An Uncommon Family (23 page)

“Oh no, not tonight,” Anna said. “We have to leave in a few minutes. Karla has school tomorrow. Perhaps some other time.”

Jonas bathed in Anna’s encouraging smile. “All right, I’ll hold you to it,” he said and gave her a quick hug. He was pleasantly surprised that she let him do it.

“How are you, Karla? You’re so quiet tonight. Something bothering you?”

“I’m fine, just a little tired.” A quick smile flashed across her face.

After Anna and Karla had left, Jonas continued to mingle with the guests, trying to sound interested when the journalist asked him the same old questions about his art and to give halfway-intelligent answers. He didn’t like the promotional aspect of being an artist. He knew it was necessary but it exhausted him. What he really wanted to do was just paint, have his paintings framed and exhibited, and let someone else take care of public relations. The world, however, wanted the artist in person, the human being behind the work. They wanted to talk to him, to touch him, and, above all, to be noticed by him. So he tried to be attentive but his mind was elsewhere. He thought of Anna and longed to be with her.

Chapter 44

“Great paintings, don’t you think so?” Anna asked Karla as they walked toward the train station. She buttoned up her jacket; the evenings in October were getting cool. The few trees along the Bahnhofstrasse donned their yellow-golden fall foliage.

“Yeah. I love them,” Karla said. It was the first time she showed any excitement all evening. Anna glanced at her. Jonas was right; she seemed preoccupied and absentminded.

Anna put her arm around Karla. “You sure you’re okay? You’re so quiet tonight.”

“I’m fine, really. I stayed up late last night, studying for that math exam. I’m just tired.”

“Well, that’s understandable. But you did okay, you said?” Anna brushed a strand of hair from Karla’s forehead.

“I think so; I’ll find out soon.” Karla gave a little snort. “I hate math.”

“Don’t blame you,” Anna said. “It wasn’t my favorite subject in school either. Anyway, study hard and do the best you can and don’t worry. Okay?”

They walked by the small park at the end of the street. A merchant at the corner was in the process of closing his stand. Anna inhaled the aroma of roasted chestnuts, the scent of fall and approaching winter. She glanced at the statue of Pestalozzi, the Swiss educational reformer, who looked down at them from a tall pedestal, holding a child in his arms. Anna gave Karla a hug and was rewarded with a quick warm smile.

As they sat on the train, leaving the station, Karla leaned her head against the backrest and closed her eyes. Anna observed her for a while. She looked tired; there were dark shadows under her eyes. Something seemed to bother her. Was it school or other problems? Karla was usually forthcoming when something troubled her, but lately she had become more withdrawn. Anna had attributed it to her age. She was at that preteen age with all its changes, when things began to get confusing. Aside from that, she was also becoming more her own person. She had her own circle of friends and probably didn’t want to share everything with her aunt. Anna often didn’t know how far she should intrude.

“I don’t want to bug you, but I hope you tell me if something bothers you,” Anna said when Karla opened her eyes again and yawned.

“Yeah, I know. It’s nothing really. Just tired.”

“Well, the weekend is coming up and you can sleep in.”

“I know; I can hardly wait. Okay, we’re here.” Karla got up and Anna followed her to the exit. Their car was parked next to the train station, and it only took them a few minutes to reach home.

Karla went straight to bed and Anna made herself a cup of tea and sat in the living room next to the window, relaxing and thinking about the evening. Now, she was glad she had gone to Jonas’s opening. She had hesitated at first. She was still torn about her feelings for him. She hadn’t seen much of him and he hadn’t made any effort, either, to get in touch. It was of course her fault, because she had pushed him away.

Anna sighed.
Petra is right; I’m too hard on him. I’m too hard on all men
. But was it really worth giving up her independence for an illusory happiness that would just go sour again? Besides, she was happy by herself, wasn’t she?

The scarlet-red leaves on the blood maple tree in front of the house fluttered in the evening breeze. Fall was here, and soon another year would come to an end. Anna took a sip of tea and watched as the darkness descended upon the forest and the meadows, leaving a thin layer of orange-yellow on the horizon.

