in restaurants."

Sofia nodded, drawing in a lungful of smoke.
"I don't very much these days - but it helps calm me down. They
banned it in France, too, you know, a few years ago."

"Nobody takes much notice of it."

"La Liberté, uh? It is part of our national
heritage." She turned her head to exhale a plume of smoke, then
returned to her recollection, saying: "I was upset, of course. With
myself, mainly, for going along with it, for letting Paulo do what
he did with me. At Marco, a little."

"How did the others take it?"

Sofia smiled almost wistfully, tapping her
cigarette gently on the little ashtray provided on the table
between them. "Marco and Paulo were dead to the world. They were so
hung-over that whole day. Maria took me for breakfast at a little
place round the corner, and she was very good at calming me
down."

"You liked her?"

"She was very... smart. Beautiful, too. Very
Spanish - the dark hair, the brown eyes," Sofia sucked on the
cigarette, and Leo felt a touch envious that she had it to help
relax her.  "She was the one, really, who persuaded me it
might be good for us... you know, to open up, to have some fun. To
treat this holiday - this vacation - as a break from our normal
lives. I think you would say... let off some steam?"