Ana Seymour (17 page)

“My association with Kate will be as her husband, once she sees reason about it,” he said. “And once she realizes that the arrangements I’ve made for her baby are for the best.”

“We’ve been through that, Lyle,” Jennie said. “Kate’s not giving up the baby, and she’s not going to let your badgering change her mind.”

“Women are too emotional about these things,” Lyle replied. “Which is why I’ve come to talk to
your husband,
Jennie. He’s the male head of the household, now. I reckon he’ll be making the decisions.”

Jennie looked at Lyle in disbelief, then turned to Carter, expecting his immediate denial. He was watching her with an odd expression. “Well, tell him, Carter,” she said with some exasperation. “Tell him that you don’t intend to be making decisions for me or my sister.”

Carter hesitated a long moment. “I don’t intend to make decisions for you, Jennie, but, as I’ve told you, I think you should take a serious look at the idea of giving up the baby. Neither you nor Kate has any idea of what it means to raise a child without a father.”

Lyle gave a smug smile. “Why is it that it takes a man to think things through clearly?” he asked.

Jennie felt as if the air had been knocked out of her chest She stood staring at Carter, unable to believe what she was hearing. Over the past two days she’d thought of nothing but how much she’d come to love this man. He’d made her heart fill and her
body soar. And suddenly it was as if she were looking at a stranger.

Barnaby came racing into the hall from the kitchen, shouting “When do we eat?” He slowed to a stop as he saw the expressions on the faces of the three adults. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

Jennie wondered if she could trust herself to speak. She reached to put a hand on Barnaby’s head, then said, “Nothing’s the matter, honey. I’ll be back in the kitchen in a minute, just as soon as I see Mr. Wentworth out.”

Barnaby looked warily at Lyle, his child’s intuition telling him that his visit was causing some kind of negative response in Jennie. “Shall I call the silverheels for supper?” he asked.

She nodded. “Tell them we’ll eat in five minutes.”

He seemed to be satisfied by the definite nature of this statement, but Lyle was not.

As Barnaby turned to skip back toward the kitchen, Lyle said, “We can’t put this off, Jennie. The doctors say Kate’s almost ready. The baby could be born anytime. It’s important to settle things about its disposition.”

“Let’s at least hear him out, Jennie,” Carter suggested. “Let him tell you about this family he’s found to raise the child.”

Lyle gave him a look of approval. “It will have a good home with all the luxuries and, what’s more important, a mother and father to raise it”

Jennie shook her head to see if it would clear out some of the anger and hurt It had little effect. “Lyle, Kate left me with no doubt that she wants her baby.
If you persist in trying to persuade her otherwise or arranging to give it away behind her back, I’ll get a court order prohibiting you from bothering her.” She shot a scornful glance at Carter. “I should be able to find a lawyer
somewhere
who would help me.”

“All I’m saying is that you could hear him out, Jennie.” Carter sounded less positive. He was evidently finally realizing exactly how angry she was.

She ignored him and addressed Lyle. “I’m going to send a wire to Kate tomorrow. And I’ll ask her to send me a wire every day letting me know that everything is going well toward the birth of the new Sheridan baby. If you interfere with that, Lyle, I swear you’ll never see her again.” She had to fold her arms in order to keep her hands from shaking, but her voice was deadly calm. Both men seemed to have no doubt that she was serious.

“We’ll just see who Kate wants to listen to,” he said stiffly. “We’ll just have to see.” Jennie watched with disgust as Lyle put on his hat and turned to leave. He had that petulant expression that made him look as he did back in grammar school when the other boys wouldn’t let him have his way. She didn’t bother to open the door for him or tell him goodbye as he left.

If Kate had had Jennie’s support all along, she’d most likely never even have allowed Lyle to visit her. She certainly would never have listened to his talk of adoption for even an instant. It was just an unfortunate twist of fate that had made it necessary for the sisters to be separated at this important and emotional time in Kate’s life. Once the baby was born and she
could come home, Lyle Wentworth could be forgotten and everything would be back to normal, Jennie thought, trying to keep herself calm.

But as swiftly as the thought came, it was replaced by another. Things would
not
return to normal. Jennie now had a husband. She turned around to face him. His expression was unreadable. “How could you take Lyle’s side?” she asked. For the first time since Lyle had arrived, her voice faltered.

“I’m not taking Wentworth’s side,” he answered carefully. “I’m thinking about the baby…
and
your sister.”

Barnaby poked his head through the kitchen door. “The silverheels are ready.” Once again he grew silent as he saw Jennie’s face.