Was she really that happy? She was happy with Karla. She loved her. She had watched her change from a scared, desperate little child to a happier, more self-confident girl. But Karla was growing up. Already now, she showed signs of pulling away, becoming more independent, and spending more time with her friends. In a few years, she would be going to school in the city and after that perhaps study for a few months in a foreign country. Jonas had suggested some art schools in Italy and Germany. And then what? Anna would be by herself again. Her heart clenched at that thought. She didn’t even know what it meant to be alone anymore. Was she kidding herself?

Then again, to get involved with a man just to escape loneliness wasn’t the right thing either. Besides, Jonas may not be interested in her anymore. There was that other woman she had seen while with Karla in town a few weeks before. They had acted as if they were more than friends. Anna sighed.
I’m second-guessing people again.
But Jonas had been happy to see her tonight. His joy had been unmistakable. And her own heart had beat fast when she saw him. He had wanted her to come, or else he wouldn’t have sent her the personal note.

She got up and searched for Jonas’s invitation. She couldn’t find it anywhere; she must have misplaced it or perhaps Karla had it. But she remembered the note well. A smile teased her lips. The message had been a little odd, as if he had been uncertain what he wanted to write. And he had made a spelling error, which surprised her, knowing how well educated he was. He must have written the note in a hurry and had probably been nervous. That’s what it was; he had worried about her reaction. Would she reject him again?

It was dark now. Anna looked outside and spotted her reflection in the windowpane. She looked at the image startled. Was that really her? Those stern, almost rigid features? What had made her so distant and hard? Or who? Had that man, Nicolas, stolen her life? Was it her fault for letting him do it? “Go away,” she said through clenched teeth. The flash of anger turned into sadness.

She went to her room and searched through some papers in her desk. She picked up an envelope, went back to the living room, and opened it. There were two letters in it: one from Richard, Nico’s father, to Anna and one from Nico to his father. After Nico’s death and after Richard had heard the shocking news of his son’s double life, he had sent those letters to Anna “as proof that Nico did love you.”

Anna unfolded Nico’s letter. He gave his father all kinds of news about his studies and his work in New York. This was followed by a note:
And, Dad, I met a wonderful woman by the name of Anna. I love her very much and we plan to get married soon. Just wanted to give you a heads-up. We want you to come to our wedding.

For years after the plane crash, Anna had read those four sentences over and over again. They were the only proof that, at some point, Nico had loved her. She hoped that at least he hadn’t lied to his father about his feelings for her. Of course, there had been those years of living together, when Anna had felt that Nico loved her, but she still didn’t trust her own feelings about that time.

“I love her very much,” Anna repeated the words. Her eyes welled up. She sat down on the sofa and covered her face with her hands. She cried for a long time. Afterward, she felt better, as if the release of years’ worth of pent-up tears had melted a block of ice in her heart.

She picked up the letter again, kissed it, then tossed it into the fireplace and watched it flare up and be consumed by the flames.

“I loved you, Nico, but now you have to let me go. Let me finally live my life and love again.” Anna took a deep breath and put another log on the fire.

Chapter 45

“So, how did it go?” Maja peered at Karla from under her rain slicker. The two girls were standing close to the wall underneath the protruding roof of the school building. School was out. It was four o’clock in the afternoon and pouring rain. The schoolyard was strewn with red, brown, and yellow leaves. Karla gazed through the curtain of water at the fields and mountains. Heaps of black oppressive clouds hung in the sky.

Karla gave a shrug. “Okay, I guess. We went to the opening and fortunately they didn’t mention the invitation.”

“Okay, but were they friendly? Anything new?” Maja sounded impatient.

Karla wrapped her rain jacket tight. She shivered lightly in the cool late-October air. “Yeah, they were friendly. Jonas was busy though and they didn’t get to talk much. I was glad when it was over with. I was so afraid they’d notice something. I couldn’t even enjoy the exhibition.”

“Oh, for God’s sake, is that all you can think about? I told you they wouldn’t talk about some dumb invitation. Are they going to get together again?”

“Anna hasn’t said anything. I don’t know about Jonas. I’ll see him later this week.”

“Well, we’ll have to plan our next step then.” Maja pulled the hood of her raincoat down and shook out her hair.

