An-Ya and Her Diary (22 page)

Levi asked Wanna if he could speak with me for a minute. I didn’t know which one I was more scared of…Wanna saying yes to Levi or Wanna saying no.

Wanna said to me—

Just for a minute, ok?

I stood up and followed Levi out of the ice cream parlor. We walked around the corner, then we stopped and stood next to each other. I began to doubt if Sitka’s advice was going to work.

Levi started kicking a rock on the sidewalk. We watched the rock move around on the ground. He didn’t look at me, but he said—

I hope I didn’t make you mad with the letter.

I said—

No. It didn’t make me mad at all. It was a nice letter.

Finally he looked up at me.

He said—

Are you sure?

I said—

I’m sure. It was really nice. I just need some time to think about it. Is that ok?

He said—

Sure.

Then he smiled at me. He has the best smile.

I smiled back but I kept my lips closed. I was worried my teeth might be brown from the chocolate ice cream.

Can you believe it? Sitka’s advice worked.

220

Dear Penny,

Tomorrow we are going to the lake to watch the end-of-summer fireworks. Wanna told me every year this town has fireworks that celebrate the end of summer and the beginning of fall. Wanna said they are very pretty. I am not sure if Ellie is ready to go to a fireworks show.

221

It is late and I am home from the fireworks. Wanna was right…the fireworks were pretty. It was like there were double fireworks because the fireworks in the sky were reflected in the lake water.

We drove part of the way to the lake instead of walking the path through the covered bridge. Daddy parked the car and carried Ellie to the beach. Wanna brought a big blanket for us to sit on.

There were people everywhere sitting on the sand.

The air was cool, and Ellie was wearing one of her new pink hats and a puffy jacket. She looked like she was going to fall asleep on Daddy’s lap. The fireworks didn’t start until it was dark, and it was past Ellie’s bedtime before they began.

Wanna sat next to me and asked me if I was warm enough. I told her that I was fine, but really I was a little cold. I was wearing a sweater, but I should have worn a big jacket like Ellie did. I sat closer to Wanna to stay warm.

When the fireworks started, it brought back a memory that I had forgotten about. A memory from China.

In China we celebrated Chinese New Year. I don’t remember everything we did, but I do remember one year when all of the children in the orphanage were taken to see big fireworks.

The nannies gave the children a big rope to hold onto. One nanny held the front of the rope and another nanny held the back. We were told to hold onto the middle of the rope, and we started walking. It felt like we walked far into the night. Even with tiny street lanterns lit along the way, it was still dark. There were many small streets that we walked on, and we kept turning down more streets and walked on some more. Every once in awhile, there would be a banging sound, and sparkling colors in the sky would light the way.

Abby walked in front of me, but I could tell she was tired from the walking. I was about to pick her up and put her on my back when we reached a large road crowded with people.

The nannies told us to sit down together on the big street’s sidewalk. It was loud and I could tell that Abby was scared. She wrapped her arms around my waist and dug her head into me. I put my jacket around her and held her close to me.

When the fireworks started, Abby started to shake. I rubbed her back and tried to tell her that if she looked at the fireworks, then she might like them. But she wouldn’t look.

She kept saying over and over—

An-Ya, don’t leave me. An-Ya, don’t leave me here all alone. An-Ya, it is so loud. An-Ya, make it stop. An-Ya, please don’t leave me.

I promised Abby over and over that I wouldn’t leave her. I told her that I would never leave her. I told her that we would always be together and I would never ever leave. I said whatever I could think of to help her stop shaking.

I lied to Abby. I left her.

When I looked at Ellie tonight, sitting in Daddy’s lap, watching the fireworks, I promised myself that I wouldn’t break a promise like that again.

Ellie wasn’t afraid of the fireworks like Abby. She cheered and raised her hands into the sky like she wanted to catch a firework and hold onto it forever.

That night in China, I carried Abby back to the orphanage. I carried Abby the same way that Daddy carried Ellie to get her back home tonight.

222

Dear Penny,

School starts tomorrow. I think I have checked my backpack more than 20 times to make sure that I have everything that I need.

My clothes are hanging on my door knob and are ready for me to put on in the morning.

After dinner tonight I asked Wanna if she could help me with something. She looked surprised but said that she would help me with anything I needed.

I asked her if she remembered Jazz’s hairstyle in the ice cream parlor the other day. Wanna thought for a moment and then said—

Oh. Yes. Jazz looked so cute. Why do you ask?

I told Wanna that I wanted to wear my hair like that on my first day of school. I asked Wanna if she could help me do my hair the same way.

Wanna said that she needed to finish the dishes and put Ellie to bed, but after that she would help me do my hair.

I am waiting for Wanna to come and get me when she is finished.

223

Dear Penny,

Wanna came and took me into her bathroom. Ellie was still sleeping in Wanna and Daddy’s bedroom. She was sleeping with her arms wrapped around her stuffed Sweet Pea.

We shut the bathroom door so we didn’t wake Ellie up.

Wanna brushed my hair with her brush. She told me that my hair was getting so long and that my hair shined like a black moon.

She told me that she was jealous because her yellow hair never seemed to want to shine.

I thought about saying something about Ellie’s hair shining too, but I stopped myself before I said the words. Ellie was missing part of her hair, and I started to feel guilty about my own hair.

Wanna must have been thinking the same thing because she said—

Ellie’s hair will grow back just as beautiful as before.

I said—

Does she know? Does Ellie know that part of her hair is missing?

Wanna said—

I don’t think she realizes yet. She has a bandage on most of the time and when the bandage is off, she hasn’t been in front of a mirror.

I said—

You should tell her. She shouldn’t find out on her own.