She forced herself to smile at him. “I’m coming. They can go ahead and sit down at the table.”

Carter moved to try to put an arm around her, but she pulled away. “I have to get supper on,” she said, her voice tight Then she bolted into the kitchen.

All day Carter had been picturing the moment when he and Jennie would be able to slip away to her bedroom and start in again learning about the wonderful way their bodies interacted. They’d made love much of the previous night, but he didn’t feel in the least bit sated. In fact, he could hardly wait to be with her again.

But instead of naked and happy in her bed, they sat across from each other in her tiny office, fully clothed, expressions stormy.

“If this
job
of yours is perfectly respectable, as you
claim, then why didn’t you ever tell me about it?” he asked.

“Because even though it was none of your business, you had conniptions that day when I was putting up my notice about maid service. I didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect from you.”

He couldn’t deny her assertion. He
had
acted badly that day. The thought of Jennie doing the same kind of drudge work that had worn down his mother had robbed him of his usual good reason. After he had overreacted that way, could he really blame her for keeping secret about the mine job? His voice softer, he said, “Well, now that you’re my wife, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’ll help you pay off the hospital bills with my savings, and my salary along with the miners’ rents will cover the expenses here. You won’t need the extra job.”

She shook her head. “It would be silly for me to give up twenty dollars a week for a job that I
enjoy.
Sometimes being up there with the miners is the best part of my day.”

Carter straightened in his chair, trying to keep calm. “I would think the best part of your day would be spent with your
husband,
not a group of strange men.”

“The silverheels are not strange. They compliment me and tell me jokes. They make me feel as if there had never been a cook like me in the history of the world. They’re almost like another family,” she concluded.

“Family. It’s such an easy word with you. You think that everything can be a family—you and your
miners, your sister and an illegitimate child, Barnaby. Putting together a bunch of people doesn’t make them family.”

She looked as if he had just slapped her across the face. “What is it you have against that word, Carter? I don’t understand you. You yourself told me you wanted to marry me so that any child that might result from our union would have a family.”

He stood up, too agitated to sit idly across from her. Pacing across the room, he answered her. “Precisely. So that our child could have a
legitimate
family. Not some kind of fabrication dreamed up by you to give people who don’t belong the illusion that they do.”

“Kate and I belong to each other. Her child will belong to both of us, just as Barnaby does. It doesn’t matter what the law says. It doesn’t matter what kind of last name you put on a person.”

He reached the window, then turned to pace back to the desk. “You can’t say that, Jennie. You
had
your father’s last name. You had a legitimate family to grow up in—a mother and father to love you in this big, comfortable house. You don’t know anything about growing up like Barnaby, never quite belonging, looking for love and acceptance and finding only loneliness. A child without a name has no chance for happiness in this heartless world we live in.”

Jennie’s head had been pounding since supper. She’d wished she could crawl into her bed all by herself and make the rest of the world go away, but Carter had specifically asked to discuss Lyle’s visit, and
she’d decided that her office would be easier ground to meet him on than the bedroom.

Of course, he was angry at finding out about her job through Lyle. He had a right to be, she supposed. She should have told him. But he’d been in the wrong, too, taking Lyle’s side about Kate’s baby.

Though now as his voice turned to a bitter tone Jennie had never heard before, she realized that Carter’s view on this issue was something beyond a disinterested observer. All at once she understood that he wasn’t talking about Barnaby. He was talking about himself. “You were illegitimate, too,” she confirmed softly.

“Yes, Jennie. There was no Mr. Jones to love me and raise me to follow a father’s example. I don’t even know my father’s name. Jones isn’t even my mother’s name, just a name she took when she couldn’t live with the disgrace of bringing an unwanted child into the world.”

“I’m sure she loved you,” Jennie said, tears prickling her eyes.

“She didn’t have time to love me. She was too busy cleaning other people’s chamber pots in order to get enough money to feed us.”

Jennie bit her lip. He had paced over to the window and back again, his arms folded, his hands gripping the sleeves of his coat as if trying to hold inside those years of hurting. She wanted to go to him and take him in her arms as he continued telling the story of his childhood, but he seemed to have almost forgotten that she was there.

Finally he sat down again, across from her. “Don’t try to tell me about family, Jennie,” he ended wearily.

She felt as if her heart had suddenly developed a crack. She could hear the pain from those early years in his voice, could see it in his face, but he was so wrong. Love was not dependent on legalities. Kate’s child would never suffer as Carter had. She wished she could make him see that, but she didn’t know how, especially not now as he sat across from her so stiff and distant.