“Oh no, I can’t take this anymore,” Karla said. “It’s too scary.”

“Oh, come on. We can’t stop now. They’re talking again, they are friendly, so it worked. Why stop now?”

“Maja, please. This is going to end badly.”

“No, it’s not. Look, didn’t you say your aunt was going to have some event at the bookstore next week?”

“Yeah, a reading, so what? Oh no, don’t even think about it.” Karla picked up her backpack and was getting ready to leave.

“Listen, just one more time. And afterward, they’re on their own.” Maja pulled up her hood again and followed Karla out into the pouring rain. “We’ll send Jonas one of your aunt’s invitations and that’s it. Perhaps you can even get her to write a note herself, then we don’t have to.”

“Maybe,” Karla mumbled under her hood. She walked fast, trying not to step into the huge puddles on the concrete.

“Well, let’s at least talk about it. If you really don’t want to, then we’ll just drop it.”

“Okay,” Karla agreed. “I have to stop by Anna’s bookstore on the way home. Want to come with me? We can do homework at my place. Anna won’t be home until later.”

“Sounds like a winner. I wish this rain would stop. My feet are soaking wet. Should’ve worn my boots.”

“I hate this weather,” Karla grumbled. “I think only my aunt loves rain. She claims that people buy more books during bad weather. Well, here we are.” Karla opened the door, which made a bell-like sound.

Anna, standing behind the counter and talking to a customer, looked up briefly and smiled at the girls. “Take off your wet stuff and leave it at the wardrobe.”

Maja and Karla stripped off their raincoats and dropped the backpacks at the door. “It’s nice and warm in here,” Maja said.

“Yeah, I don’t want to leave,” the woman said, holding a wrapped book in her hand. “Is it still pouring out there? Looks like it.”

“Why don’t you wait for a while? Sit down over there.” Anna pointed at a corner where two tables, chairs, and a sofa stood. “Want a cup of coffee or tea or hot chocolate?”

“Coffee sounds great. That’s why I love your bookstore, Anna. You encourage customers to hang out.”

Anna shrugged. “That’s the only way I can stay in business,” she said. “That and the special events and readings. Fortunately, I have some very loyal customers, and one thing they enjoy is sitting here with a cup of java, browsing through books, without feeling pressured to buy something every time.” She turned to Karla and Maja. “Want some hot chocolate? I just made a fresh pot. It’s in the thermos.”

“Great,” Maja said. “I may buy a book from my pocket money one of these days.” She grinned.

Anna chuckled. “That will be the day. We do have a pretty good young-adult section. You may even find one of your favorite mystery books.”

“Cool.” Maja sauntered over to the bookshelf, gave it a cursory look, pulled out a book, put it back, and joined Karla at the table with the hot chocolate. “Have to look at it some other time. My mind can’t possibly take in any more today. We had a math test this morning and I got totally lost. I mean totally.”

“I got a Five on my last one,” Karla said.

“Really?” Anna gave Karla a surprised look. “You didn’t even tell me. That’s good.”

“I just got it back yesterday,” Karla said and sipped her hot chocolate. She went over to the counter and picked up an announcement for the upcoming reading. She looked over at Maja, who winked at her.

“Ahem, are you going to send Jonas one of these?” she asked Anna. “I’m sure he’d love to come.”

Anna glanced at the announcement. “Oh yes, why don’t you take him one? You’ll see him tomorrow.”

“Okay . . . want to write something on it?” Karla handed her the card. Her hand was shaking a little.

Anna looked at it, then gave it back to her. “No, that’s okay. It has all the information on it. But tell him it would be fun if he could make it.”

“Okay.” Karla took the announcement and walked over to Maja, who rolled her eyes at her.

“You give up too fast,” she whispered.

Karla looked at Anna, but she was busy talking to a new customer who had just come in. “What am I going to say?” she whispered back at Maja.

“Forget it,” Maja said. “Let’s go to your place.”

They put the dirty cups into the small sink at the back of the store, gathered their stuff, and walked to the door. Karla was relieved that the rain had diminished somewhat. It was now more of a drizzle than a downpour.