An Unexpected Hunger (20 page)

I stared into his eyes as they flickered over my face. He hadn’t said the words since our date at Robert’s restaurant, and I had an inkling it was because I never said it back.

I felt the words on the tip of my tongue, waiting for them to come out on their own. It was then that I realized they never would. They were only going to leave my mouth if I wanted to say them.

“I love you, too,” I whispered. There were the words, out in the air, floating towards Ricky’s ears. I was scared to say them out loud. I feared the admission of my love for Ricky would mean that I was too happy, that something was going too right, and soon something bad would happen to mess it all up.

Ricky smiled, his dimples sinking deep around the corners of his mouth. I leaned in and kissed him, trailing my hand from his jawline down to his neck. He smelled clean and soapy
, and tasted like a mixture of mint and tobacco. He wrapped both arms around me, and I straddled my legs around his waist, bearing all my weight on his stomach.

He kissed me hard, pushing his tongue deeper and deeper into my mouth. Something felt different about
this kiss. It was like the love between us was stronger, profounder; nothing like I had ever experienced before. He was in love with me, and I was in love with him. After, all those years of avoiding him, now I couldn’t imagine ever being without him.

“Move in with me,” he said as I kissed his neck.

I stopped, and sat straight up on his lap. “What?”

“You heard me,” he smiled.

“Move in? Here?” I stammered.

Ricky laughed. “Yes! Of course here. Where else?”

I tried to peel myself off his lap, but Ricky held onto each side of my thighs.

“Ricky…”

“I’m not letting go until you give me an answer.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little too soon for that?”

“No. I love you. You spend all your time here, anyway. Plus, I love having you here.”

“Move in with you?” I repeated. “I don’t know…”

“What’s not to know? Don’t you think you’ll be happy here with me?”

I thought about it. “I don’t need to move in with you to be happy. Aren’t you happy with the way things are?”

“Of course I am. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.”

“Don’t you think you’d get tired of seeing me? We work together, spend our free time together, and then…we’ll live together.
”

“Tired of you? You’re kidding, right?”

I shook my head no.

“Alex
a…I’ve been in love with you for ten years, never once telling you how I really felt. Then, I watched and did nothing,
again,
when you left for California. I’m not making that mistake again. I don’t want to waste anymore time spending my life without you.”

My cheeks flushed with warmth
. My chest ached with an overwhelming sense of happiness. Ricky had actually taken my breath away.

“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll move in with you.”

He scooped me up and tossed me on the other side of the bed, sending me into a fit of giggles.

“That was some speech,” I teased.

Ricky tickled me some more until I begged him to stop.

“If you think that was good,” he said. “Just wait for the next one.”

* * *

It just happened to be by chance that I stopped by
my mom’s house after dropping Ricky off at the bar. Since we had moved in together a month ago, I had promised my mom we would go out to lunch. She almost fainted when I told her I was moving in with Ricky. But, after some serious persuading, I had convinced her that it wasn’t an insane idea.

I was also relieved to see that she was starting to war
m up to Ricky, and even agreed to come to our house for Thanksgiving dinner. I never knew how much I missed being home for the holidays until we were all together again. Ricky carving the turkey, and Nick monopolizing the sweet potatoes. I couldn’t help to think what it would have been like if dad were still alive, plopped on the couch with the boys watching football, while mom, Mia, and I cleaned up.

I was supposed to meet my mom at the restaurant in twenty minutes, but decided t
o swing by her house to pick up a few last minute items I never grabbed during the move. I didn’t have a lot of stuff to bring to Ricky’s house, but I had been so busy revamping the menu with Cesar that there were things that never made it over.

I pulled in
, slowing down when I noticed the car parked in the driveway. It had a Pennsylvania license plate, and a bumper sticker with the name of the rental car company. I parked beside it, peeking through the passenger side window of Ricky’s car, to see who was sitting inside.

My heart dropped to my stomach, sucking the breath right out of my lungs. I unbuckled my seat belt and stormed out of the car.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked him.

Danny got out of the car and stood
frozen. He had grown a scruffy beard, and looked like he lost some weight.

“Alexa…you look great.”

I stood far away, afraid to get too close.

“WHAT are you doing here?” I repeated.

He took a few steps towards me before I held up my hands.

“Don’t come any closer,” I warned. “Please.”

He looked sad…defeated, and when I took a better look I saw the bags around his eyes and the frown lines around his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He fidgeted wit
h his keys. “I’m in Philly for a restaurant convention. I was so close. I wanted to see you. See how you are…”

“I’m fine,” I said.

Danny gave a meek smile. “Good…Nice car.”

“Thanks,” I muttered. “It’s not mine. It belongs to a…friend.”

A tense silence filled the space between us.

“Look Lexy…I know you hate me,
and I don’t blame you. But, I want you to know that I’m sorry for everything that happened. I didn’t mean for you to loose everything because of me.”

I tried so hard to hold onto my anger, but I felt it fading.
At that moment, I had forgotten all about the letter, the incessant calls. All I saw in front of me now was a heartbroken man, pouring his heart out to me.

“It was
n’t just you…and I
don’t
hate you,” I confessed. “I knew all along what I was getting myself into. After that night, I was just so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stay from you that I needed you to disappear. What we did was wrong, but I’m passed that now. I’ve moved on…and so should you.”