“It’s late,” she said.

He looked at her sadly. “Yes. So are you planning to go up to the mine tomorrow?”

She nodded. “It’s my job.”

He shook his head. “If you want to write up that wire to Kate, I’ll take it to the telegraph office in the morning.”

She looked up in surprise. “Thank you. I’d appreciate the favor.”

He looked irritated. “It’s not a favor, Jennie. I’m your husband.”

She nodded, her throat filling. She’d never felt farther away from him.

He watched her for a moment, then said, “I’m going for a walk.” He looked exhausted.

“It’s past midnight,” Jennie protested.

“I know. You go on to bed.”

With that, he was gone. The tears that had threatened all night fell, but she indulged them for only an instant Then she sniffed, swiped her hand across her nose and stood up. In a way, this was easier. She’d been so confused over the past few days, trying to
reconcile her resolution to be independent with her growing love for Carter. Tonight everything had become much clearer.

Carter had married her because he was afraid he would have a bastard child. It was as simple as that. He’d never said he loved her. With the childhood he’d had, it might be that he wasn’t even capable of love. Jennie had supplied that part of it. She’d been the one to put the romantic interpretation on the events of the past couple days. She’d been the one foolish enough to imagine that their intense physical attraction meant equal intensity of emotion.

Well, this was easier. She was back to where she’d been in the first place—on her own to take care of her
family
herself with the love and care she’d learned from her own parents. She’d take her heart back from where she’d recklessly let it wander. She’d be her own woman again. And this time she’d stay that way.

J
ennie had wanted to travel to Virginia City to bring Kate home, but Dr. Millard had insisted that it would be better if he had the whole carriage. Kate could ride comfortably with him in the front, and they could make a bed for little Caroline in the narrow rear seat. So Jennie had to be content with preparing a welcome-home party for mother and baby.

The news of the birth had brought badly needed cheer into the house. Since the night that Carter had told her the story of his childhood, they had hardly spoken. Lyle had not bothered them again, and Carter had not brought up the subject of adoption. But Jennie had stubbornly gone off to the mine each day to Carter’s unspoken but obvious disapproval.

Their estrangement affected the entire household. The miners seemed confused by it, acting sympathetic but not quite knowing what help to offer. Barnaby was even more noticeably upset. Jennie had tried to keep things as normal as possible, but it seemed almost as if Barnaby had sensed everything that had occurred between her and Carter. He watched them
both with grave, sad eyes, and had reverted to his habit of disappearing for long stretches.

It felt good to have a reason to celebrate. Everyone pitched in to get the house cleaned and Kate’s room ready. Dennis and Brad had gone to the Millards’ and brought home the wooden crib that had been Dorie’s, which she’d insisted on giving to the new baby.

“At this rate, it’s not likely I’ll ever need one for a young’un of my own,” she’d joked to Jennie. “Who’d have thought that you’d be married before me?”

But when Jennie had not seemed receptive to her teasing, she’d narrowed her eyes and fallen silent.

Now the crib was ready and tended with the baby blankets Jennie’s mother had saved from her daughters’ own infancies up in the mountains. The supper was prepared with a special chocolate cake for dessert, which Barnaby had decorated with real bottled cherries from the general store.

Dorie had arrived with an embroidered smock for the new baby and joined the group waiting impatiently in the parlor for her father’s carriage to arrive with its precious cargo. Dennis suggested a game of whist, including the ladies, but Jennie said she was too nervous to concentrate on cards.

Carter had not come home from the office. During the past few days, he’d often stayed late, avoiding the uncomfortable silences that had grown up between them. But she’d expected that tonight at least he’d be home early. Perhaps he still resented her and Kate’s decision to keep the baby. They hadn’t discussed it again since that painful night, and Lyle had not made another appearance.

When he still hadn’t arrived by six, she realized
she was angry. If that was the way he wanted it, fine. They’d have their celebration without him. She just hoped that she could keep Kate from finding out how disastrous her marriage had turned out to be. Dr. Millard had said that Kate would be weak for some time yet and shouldn’t be upset.

“They’re here!” Barnaby yelled from the post by the window he’d taken the minute he got home from school. With a flying leap he jumped off the stool and ran out the door. Jennie could see him tearing down the walk toward the carriage.

She followed at only a slightly more sedate pace, her heart thumping with excitement.

Kate looked absolutely fragile. The rounded stomach was gone, of course, but even her face looked much thinner than it had been in those carefree days before their parents’ death. The year had taken its toll on both of them, Jennie reflected.

