An Eternity of Eclipse (34 page)

“He created me when his power was at its weakest and when it was at its strongest. Everything that my father had left, he gave up to create me. It is said that because the Heavens were blinded when I was created, my powers are beyond anything they’ve seen. Because unlike my Elder brothers, I was gifted with the last ounce of my father’s powers before he was thrown into exhaustion—before he had to go deep within the pit of Hell to renew his powers. It is said after he went into hibernation, he hasn’t risen since.”

“Is that why you were given a name other than Lust?” I asked, awed by the true significance of his name.

He gave me a confirming smile. “It is an homage to my father and an homage to how I was born—under the cloak of the eclipse, under the veil of evil in its most powerful form.”

“Are your brothers given other names as well?”

“No,” he laughed, shaking his head. “They each go by the name of their sin.” A coy smile tilted on his lips. “I’m the only special one in the family, Teacup.”

I smirked at Eclipse, appraising him with a newfound light. It was remarkable how a mere question about his background—or his family’s background—could give me such insight into Eclipse. It astounded me because, at that second, he appeared larger than life. A real life powerful Demon, Satan’s youngest spawn, was sitting here beside me, speaking to me instead of wreaking havoc over the world. I couldn’t imagine why someone of his caliber would waste time with me. Granted he did appear like the type of Demon who would risk life and death for the fame of garnering a coveted soul, I somehow felt there was more to Eclipse’s motives as to why he was so attached to me.

I suppose I was still intoxicated by all the alcohol I downed because before I could even think twice about my query, I asked him a question that was so out of the blue that I couldn’t believe I had the nerve to voice it.

“Are you in love with me or something?”

Sounds of cars screeching on the road beneath us could be heard, which was an appropriate companion to Eclipse’s face. He wore the “wait-what-the-hell-did-you-just-say” look on his handsome face.

He gawked at me, and I knew he was trying his best to not laugh at me. He was looking at me as though I had just asked a computer if it had fallen in love with me. The notion sounded ridiculous and hilarious to him. Though he did his best to stifle back his laughter, I could hear the mocking amusement pour out through his voice.

“Demons don’t fall in love, Gracie,” he told me, acting as though that was the most obvious fact in the world. He bit his lower lip, suppressing his smile because he deduced this was a sensitive topic for me. Albeit he tried to take it seriously and answer me in a civil manner, it was obvious that he thought this was the funniest thing he had ever heard. He cleared his throat and buried his scrutinizing eyes into mine. “What would possess you to think that I’m in love with you?”

I felt the mortification rain down on me. I had never felt more stupid. If I weren’t so afraid of heights, then I would have jumped off the building to save myself from the embarrassment that was engulfing me. Of course a Demon couldn’t fall in love. What was I thinking?

“I . . .” I shifted edgily, trying to pilfer through my thoughts to deduce what would possess me to ask such an improbable question. “I–I just can’t understand why you would risk your life to get my soul . . .”

“So your only conclusion was to think that a Demon has fallen
in
love with you?” he provided lightly.

He was making fun of me, and I did not appreciate it.

I frowned, feeling defensive and angry that he was making light of this conversation. I was aware that it was a dumb question to ask a Demon, but he didn’t have to make me feel so shitty for asking. “You can’t blame me for asking.”

He nodded, giving me enough respect to no longer mock my naïve question.

“Let me tell you something about ‘love,’ Teacup,” he launched seriously, eyeing me with conviction in his gaze. “Love is over-the-top lust in its most powerful form. It weakens humans, blinds them into believing that there is a certain magic in the world that could be attained through the mere acts of love. The truth is: such illusions do not exist. All that exists is lust and what’s left is just companionship. You humans mistake the two separate feelings and combine them into one, thinking that companionship coupled with lust equates to love, which is not true at all. Lust is lust—when you’re in lust, you enjoy someone else’s companionship for all that it is worth. And over-the-top lust is when you would kill anything that threatens to take the companionship you cherish so much away.
This
is what you humans mistake for love.”

The city lights twinkling behind Eclipse made him appear more divine as he continued enlightening me. “So to answer your question, Gracie, no. I’m not in love with you nor will I ever be. Love is an illusion. It is not a silly thing I allow myself to fall fool to.” His smile was kind once he took inventory of my offended frown. “Do not mistake my amusement for your question to mean that my feelings for you aren’t genuine—because they are. I like you, Gracie. I happen to like you a lot. I don’t love you, but my lust for you—my desire for you—is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt.”

He stared into my eyes, holding my unyielding attention with the dark pools of his gaze.

“The illusion of love, like humans, dies. If a mortal man should ever promise his undying love to you, then it will die with his lifetime. But if
I
promise just an ounce of my affection, then it will live on until the infinities. There is no such thing as undying in human promises, but anything that I commit myself to, anything that I promise you . . . it will truly be undying. It will truly be constant and eternal. And all of that, my little Teacup, holds more gravity than any lifetime of love any mortal man could give you.”

I smiled halfheartedly once his philosophy on love cascaded over me. I recalled all my dreams about finding that special someone to change me for the better, to help give me a normal life, and to help me experience all that life has to offer, which is “love.” No matter how worthless it might be to him, it still meant everything to me.

“I do not want to be lusted after for all the unending eternities,” I told him with wistful conviction. I shifted my eyes to the expanse of the glittering and unrestrained vista. “All I want is to experience a moment of pure, unadulterated love that is so powerful it will last me a lifetime.” I turned back to him and smiled. “Your lust is amusing to me, Eclipse. It entertains me, it fascinates me, it may be fun to be around, but that’s all that it does. It will never have a lasting impact on me, it will never satisfy me, and it will never hold any gravity in light of what I’ve wanted all my life. For a Demon like yourself, you may not think that love exists, but I think it does. It may be rare, it may be hard to find, and it may be difficult to detect, but I think it exists.”