“I’ve tried,” Danny smirked. “I try everyday to forget what
we had, but I can’t. I miss you. And I thought if…if we saw each other one more time that I could convince you that we deserve a second chance.”

He walked closer to me,
and this time I didn’t stop him. “I want to you to give me another chance. Please. This time for real. No more hiding. No more sneaking around. You and me. In the restaurant again. Doing what we do best.”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the Range
Rover. Danny’s dark brown eyes, brooding and full of remorse, sliced into me. Memories of us together, happy, flashed through my head.

“I
can’t do this right now,” I said, shaking myself out of it. “I have to meet my mom for lunch in five minutes. You better go.”

“Okay,” Danny whispered, disappointed. “But there’s one more thing.” He pulled out a business
card out of the pocket of his jeans. “There’s a job opening back in California.” He handed me the card. “It’s a buddy of mine. He’s opening a new place, and he’s looking for the best. I told him about you, and he wants you to call him.”

My eyes darted from the card to Danny.

“He’s good…even better than me,” he smiled. “They’re a lot of people after this job so give him a call.”

“Thanks,” I said, tucking the card in my pocket.

Danny got back in his car and drove away, locking his eyes on me the entire time. When he disappeared down the road, I pulled out the card and punched the number in my phone, saving it to memory, before ripping it up and letting the wind carry away the pieces.

RICKY COULD TELL I had been distracted all week. He prodded me a few times, trying to figure out what is was that was bothering me. Finally, I blamed it on PMS and he decided to leave it alone.

The truth was I couldn’t get Danny’s visit out of my head. It should have freaked me out, but it didn’t. I should have forgotten about the job offer, but I couldn’t. I thought I was happy where I w
as, working at the Mug. I was comfortable in my own little kitchen with people I liked working with. So, why did I get the urge to call the number Danny gave me every time I scrolled through my phone?

When Ricky was sound asleep,
I snuck out of bed and tiptoed downstairs, doing my best to avoid the squeaky step. The clock on the oven read midnight, so I was hoping nine o’clock California time wasn’t too late to call.

My fingers trembled as I scrolled to the saved number in my phone. I stared at it a few minutes, psyching myself into pushing the CALL button. I stopped thinking and just pushed it, my heart racing as the phone rang. I wiped my sweaty palms against my
pajama pants.

“Hello?”

“Hi…Mr. Lorri? This is Alexa Stanton. Danny DiDonato gave me your number. I hope I’m not calling too late.”

“Alexa! Hi! I’ve been expecting your call.”

I smiled, relieved that I hadn’t caught him at a bad time. “Danny mentioned you were opening a new place.”

He went in
to detail about the new upscale restaurant he was opening in late February, early March. He was practically bursting with excitement over the phone.

“So, what do you think?” he asked.

“It sounds amazing.” I squealed, cowering back when I thought I heard something from upstairs.

“Well, I would need yo
u back in California by January, which doesn’t really give you a lot of time to find a place to stay and get situated. You came highly recommended, and if you want the job it’s yours.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Working in that kind of kitchen was my dream, especially in a new restaurant. It was an exciting opportunity, too tempting to let go. So when I uttered the next words out of my mouth, I knew I needed to get my head checked.

“This is going to sound crazy…but when’s the latest I can let you know by?”

“Well,
” he paused. “I would need to know by the end of the month. I’m afraid I can’t wait any longer than that.”

“Okay, I under
stand.” I looked at the calendar on the wall. That would give me just about three weeks to decide. “Thanks, Mr. Lorri.”

I ended the call and flopped down on the kitchen table, knowing there was no way I was sleeping tonight.

* * *

Ricky and I were meeting Mia and Nick for dinner. We showed up a few minutes early
, and I ordered a drink to calm my nerves.

“I was thinking,” I said. “Maybe it’s time you hired another cook.”

“Why?” Ricky asked, surprised. “I’ve got the best cook in town.” He smiled and kissed me, and I took a long sip of my martini.

“I just think that it might be a good idea,”
I continued. “In case I find another job.”

Ricky raised his eyebrows. “Another job? Doing what?”

The alcohol was kicking in, giving me the false confidence I was hoping for. “I don’t know…like in a
real
kitchen.”

“Ouch,” Ricky said.

“I’m sorry,” I replied, eating the alcohol soaked olives. “I didn’t mean that.”

I ordered another drink from the waiter, Ricky
suspiciously eyeing me.

“What is going on with you?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Nothing!”

The waiter handed me another martini
, and I wasted no time making sure it was as good as the first one.

“Slow down,” Ricky warned. “You’re drinking on an empty stomach.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll have you know,” I said, waving the tiny plastic sword that once held the olives. “That I went to the best culinary school in the country.” I took another sip. “Perhaps in the
universe.
” I gestured the enormity of the universe by outstretching my arms, spilling a few drops of my drink.

Ricky said nothing, only stared while trying to keep a straight face.

Nick and Mia sat down in the other side of the booth, looking at me like I had three heads.

“What’s the matter with her?” Nick asked Ricky
, nodding towards me.

“She
had a few drinks,” Ricky said.

I hiccupped, a sure sign that I had reach
ed my limit. “Nick will tell you,” I said. “Tell ‘em Nick.”

Nick darted his eyes between me and Ricky. “Tell him what? What the hell is she talking about?”