Wanna said—

I agree. We will tell her soon. But let’s just worry about creating for you Jazz’s beautiful hairstyle. This is your big night before school. We should focus on you tonight.

It took Wanna many tries before she made my hair look the way that I wanted it to look. I thought maybe it wasn’t going to be possible to do with my hair the amazing things that Jazz did with hers.

It was hard to get the side braids the right size. If the braids were too big or too small, then it didn’t look right.

While Wanna was braiding and unbraiding my hair, she asked me—

Are you nervous about tomorrow?

I thought about what I was most nervous about and I answered—

I am nervous that my diary is running out of pages for me to write in.

Wanna didn’t say anything. She kept lifting my hair off of my neck with her fingers. Then she said—

I think I got it right this time.

I looked at myself in the mirror and my hair was exactly like Jazz’s. It looked better than I thought it would.

Then I looked at Wanna in the mirror standing behind me. She looked older somehow. There were lines in her face that I never remember seeing before.

She asked me—

Do you like it? Your hair?

I said that I liked it. I told her it looked great and I was telling the truth.

Wanna smiled, but her eyes looked concerned. Then all of the sudden, her face became brighter.

She said—

What if we bought your diary a friend?

I didn’t know what Wanna was talking about and I asked her what she meant.

She said—

We could find your diary a new diary friend. They could hang out together and share secrets. You wouldn’t be replacing her, but giving her a friend to spend time with.

I said—

Maybe. I need to think about it.

Wanna said that she understood and that nothing could replace you, the diary that I was found with.

What do you think, Penny? Would you like a new friend to hang out with and share secrets?

Thinking about you running out of pages makes my stomach feel like it is filled with rocks.

224

Dear Penny,

It is early in the morning and I should be sleeping. School starts in 4 hours. It is dark outside.

I woke up from a dream. I was standing with Ping-Hao outside of the orphanage. She was beautiful just like I remember.

She spoke to me in English and told me how pretty I was and touched my hair. I was happy to see her but I was confused about why we were at the orphanage.

Ping-Hao said that everyone was waiting for me inside, and she pointed to the orphanage door.

I asked her who was waiting.

She said—

Your friends, of course.

Then she whispered in my ear and said—

And…some special guests.

I asked her—

What special guests?

She whispered again—

Your parents.

In the dream I knew that she meant Them. She didn’t mean Wanna or Daddy. She meant They were here to see me.

Ping-Hao opened the orphanage door and there was a bright light inside. I couldn’t see anything.

Then I woke up.

In the dream I was afraid, but I still wanted to go inside.

I have questions that only They can answer. Maybe I live on the other side of the world now, but the questions are still inside of me.

Everything keeps changing but my questions are the same.

I wish summer could last a little longer. I want the morning to stop coming.

I feel like I need more time before I go to school. I thought I was ready, but now I am not sure anymore.

I don’t want to leave you and Ellie and Angel Bones. Every day I will come home from school, but every morning I will have to say goodbye.

I am going to get Levi’s letter and circle my answer. He deserves an answer to his question too. It doesn’t feel fair to make him wait any longer.

225

Dear Penny,

I survived my first day of school. Nobody warned me about school lockers. They are for keeping your school things in. Everyone gets their own locker, but they are almost impossible to open. At least I wasn’t the only one who was having locker problems today. Sitka couldn’t figure out how to open hers either. The principal had to help us.

I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to everyone this morning, but it was even harder than I thought it was going to be.

Daddy came in to wake me up this morning, but I was already awake. He came over to me in bed and bent and kissed my forehead.

After I got dressed, I went into the kitchen. Ellie was sitting in her bee chair still wearing her pajamas and holding Sweet Pea.

Wanna gave me a muffin and a banana to eat. I took a couple bites of each, but I wasn’t hungry.

When it was time for me to walk to the bus stop, Wanna put Angel Bones on a leash and we walked outside. Daddy pushed Ellie in her bee chair and stopped next to Wanna and Angel Bones. I was the last one to leave the house.

Ellie started to cry. She asked me to please stay. I told her that I would be gone for a little while, but then I would come back. I asked Ellie to think of a good trick that we could teach Angel Bones when I came home from school. Ellie didn’t stop crying but she promised me that she would take good care of Angel Bones while I was gone.

Wanna and Daddy hugged me goodbye. Then they wished me good luck.

I looked them both in the eye and said—

Thank you.

Daddy and Wanna held on tight to each other when I turned to walk away.

As I walked to the bus stop, I could hear Angel Bones barking at me to come back.

I didn’t have to walk far.

I saw Sitka waiting at the bus stop with her new backpack. She looked nervous. As soon as I was next to her, she held my hand and she kept holding it until the bus arrived.

The bus made a loud eeking noise when it stopped in front of us and another swishing noise when the bus door opened up. We climbed the stairs inside.

Levi was already on the bus. Sitka and I sat down next to him. I was in the middle. I took Levi’s letter out of my pocket and handed it to him.

He looked worried and pushed the letter into his backpack.

I tried not to look at all of the other children sitting on the bus.

Sitka held my hand again and the bus started moving.

I turned to look at my family behind me. They were all standing next to the willow tree and waving. I waved back, but I don’t think they could see me anymore.

On the way to school, we passed the covered bridge and then I saw the lake shining in the early morning sun.

I am tired. It has been a long day, and I have to do it all over again tomorrow. I promise that I will tell you more about school soon.

Oh—I do want to tell you one more thing…about Levi’s letter…

I circled—
Yes ok.

Goodnight, Penny. Sweet dreams.

About the Author

Diane René Christian is an award winning short story writer turned novelist. Her work has appeared in various print and electronic publications. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two daughters.