She pushed aside the gloomy thoughts as her eyes went to the tiny pink bundle in her sister’s arms. Inside the blanket she could see minute arms flailing and a perfect little head with not one single hair, but with wide blue eyes that seemed to be taking in all the details of her new home.

Barnaby stood stock-still, looking at the baby in wonder.

“What do you think, Barnaby?” Kate asked him with a big smile. “Isn’t she pretty?”

He nodded, too entranced to answer.

Jennie rushed to her sister and threw her arms around her and the baby together. “Welcome home!” she said, her voice quavery.

Kate gave her a kiss on the cheek, then held out
the baby. “Here’s our little Caroline, Jennie. Didn’t I tell you all along that she was a girl?”

Jennie nodded and took the bundle from her sister as if it were made of spun glass. It was love at first sight.

Kate leaned over and brushed her fingers lightly across the baby’s bald head. “Caroline, this is your Aunt Jennie,” she said. Her voice changed to a timbre Jennie had never heard before. It sounded, she realized in awe, like a mother’s voice.

The miners stayed lined up on the porch, watching the scene a little self-consciously, but Dorie charged down the stairs after Jennie, gave Kate a hug and said, “I’m holding her next. Aunt Dorie. I get to be an aunt, too, don’t I?” she demanded.

Kate laughed. “I’m sure Caroline will love to call you auntie. And she’ll love sleeping in the crib you gave her.” She put her arm around her friend’s waist for another squeeze, then called up to the miners. “She doesn’t bite yet, boys. You all can come closer than that if you want.”

One by one they shuffled down the steps and came to view the new arrival, staying a safe step back. “She’s so beautiful,” Jennie said, getting used to the feeling of rocking her in her arms. “Thank you for bringing them, Dr. Millard,” Jennie finally remembered to say to the old man who stood by the carriage watching the reunion with a fond smile.

Kate looked up at the house where the door stood open. “Where’s Carter?”

Jennie slid her eyes away. “He’s had a lot of work at the office lately. He’ll be along directly. Come on. We’d better get our little gal inside, out of the cold.”

Kate gave her a sharp glance, but didn’t say anything
as the whole household paraded back up the walk and into the house. Barnaby was the last to come inside, the look of amazement still on his face. Kate held her hand out to him.

“She’s so little,” he said, taking the offered hand.

“Yes, she is. But babies grow fast.”

“What does she eat?”

“Right now she just drinks milk from a nursing bottle. In a while she’ll start to eat oatmeal and mushy food.”

“You were too sick to feed her yourself like some mamas do,” he said. Jennie had patiently explained this to him along with all the other endless questions he’d had about his new little sister.

Kate nodded. “Yes, I was sorry about that. But she’s happy with her bottle.”

They walked up the steps and through the door. “Can I give it to her sometime?” he asked.

“Of course, I bet she’d like that.”

“Can I tonight?”

“Well, yes. If she’s not too fussy, you can feed her a bottle tonight.”

He gave a nod of satisfaction and followed Kate into the house.

Carter knew he was acting churlishly by not being at home for Kate’s arrival with the baby, but he simply hadn’t been able to force himself out his office door and down the street. He had no desire to witness the homecoming celebration, knowing that it would simply reinforce the empty ache he’d had in his gut ever since the night he’d told Jennie about his past

Telling his story and unleashing his feelings that night had been like opening a steam valve. He would
never be able to change his past, to undo the slights he’d suffered or recover the love he’d missed out on. But it was the
past.
Now he had a chance to make his present into something entirely different. But it seemed that Jennie had turned away from him, as surely as all those other people who learned the truth about his origin. The difference was that those others had rejected him only because of his birth. But Jennie had rejected him because of his life.

There had been times during the past week as he’d watched her careful preparations for the arrival of Kate’s baby that he’d wanted to pull her aside and tell her that he’d been wrong. Kate’s baby would be loved—he could see that now. He would no longer talk about the idea of putting it up for adoption and would help her fight any move by Lyle to make Kate do so. But she’d been so stiff and cold, the words just wouldn’t come.

He’d lain awake beside her for these past few nights, wanting desperately to take her in his arms. Sometimes he’d almost done it, but then he’d remember the way she’d looked at him with something akin to horror when he’d talked about giving up the baby. He’d remember that she’d said she never really wanted to depend on a man—how she’d gone to work rather than accept help from him when she’d needed money for the hospital. And how she’d been afraid to confide in him about her job at the mine.