The ocean in Eclipse’s dark eyes glimmered with amusement. “Such foolish words for a bright girl. Here you have the Prince of Hell lusting after you, and you go lusting after the short-lived illusion of love instead. If this doesn’t make you foolish, then I don’t know what would.”

I shook my head with a defiant smile. “I’m not being foolish.”

“Aren’t you?” he incited. “One of the human definitions of the love that you’re seeking is the ability to put someone else before you—the ability to put their well-being, their health, and their happiness before yours.” His eyes scrutinized me carefully. “You killed your own family when you were six, Gracie. You couldn’t care less about their deaths, and you don’t give a damn about anyone else in your life. Do you really think someone like you would ever be capable of loving someone more than you love yourself?”

I was quiet because every part of me agreed with his statement. I wasn’t capable of loving anyone more than myself. Hell, who was I kidding? I wasn’t even capable of loving anything, much less someone. Though he had a point with everything he said, I could not bring myself to agree with him. In lieu of replying, I simply stared into the distance in silence.

“You and I are the same, Gracie,” he asserted thoughtfully. I could feel his gaze rest on me before his eyes returned to the panoramic view of our majestic surroundings. “We’re two different entities, but we’re both selfish beings who only care about their own self-preservation. We do not possess the genetic make-up to put the needs of others above our own. We only care for things we lust for and we only care about things that gives us mutual benefits.” A hand gently grazed over my cheek while disappointment thickened his voice. “We’re better than all these weaknesses, yet you are so anchored with your foolish desires to fit in and become human that you fail to see the wonders of being immune to all of this human weakness. Love does not conquer all, and in the end, all humans will realize this fact before their end comes.”

“What’s so great about being a Demon?” I finally questioned, angling to face him. With all this talk about him hating my race, I couldn’t help but wonder what was so special about his. “You seem so put off with humans and everything that humans seem to live for. I can’t help but wonder what is so great about being a Demon?”

He beamed proudly, clearly expecting me to ask this. He didn’t waste time in giving me his proud answer. “I like waking up and knowing that I have the rest of forever ahead of me, that I will always have eternity by my side. I will always have time to enjoy myself and never be pulled down by mortal weaknesses. It is a powerful gift that Demons are given, to be above mortal limitations. I cannot imagine anything ever replacing my love for it.” He flipped the question back on me. Challenge edged his voice. “What’s so great about being human? What is so special about your life that, despite the fact that you’re such an outcast, you still hold onto your humanity when I’m offering you immortality? To be greater than what you are?”

I deliberated for several breaths, allowing my thoughts to naturally come. Unlike all the other times I had answered him, this answer was important to me. I didn’t want to articulate it in haste. I wanted to answer him succinctly and clearly because it was the very reason why I chose death over eternity. I wanted him to understand exactly why I chose to reject his offer.

I inhaled deeply, parted my lips, and revealed my reasoning. “It’s comforting to wake up and know that my time here is limited.”

He looked at me with great interest. Though he tried not to show it, I knew that Eclipse was utterly enraptured. His silence encouraged me to forge on with my explanation.

“If I had an eternity to live, then I would feel trapped. If I only had a lifetime, I’d feel gifted. I would appreciate every moment given to me because I know that I would never have them again. There’s a comforting fact in knowing that you’re part of an established cycle of life. We’re all born to live, to experience the motions of life. And when it all comes to pass, we’ll all experience the kiss of death when our time comes.” I smiled faintly. “I feel calmed by this fact. To live is to experience death; to experience death is to truly live. Every human goes through it, and for me, dying when my time comes will make me feel like I was finally part of a world I couldn’t fit into when I was alive. Dying when I’m supposed to die will no longer make me an outcast. As a result, I will no longer be different from everyone else.”

“It’d finally make you human,” Eclipse concluded for me, his eyes glowing as if completely enlightened by my answer.

I nodded proudly.

That was the reason why I chose death . . . because I wanted to be human.

At my confirmation, Eclipse laughed incredulously. “You are choosing death so that you’d finally feel like you’re human? Doesn’t that sound a bit extreme?”

“I don’t think it’s extreme,” I told him truthfully. “I was scared in the beginning, but the more I pondered over it, the more I realized that I didn’t fear death. The truth is: I don’t think people truly fear death. They just fear the unknown. They fear the prospect of how they will die, and the majority of the time, they fear losing the people they love. Most of all, I think they all fear the pain it will bring to the loved ones they will leave behind.”

Before I could curb the impulse, a sad smile slid across my lips.

“I don’t have that problem though. As you said, I have no family and no real friends. I have no one I care enough about to give up my life for. My death will be slow and natural, so I don’t think I’m afraid of that anymore because it sounds peaceful in a screwed up way. I guess that’s why I don’t dread death so much. I won’t die in some painful, excruciating way where I’m being murdered or something. I’m also not leaving anyone I care about behind. So in truth, aside from the fear of the unknown, I fear nothing else that comes with death. I basically have nothing to lose.”

“But what if that irrational wish of yours comes true and you were able to find someone to love?”

I went quiet, surprised that Mr. “I-don’t-believe-in-love” actually brought up the hypothetical (and highly improbable) situation where I would actually find someone who I would love more than I loved myself.

I beamed at the thought though, no matter how improbable and impossible it was. “Then I would finally become human while I’m alive, and what more could you ask for in a mere lifetime?”

A chuckle escaped him. He sighed to himself, not believing that he was having such a naïve conversation. Then, long seconds later, he did something that left me amazed.