They’d had the passion, but it appeared that Jennie no more accepted him as part of her life and her
family
than anyone else ever had. And no matter how he might wish things were different, he couldn’t see how he could change that. He told himself that he’d been alone his whole life and done just fine. More than
fine, he’d excelled. And he would again. He’d concentrate on his career, work hard, see where it took him. And he’d try not to think about the wedding night he’d spent with Jennie, that magical night when he’d been closer than ever before in his life to saying to another human being, “I love you.” He wished he’d told her so that night. Now it appeared it was too late.

Supper was almost over by the time Carter came in, murmuring apologies for his tardiness. He leaned over Jennie’s chair and gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek, his first in several days. Then he walked around to Kate and extended his hand. “Congratulations, Kate. I saw the baby sleeping across the hall. She’s a pretty little thing.”

“Thank you, Carter,” Kate answered with a smile. “And congratulations to you. Though I don’t know if I should forgive you for stealing my sister away from me when I was indisposed.”

“Well, now I didn’t exactly steal her away. She’s right there, as you can see.” He smiled and gestured toward Jennie, whose serious expression did not change.

Kate looked puzzled, but answered brightly, “For stealing away her
heart,
then. Don’t worry, I’ll forgive you eventually, as long as you continue to make her happy.”

There was silence all around the table. Kate’s expression grew more guarded.

“I’ll do my best,” Carter said after a minute. “Is there any supper left?” he asked, addressing the question to Barnaby.

The boy jumped up and turned toward the kitchen. “Jennie saved you a plate. I’ll get it.”

Carter’s eyes went to Jennie. “Thank you,” he said. She nodded back.

Kate watched the two of them with a sinking heart. From the very first time she’d heard that odd note in Jennie’s voice when she’d talked about her meeting with the handsome prosecutor, Kate had held on to the hope that her sister would find the same kind of love Kate had thought she’d found with Sean—only for Jennie it would be the real thing.

But something was terribly wrong. Jennie and Carter hardly looked at each other. When they spoke directly, their voices changed, became more stilted. They hadn’t sounded this way when they’d visited her together in Virginia City. What could have gone wrong?

A sudden thought struck her. Could their difficulties have something to do with Kate herself? She imagined that it wasn’t easy for Carter to accept a sister-in-law like Kate when he held such an important public position. She sighed. She and Jennie had always confided in each other about everything, but she had a feeling that this was one confidence she’d have trouble wringing out of her sister.

Well, she was home for good now, and getting better every day. Caroline was happy and healthy. Lyle had stopped bothering her, at least for the moment. The world was looking pretty good to her right now. It was her turn to take over the balance for a while. She’d be the strong one. She’d help Jennie get out of whatever it was that was causing her such unhappiness. It might take some time, but she’d do it It was her turn.

* * *

But after two weeks at home, Kate had still not been able to erase the unhappiness from Jennie’s eyes or tease the stiffness from Carter’s demeanor. The stubborn couple seemed determined to live side by side forever in endless misery. Kate was almost ready to wash her hands of the both of them.

Only the presence of little Caroline made them loosen their reserve. She’d seen them together playing with her little daughter and laughing over her increasingly human antics. It made Kate realize what fine parents they’d be to children of their own. But in a moment of despondency, Jennie had confided to her sister that she had that morning discovered that she definitely was not pregnant, and she’d implied that she had little hope of becoming so in the future.

Kate hadn’t asked for more details. Jennie would let her know when it was time to discuss them.

But she decided to make an attempt to be more direct with her new brother-in-law. The miners had gone out for a night on the town. Carter had refused their invitation to join them. He didn’t feel much like socializing these days. Jennie was helping Barnaby with his schoolwork back in her office, which left Kate and Carter alone in the parlor with Caroline.

“She sure is a cute little thing,” he said, putting out a finger for the baby to grasp. She lay on a blanket in the center of the settee and Carter and Kate sat on either side of her.

“I’m very lucky,” Kate answered.

Carter’s voice held a bit of surprise. “Yes, I guess you really are.”

Kate chuckled. “You can’t quite believe that a
woman who’s had an illegitimate child can call herself lucky, can you?”

He looked a little embarrassed, but answered frankly, “I’ve never thought so before, but then, being part of this household has changed my mind about a lot of things.”

Kate studied him across the settee. “I’m glad to hear that, Carter, because I was afraid that it might be my baby that’s been causing the trouble between you and Jennie.”

His head came up. “Oh no, Kate. I’ll admit we discussed it back when Lyle wanted…” He paused.

“When Lyle wanted me to give her away,” Kate supplied.

He nodded. “Yes. But that’s not the problem.” His eyes went back down to the baby.